Consider any fan fiction story an advertisement for the original show, movie or book. The 1998 Cupid show can be watched for the Most part at Youtube. ABC still has a few episodes of the 2009 show and Itunes sells them. They are well worth it.
I do not own Cupid or Dr. Greeley or Claire/Psyche, but ABC doesn't own Cupid either. The ancient Greeks do. They are looking down from the Heaven Science will build and because of curved space/time already exists, laughing in glee that we are still writing about characters they invented thousands of years ago! May Star Trek and Doctor Who and Quantum Leap last as long and do as well!
Author's note.
This is one of the best fan fictions I have ever written. It is sad and funny and whimsical and wise. It has one short dry patch: Trevor's, Claire-inspired financial report to Dr. Greeley to prove his competence. Read past it because Cupid gets good and going and gives it to Dr. Greeley with both barrels!
The episode First Loves and all the episodes of the 1998 series can be seen at Youtube and the new series can be watched any time at ABC's website. Note the web address for an original unfilmed script from one of the original writers at the Youtube uploader's comment section. Write me. I know where even another one is! Both versions are good. The new series is more lighthearted than the original but after the last few years tragedy and sorrow we need lighthearted, especially New York.
This is two extra scenes for the episode First Loves. In this episode Trevor overheard just the wrong part of a tape recorded report Claire is making for Dr. Greeley concerning the possibility of recommitting Trevor Hale and treating him with a dangerous mind-destroying experimental drug similar to the ones used on Christians during the Soviet Union. She wants the procedure prevented. He overhears just the wrong part and it makes him think she's on Dr. Greeley's side until the very last scene of the show! My extra scenes consist of the Limo ride back to Chicago where Trevor explains his earlier hostile behavior to Claire to his fellow passengers and enlists their help in keeping him free, The second extra scene is his meeting with Dr. Greeley.
Cupid: First Loves: Two Extra Scenes
By
8-) Elziabeth Hensley
Or How to Avoid Commitment in a Mental Institution Even If You Are a Fallen God with Serious Problems.
Part One
The Limo Ride Back to Chicago.
As they were loading the limo to go home Champ asked, "Where's Trevor? He's been in a very uncharacteristic bearish mood and it is not like him to get out of work. He should be doing his fair share loading up."
Claire grimaced, "He is busy listening to something he shouldn't be listening to, but under the circumstances I can't blame him."
Sophie said, "Here he comes."
Claire swung around hoping against hope she wouldn't see anger in her usually cheerful Patient's eyes. To her relief she didn't. It was sadness mixed with a fear.
Without a word he got in the car and sat in the right back seat staring out the window, avoiding eye contact. He was obviously no longer interested in playing Captain Kirk. He no longer cared who was in charge of all the limo's neat toys. But he did not give her tape recorder back.
He stayed that way for about two hours. Finally Sophie asked, "Trevor do you mind if I ask you a VERY personal question?"
Trevor turned around and stared at her, then said, "I don't mind a bit. I can just about guess what you are going to ask. It will clear the air and Claire would probably psychobabble that it will lead to smoother social interactions. For once she would be correct."
Sophie stared back gently, "OK, Trevor. You haven't been the least bit shy about mentioning that Claire is your therapist. May I be so bold is to ask why she is? I noticed when you got in this car you were overwhelmed with joy and bouncing around like a ping-pong ball. Later you became very irritable and sarcastic with most of it aimed at Claire. Now you are very subdued and look like you are sinking into depression. Is she treating you for bipolar disorder? It's OK. I don't think of you as a weak person I know bipolar disorder like most mental illness is biological and I hope she has you on medication for it."
Trevor shook his head, "Nope. You are wrong by a long shot though that brings up an interesting point. It must be hard under certain circumstances for Shrinks to figure out what their Patient's real problem is. No. In this case my rapid and wide mood swings were reality oriented. He gave Claire an embarrassed smile, "I apologize to everyone, and especially Claire for how I have been acting. I am very ashamed and very frightened too. It could have ended in disaster. It still might. I was about ready to flee for my life. What has been going on between my beloved Shrink and I is I overheard something I shouldn't, and unfortunately I overheard only part of it so I thought Claire was in cahoots with my real enemy, Dr. Greeley"
Claire said, "Trevor don't call Dr Greeley your enemy. That will sound like paranoid thinking to him."
Trevor said, "Oh ho ho! I don't know what else to call them! Let's let our little group decide. He turned to the rest. "The main difference between Schizophrenics, Psychiatrists and the rest of Humanity is Schizophrenics talk to their voices, Psychiatrists talk into their little tape recorders and everyone else talks into their cell phones. If you have to have one drive you around pick a Schizophrenic. They keep both hands on the wheel and their eyes on the road. They are also more amiable to treatment. I overheard Dr. Claire Allen talking to her little mechanical friend and unfortunately this is what I heard." Trevor pulled out the tape recorder and played the incriminating words.
"By chemically removing his sex drive and rendering him psychologically malleable Thyrox B will end Trevor's psychotic delusions. Of course re-commitment to a secure psychiatric facility will be necessary. On the basis of cold hard fact alone these actions may be indicated."
He looked around. Sure as he expected everyone was shocked.
Trevor continued, "I wouldn't have been literally scared shitless and feeling about Claire like Caesar felt about Brutus if I had just listened to the next few lines." He played the rest of the paragraph.
"But isn't that like using a hammer to swat flies? More importantly whatever psychological trauma caused his delusion in the first place will remain untreated. Sigh. And as for doing harm to either himself or others if a friendly exchange of phone numbers is cause for alarm than I guess this guy could be dangerous."
