For a gut-wrenching, masochistic fraction of a second Regina imagined that this wasn't real – that it was not happening, not to her. She had a way of torturing herself like that, she always had. In her experience no one did that quite like her – not even her mother. But there was no way out of this, and when she looked back at the still twinkling light of Granny's where she had disappeared from just a moment ago, it all came rushing back to her. Everything.
The way his eyes would light up when he saw her. Her. His wife. How could she compete with that? She couldn't. He never looked at Regina like that. Or had he? Was hatred and resentment clouding her judgement already? She had to get out of there. The further the better, she thought and started to walk, needing to physically put distance between herself and everything that happened. Poofing herself back home wouldn't do it. She needed to walk. She needed to feel the space growing between them. And it hurt like hell with every single step, but maybe each one would hurt a little bit less – at least that's what she told herself.
She walked the empty streets, and they were empty alright. It ocurred to her that probably the whole town was at Granny's by now, celebrating. This was awfully familiar, she thought. All of them, there. Together. Her, all alone. She let out a humourless laugh. Of course. Her breath formed a lonely cloud as she let it out in a small huff. She drew her coat tighter on herself, but didn't bother to think about what it meant that she was this cold at this time of year. Had she been in her normally sharp state of mind she probably would have, but not today. Today there was nothing sharp about her mind, and it was more than just a little bit blurred around the edges. No, weather forecast was not on her agenda.
She started walking faster in an attempt to warm herself, but then stopped abruptly. She couldn't go home. That was the first place they would go to look for her. Another mirthless cackle. Who would want to look for you? A moment of clarity. Henry. She closed her eyes in a moment of indecision, which soon turned out to be a huge mistake. Jigsaw puzzle-like images instantly flooded her mind. Faces. The moment she realised she didn't trust herself enough to be in that room, she unceremoniously disappeared in a purple puff of smoke, leaving everything to crumble down all on its own. She didn't need to be there for that. She winced. She didn't remember looking at their faces then, let alone seeing anything, but she saw them now. And she didn't like what she saw.
Everyone was watching their little display. Granny with unmasked curiosity that never faltered despite her old age – or because of it rather - and a bit of fear maybe? Charming looked absolutely dumbfounded, and she would have laughed had it been under different circumstances. She would've even commented on it. She didn't concern herself too much with it though, because knowing the prince, the next opportunity was right around the corner. Snow had that beaten puppy look about her that always seemed to follow her around these days. Regina often wandered where the old Snow disappeared to, the one who didn't need anyone's protection or approval. She wouldn't admit it to anyone, not even to herself, but she missed that girl. Which was ironic really, since it was probably her own doing that she would never see that girl – woman – again. There was something else in her step-daughter's eyes that she couldn't quite place. And she had seen that look before – every time Regina seemed to be in pain, that look on Snow's face was her constant companion. She used to wonder what it meant, but she never understood it. What she did understand clear as day, however, was the pity that was etched onto the face of – well, everyone in the diner. Some tried to mask it, some didn't even bother like Hook, Belle and even Gold in the background. Or maybe they thought she wouldn't notice.
She didn't dare look in the direction of the happy couple, but she could've sworn that Robin was looking right at her the whole time. She didn't look at him once. She couldn't. There was no way she could keep it together had she looked at him. She did chance a small glance at the little boy, though. Roland. Immesurable warmth filled her at the mere thought of him. They had grown quite close in the last couple of weeks. She had taken to him just as he had taken to her. It was a special bond, and especially when it was the only one of the kind she had at the time. But he wasn't her son. Not anymore. A sharp pain washed through her at the possibility of never seeing him again, only from a distance. After all, what mother in her right mind would let her son spend time with the Evil Queen? No, she couldn't think like that. She couldn't think about the maid for a second or her blood would boil.
It was anger, yes. But at who? She couldn't blame someone who was just brought back from the dead, could she? That would be pretty extreme even for her. No. But she could blame Emma. Emma who was looking at her much the same way as her mother, Regina realised as she delivered her last jab at the younger woman. Putting the blame on someone else was the only plausible solution she could think of at the moment. Regina wondered for a brief moment how it could be that no matter who was to blame, she always seemed to pay the price. Love is weakness, Regina. I thought you knew that. It was her mother's voice. It always has been. Still… how could she have been so naive? She wanted to throw up.
It was getting colder by the minute, but she was almost home now. That was what she thought to be the best course of action in case her son came looking for her. No one else would. Slowly, her house came into view, so she quickened her steps. Her big, empty house. Learning from her mistake earlier, she tried not to think of anything and resigned to keep her eyes open at all times. She put the key in the lock and turned it, then shut the door behind her, just as the thin layer of ice that has been following her all the way from Granny's reached her doorstep and thickened. Needless to say, in her hurry to get away from everything and everyone, Regina never noticed.