Summary – This is something I came up with after watching one too many Orbit commercials. It's ridiculous, stupid, and makes so sense at all.
Disclaimer – I do not own Criminal Minds or Orbit. I do not make any money from either. Ah well.
Warning – This is a ridiculous piece of I-don't-know what. Do not take it seriously at all. Suggestive themes. Stupidness.
"Duck in a pool!"
"Reid!"
"What?"
"What the frisky catnip?"
Reid sighed, pursing his lips at Emily like a petulant child.
"I love this gum!" she said, trying to change the subject.
"Me too!" he agreed jubilantly, clapping his hands together so quickly that Emily couldn't keep up.
"It's for dirty mouths!"
"Wow!"
"IKR?"
The pair looked up as Garcia walked into the bullpen, smacking her gum like a cow.
"That makes me want to vomit," Reid said with a frown.
"Lick a donkey," she said with narrowed eyes.
"Hey," Emily interjected, "no reason to be a bunch of cracker jacks, chillax!"
"YOU'RE A BIG MEANIE HEAD!" Reid cried before running towards Hotch's office, his arms and legs flailing about.
"For a genius he sure is a rubber bouncy ball," Garcia sighed sadly.
"No tater tots, PG," Emily agreed.
"OMG! BTW, DYK ILY?"
"DYK?" Emily asked.
"Do you know," Garcia replied with an exasperated sigh.
"No, that's why I'm asking,"
Penelope rolled her eyes. "That's what it means, jack wagon."
"Oh!" Emily said. "Facepalm!"
Emily promptly smacked herself in the forehead.
"Good call, you poppycocker you!"
Suddenly Hotch's voice rang out through the bullpen.
"Prentiss! Garcia! My office, immediately! And don't make me wait! You know I turn into a Grinch-before-his-heart-grew if you do!"
"What a whiney girl," Emily mumbled.
"He's such a princess," Garcia agreed.
"We don't sound as cool anymore. Gum?"
"SURE!"
They each took another piece of gum and chewed loudly as they entered Hotch's office.
"Yes, your majesty?"
Hotch rolled his eyes. "Don't you start with me, Garcia."
"If she starts, can I finish?" Emily asked, waggling her eyebrows.
"Not now, love muffin," Hotch said.
"Gross," Reid muttered.
"Oh, shush up, lightening mcqueer!" Garcia snapped.
"Hey! That's not nice, you baton welder!" Reid retorted.
"Go eat dirt!"
"That's unsanitary!"
"Blow a gumdrop bubble!"
"Is that possible?" Emily asked.
Hotch shrugged. "IDK."
"YAY!" Garcia squealed, jumping up and down. Hotch, Reid, and Emily's heads bobbed up and down as they followed the motion her voluptuous breasts made as she continued to hop up and down.
"Stop!" Reid begged, beginning to get a cramp in his neck.
Garcia promptly stopped. "You're such a fluffer nutter!"
Hotch sighed. "Are you two done?"
"Are you serious?" Garcia asked.
"Actually, he'd be more like Severus Snape," Reid interjected.
"What the Belgium waffles are you talking about?" Emily inquired.
Reid rolled his eyes dramatically. "He's more like Snape, not Sirius," he said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
"So you don't read Twilight, but you'll read Harry Potter?" Garcia asked, looking amused.
Reid shrugged. "My mom gave me the books on tape for my birthday. If you got a problem with that, then you can kiss my chicken and dumplings."
"Alright!" Hotch shouted, spitting out his gum. "Reid, stop complaining, Garcia, stop harassing him, and Emily… well… good work."
"Teacher's pet, teacher's pet!" Garcia taunted.
"OUT!" Hotch yelled, pointing at the door.
"What a carpet muncher," Garcia grumbled, grabbing Reid's arm (who started whining 'ow ow ow") and dragging him out of Hotch's office, leaving Emily behind.
"Finally," Hotch breathed, reaching out and pulling Emily roughly against him. She opened her mouth to say something, but Hotch silenced her, pressing his lips against hers in a fiery of lust.
"I wanna take a ride on your disco stick," Emily said seductively.
Twenty minutes later, the entire BAU was filled with Emily's pleasurable cries, accompanied by, "HOME RUN! HOME RUN! HOME RUNNNNN!"
The End!
A/N – Holy fudge knockers! Ok, so this got a little out of hand, but hey… ah, well. Hope it made you giggle! Please take just a moment out to review! Thank you!