I have officially cracked. And you're seeing the result. I sat down to write something not related to Kingdom Hearts after Cerulean Nightmares, because that one was disturbing to me (I really freaked myself out with that), and this came out. I didn't mean to write a parody of fairytales, but here it is anyway. AkuRoku at its most retarded. Teehee.

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, or a tower. I don't want to own Kingdom Hearts, but I wouldn't mind having a tower so I can hide fair maidens.

Introduction

I'd like to tell you a story; a story about the Keystone Family. I'm sure you've heard of Sora Keystone, and his adventures with Sir Riku the Blind, but he is not the one we'll be talking about today.

Roxas Keystone was the Prince – and the Keystone Family's last chance at cheating Destiny. The Family had been cursed, when Roxas was three, by the Wicked Fate of the Southeast (not to be confused with her cousins, the Fate Sisters, though they're pretty nasty as well); all the males would fall in love with other men; and if no heirs were produced, then the Keystone House would cease to exist.

In a desperate move, the nine-year-old heir of the Keystone Family was trapped in a house. But they couldn't just leave it to Fate, the very force they were trying to cheat; They made a deal with the Boltz Family; their ten-year-old daughter was a very wild, untamable girl named Larxene, but if the two could unify the Houses against the evil House of Arpeggio, it would be really sweet.

It was with this in mind that the two Families combined efforts to bind their children to a house which bore an unfortunate, striking resemblance to a tower…only to be released when they found True Love.

And the magic took hold.

Part I: Tidus

In eleven years, Roxas Keystone had never been more surprised than on the day the first boy showed up at his bedroom window. It was a young blond; he said his name was Tidus, and he'd come seeking the hand of the blonde beauty rumored to live there.

"What rumors," Roxas questioned. "What blonde beauty? I don't know what you're talking about. It's only me and Larx here, as it has been for eleven years. Who is spreading these rumors?"

"I don't know," the blond knight admitted. "But I heard it from Lady Selphie, who heard it straight from the Arpeggio Princess Kairi herself."

"And who did she hear it from," Roxas asked skeptically, removing his eyes from Tidus' nervous face and instead gazing at the grounds.

They were almost as boring as the knight was.

"Why, from her friends; the Keystone Prince Sora and Sir Riku the Blind."

"Sora? Since when does my uncle hang around Arpeggio? Ooh, my dad's gonna be pissed."

"Wait…you're Sora's nephew? Then that means-"

"It means you're changing the subject, Sir Tidus. What's this about Sora and Arpeggio?"

"Jeez, calm down. They've been friends for years; they saved the Princess from the Heartless a few years ago. Sir Riku-"

"Is stupid, and I don't really care about him. I just wanted to know about Sora. My tutors have stressed, after all, the importance of remembering that Arpeggio and anyone from Nocturne is bad."

"I'm Nocturnite."

Roxas wagged his forefinger mockingly. "Don't willingly give potential enemies ammunition, idiot. You're just lucky I don't care enough about you to mark you as an enemy. Again…why are you here?"

Tidus shifted uncomfortably, looked away, and leaned against his horse. Roxas wondered if it was real, since it hadn't moved yet. "I heard rumors of the blonde beauty, and I came to seek her hand."

"Your body language says otherwise. What's your real purpose, Knight?"

Tidus sighed. "Okay…the truth is my mother told me to come here after I told her what Selphie said. I've been in love with a girl for years, but she's not the kind of girl my mother wants me to marry. And…you know how the marriage thing works for Nocturne, right? Our whole family has to agree."

"You're really stupid," Roxas informed. He held back a snicker when Tidus' horse moved for the first time – and nodded. Smart horse. "Her name is Larxene, by the way. Maybe, if you catch her attention, you can talk to her. She doesn't like to waste time on boring things."

Tidus looked startled. "…Huh?"

"'Huh' is boring, Sir Tidus. Entertain us."

Interlude

Roxas knew he wasn't being very fair; but it was the truth. Larxene wouldn't give Tidus the time of day, if he didn't interest her…and Roxas only hoped Tidus couldn't handle copious amounts of blood and pain.

If he could, he might actually stand a chance. He hoped Tidus was a wuss.

Part II: Larxene

Tidus had left quickly, promising to return with a 'surprise.'

Roxas didn't really care.

"That was stupid," he muttered to himself. "What was Sora thinking, telling Keystone secrets in Nocturne?"