Every one sighed with relief. But they were still concerned.
Trevor frowned, "So, Claire is not my adversary but I certainly do have one and I can hardly call it paranoid thinking to think so. Because if I am not very careful the next time you see me I will not be me. I will be a chemically lobotomized and castrated Zombie in the chronic ward. This is not how I want to spend the rest of my remaining days on Earth folks! Plus there will be about 96 more couples who won't find each other, a tragedy I would say, wouldn't you say also, Claire?"
She nodded, "Now Trevor I know darn well you listened to the rest of the tape which is very embarrassing but I do so understand why. Anyone would have done it. You HAD to be sure what I really thought about you. So I know you KNOW I do think it would be a tragedy to lock you up and forcefully medicate you with this dangerous drug. This isn't something like Thorazine designed to calm Schizophrenics down so they can finally start to think and reason. This isn't an antidepressant designed to raise moods back to levels that make life worth living again. This drug is designed for one purpose only and that is to permanently control Patients who have been labeled as dangerous. Trevor is as harmless as they come and very useful to society just as he stated." She smiled at him as reassuringly as she could. "Your reasons for doing what you do are totally out of touch with reality but the results are beyond argument, going to make a big difference. Flash forward one hundred years. Consider how many Babies are going to be born and how many People will die in old age with a loved one beside them when they would have been single without your help. You are totally out of touch with reality but you may be one of the most influential Persons in this generation, at least in the Chicago area."
Cupid grinned at his Psychiatrist and clapped, "Well spoke, bravo, bravo! There may be hope for you yet. Then he looked more serious. "There may be hope for both of us!"'
Sophie was puzzled, "But why does this Dr. Greeley want to do that to Trevor and why are you saying he is out of touch with reality Claire? He's not crazy! He is one of the sanest persons I know and one of the most insightful!"
Trevor got a broad grin on his face, "Ah a second opinion! I like hers better Claire. Maybe you ought to switch jobs with her. How are you at singing?"
Claire glared at him.
Sophie turned to Trevor. "But why does Dr. Greeley want to do that to you?"
Claire held her tongue. She was very interested in seeing how her Patient was going to explain his psychosis. She should have guessed: full throttle, full speed ahead!
Trevor explained, "What it is, is a religious rights violation big time, inflicted against me because I am not of the same religion as the vast majority of the mundane population and Dr. Greeley can't stand that, obviously. During the height of the Atheistic period in the Soviet Union Christians were similarly locked up and forcefully medicated with so called medications that would permanently damage their minds in exactly the same way. It wouldn't even surprise me if this was the same drug." He gave Claire a questioning gaze.
She shook her head, "Not quite, but it is terrifyingly similar in its molecular composition and effect upon the human mind and it should not be allowed. It is experimental. I know the FDA won't approve it. But in the mean time a pharmaceutical company has been issued a permit to test it, and they are looking for Patients like Trevor who have no family and who lack the legal resources to defend themselves. Fortunately he's got me. I am going to head it off if I possibly can. Trevor doesn't need this!"
Trevor snarled, "Your dart tootin I don't sister! I have been managing my own affairs quite competently for over a year now with a little help from H and R Block and despite the fact my so called delusion is beyond harmless and well into beneficial. I am basically in danger of forced commitment and chemically caused severe brain and endocrine damage because I know I am Cupid the god of love or at least I believe I am." He nodded at Claire to indicate that last part of the statement was a compromise for her. "I have to unite one hundred couples in permanent true love before my stodgy family will allow me to go home to Olympus doing it with chutzpah and perserveration because I've been deprived of my magic. I've been doing so, one couple at a time for months now. And when I'm done I'm either going home to Olympus or if it turns out Claire is right and I'm nuts then I'll go to Disney World instead of Olympus for a couple of weeks, then come back and start on couples 100 through 200 because it's the only lifestyle that gives me any meaning. I'm certainly not a candidate for the, 'One Flew Over The Cuckoo's nest' treatment. I've never harmed myself or anyone else or even indicated any latent desire to do so. I don't think I can fly, (well not any more since they took my powers away from me and kicked me down here), so there is no danger of going off the edge of buildings."
Despite the seriousness of the situation Trevor enjoyed the shocked look in Sophie's eyes. He was as always, a ham.
He continued, "The reason I am in danger of what would be basically a case of double jeopardy, being punished twice for the same offense, is while trying to persuade some men to consider a better more healthier alternative source of sex, a real date with the hope of marriage, I got in a minor tussle with a pimp during which neither of us was hurt. That was what called me to the attention of these Mind Nazis. I didn't' start that fight. The pimp got a slap on the wrist; one month in the pokey. But because my religious beliefs are different than the usual Presbyterian I got involuntary committed for a 90-day period of observation during which I was forcefully medicated and finally rescued by a combination of Claire and my ability to say what they wanted to hear. It disgusts me that I had to lie but I could not stay in there much longer or I WOULD have gone crazy!" Trevor frowned.
Sophie was shocked, "Wow Trevor! You really are over the edge! But you seem so normal! I've heard folks call you Cupid but I thought that was just your nickname. And I knew your hobby was uniting couples, and I also heard you call yourself a god, but I didn't think you believed it! But you really think you are Cupid? Wow!"
He nodded, "Absolutely! I AM Cupid. I have learned to hide it when I chose too, not that I chose to often. So uniting couples is my "hobby" not my mission. I don't come from Olympus. I come from "Greece" or I come from, "the mountains." I used to do a little, 'bow hunting.' During most casual conversations the subject of a Person's origins doesn't always come up. So if I don't announce to someone I think I'm Cupid and come from Olympus and long like the dickens to go back there, no one can tell." He turned to Claire, "can they, now can they, huh, huh?"
