I was literally buzzing with excitement. Standing in the signing room, I rocked back and forth on my heels, trying to peer over all of the other heads crowding the area. There was energy radiating from the fans- girls screaming and chatting, anxiously awaiting the doors to open. I couldn't believe it. I was finally here. I had worked my butt off the whole summer- with my job at the fruit and vegetable shop, face painting at birthday parties for kids, walking dogs and doing my part time lifeguard duty at the town pool. I had been flat out trying to raise the money to pay for my flights to One Direction's USA concert and signing. My parents and I had a deal; they would pay for the tickets, but I would have to pay for the flights. So I did. And here I was, about to meet Louis, Harry, Niall, Zayn and Liam. It was like a dream come true. I felt so proud. No fairy godmother had waved her wand, but I had worked my ass off and chased the dream. Suddenly a roar of shrieking and screaming erupted, I snapped my head up and out of my thoughts. I saw them. All five, entering through the doors, with those all too familiar grins across their faces. They waved and smiled at the us, before taking their seats at the long tables which they would sign at. My heart fluttered as I saw Louis scan his gorgeous eyes around the room- hoping they would stop for half a second, just to glance at me. To lock eyes, only for a moment, at least- with mine. But they didn't. He just turned his head, before whispering something to Zayn, next to him, who just laughed. No big deal, I told myself. Shaking off my sudden loss of hope, I moved into the line, never taking my eyes off the boys. I just studied them, admiringly gazing at Niall's adorable laugh and constant smiling. I watched as Harry spoke in a friendly tone to the girls, patiently signing each magazine cover, each CD and each shirt that came his way. I stared at Zayn's deep brown eyes, he was so, so gentlemanly. Caring and sweet and sentimental, he complimented and thanked each fan as they passed. Liam, less flirtatious but always charming was so comfortable with the crowd. And Louis, took my breath away. He always cracked a joke with the girls, always grinned genuinely, always spoke casually. Soon, I told myself. It will all be worth it. All of my birthday money, my pocket money, my work savings, all of those weekends spent tirelessly on the job. I would get to meet the guys who changed my life, who inspired me, who made me laugh and cry and smile a real smile.
Finally, I reached them. I inhaled and swallowed nervously. Suddenly this didn't seem like a good idea. I had no idea what I was going to say. How was I going to say it? Who should I speak to? And how does my hair look? No, no, I told myself. Just be natural. Relax, and just be myself.
"Hey, how are you?" Niall exclaimed.
"Hi, great, thanks." I uttered back, shocked that this was all real.
He signed my book cover and my CD, and I moved on to Zayn.
He smiled at me, asked my name.
"Ande with an 'e'," I replied, biting my lip. "It's weird, I know."
"Different." He spoke quietly. "But beautiful." He asked me how the concert was, and I told him it was brilliant and that I was so proud of how far they had come. He stood up from his chair and leaned over to give me a hug. I took in his smell, the warmth of his jumper. I wished he would hold me there forever. It was perfect. I hadn't come here thinking Zayn might be the one to steal my heart. But I found myself questioning everything- I had judged him before, and now I felt bad for that. He actually laughed as we spoke, I didn't want to leave. I wanted to take his hand and walk right out, past every other girl in the room. I wanted to run away with him and just keep talking, away from the fans and the fame. I just wanted to talk. I glanced over my shoulder as I moved along, after saying goodbye. He was still staring at me.
I continued on to get the autographs of Liam and Harry, exchanging a few friendly words. I was so happy. Harry was so eccentric, Liam was so down to earth and sweet. Finally, at the end, was Louis. When the girl infront of me had finished talking to him, I moved forward, flashing him my best grin. "Hi, I'm Ande."
He took the CD I had placed at the desk without so much as glancing up or replying, and pulled it towards him by sliding it on the tabletop. Without looking up from the CD, he signed it, passed it back and called "next, please".
I stood there. Frozen.
"Um, thanks." He repeated, inclining he wanted me to move on. "Next, please."