"Roxas? Who was that," Larxene called from her bedroom. He'd never actually seen the inside, despite living with her for thirteen years. He wasn't sure he wanted to.

"Some idiot, Sir Tidus," he called back. "He's Nocturnite. My idiot uncle has apparently been telling stories in Nocturne, and Tidus came to win you over."

She poked her head out of the door, and Roxas lost himself momentarily in poison green. Larxene was very pretty; and honestly, he'd liked her since he was fourteen. She was also a year older than him, but that was okay; they got on rather well, despite their conflicting personalities.

Larxene was the sort of person who refused to acknowledge any sort of weakness, and she liked to hurt people who challenged her. Their tutors could attest to that; and they had scars to prove it. Roxas was the sort of person who refused to show any weakness; and he liked to fight back. He was cold and occasionally could be cruel…just like the Princess.

It was a match made in hell…but somehow, the two got on famously. It probably had to do with the fact that they'd lived alone together for thirteen years.

When their eyes met, hers narrowed. "He wants to win me over?"

Roxas shrugged. "Kinda, I guess. He's actually in love with someone else, but…his mother is opposed to the union. You know how crazy Nocturnites are; he said he's coming back, but I doubt it."

"That's retarded of him."

"Yeah. I told him to entertain us, and that you wouldn't give him a chance if he was boring."

"Good man," she replied. "Hey, you wanna fight?"

He shifted. "Not particularly."

"Okay; let's do it."

Interlude

Roxas did not enjoy fighting Larxene. She was ruthless, and her element – lightning – made her attacks hard to block. Of course, he had developed light shields…so that made it a little easier.

The worst thing about fighting Larxene was that they were matched well, skill-wise; if he lost, he would be left on the ground, convulsing, while she laughed at him. If she lost, he had to watch his back at all times until she 'got him back.'

All of that would've been fine, except that it was quite a turn-on and that was almost too hard to hide.

No pun intended. I promise.

Part III: Leon

Roxas figured he should've known it was only a matter of time before word got around and more people showed up; after all, wasn't that how big cities worked?

But he hadn't thought about it…and so he was caught off-guard when another man made his presence known. The man was standing under the window, just as Sir Tidus had done; and Roxas could tell he was some kind of warrior.

"Who're you," he asked.

"My name is Squall Leonhart, known to all as Leon. I am an Arpeggio Knight; and I am here for the Princess Larxene."

"Fascinating," Roxas replied dryly. "But you'll have to wait in line; a man called Tidus is already trying for her hand."

"As of three days ago, Sir Tidus is married to a woman named Yuna."

"Hmm. Well…I'll give you the same piece of advice I gave him. Entertain us."

Leon looked directly at him and said, "This is a formal challenge. Fight me."

Interlude

The guy had guts and brains; Roxas had to give him that. But he couldn't stand up to the Keystone Prince. He didn't know how to fight a light-user, and it showed.

Larxene actually watched the fight from the window; and when Leon was defeated, she laughed. Roxas thought it sounded beautiful…if slightly hair-raising.

Part IV: Cloud

Cloud came to the window three weeks after Leon had left. He had wasted no time in explaining his situation…and once again, Roxas wondered if city people were all insane.

"He has silver hair, and greenish eyes-"

"Riku doesn't usually come around," Roxas informed. "Besides; why are you looking for him? At first, you struck me as semi-intelligent."

Cloud blinked. "Riku? I don't know a 'Riku.' I'm looking for a man named Sephiroth. Didn't I say that before?"

"Oh, Sephiroth. Riku's psycho cousin. Awful dress sense, but he taught Sir Riku the Bastard everything he knows about swordplay."

"Wait…that Riku? As in…Sir Riku the Blind? I didn't know he could use a sword. How can he fight, if he can't see?"

Roxas shrugged. "Hell if I know. But if you want to find your man, you should seek out Riku. He's most likely with my uncle Sora…last I heard, they were in Nocturne."

"…A Keystone? In Nocturne?"

"Those were my thoughts exactly."

Interlude

It had been nice to speak to a man who was not a stuffy old tutor, family, Riku, or after Larxene's heart. Granted, Cloud had been too focused on Riku's cousin to speak of anything interesting…but it made him wonder what it would be like to have a nice conversation with a male his own age.

His parents, for some strange, mysterious reason, had always prevented that. He figured he was expected to fall in love with Larxene…but really, the extra precautions were unnecessary. Honestly…did they think he would run off with some man, when he had a beautiful woman sleeping in the next room over?