She nodded, "No they can't Trevor. That much is true." She grinned, "They just think you are nuts because you love life so much. I wish all of us were crazy that way!"
Sophie asked, "But how can you function so normally if you think you are from Olympus?"
Trevor asked, "Where do you think you are from?"
Sophie said, "Well this is the whole point of our trip. I am from Oakville, Wisconsin."
Trevor grinned mischievously, "Does thinking you are from Oakville, Wisconsin stop you from doing many things?"
No.
Trevor nodded smugly, "Well there you go then. I see the world around me. My present reality isn't any different than yours. Why should my concept of my past give me any problems functioning any more than your concept of your past does with you?"
Trevor enjoyed the puzzled look on her face and the thoughtful one on Claire's and Champ's. Then he gave Sophie a mischievous grin, "and now you know my mental state I am going to let you listen to Claire's. The mind of a Psychiatrist or a Psychologist surely must be as strange as the minds of most of their Patients!"
To Claire's acute embarrassment and discomfort and the fascination of the others Trevor then played the rest of the tape to the entire carload.
Claire realized she had to get the tape back. She sat in the car the last few minutes of the trip trying to figure out how. She figured her best chance was to grab it when he was getting out of the car. So when they stopped she rushed out and ran around the car and tried to grab it but she wasn't quick enough. He saw her coming and simply held the tape recorder over his head. She hopped as high as she could but she couldn't quite reach it. He grinned at her and danced away as spry and mischievous as a baby lamb.
"Trevor I have to have that back so I can play it for Dr. Greeley. It may be your only chance! I'll explain about that last part, that you overheard part of it, the wrong part but you still did not get violent and were able to trust me again. That will work in your favor!"
That sobered him up. Quietly and as meekly as the above mentioned Lamb he handed her the recorder.
Trevor started walking towards a restaurant and said a he did so "Whatever God you do believe in please pray for me! Because I can't stand this sword of Damocles hanging over my head! Tomorrow I am marching right into the den of Lions and confront this refugee from the Soviet Union! I either will emerge with my right to walk the Earth free from fear or they will drag me off to the rubber room and inject me right then. Because it's going to be one or the other! I can't even figure out how I am going to get to sleep tonight!"
Claire was horrified, "Trevor, don't! Listen to me! For once don't go charging in there acting like you're your usual passionate hot head. Think! You CAN! You have a fine head on your shoulders and a great comprehension of human nature if you just calm down and consider how you are going to come across to Dr. Greeley if you march in there half cocked. You can win this one with my help but you have to use your head and you have to act oh so VERY calm!"
Trevor came to a screeching halt, turned around and stared at Claire, "I AM listening!" He stated. "What did you have in mind?"
Claire said, "Thank God! Let's just go get something to eat for now and after wards we will talk about it."
He grinned at her mischievously, "You're welcome."
"No, not YOU, well, oh Trevor!"
"Gotcha!" Giggling Trevor said cheerfully, "OK. Come one everybody." He reached in his pocket pulled out some cash and waved it in the air, " I've still got 40 bucks I can spare. See? It's real dough. I don't hallucinate. Lunch is on the god!"
Claire hadn't meant for the planning for what to what to say to Dr Greeley to occur while Champ and Sophie were still around but apparently Trevor believed in letting the whole world know his problems. Maybe it came from thinking he had been omnipresent at one time. He thought he knew all the mortal's minds. Why shouldn't the mortals know all of his? In his way of thinking it seemed a perfectly reasonable case of turn about is fair play.
On the other hand maybe it was a way of advocating for the mentally ill. Cupid was already changing the way folks in Chicago thought about mental illness. Quite a few other harmless but incurable, delusional Patients had been released since Trevor's success at making a way of his own. Some had been successful. Most hadn't and had to be reinstitutilized. But at least they'd had a chance for freedom.
They sat down at a Howard Johnson's and the conversation continued. Claire decided as long as Trevor wanted to play out in the open his severe mental illness she would use it as a chance for even more public education. She smiled, "Trevor as a way of publicly demonstrating how your mind works and why you should be allowed to remain free and not be put on a dangerous experimental medication do you mind if I ask some of the same type of questions you were asked during your first psychiatric exam?"
He stuffed a huge mouthful of roast beef in his mouth and for a few seconds it looked like he was going to decline but it was more a case of hunger temporarily taking precedent over other issues. Once he could speak politely again he said, "I would enjoy it just like I did the first time. Ask away."
"OK, Trevor. Define the phrase, 'People who live in glass houses should not throw stones.'"
Trevor sighed, "It means my dear, all my defenses are as fragile and as transparent as glass and you and Dr. Greeley and who knows how many Omnipresents can see right into the very depths of my soul. I don't care about the Omnipresents. They are as harmless as butterflies, and have better things to do than watch us anyway. We just aren't that interesting. And you Claire are welcome to peer down in there because you are at least on my side even if you have a very annoying habit of understanding me way too well! You don't want to hurt me. You won't break my fragile-as-glass defenses. But as for Dr. Greeley: If I so much as toss anything other than a dart at a dartboard. If I so much as flick a pebble in anger or even make a threatening statement even if I don't really mean it or if I say it in the heat of passion and cool down a few minutes later, it doesn't matter. Because I am considered crazy and not normal I am in severe danger of having my whole life, my fragile-as-glass house of freedom come crashing down all around me, because far too many folks are watching me way too closely! Tinkle, tinkle!" Trevor frowned.
