Moving On: The Missing Piece

by thefastlane

Amy wants to give Ephram her whole heart...but she can't, not until Colin gives back the final missing piece. - Songfic to 'Moving On', by Toya.

MOVING ON – by Lauren

A songfic to "Moving On", by Toya. Amy has a silent plea to Colin, one that she only wishes she could tell him…

DISCLAIMER: If I owned Everwood, I would be off skipping around in complete and utter happiness, doing happy dances, or hiding away somewhere with Gregory Smith (hehe). But I don't and I never will, so I sit here and write fanfics about it, and agonize over the fact that all these wonderful characters do, in fact, belong solely to the WB. And now, just to add to my pain, I also have to tell you that I do not own this beautiful song, either; it's Toya's. Now read on and review!

**Thanks to Ditey, who, in writing such beautiful short stories on Everwood, inspired me to try for my own Everwood one-chapter story, lol. And also because I used her idea of doing a story involving ONLY Amy's thoughts from her amazingly written "Thoughts of a Purple-Haired Rebel". I'm not sure what you all will think of this, since the idea is a little different from anything I've ever written, but read it and tell me what you think in the reviews. I know a lot of the story is repetitive, but that's kind of the point—SHE CAN'T GET OVER IT! lol…anyway, don't forget to read and review for "Open Your Eyes" too; JUST UPDATED with 3 new chapters!

happy new year's everyone, and I hope you all had a merry christmas!

xoxo ;;

laur

***

Just getting used to waking up everyday

Not seeing your face

I just began to stop setting your place

And I stop longing for your warm embrace

And it was God that made me able

To finally sleep at night

Though you're not by my side

Finally I don't hardly cry

            Okay, Colin, I need to be completely straight out with you, no lies. Before Ephram Brown came to Everwood, Colin, I couldn't stop thinking about you. And then he arrived, and there was suddenly this wonderful person with me. Ephram knows all about losing someone, you know. His mom died, under a year ago, and that's why his family came here; that's why his dad moved to Everwood. Somehow, under these unbelievably strange circumstances, Ephram and I became friends. At first, the only thing that bonded us was the fact that we both had lost someone, and we could both relate to each other. We seeked comfort in each other. And eventually, well, we bonded over other things as well, like the fact that he could make me laugh, he could make me laugh even in the worst times. I won't lie, Colin…I don't think if you two had ever met, well…I don't think you'd have become friends. He's different…but different in a way that intrigued me. And finally our talk moved to other things, things other than you and other than his mother…and Colin, I hate to have to say it, I hate it so much…but I was finally getting used to life without you.

            And eventually my pain subsided almost completely, and even though I had gone to extreme measures to get you back, and finally convinced Dr. Brown to perform your operation, I felt like something in me had moved past you, and back into real life again. You'd like Dr. Brown. He's Ephram's dad, and one of the greatest brain surgeons ever. He went a little crazy after his wife died, and decided to give free health care to our town, but he's got a good heart and you can't deny his medical skills. Of course, Dad hates him, but who doesn't he hate? Dad hates people. Especially ones who threaten his reputation as a good doctor.

            And then the day came where your surgery was actually performed. I thought you were out of my life, I thought you were gone forever, but all of a sudden, with the chance of you coming back, I forgot about all that. Suddenly you were finding your way back into my life…but in a new way. Suddenly, when I thought of you coming back, I didn't know if I wanted you back so you could love me again, or if I wanted you back for another reason…

See right when I start letting go

Somebody wants to let me know

Can they take your place

No they can't fill your space

No

Ephram remained my support, my shoulder to cry on, my good friend, through it all. And then one night, we went to the mines on a class trip and got stuck there due to bad weather. I went off by myself to think about you, and how things would be between us if you woke up and remembered. Why did I want you back so desperately; that was my main thought. I thought I knew, but suddenly I had my doubts. And the Ephram came in and we started talking and somehow…well, he kissed me. And that's when I realized that I really had moved on, by allowing myself to fall for someone else. And that scared me, Colin! It scared me because I realized you still have a piece a my heart, a piece in which you live. And nobody, nobody, can take that from you without your consent. Ephram wanted to take your place in my heart, and I'm not ready.