The entire concept was laughable.

Part V: Vexen

Word was definitely out now. A new suitor was under the window…and from the looks of him, he was serious. His long blond hair flowed behind him, and beside his sturdy horse, he made quite an impressive sight.

He was also old and creepy.

"Who goes there," Roxas called out.

"Lord Vexen is the name," the man replied. Pity about the voice; it just added to the 'creepy.'

"Uh…" The guy was looking at him strangely. "What do you want?"

"The Princess' hand in marriage," was the prompt response. Roxas grimaced, despite his suspecting that was the man's purpose.

"Are you sure?"

"I have never studied a lightning elemental before."

…Yeah. Definitely creepy.

"Well, like I told the other guys…if you want her to-"

"I am quite prepared to prove my worth. Who do you think you are, anyway? The Princess has not been seen directly. Who are you to speak for her?"

"I'm Roxas Keystone," he replied irritably, frowning at the man. "And who are you, to act like such a pompous asshole?"

"I am merely a man of science, wh-"

"So why in hell do you want her?"

"I've said before; I want to study her."

"That's sick."

"I don't particularly care. I will win her."

Roxas frowned at the tone. "Is that…a challenge, Lord Vexen?"

"It is, Your Highness."

Interlude

Vexen put up a good fight. In fact, he put up a great fight. It was the first time Roxas had lost to anyone other than Sora or Larxene; he had no idea how to deal with ice, and he might've felt utterly humiliated, if not for Larxene. The man had been willing to kill Roxas, but she had stepped in and sent Vexen on his way.

Okay…so he still felt humiliated. But hearing Larxene call the ice-user a 'creepy old cocksucker' was worth it.

He just had to figure out what, exactly, 'cocksucker' meant.

Part VI: Axel

"O lovely maiden of the tower," a man's voice called, sounding almost comically bored. "Show thy face, and let me feast upon thy beauty."

Roxas poked his head out of his window and scowled at a very odd-looking redhead. Honestly, this was getting ridiculous. Why did they give him the only room with a window? "What the hell are you on about, you freak of nature? No one speaks that way any more!"

A strange smile crept onto the stranger's face. "Well, I was given the task of retrieving the Boltz princess from the tower, capturing her heart, and making her my bride, because my father's friend is an idiot and my father actually trusts his judgment. Are you some sort of bodyguard? You look far too pretty for that."

Roxas rolled his eyes. "You won't doubt me once you go up against my Keyblades. And no; I think I'm to wed her. I'm Roxas Keystone."

"Ah, I see," the man said, gazing at him in a calculating manner. "So you're the missing Prince. Glad to see you're not actually missing; that would be ever so tragic. I'm Axel; A-X-E-L. Got that memorized?"

"You're the second man I've spoken to in a long time who hasn't been solely focused on seeing Larx, so I doubt I'll be able to forget. They're never interested in what I have to say."

"Really? You seem like an interesting guy. Why don't they stop to chat?"

"Uh, maybe because I'm not the Princess? My roommate brings all the boys to the yard. Until that Tidus person came along, I hadn't spoken to any men who weren't family, old, or Sir Riku the Dumbass."

Axel laughed. It was a nice laugh; kind of husky but not really and neither too deep nor too high. Roxas liked it. "Sir Riku the Dumbass? Priceless. Mind if I borrow that?"

"Please do. He doesn't get nearly enough negative attention, you know, and I'm…well…kind of locked in a tower."

"That sucks. Why are you locked in there, anyway?"

"I've no idea. Sora won't tell me, and Riku does everything Sora tells him. Larx has no idea, either; it's actually kind of annoying. I'm not a damn princess, and if some obnoxious prince tried to rescue me, I'd likely slit his throat."

Axel, for some reason, winced. "Maybe you're supposed to fall in love or something, like the old stories. Wait…I thought towers were outlawed a century ago. How did they get it approved?"

He sighed. "As you can see, this isn't technically a tower. It just really, really looks like one. It's a loophole."

"Ah. Then…if there's a door, can't you just run away?"

"We've tried that. Every time I get more than fifty paces from the well, I get shocked into unconsciousness."

"Sucks to be you."

"Not really. I'm not the one who came all this way to take home a princess who can't leave the tower without getting sicker the farther she goes."

"She doesn't get shocked?"

"Her element is lightning. It would be pointless."