Claire said, "Well! That was a bit more personalized than I was expecting and shows your delusions but it also shows something else, and note it folks. Trevor can understand metaphors and very well too. A Schizophrenic and some Autistics can not. They would have said something like 'rocks can break glass.' So Trevor wouldn't even benefit from the usual antipsychotic medication because his problem is not dopamine related. We have no medication especially for what he's got and he doesn't need any. He is doing quite fine on his own and he is willing to talk to me."
Sophie asked, "So what IS his diagnosis?"
Trevor stared at her just as intensely as the others.
She said, "Well I am leaning towards multiple personality disorder. We call it dissassocitive identity disorder today because many folks get it mixed up with schizophrenia but they are far from the same thing. Schizophrenics can't function or if they do they do so in spite of their illness. Many multiple personalities can function just fine but usually just the ones with more normal personas. This persona just happens to think he's a god. Somewhere inside of Trevor Hale is the original Human being who went through some kind of horrible trauma and split off this new personality of Cupid to deal with it, or to redeem himself for some terrible sin or crime by reuniting 100 couples, and deep inside the man is still there hiding behind the god."
Trevor laughed, "Or I'm a god and we gods have been taking Mortal hosts since, well since we've existed. It's not like I'm not aware he's there, Claire, but I respect his privacy. If he wanted you to know about him he'd tell you himself. I'm not stopping him. But he didn't' create me. We have a creator but he exists far in the future and we exist now because time and space curve bent by the gravitational mass of the Universe due to general Relativity. We gods aren't really supernatural we are futurenatural. But we don't seem to care all that much who created us. It is like your creator hardwired you to wonder about Him and ours hardwired us for just the opposite.
Claire said knowingly, "Now fancy that. I wonder who led to your developing?"
Trevor said, "Oh ho ho, touché Dr. Interrogator! We do know. We just don't care. We don't worship him in particular. We worship all you Mortals! The creator of us gods is a future, very geeky Greek billions of years in the future named after the ancient American god, Arnold: His full name will be Arnold Amoun. There are those who say he needed to get a life. Others say he should have gotten life! But his ambition was to use artificial intelligence to bring all of us to life and so he did. We are sort of self aware, dimension-hopping video games. But as for my host the poor sap prayed for help from my grandpa Zeus, which is very rare today, and was a VERY bad idea. My family isn't always nice to Mortals. He should have stuck with the usual contemporary choice in a Deity. Because he got what he asked for and my family used the opportunity to kick me down here to learn a lesson." Trevor frowned, "and Claire has been very helpful for me with my homesickness which is why I don't mind a bit being her court ordered Patient. I enjoy my little mental sparring matches with her and she does give me emotional support about my homesickness even if she thinks Olympus is a delusion."
Claire shrugged, "I can help him because His FEELINGS of homesickness are real even if what he is homesick for isn't."
Trevor frowned, "At least say, 'PROBABLY isn't.' After all I at least acknowledge YOU might be right."
"All right, Trevor, 'PROBABLY isn't.'"
He smiled at her and took a sip of orange juice. "Let's get to work folks. Help Claire and I figure out how to keep my brains from being scrambled, my freedom to be yours truly and the most colorful, bestest, most outrageous and entertaining Barkeep in Chicago!
Part Two Dr. Greeley Office
Of Mad Gods and Mundane Men
The psychotic Patient known as Trevor Hale whose delusion was he was Cupid the god of love walked into Dr. Greeley office seemingly without fear and sat down in front of his desk. Dr. Frechette sat off to the side observing. His fingers twitched with eagerness. He so desired to help this poor Patient! Thyroix B was going to bring this tormented soul back to reality by making him malleable to listening to his Doctors and believing every word they said. He could hardly wait to begin the injections!
Dr. Greeley stared at the man who most dis-quietly stared right back meeting gaze with gaze. This one was a tough nut to crack! He had been receiving therapy for months without much progress but even if that had not been so Dr. Greeley could tell by the steadfast gaze there was high determination in this man to stay deluded. He wasn't going to cooperate and the Orderlies would be required to drag him to his isolation room kicking, flailing and screaming.
He was dressed neatly and moved with normal grace and skill. He was clean. There was no bad smell. He didn't look crazy or downtrodden. But both Doctors knew this man thought he was a god not a man. Such an escape from reality had to be brought back to Earth. It was for his own good! This seemingly gentle Lunatic was actually very disturbed! It was just hidden under a careful facade of delusion that he was a god of love. It was interesting that this man had picked the most harmless of the gods to emulate. It indicated a retreat from a dangerous past and a hidden disturbance. Any stress or threat could bring that disturbance to the surface with dangerous and violent consequences. Even though his usual demeanor according to his Therapist seemed loving and full of life Dr Greeley knew the Patient was really as a volcano that was being repressed by far too thin a crust. Any resultant piercing of that crust would result in an eruption of violence and raw emotion that would not be a pretty thing to see! No Patient was ever "harmless." Dr Greeley was glad for the presence of his fellow colleague; Dr. Frechette and for the orderly Hector who was just outside the door guarding carefully.
The Patient had a folder in his hands that looked no different from the ones his own official psychiatric records were kept in. That official folder was on the desk in front of them.
Then the Patient said, "I am here to negotiate on my own for the right to live and to think and to live free. I shouldn't have to do this. All the Multiverse's Creatures deserve their fundamental rights, which the Constitution of this wonderful nation supposedly also guarantees. I should not have to be here. I want to live free! I deserve to and am quite capable of doing so. What you want to do to me would be a horrid crime. I don't understand why you want to harm me this way! What have I ever done to you or anyone?" Trevor resisted the urge to start singing "Born Free," as he would have if had merely been teasing Claire.