I tried to move on but you're not gone

Cuz in my heart you still live on

See now I know why

I'll never love another for the rest of my life

And why

Now that you're gone I'm holdin' on

And deep in my heart

I wanna move on

And now I know why

I'll never love another for the rest of my life

            I guess one the reasons I'm not ready is because you still have my heart, Colin. I did try to move on. I wanted to. But you are still here. You're not dead, you're still alive. I can't love someone until you give that piece of my heart up.

I finally put your clothes away

You know the ones you wore the day

That you were taken away from me

I just began to stop wearing my ring

And I finally stop playin' our song

Whe I realized I was dancin' alone and

Finally God gave me strength

To go on and breath again

            You woke up, the night he kissed me, and when I went to see you, you looked at me as though I was a complete stranger. I want you to remember me, Colin! It isn't fair to you. You can't give me my heart back, or choose to keep it, unless you remember what we had. And to think I was just really moving on, and then all this came crashing down on me at once.

See right when I start letting go

Somebody wants to let me know

Can they take your place

No they can't fill your space

No

So yeah, I did think I was ready to move on. But I guess I wasn't, because the second I realized I had already moved on by…loving someone else…well, I realized I couldn't. Because Colin, despite the things I've done, I'm loyal to the ones I love. And you're still holding on to that piece of my heart. I need to give you a fair chance.

I tried to move on but you're not gone

Cuz in my heart you still live on

See now I know why

I'll never love another for the rest of my life

And why

Now that you're gone I'm holdin' on

And deep in my heart

I wanna move on

And now I know why

I'll never love another for the rest of my life

Now that you're gone I'm holdin' on

And deep in my heart

I wanna move on

And now I know why

I'll never love another for the rest of my life

            Ephram told me to move on. He'd actually said those words once, you know, "Why don't you try to move on?" I was trying. Subconsciously, though. Once I was aware that I was moving on, I realized how disloyal I was. And I'm sorry I was, Colin, but I don't know that I'm sorry for falling for someone.

God knows it's time for me to move on

I want to feel alive again

I want to be in love again

And no matter how hard I try

I can't erase you from my mind

And I gotta find somebody new

But I just can't give over you

            I miss the feeling of being in love. Don't you know what it was like for me, to love you, and watch you every day, while you weren't even aware of my existance because you were comatose? But every time I even think of being together with Ephram, you cross my mind. It's like, with that piece of my heart that you hold, you can put yourself into my mind. That's a dumb thought, though. Of course you can't control my mind. But I just can't get over the thought of you…I even kissed Ephram, on my own, and I was lucky his little sister walked in, because if she hadn't been there to stop me, I might have selfishly tried to give Ephram my heart, the heart that was being shared with you. I can't make him share me. It would have to be all or nothing, and I couldn't decide who I would have in the end, because you keep popping into my head.

I tried to move on but you're not gone

Cuz in my heart you still live on

See now I know why

I'll never love another for the rest of my life

And why

Now that you're gone I'm holdin' on

And deep in my heart

I wanna move on

And now I know why

I'll never love another for the rest of my life

            So, Colin, I tried to move on, and I couldn't do it. I need you now. You're awake, but I need remember who you are again! Please! You need to, and then you need to answer that silent question I had asked with my eyes, the morning of your accident. That silent question after I told you I loved you, for the very first time. Do you love me? Because if not, Colin, it's not fair to me, and you've got to give that final piece of my heart back, the missing piece of this puzzle, so I can let someone else have the whole thing, and not have to share it. Just please remember, for me. Remember who I am and that you have some of my heart, and then remember where you put it and decide what you want to do with it. If you don't really love me as much as I loved you…then give me what's mine, make my heart whole again, let me give it to someone else…and let me move on.