"Ah, I see. Sex would be utterly terrifying. Am I correct?"

"You…you're horrible," Roxas spluttered, feeling very embarrassed for absolutely no reason. "It's not like that between us…I mean, I respect her too much…"

Axel paused for a long moment, a strange look on his face. "Ah. So you're in love with her, then. My brother is most likely getting impatient; as pleasant as this conversation is, I must get going."

Roxas' stomach sank for reasons he didn't understand. Axel was…interesting. He didn't want him to leave; not when he'd finally found something like a friend. "I'll…will I see you again?"

Axel gave him a strange look. "Do you want to?"

"Of course! I mean…you're interesting conversation. And maybe next time, Larxene will come out."

"That would be…something," Axel replied. "Well, then, I will see you another day."

Good conversation and a new friend? Judging by Axel's upset face, it was probably too good to be true.

Interlude

"Who was that man," Larxene asked curiously. "The one who just left?"

"His name is Axel. He's very interesting, isn't he?"

"Oh, yes," she replied, and Roxas' heart sank.

What if they married? He didn't know how he would handle that.

Part VII: Hayner

"Princess in the tower, so fair, let down all your golden hair!"

Roxas threw his pie out the window.

"Hey! What was that for? I didn't do anything to you!"

"You interrupted my dinner," he shot back, and refused to look out the window. Larx didn't even have long hair!

"Well…um…I'd like to see the Princess. I was told she'd be waiting in the window."

"Well, she's not the one who sleeps here. I do. And I don't appreciate idiots like you-"

"I'm not an idiot! I'm Hayner Bath, he-"

"Okay, excuse me; I don't appreciate hotheads like you interrupting my dinner. Don't you have other people to bother?"

"Listen, I'm sorry. I just came to deliver a message from the Arpeggio Prince. I was supposed to say the rhyme, talk to the 'lovely one' sitting in the window, and then announce that Sir Riku the Dumbass is angry, and he has also been getting much-needed negative attention."

Roxas snorted and peeked out the window, taking the chance to admire his handiwork – Hayner was sitting stiffly on his horse, covered in meat, vegetables, and gravy. It didn't look very pleasant, but it was funny from Roxas' position. "The only person who would've said that is Axel," he mused aloud.

Hayner started. "You're already on first-name terms with each other?"

"Wait…Axel is the Arpeggio Prince? I thought it was some guy with an L name. Or was it an R? Or…"

"Prince Marluxia is the heir; Prince Axel is his younger brother. How do you know him?"

"That's a very forward question," Roxas reprimanded, though he didn't actually care. "And, so you know, he stopped by to chat two weeks ago."

"You're the Princess? But…I thought you were…"

"I'm not the Princess. My name is Roxas Keystone. Larx doesn't usually speak to anyone but me."

"Oh. Well…I've done my job, and now I'm going. I need to find a place to…wash."

"All right. Thanks for the message, Bath," he called, snickering at Hayner's resentful look.

Heh.

Interlude

So. Axel was actually Axel Arpeggio, the young Prince of Nocturne. His first friend, and technically his sworn enemy, even if they'd never met.

Roxas was supposed to hate him. But hey – he was also supposed to eat his pie, but he'd tossed it out the window already.

Part VIII: Axel II

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall…can Roxas Keystone hear me call?"

"Yes, Roxas can hear you," he said dryly, peering down at the redhead – who had come back, after all, and who was randomly sitting in a tree. "I didn't think you'd come."

"Why not? Told you I would, didn't I?"

"Because you sounded upset when you left."

"I wasn't upset…I was surprised. You know, locking two people in one tower doesn't have a high success rate. Usually, they go crazy and hate each other. For you to be in love…it was surprising to me."

Roxas rolled his eyes. "We get on pretty well. We're not 'Prince and Princess.' We're just people. I like her because she's funny, she's tougher than Bat-Boy-"

"Bat-Boy," Axel questioned, raising a short eyebrow. It looked a little weird, but it wasn't distracting.

Roxas smirked. "Riku."

Axel leaned against a branch behind him and stroked his chin as if he had a beard. "Ah, I see. Continue."

He rolled his eyes at the idiotic display, but continued, "She doesn't put up with anyone's crap. She's also really pretty, which is a definite plus. She's really boyish, in a girly sort of way, so we have a lot in common."

"So you're saying you like boyish girls?"

"…Huh?"

"Or do you mean you're a girly boy?"

Roxas narrowed his eyes. "Just what are you talking about?"