Dr. Greeley said, "Trevor thinking we want to harm you is a sign of paranoia and psychosis. We really are not here to hurt you. It just seems so to you. After you are medicated for a while with our new wonder drug you will realize that and thank us for helping you. You are a very sick man. You aren't really competent to handle your own affairs."
A flash of the aggression Dr. Greeley knew lay buried just under the surface of this 'god of love' showed in his eyes, "Bull crap! I've been managing just fine!" Trevor slapped the folder he had been carrying down on the desk pushing the official one out of the way supplanting it so to speak. Then he opened it. "Evidence number 1. I am not computer literate but a friend googled this information for me. Claire told me to show this to you first so it's all facts and figures and cold hard reality but I guess that is what will impress you the most. I'll get to the fun stuff later. This is a print out off the net that shows the average amount of tips a Barkeep that works the same hours as mine makes during a five-month period of time in the Chicago area. This includes all sources of tips, both those placed on the tables and bar as cash and those given as debit and credit. And here is a print out from my place of employment of all tips given to me as debit and credit for the past five months. Of this we have an immediate and official record that I cannot alter. It does not include the amount of tips given to me as cash. I also have the recorded amount of cash received by me during that same time period here with me, but what would be the use in showing you that? You would not believe those since I have to keep track of cash tips myself. So I will offer only the official printout from my boss, which records only the plastic. Notice something very interesting. Even though my personal print out of what I made only includes tips given by plastic it surpasses the amount of ALL tips given to a Barkeep who worked the same percentage of hours as I did during the same period of time in the same geographical area. Conclusion: My customers must be satisfied with my services. They are tipping me a whole lot more moola than they tip the average Barkeep!" The Patient grinned.
"Maybe they feel sorry for you."
Trevor shrugged, "If so that still counts as competence. The ability to initiate feelings of empathy and sympathy in another being is a very useful survival skill and if that is what is bringing me home more dough, it is certainly something I can live with.' Either way I get more cash." The Patient grinned again. It was an unnerving sight to see.
Trevor then reached in his folder and pulled out another piece of paper. Evidence number 2. This is a bit more personal and is kind of embarrassing but it is revealing. It is a note from my roommate. "It says." Trevor turned it towards himself to read, "Cupid here is a divine pain in the rump and his craziness drives me crazy sometimes. But I see real evidence that he is making an effort to improve his behavior as my roommate. He is starting to pick up after himself. He certainly always has done his share of the laundry. He does the dishes when it is his turn. He never has everforgotten towater our houseplants. He cleans up messes when he makes them though sometimes I have to nag him quite a bit. I just wish he would leave me some hot water!' Trevor smiled at that. "The hot water problem is not my fault. The tank is just too darn small for two People who have to leave for work at about the same time. I am saving part of those tips towards the purchase of a bigger hot water heater. It would cost our landlord a tad more in electricity but I think I can convince him to let us install one at our own expense." He gazed at the Doctor. "I can be very persuasive."
Dr. Greeley nodded, "I can see that." A small smile crossed his lips for a split second. Trevor noticed and felt a slight flicker of hope.
Evidence number 3 is a note from my boss, "It says, "Since hiring Trevor Cupid Hale Our business has picked up 23 percent. We don't care what planet he is from, please let him keep working for us." Trevor sighed, "My boss has delusions of her own. I have not been able to convince her Olympus is not a planet. I think she thinks it is up the road a fur piece from Vulcan and down the interstate a tad from Krypton. Oh well. I assume her recording of the increase in business is more accurate than her cosmology. But at least she is satisfied with my work. It adds, 'PS, Trevor has taken only one sick day in the time he has been working for us and we know he actually went and got a medical examination.'"
"Why did an immortal god need a medical examination?"
Trevor explained, "Because I am not completely sure of my immortality since being kicked down to Earth. I thought I would play it safe."
Dr Greeley exchanged glances with Dr. Frechette. They couldn't refute Trevor Hale was acting sane even if he didn't think sane.
"Evidence number 4. My income tax report if you want to take the time to plow through it. It at least indicates the ability to do basic math and manage my financial affairs. I am making use of the social security number that was issued to me due to my John Doe status and diagnosis of hysterical amnesia. I left them a little note that yes, my birthday really is Feb 14, 1056 BC and my real name is Cupid and that the given name Trevor Hale was made up for reasons of practicality because the mental hospital I was confined in would not let me out without a Mortal name so I adopted the alias, Trevor Hale. Even though I am quite aware they were more likely to believe a lie than the truth I felt very uncomfortable at the thought of lying to the IRS. So I told the truth even if it gets me in trouble. So far I have heard nothing back. Considering I reported far more tip intake than your average Barkeep for the Chicago area it is highly likely they will avoid auditing me even more so than they would your average Barkeep. They probably think that part of my report is delusional too and will leave well enough alone. Why would they mess with a situation where there is a strong possibility they are receiving more money from a taxpayer than they would if they did an audit? I am sure they don't want to end up having to give money back to me."
Dr. Greeley stared at this strange man and thought to himself. Most mental patients lack the insight to realize just how delusional they came across. But this one not only realized how he seems to others, but also is using his delusional state to gain advantage with the IRS! A small smile crossed his lips. This one was tricky!
