A.N: Written for Round 6 of the Quidditch Leagues. Beater 2's Task: To write a letter to a rival/enemy. Prompts used (2): (emotion) jealousy, and (quote) "If envy were a fever, all the world would be ill."
"If all envy were a fever, the world would be ill." - Danish Proverb
oOo
1st November, 1981
Dear "Prongs",
This is a letter you will never read, I wish you could. But it's an impossibility that I will never achieve, now that you're dead.
I never appreciated your silly nickname, as I never did your friends'. What were they – Padfoot, Moony and Wormtail? You really were all the biggest bunch of idiots Hogwarts ever had the graciousness to accept.
I always associated you as my rival, or enemy, during school. At first when we were children, because you were, simply to put it, a swine. Of course, you couldn't match me intellectually, but somehow people liked you more than me. You had all the friends, everyone seemed to admire you, love you, and you were popular beyond belief - you and your band of dimwits. When you started to torment me, I was still jealous of you – a trait I am mortified to admit, I must say – but it's the truth. Now that you are deceased, I think it is acceptable that I should be honest with you.
It's something I should have done while you were still alive, you, and her…
Of course, as we grew old throughout Hogwarts I stopped envying you over trivial things like friends. I was more interested in learning the depths of the Dark Arts, and rivaling you wasn't as important to me anymore, that was until Lily started to take an interest in you. I was sure that would never happen, as she disliked you intently for most of our school life, something I was almost positive of. But all of a sudden I started noticing her attraction for you.
Little things, signs that I secretly hoped she would bless me with. She was suddenly fluttering her eyelashes in your direction, flicking her long, beautiful, golden-red hair over her shoulder and looking at you with that look, whenever you passed in the corridors. It was improbable to hope that you wouldn't return her advances, as I knew that you had always nursed an attraction for her, ever since we were in our younger years of Hogwarts.
I tried to keep her to myself, but she had grown older; she wasn't interested in me anymore. She hadn't been as interested in me ever since the mistake I had made a few years before. Calling her a Mudblood in front of you and your friends and embarrassing her – it was really the biggest mistake I ever had in my life. The unfortunate truth was that Lily would always see me as her brother, or just a friend. You were destined to be the love of her life and marry her. You were the one who got to see her looking fresh and disheveled in the morning, and tired at night, walking down the aisle towards you in a wedding gown. You got to make a child with her, a child whom I have only heard of from Dumbledore, a child that has his mother's eyes…
You were the man who got everything I wanted. I hate you, Prongs; because it is your fault she is dead. I could have protected her, if she was in my life. I had no close friends; there was no-one whom I would make a secret keeper. I would be our secret keeper. I could have kept her safe and alive forever – she would still be alive now! But no, I was unlucky. You had to be born on the earth as my romantic rival; Lily was always destined to be with you, and I was always destined to make the wrong choices.
She always warned me, Lily did. She warned me not to get too overwhelmed with the Dark Arts, but I never listened to her. I was too sucked in, too seduced by the Dark prowess that Lord Voldemort holds. But that is all behind me now, Prongs. I could never work alongside the Dark Lord now, after he had murdered the only woman I have ever truly loved. I will love her, always.
But even while you lie, dead, at Godrics Hollow, I will still never be able to put behind me, my intense envy and jealousy of you, Prongs. "If envy were a fever, all the world would be ill" – something I read in a Muggle book in the library, a very long time ago. It never made sense to me, back then, but now it does. I know that envy and jealousy are bitter, unnecessary emotions – the Dark Lord taught me as much – and everyone knows that Envy is one of the Seven Deadly Sins. But it is hard, pretty much impossible not to prevent this emotion. Especially when you took the only thing in the world that I ever wanted, and made her your wife.
But even though I am almost sure I could have protected her more than you, I have to acknowledge you, Prongs. The child in me still wants to believe that you are the swine you were when we were at Hogwarts. But we are not children anymore, and I have to believe that you behaved admirably, last night, when you died. You protected her to the best of your ability, I have to admit. While I still will never be able to grow to appreciate you properly, you still tried to save her. That's all that matters, really.
I do regret your death, James. You were, and forever will be, my life-long rival. Always.
Yours sincerely,
The Half-Blood Prince.
oOo