"Or maybe," Axel continued, a strange glint in his eye, "You're saying you like boys."

"…The hell?"

Axel grinned up at him, and Roxas noticed two markings on his cheeks. "What's on your face?"

"Uh…skin?"

"Ha-ha, hilarious," he said dryly. "No, what's that black stuff?"

The redhead touched the marks below his eyes, and laughed. "These are birthmarks. Obnoxious, aren't they? I love them."

"They're not obnoxious. I actually just noticed them."

Axel leaned forward. "Seriously? Usually they're the first thing people notice."

"Actually, the first thing I noticed was your hips," Roxas replied truthfully. They were wide…very womanly. He was oddly-proportioned, but he wasn't ugly; he just wasn't the most attractive person Roxas had ever seen.

…Wait.

Axel was a man. He shouldn't be attractive anyway. What a freak.

The grin he got was both obnoxious and endearing, which really was strange. "Why, Roxas; do you like my hips?"

He snorted. "They make you look like a girl."

"Ooh. Ouch," Axel replied, sounding not the least bit hurt.

"But…they don't look horrible."

Axel grinned and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Roxas threw his pillow at Axel, which would have been a bad idea except he had plenty.

"Are you asking me to sleep with you?"

"Go away, Axel," he replied, sighing and rolling his eyes. Honestly, this guy was an idiot. Who would sleep with another man? "And for the record, that is not an invitation."

Interlude

Axel was an idiot.

But it was kind of endearing.

Part IX: Larxene II

Larxene was scowling when he left his room; it was unusual because she normally didn't frown at him. She frowned, she smiled mockingly, she smirked, and there were a few instances where she gave him a true smile; but today, she was scowling fiercely and directing it at him.

He didn't like it.

"What's wrong, Larx?"

"I thought he came here for me."

Roxas cocked his head. That had been weird; Axel hadn't even asked about Larxene. "Well…maybe he's trying to impress you by not asking for you directly. Perhaps he thinks it's a good idea to be on good terms with me, since I'm really the only one who knows you. He did say he was here for you, the first time."

"I don't know," she replied skeptically. "He seemed interested in you. And you seemed interested in him." Her eyes narrowed even more, and she clenched her fist. "Are you trying to steal him away?"

"What? Larx…how could I possibly do that? Even if I turned into a girl, he's here for you. And besides, I…" He looked down, suddenly unable to meet her eyes. "I wouldn't do that to you. Ever. I lo – uh – I respect you too much."

"Aww, that's sweet," she said, but her tone was mocking and sarcastic.

"I'm serious! You're…we're…"

Why wouldn't his mouth work?

"Wait…are you trying to tell me you love me?" Suddenly, he wasn't the only one who sounded bashful.

He looked up, and saw that there was the slightest trace of a blush on her face. He smiled a little. "Yeah…I guess I am."

"Well, why didn't you say so, you idiot?"

And she kissed him.

Interlude

Roxas decided he loved kissing Larxene. She tasted like lightning and raspberries, and even though they were both inexperienced, she made him feel really good.

It wasn't his fault he dreamed about Axel that night, because he had put those random impossible ideas in his head.

What an idiot.

Part X: Sora

It was rare for Roxas to see his uncle; usually, he was off adventuring with Sir Riku the Blindfolded Moron. And it was also rare for Roxas to see Sora without his best friend; today was, unfortunately, no exception.

"So, I hear you've been telling Keystone secrets in Nocturne," Roxas said disapprovingly as soon as they (Roxas, Sora, and Riku) were settled at the table. Larxene joined them after a moment and sat next to Roxas, kicking his calf. He grinned at her.

"No flirting at the table," Riku admonished. How did he do that?

"No changing the subject at my table," he countered. "I'm still waiting to hear your 'explanation.' What were you doing in Nocturne?"

"Oh…this and that. You know…fighting Heartless, saving princesses, advising kings, eating doughnuts…same-old, same-old," Sora replied cheerily.

"Advising…kings? It was you who thought it was a good idea for Axel to come here? What the…why did you do that?"

Riku scowled at him. Or at least, he thought Riku scowled at him, but with the blindfold it was hard to tell. Sora sighed. "You're saying you didn't enjoy his company?"

"…He's an idiot," Roxas said flatly.

Sora sipped his tea primly. It looked ridiculous. "Now, that's not very nice. I just thought you needed a friend, and I didn't know that you and Larxene were…involved."