The Patient continued, "Evidence in my favor number 5 as to why I should live free and unmedicated even if I am delusional. This unfortunately was hastily compiled and is incomplete, as I haven't sufficient time to contact everybody. The threat was upon me. These are a handful of letters from 'satisfied customers' for my match-making mission. I really should have compiled these earlier and kept them for another purpose to convince folks to let me help them. Well better late than never if I'm not confined her and prevented from similar future efforts. Trevor frowned here. "I have put together 27 couples since undertaking my mission to permanently unite one hundred couples in true love. I have reasons to believe that you would not accept that only four of them are going to be 'keepers.' However even a temporary union brings more bliss than none. Quote: 'It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.' Unquote. Unfortunately I only have written letters here from 8 of these 27 couples due to lack of foresight upon my part in collecting testimonials ahead of time. But try to imagine this. I have been at this constantly since my release from here. It is my overwhelming concern any nonworking, waking minute. I am happily obsessed with it. It gives me joy you know and I would probably do it even if I didn't think it was necessary to get back home to Olympus. You consider my reasons for doing this matchmaking delusional but the results speak for themselves. I am beyond harmless and well into beneficial to society. As another, greater God said, 'If you will not believe in Me, then believe on the works themselves.'"
Evidence number 6 for letting me live free will require your imagination. As a visual aid I had a friend type up this." Trevor showed Dr. Greeley a piece of paper with the name s of the four "keepers" listed on it plus 96 blank lines ending with , "….?"
"Please look at all those blank lines and consider carefully what locking me up here or even curing me of my 'delusion' while an outpatient would do for the potential future of one hundred and ninety two more People. Because if I am not drugged out of my mind and confined here I WILL get those one hundred and ninety two people happily united. Assume I AM mortal. I am still quite young enough to get this done even if it takes me decades. Assume I am completely delusional about my reason for doing the match ups: The match ups themselves won't be delusions. Those will be very real people whose lives will be changed for the better due to the so-called delusional Trevor Hale. You control the future of one hundred and ninety two human beings by what you chose to do to me."
Evidence number 7 as to why I should be allowed to live wild and free like Elsa is a little different. It doesn't preclude the possibility that I may be what Claire considers me, a secondary ego placed into dominant position by the primary ego as a method of escaping from an intolerable trauma. But it does prove this Thorax B is not right for me if you consider it to be a treatment for schizophrenia. I definitely don't have schizophrenia. Here is proof. Claire told me yesterday that Schizophrenics can't understand metaphors. I not only can understand metaphors I can make them. So I want to see if YOU can define this one I made up. It is made up as from your point of view that I am crazy." He stared at the startled Psychiatrist. "Stained glass windows are fragile, beautiful works of art, carefully put together piece by piece from what has been painfully shattered. In this modern world of clear glass office buildings and Computer Windows they are anachronistic Dinosaurs left over from a simpler age. But they are VERY beautiful and let distorted but colorful light into any room they exist in. To throw a stone called Thorax B through one of them just because you are annoyed that it doesn't show the clear reality hidden behind it as a normal window does, would be a crime, a real crime! You would be destroying what is precious and rare and beautiful. Can you define this metaphor, Dr. Greeley?
Dr. Greeley stared at Trevor as if he were seeing a ghost.
Trevor continued, "I am 'keeping out the elements' just as a clear glass window would." He tapped his head, "Shatter me and this mind has no defenses left. I would indeed have to be kept in a rubber room. I could no longer function, but I think I just demonstrated that I can now however colorfully. I thought the purpose of psychiatry was to help the Patient function better?"
Trevor let Dr. Greeley and Dr. Frechette think about that for a few moments.
Evidence number 8. I believe I a god going through a very rough patch in my very long life right now, not a secondary persona created to protect the primary personality as Claire believes but she is right about this. I don't belong locked in a room with my brain and endocrine system damaged by an experimental drug even if my belief of godhood is delusional because I have REAL self-awareness and joy de vivre. I feel the world around me so intensely in all its agonizing beauty and terrible joy! I love the wind in my hair! I love the sunshine in my face! I love the taste of red wine and good dark ale and lemonade! When the birds sing it feels me with deep joy and the laughter of a child can keep me going for days! I will dance for any reason of which one is the presence of music. If there is no external music I will dance to the music that is always within my soul. I love it when I can make a person smile! When I can unite two of them in love forever it isn't merely Olympus I am a little closer to. I've made myself closer to Heaven itself!" Cupid folded his hands. "Prayer goes both ways. The Mortals pray to their gods and we gods pray to our Mortals. I am praying to you now, please, let me live!"
He added, "And why don't you live too?"
"I mean life is so heartrendingly short, even for us gods! "
The Doctor said sarcastically. "I see a hole in your confabulation. I thought you gods were immortal!"
The Patient had an answer for that. "The potential for immortality is there. But we can kill one another. My Grandpa Zeus bumped off the ones who had his position a few thousand years ago. That sort of thing isn't very likely to happen to me, because I don't pick fights either here or up there. The multitudes of beings who laugh at me aren't very likely to want to kill me because if they did their fun would stop. But the Universe itself won't last forever and we don't know what will happen to us then. Maybe you Mortals will think of something. You are forced by your mortality to hurry, hurry, hurry and sometimes that's good because you make more progress in one of your generations than we bother to do in a billion of your years. You might figure out what to do about the coming Big Crunch long before we do if we ever do. But Mortals come on! You take life TOO seriously! Loosen up! Enjoy it! Feel the wind and the rain on your face and live it to its last drags because it might not be forever. Roll in the daisy fields! Smell the roses and the wildflowers! Play the arcade games and give each other lots of hugs because cheese! Even my fellow gods are too stogy for me. I want to live!"
Dr. Greeley said testily, "There are no gods. There is only the One God!"