I couldn't believe it. Louis. Louis Tomlinson. The cute and adorable, hilarious and charming, funny and silly and wild and sweet Louis Tomlinson wasn't anything like that. There was no, 'tanks, boo bear'. No friendliness, nothing. He didn't even give me a second look. To him I was just another fan-just another girl who adored him but never had a chance. I was nothing special, nothing different, nothing worth his time or effort. After all of it- all of my work- my dedication to them. This was what I got. All I had wanted was to meet Louis. If any of them, Louis. I couldn't help the tears welling in my eyes. They began to sting as I blinked them back rapidly. Hold it together, I told myself, panicking. But it felt as if my stomach had just dropped. It hit me, instantly, that I was an ocean away from my family. I was in London, far from home, alone. Crap. What had I done?
I was suddenly tearing up, trying desperately not to fall apart right in front of them. I saw out of the corner of my eye Zayn and Harry look over. After everything I'd done- all the hours that I worked, the effort I put in, the money I earned- with MY determination- all to be here. I had flown across the country with my earnings! I had done everything I could think of to be here- to be here with him. I had sacrificed birthday money and spending money and free time and more for the chance. And he had simply blown me off. Brushed me off his shoulder like every other girl here. Maybe I wasn't pretty enough. Maybe I just wasn't what he was looking for. But still… Emotions were welling up inside of me- brewing and building as I stood there in complete disbelief. I wasn't sure if I was more upset or angry, more hurt or more disappointed. I wiped away the tears that began to fell, streaming down my cheeks. Sniffling, I turned away and ran. I pushed past a room full of girls, weaving and dodging through a sea of cheery looking fanatics whose faces dropped in confusion as they saw me move past. Out, out, out, I had to get out of there. I had to breathe. I had to get out before I made more of a scene. I didn't want to embarass myself further. And no way in hell did I want to be comforted by the boys as 'that girl who started crying'. I bolted for the glass doors, and almost lept into the chilly night air. It was dark, but it was comforting. I walked further out into the car park of the performance was packed with cars, but absent of crazed fans. Kicking the gravel, I sniffed and folded my arms together in an attempt to keep warm. I stood there, in the silence, staring at the moon- it wasn't quite a full one.
"I can't believe it." I said, not sure if I was talking to the moon or myself. "That I let myself think that it might be worth it." The silence was almost haunting. "I was wrong." More tears came, falling to the cold, hard gravel rocks beneath my sneakers. I missed my parents, strangely enough. What would I tell them? That it was amazing? That is was everything I'd dreamed of and more? I couldn't tell them the truth. It would be too disappointing...
Suddenly, two strong, warm hands placed themselves around my waist and spun me round swiftly. Stunned and eyes wide, I realized I was staring into the glassy green eyes of Louis. Instantly I turned away, avoiding those beautiful eyes.
"Ande," He said gently, "Ande, please, look at me." He raised a hand to my face and just barely touched my skin with his fingertips, softly turning my head to face him.
"Please." I muttered under the tears. "Don't…" my voice trailed off.
"Ande, I'm sorry." He apologized quietly. "I didn't realize."
I shook my head. "You don't have to say you're sorry." I said, staring up at him, finally. "I don't want to be your charity case."
He took my hands carefully and raised them to his chest. "No. You're nobody's charity case. I was a jerk to you. I blew you off." I said nothing, leaving a silence hanging between us. "You didn't deserve it-"
"Do you know what I've been through to be here?" I said quietly, with no expression. "Too much. And now I'm separated from home by miles of ocean for another week. " He didn't understand what I was on about. But his face was falling.
"Look, Ande-" He pleaded.
"-how did you know my name?" I interrupted , wiping the tears from my face. He smirked that classic smirk he always does, and looked deep into my eyes.
"Zayn." He answered. "You, er…made quite an impression on him."
"He spoke with me." I said blankly, making it clear that Louis hadn't and dropping my hands from his chest. Who did he think he was? Breaking me and then going and pretending he cared? Louis narrowed his eyes awkwardly, clearly feeling guilty. "Its okay, Louis. You're a big superstar and I'm a little nobody that you'll forget by tomorrow morning. I get it." I tried to turn away.