"We're not," Larxene put in sweetly. "But you are."

Roxas accidentally spit out his tea at the news. "What?"

"Yeah…what," Riku asked. But he looked kind of shifty.

"Don't try to hide it. It's so…sweet," she purred. Roxas winced. This was usually the tone she used before she really hurt someone; their tutors generally knew to run away at this point.

But still, her accusation was really random and strange. "Larx? They're…both guys," he reminded.

"That doesn't matter," she responded, still using that sugary tone. "Does it, Sir Riku the Blower?"

Sora choked. "Aha, actually we have to be going. I just remembered something important. Bye!"

Interlude

Roxas watched disbelievingly as Sora and Riku booked it out the front door.

What the hell?

"Uh…Larxene? What was that?"

"That, Roxas, was a lie."

And that didn't explain anything!

Part XI: Marluxia

"Roxas Keystone, I wish to speak with you."

Roxas was startled out of an already startling dream (featuring Axel, Larxene, and strawberries) by a deep, commanding voice. He blinked and sat up, peeking out the window. It was a tall man; nearly as tall as Axel; and he had the most feminine pink hair Roxas had ever seen.

"Uh…this is Roxas speaking. Who is calling – uh – you know. Who are you?"

He was having a lot of 'what the hell' moments lately.

"I am Prince Marluxia of Nocturne."

Ah. Axel's older brother.

"I…see. Why are you here at…uh…" he glanced at the sky. "Why are you here before dawn?"

"Because I wish to be."

…

"I heard tell that you have struck up a friendship with my idiot brother."

He smiled; perhaps they could get along. They already had something in common; they both thought Axel was an idiot. "Yes. I have struck up a friendship with your idiot brother. He loves to hear himself talk."

"I know," the Nocturne Prince replied dryly. "I have not, however, come to discuss his choices. I have come to inquire about the Princess Larxene of Nympharia. My idiot brother has-"

Suddenly, Larxene burst into his room and stuck her head out the window as well. "Marly?!"

"Lark. You're looking well."

She snorted. "No I'm not. I just got out of bed. I haven't seen you since we were ten. My father told me you were dead! I missed you, ya pansy!"

Roxas blinked and watched the exchange, feeling jealous for some unfathomable reason. Larxene smacked his arm and pointed to the man outside the window. "This is Marluxia, the guy who pissed his pants when we first met. Marluxia, this is Roxas, the guy who can't tend plants to save his life."

"We've met," Roxas said, raising one eyebrow.

"Yes, yes, I know, but not formally. So now that crap's over. I can't believe you're alive, Marly."

"Did you really have so little faith in me?"

"Yeah, that's pretty much it. Come inside! Have a drink! Roxas may kill every plant he looks at, but he makes our teas from scratch and they're all delicious. I'll make us some crepes or something."

Roxas blinked.

Marluxia blinked.

Larxene twitched. "Come in or I'll stab you in the gut."

Ah…that was more like it.

Interlude

He didn't know why, but he had a really bad feeling.

The light in his body was slowing down and he heard a little voice whisper, 'Roxas, you'd better pay attention.'

Oh, wait. Actually, that was Larxene.

But the bad feeling didn't go away.

Part XII: Axel III

"So, I heard you met my brother," the redhead said, eyeing the tree and then looking at the window. "What did you think of him?"

"I can't tell who the bigger freak is; you, or him. He and Larxene got on famously," he replied darkly.

Axel shrugged and started to climb the tree. "They're childhood sweethearts. And that term is used very…loosely…" he grunted as he nearly lost his grip. "Neither of them was sweet, and it's debatable whether my brother has a heart." He finished climbing, and eyed the window again. The tree was tall, and the tower wasn't that high; Axel could look through and see Roxas' bedroom. "Besides; their friendship mostly consisted of your betrothed picking on my brother and my brother getting back at her. Her father didn't approve of their friendship because for some reason Nympharia and Nocturne are enemies."

"So are Nocturne and Destina," Roxas reminded, just before Axel jumped.

What the hell?

"What the hell are you doing?"

Axel pulled himself up onto the windowsill and swung his legs inside. "Coming in to see you."

Roxas rolled his eyes. "Did you forget that we have a front door?"

Axel froze, eyes wide, for just a moment. And then he hopped down and shook his head. "Of course not! This way is just more fun."

"…Right."

The Idiot poked around his room, studying everything. He frowned at the silver mirror. "What is this?"