Cupid's eyes sparked at that, "Oh ho ho! Now we get to the real problem. I look in your eyes and I have always seen fear, and I have never been able to understand that because I KNOW you have a dozen EEGs of me and an MRI. You have a stack of psychological tests on me two inches thick. I was under observation constantly here for 90 days and Claire keeps a pretty good eye on me now and bless her for that. It gives me a feeling of security. Somebody cares! But if I had any violent tendencies surely you would have found them by now! So why do I constantly see fear in your eyes any time I am in your presence? Part of it is this room is designed wrong. The Patient should not be between the Doctor and the door. The Patient should be sitting where you are sitting so if he or she does get threatening you can escape. But still, my good buddy Hector is right behind me right outside that door. I don't need omnipresence to know that. I simply know hospital procedure."
Trevor bowed his head and stared at the floor sadly, "That fear I see isn't due to my current terrestrial form which is as weak and vulnerable and harmless as your own. It is due to what I am and where I come from. Ironic since you claim you don't believe me. Sir, methinks you protest too much! On some level you DO believe in me, and it is terrifying your comforting concept of Heaven and Hell out of you. I am simply an assault to your theology. As I said to Claire this is getting back to a basic violation of my right to practice my religion as I believe it. But you can't begin to comprehend how little a threat we gods are to your God."
Trevor "Cupid" Hale shrugged, "Monotheism. Pantheons. Back to metaphors again: We are arguing Apples and Elephants. Try to dig it, brother because I'm on my soapbox now! Can I get an Amen? There are many different kinds of life and more than one kind of god. We gots our wet life and we gots our dry life. We gots extraterrestrial life like prot from the PLANET K-PAX but that's just more terrestrial life, just different balls of dirt. Then we gots our spiritual life. I'm from UP THERE. Oh WOW! Sounds REALLY impressive, right? But my realm is an ocean vaster than any on this world. In that vast highway up there is a three traffic light town called Olympus and beyond that a vaster existence even we Olympians don't fully understand. We are to the Big Guy you cherish what single celled amoebas are to a multicellular Blue Whale. We can inhabit only one host at a time. He inhabits and improves any who make Him welcome and He networks your Mortals together in a way even we can't comprehend. We aren't at war with Him. Amoebas don't fight Blue Whales. Why should we if we even could? He doesn't harm us. He loves us as He loves all Life. And we have nothing but love and respect for Him. He hand-makes great tables and chairs too." Trevor shrugged, "His hobby."
Cupid smiled gently and the love he claimed to be shown in his eyes beyond what was humanly possible. Dr. Greeley and Dr. Frechette stared at him and fought themselves to keep from realizing what they did not want to realize, what would have driven THEM insane.
Trevor continued, "Here is another reason why we gods had better live deep while we can. "Evolution marches on dear sir. It hasn't stopped yet and it is going to be very interesting to watch you Mortals progress. Your heartrendingly short life spans have that advantage over us. Because your generations pass like fruit flies in a glass tank or self-evolving computer programs we know you will catch up with us someday and surpass us. The Singularity is coming Brothers and Sisters! Make your peace with the Mortals while you still can because they are a gonna take over EVERYTHING and evolve into the Omega Point! And we will end up being Dinosaurs to you fuzzy, wuzzy, widdle Mammals. I am the god of love. I lack the hard wiring to resent this. All I feel is joy and gratitude that I even exist because consider the odds of anyone existing! Millions of eggs, millions of sperm and that is just one generation. Each generation has the same cosmic crap shoot. What a miracle you and I are even here! So what does it matter that when the Singularity happens you Mortals might destroy us, or not? At least we existed at one time. You might even let us live. But that isn't a given. You could destroy us all. So for now the thing we gods should do is, "eat drink and be merry for tomorrow we die."
Quietly Cupid said, "For the meantime let me live. Let me have my short time under the Sun!"
Cupid looked up. All he saw was fear. He sighed and stared at the floor trying to be as nonthreatening as possible. He sighed, "Evidence number 9. I am very satisfied with my current level of mental health care and I cooperate fully with it. I listen to Claire. Some times I even take her advice. Sometimes she's right. Sometimes she's wrong but either way I keep learning things. I truly believe there was a reason my family cast me down here to Chicago when it could just as easily have been Outer Mongolia or Peru and a big part of that reason definitely includes my being helped by Claire. I come from a cheerfully broken home. Mom cheated on my Dad several times. So we don't really know if I'm Mar's or Mercury's little squirt. But both my potential Dads have always been there for me. However I never quite bonded with either of them as I did with my Mama because there isn't a warlike cell in my body and both of my potential Dads are into war big time. So to speak I'm a Geek and all the significant men in my childhood were Sports Fanatics. So I'm a Mama's boy and proud of it. Pops understands I'm just different and he never held my geekiness against me. He's always had my back. But because my nature is more like my Mom's than either one of whoever my Father was, I bond with females better than I do with males. So I can listen to Claire in a way that I can't listen to you no matter how malleable you make my mind with an artificial drug. Dr Greeley even though you didn't know my family background you are a better Shrink than you give yourself credit. Somehow you sensed a Female Therapist, Claire would be a good match for me as a mental health treatment plan and you were right. Why are you second-guessing yourself now? I need hugs not drugs!""