He placed his hands on my hips and pulled me in, closer to him. My heart was beating wildly now, the smell of his skin and his clothes was sweet. I couldn't help the tear from escaping my eye and trickling down my cheek. He wiped it away gently with his thumb. He leaned in and whispered. "I won't forget what happened tonight. I won't forget what you've made me realize. I won't forget this." He tilted my chin and pressed his soft lips to mine, in a kiss sweet and soft. Butterflies flew through my head, I felt faint and dizzy as he pulled away. "I won't forget you." He said. Taking off his coat, he placed it over my shoulders. "Are we okay?" I nodded.
I re-entered the room with Louis at my side, accompanied by what felt like a billion pairs of eyes staring at me. Before I knew it, the girls were rushing towards him, screaming and laughing and forcing merchandise at him and asking for autographs. I gave him a sympathetic look, before he was swept away, giving me a nod and a meaningful expression. I asked the security guard the directions to the toilet, and followed his pointed finger. I had to check what my make up looked like. It would not be good.
I frowned as I studied the mirror, and my reflection. "Who's that fugly person look at me?" I said sarcastically. "Oh wait- that is me! My mistake." This kind of thing towards myself was normal. Suddenly I heard a noise from behind the entrance door. Oh dear Lord. Someone was listening? I ignored it and continued. The mascara had run majorly. No wonder everyone had stared. I swiped a few paper towels and wiped at it frantically. But it didn't really work. Damn waterproof makeup. Pushing the toilet door aside, I slipped out and into a backstage hall, still rubbing at my cheeks with the tissues. I turned around and bumped into a figure instantly.
"Whoa, sorry!" I apologized frantically, recognizing the sleek black hair and deep chocolate brown eyes that looked back at me. It was Zayn. I could barely breathe with surprise and happiness combined. "Hi." I said, grinning.
"Hi. Are you…okay?" He questioned cautiously.
"Er.." I laughed shyly, looking down at my feet and then glancing back up at him. "Is it that obvious?"
"A little." He shrugged casually. I laughed, probably a little bit more than I should have. I guess I was overwhelmed with emotion. He couldn't help laughing with me. I guess I was contagious.
"Louis' a good guy." He said, apologetically.
"I'm sure." I said, biting my lip. "I'm sure he is."
"He sorted things out?" He questioned, raising an eyebrow.
"Yeah. He was really sweet about it. Hell, I'm such an embarrassment." I sighed, shaking my head. He looked confused. "Everybody probably thinks I was just a drama queen looking for attention. But it wasn't that."
"You'll have to explain everything to me." He said, taking my hand and entwining his fingers with mine.
"Why are you so easy to open up to?" I chuckled, taking his other hand.
"I'm only like that with people I care about." He joked, raising his eyebrows. "I like you." He put wrapped his arms around me, pulling me in tighter. I caught my breath, shocked at how intimate he was being. But he was being smug- sly. Like he knew something I didn't.
"Can I see you again?" I asked hopefully.
He nodded. "I'd like that."
We were interrupted by Niall's yell echoing down the hall. "Sorry to disturb you two lovebirds, but Zayn, you have other fans." He said cheekily. "And they're getting a little jealous man!"
Zayn released his grip on me, turning away and winking at me, before he hurried down the hall.
"Wait!" I called after him. "Zayn?" Great. There went any chance of me meeting him again. Because hands in pockets, he'd already turned the corner.
I made my way to the taxi, and climbed in. Off to the hotel to dream about how close I came to actually getting to know Zayn Malik, and then possibly punch myself in the face for missing the chance.
I placed a hand in my jean pocket, only to feel my fingertip brush a piece of paper. I pulled it out and read it.
Ande (with an 'e') ,
My number's below. Call me later tonight? After 10pm. Can't wait to talk more, babe.
Oh, and you need to be nicer to yourself, beautiful.
Zayn xxxxxx
My jaw had almost hit the floor of the taxi. That freaking genius, I thought. That's why he pulled me in. And he was the one who heard me in the bathrooms. Oh my stars-I had Zayn freaking Malik's number!
And he wanted to talk to me later? No, he 'couldn't wait' to talk to me later!
These thoughts came flooding in, but one stood above all of them.
He called me beautiful.