"It's a magic mirror," he responded.

"What – seriously?"

"No."

"No?"

"Yes."

Axel's eye twitched. Roxas smiled.

"So is this a magic mirror or not?"

"Why don't you look and see for yourself?"

Axel sighed in a very put-upon way and picked up the mirror. After staring into it for a while, he looked up and gave Roxas a very smug grin. "I asked it to show me the best-looking guy in the land, and I saw my face. As expected. I guess it is a magic mirror."

"Or it could be a gift from Sora. He's always had…interesting taste."

"In presents or in men," Axel asked cheekily, sitting next to Roxas on the bed and reclining.

"You're lucky you're not still on the windowsill. I would have no problem with pushing you off. Why do people keep saying that about him?"

Axel snorted. "He married his knightly sidekick the day after they arrived in Nocturne. That's the reason they came to our country. And then they saved my aunt from the Heartless and now they're all friends."

"What? How is that even possible?"

"Uh…what do you mean?"

Roxas frowned and picked at the hem of his shirt. "How is it possible for two men to love each other? I've never even heard about it. Sora would have told me…"

"Well, they're still people, right," Axel asked, seeming confused.

"That's debatable. Riku may or may not be sentient mold."

The redhead laughed. "Okay, okay. But…I mean…hmm." He cocked his head for a moment, before shrugging. "Would you die or explode or something if a guy kissed you?"

"Well, obviously, I wouldn't. What are you getting at, anyw-"

Interlude

He very nearly pushed Axel out the window.

Instead, he pushed Axel out the door.

And spent the next week wondering where his dreams of Larxene had gone. Axel had…kissed him.

…Freak.

Part XIII: Marluxia II

It was very irritating to come down to breakfast and see Marluxia at the table, chatting to Larxene. This was an increasingly common scenario; after three months, the man had visited no less than thirty times.

Didn't he have a kingdom to run/learn about/terrorize/overthrow/etc?

King Demyx couldn't be happy.

"Hey, Roxas," Larxene greeted. "Guess what?"

"It's too early," he responded, slouching in his seat and trying to talk himself into lifting his fork instead of resting his head in his waffles.

"Marluxia asked me to marry him."

Roxas' head jerked up. "What?"

She rolled her eyes and repeated in a mockingly patient voice, "Marluxia asked me to marry him."

"Well, what did you say?"

He really didn't want them to get married. Really. Larxene was pretty, strong, amazing, and…smiling and holding Marluxia's hand and damn it, she said yes.

"I said yes, of course."

"…Oh. I see."

"It's not like you didn't have a chance. You just didn't…do anything. And besides, I think someone else has their eye on you."

He raised an eyebrow. "I don't know anyone else. Well, besides Sora, Riku, and Axel. And our tutors. And my parents."

She sighed and glanced at Marluxia. "See? I told you. They're both idiots."

Interlude

This was all Axel's fault. If he hadn't come to the window that first time, Marluxia wouldn't have found out about Larxene and they might be married by now. Axel wouldn't have kissed him, he would still see Sora as a hero (instead of the criminal mastermind he really was), and he wouldn't be drowning in flowers.

Literally. They had just appeared that morning, filling his room and nearly suffocating him.

"A little help here, Larx?"

She must have already gone.

"Anyone?"

No response.

"…Damn it."

Part XIV: Pence

"I'm here to…see the Princess," a voice said from below the window. Roxas peeked over the sill curiously to see a slightly chubby man with black hair stuffed into a strange band of some sort.

"No princesses here today," he replied glumly. "Sorry."

"Well…when will she be back?"

"Never."

"…Oh. You sound upset about that."

"Well, I am. Who are you, anyway?"

"My name is Sir Pence Brulé. I came to court the Princess Larxene, but I guess I'm late, huh?"

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry."

"Me too."

Interlude

He missed Larxene. Really, really badly.

Poor Roxas.

Part XV: Axel IV

"Go away."

"But Roxas-"

"Go away."

"Just listen-"

"Go away."

He didn't mind Axel's frequent visits. Really, he didn't. But the idiot was oddly endearing and that was really, really irritating. Roxas was very unhappy; Larxene had gone with Marluxia without getting sick, but every time he tried to leave, he still got shocked.

"But I want to talk to you!"

Axel so wasn't helping. Roxas was trying to angst and he couldn't because Axel was constantly being himself.

"Go away."