He added a bit frustrated, "Also if I supposedly have delusions of grandeur why don't I have delusions of grandeur? If I actually did make myself out of my host's longings and fantasies out of all the gods why did we pick Cupid? He was the goof off, the laughing stock, the god's idea of a joke! Why not make my Uncle Apollo? He's got the looks and the personality and everyone likes him. He's very musically talented, much more than I am. I can get people to singing and dancing but you haven't heard music until you've heard my Uncle Apollo play! He even had a Star Trek episode made about him. I am a Trekker. You can't begin to realize how envious I am about that and Uncle Apollo doesn't even appreciate it! Darn it he's a Mundane! I'd have loved to be in it! I'd have acted for free and done my own stunts and special effects! That episode wasn't a myth by the way. Myths are always true because there are an infinite number of Universes so somewhere any myth hits pay dirt. But that Trek episode was a complete work of fiction. Last I heard my Uncle was alive and doing well and doesn't care a burnt Baklava that Mortals don't worship us much anymore. I don't either. I'll settle for just being loved. Uncle Apollo has too big an ego to even need that. I try to, but quite frankly, I do need you Mortal's love. I've got an inferiority complex. I try to hide it but I do. I'm mostly brag and bluster. I need Claire's help! I really do! I know I do so can I please just continue with her?"
Suddenly Dr. Greeley asked, "How do you sleep?"
Cupid shrugged, "Except for last night, just fine."
"Why didn't you sleep last night?"
Trevor Hale stared at him in opened mouthed disbelief. "I have to explain that to you?"
Dr., Greeley stared at him, "Mr. Hale you have an interesting collection of valid personal insights mixed in with your incredibly wild delusions, but obviously they aren't psychotic nightmares to you. They aren't making you suffer and you don't have to be medicated out of them to avoid being in agony. Extremely strange though you are I sort of see why Claire thinks there is a chance for you."
"Good! Than we are making progress in our relationship. Can I just go home now? I don't mean Olympus. I just mean Taggerty's PLEASE?! The Patient smiled at the Doctor like a little Kid begging to go on a trip to the circus.
Dr. Greeley sighed. "For now because of what you said about your relationship with Claire. That is working for you, obviously. I don't believe a word of anything else you've said."
Trevor rushed out the door faster than a fire drill.
Back in the relative safety of the bar Trevor "Cupid" Hale walked up to his roommate.
"How did it go, Sport?" Champ asked gently.
Trevor reached in his pocket and pulled out a tape recorder and waved it over his head like a war trophy. "Huh! Two can play the little tape recorder game. What is sauce for the Doctor is sauce for the Patient! If it comes to their trying to lock me up again this goes to a local radio station. I taped the whole interview. I've got proof Dr Greeley was more irrational than I was!"
About an hour later after having listened to the recording Sophie and Champ stared at this gentle bull goose loony from the gods who had fallen into their midst.
He was gloating. "See? I told you! I am perfectly sane! I don't have to worry about a thing. The guys with the oversized butterfly nets will not come after me and I can work at Taggerty's until I can go back to Olympus."
The band started playing about then. Trevor got up and started dancing, rejoicing in being alive and free.
Champ and Sophie watched him, worried. Champ let out a long breath. "He is the wisest, wildest, craziest, gentlest, most harmless and loving creature I've ever encountered! I sure hope they let him live!"
Sophie nodded, "The fallen god who only wants to live free so he can be a Barkeep, unite People in True Love and dance under the Sun. I have to write a song about him.'
Champ nodded. "Do so. He'd like that. Make it something he can dance to."
The End
Author's note. I wrote this because I identified with Trevor's fear and scary situation so closely. I have Asperger's syndrome, which is a mild form of autism. I cannot read or respond to facial expressions so I come across as quite weird sometimes. Before 1994 this could not be diagnosed in the US and many of us got misdiagnosed with schizophrenia as happened to Trevor in First Loves. That happened to the actor Bill Murray and it happened to me. My situation was complicated by having an Atheist Psychiatrist while I believe in and love God and was writing a book about Heaven. One of my autistic gifts is I can even use Science to prove God exists. A professional Author has told me this little book; a story about a Caveman, a Computer, two Angels and Saint Frances of Assisi working to upload Animals into Heaven is "cute and imaginative. I also use it to give all fictional characters eternal life. " So write me if you want the web address for this book. As Trevor said, "I'm colorful not crazy." But because of different beliefs from my Doctor, plus the undiagnosable Asperger's syndrome which causes lack of social skills and fashion sense and the fact many of my Friends were the neighborhood Dogs; I received an incorrect diagnosis that could have cost me my freedom. I lived in fear of commitment which was made worse by the fact many Mental Patients chain-smoke to regulate their dopamine levels and I have nonwheezing type asthma and sleep apnea plus migraines when sleep deprived which was often. I couldn't get these diagnosed because of course I was supposed to be too crazy to know my own body. They used to let Mental Patients smoke anywhere they wanted to in mental hospitals and because many Psychiatrists thought erroneously back then that allergies were psychosomatic (since disproven), I feared dieing in my sleep if I was committed from a combination of forced sedation which dims the respiratory reflex and the increased breathing problems the smoke exposure would have caused me. I was blessed. A clinic lost all my medical records when I was 32 years old and what they said about me and I finally started to be able to get medical care. I would have loved a Doctor like Claire to be on my side but it took years of courage before I dared go near a Psychiatrist again. Please understand the RIGHT medication can help. I take antidepressants and they are a Godsend, and Schizophrenics can be helped out of their nightmares by antipsychotics but this kind of forced over-medication and the wrong medication for problems that cannot benefit from it, can and DOES go on in real life not just on situation comedies and there are those of my kind locked up right now who don't need to be and forcefully medicated for harmless rocking and hand flapping which is one way many autistics handle stress. The above-mentioned factoid about Christians being locked up and deliberately permanently brain damaged during the Soviet Union is also true.