"Fine," Axel said, and started walking away.

"…Never mind, you can come in."

To reiterate: Axel so wasn't helping.

Interlude

Roxas really, really hated Axel.

PS: That's a lie.

Part XVI: Seifer

Ugh, he was irritating. And infuriating. And other redundant words. Why did he keep asking to see Larxene? Did he think Roxas was hiding her, or something?

…Did he just call him a chicken-wuss?

Oh, hell no.

"I advise you to leave the premises. In thirty seconds, I will be in the courtyard. If you are still here, I will stab you repeatedly with my personalized Keyblade. I call it Two Across, and it's very, very sharp. Time starts now."

Seifer wasn't gone.

Interlude

Okay, so he beat Seifer, but it didn't really make him happy like it usually would.

Larxene still brought all the boys to the yard, and she didn't even live there!

He went to bed early and dreamed of Axel. After waking in a very disturbing mess, he decided he should probably try to understand why this kept happening.

…Damn it.

Even when he wasn't there, he was still annoying.

But oddly endearing.

…Damn it.

Part XVII: Sora II

Roxas was very glad when Sora appeared without his sentient mold sidekick. He needed to talk to someone who wouldn't be completely insensitive, which ruled out Riku completely.

"Nice to see you again, Sora," he said dully.

"Why do I get the feeling you're a little distressed," Sora asked, not sounding curious at all.

"Because I am."

"Oh?" Sora settled himself at the table and propped his chin on his fist. "Do tell. Maybe I can help."

"Larxene left."

Sora sighed. "I know."

"She married the flower-boy."

"I know."

"The flower-boy is the Arpeggio heir."

"I know."

Roxas glanced at Sora suspiciously. "Your hair is brown."

"I know."

"…Are you really married to Sir Riku the Sidekick?"

"I kno – wait, what?"

Roxas sighed. "Are you really married to Riku?"

Sora bit his lip. "Uh…yes?"

"Why?"

"Because we love each other,"Sora replied, smiling fondly. "Ever since we were little kids and I thought he was a girl because he was crying when he fell off his pony. We got married by the scarecrow that day, and then when we grew up I realized I really did love him."

"…Why didn't you ever say anything?"

"Well, I wasn't allowed to."

Roxas frowned. "Why?"

"Because my brother didn't want you to know it was possible to fall in love with another man."

"Well, it obviously is," he muttered resentfully, folding his arms and quite pointedly not thinking about the idiot redhead who kept climbing through his window instead of using the door like a regular person and being his normal irritating self.

Just because he kept dreaming about him didn't mean anything.

"It's not a bad thing," Sora said, and if Roxas was hearing correctly, he sounded almost…reassuring. Like he knew what was most definitely not going through Roxas' mind.

"Maybe not for you," he retorted, before realizing how that might sound to Sora.

"Wait, you're in love?"

"With Larxene," he said hurriedly. "And she's gone. And I miss her. And her brother-in-law has made it his personal mission to irritate me as much as possible. And I keep getting buried in flowers for absolutely no reason. And I'm frustrated because I'm bonded to a tower and I'm alone. And my father hasn't contacted me in two years. Does he even know that Larxene got married?"

Sora rolled his eyes. "Her father doesn't even know. The magic alerts them when the occupants of the house leave the premises freely, but you're still stuck here. Sorry, by the way. That has to suck."

"It does. The only company I have is Larxene's idiot brother-in-law, and he doesn't count."

Sora gave him a weird look. "You mean Axel?"

"Don't say his name. It makes me want to punch something."

"Roxas," Sora said fondly, "you're in love."

Interlude

Sora was totally wrong.

PS: That's a lie.

Part XVIII: Axel V

"So, I've been thinking," Roxas said idly, watching Axel gaze into his fish tank. The fish weren't real, but they looked pretty cool.

Axel glanced up. "What were you thinking about?"

"I've been thinking about you."

Red eyebrows raised high. Axel approached the bed and took his customary position, reclining sideways and studying the ceiling. "And?"

Roxas sighed, leaned down, and kissed Axel on the mouth briefly. It was their second kiss, and Axel looked positively stunned. "I think you should marry me."

"I think that's a great idea," Axel replied, scratching at one of his birthmarks.

"Cool."

He didn't get shocked when he left the tower – excuse me, the house which only looked like a tower – behind for good.

Epilogue

I wish I could say they all lived happily ever after, but as you all know, that's silly.

No one lives forever.

The End