Title: Choices
Rating: PG
Author: JAGgedIverson
Summary: Harm's been having dreams about Mac. This is set two years after
Boomerang but without all the crap that happened in between! Mac was never
engaged to Brumby, EVER!!!!
Author's Note: I know this has nothing to do with Season 9, but I needed to write something that even out the horribleness of this season so far. Does anybody else think the second episode SUCKED?!?!?!?!
******************
Friday Night Dulles Airport
"Thanks for picking me up, Mac. I really appreciate it." Harm said they got in her car.
"No problem, Harm. It's not like I had a hot date or anything." Mac joked.
"What were your original plans?"
"I was planning on curling up with a bowl of popcorn and watching one of the new DVD's I bought the other day. I'm still planning on doing that, you wanna join me?" She asked as they headed for the Beltway.
"Yeah, that sounds really good." Harm answered as he leaned back and closed his eyes.
"You okay?"
"Yeah, just tired. The jet lag's finally catching up."
"Well, we'll be at me place soon. Go ahead and take a little snooze, I'll wake you when we get there."
"I might actually do that." Harm stated, already half asleep.
****
He was on the beach. The wind was crisp, blowing ocean air in his face. She was swimming; the water looked like it was glowing around her. She was beautiful, always beautiful. He was standing with his toes in the water, looking at her. He knew she wanted him to come in with her, but couldn't let go. He looked down at his hands; in his right hand there was a rope, his security. In his left there was a picture of her, his love. He had a choice to make, but he wanted both. There was no way to keep both; he had to make a choice. She was asking him to make a choice.
****
"Harm, wake up." Mac was shaking his shoulder lightly trying to wake him up.
He jolted awake when he felt her touch. "Yeah, I'm awake."
"You sure you're okay?" Mac asked, concerned.
"Like I said, just tired." Harm answered, getting out of the car.
Mac followed him up the stairs to her apartment and unlocked the door.
"So, what movie are we watching?" Harm asked as he sat down on the couch and closed his eyes again.
"You have a choice, let go or lose me."
Harm's eyes shot open and he asked, "What?"
Mac looked at him strangely, but didn't say anthing about it. Instead she repeated, "I said you have a choice, The Italian Job or Tomb Raider II."
"Oh right, um, why don't you pick. I'll watch whatever you want to watch."
"Okay, we'll watch The Italian Job." Mac walked to the TV and put the movie in before going to the kitchen and getting the popcorn. When she came back in Harm was semi-laying down and his eyes were closed again. "Harm you gonna make it through the movie?"
He sat up and rubbed his eyes, saying, "Yeah, once I her interested with something I'll stay awake. So, with that said, bring the popcorn over here and let's start the movie."
Mac did as requested and started the movie after sitting down next to Harm. However, only halfway through Harm was out like a light. Mac smiled and shook her head. She turned off the movie and was going to wake him up, but stopped. He looked comfortable and she didn't really have the heart to wake him. Even though he said he was fine, Mac believed otherwise. You don't become best friends without knowing how to read the other person. He had dark circles under his eyes, like he hadn't been sleeping well lately. And when she woke him up in the car earlier he had a confused, almost pained, look in his eyes. Something wasn't right. So, she covered him with a blanket and let him sleep.
****
He was back on the beach. The wind was still blowing ocean air in his face and he still held the rope and picture of her in his hands. But she wasn't there anymore. He had a deep feeling of loss and realized he had lost his chance to be with her.
"What are doing here, Son?"
He turned toward the voice and said, "I lost her, Dad. I couldn't let go, and she left."
"Why couldn't you let go?"
"I don't want to leave her alone if I die doing what I do. I love her, Dad. I can't leave her alone if that happens. She too important, I could never cause her that much pain."
"Well, if she's that important why don't you let go and be with her. Tell her that you love her. I did that with your mother. All you have to do is let go."
"It's too late, she's gone." He said as he looked out the ocean again.
"It's never too late, Son. Never."
****
Harm sat straight up and looked around. His skin was clammy and his shirt was soaked. It was still dark outside, so it had to be around 12 or 1 in the morning. He knew that was no chance he could go back to sleep, these dreams weren't recent, and he knew how it worked. Ever since they had come back from Australia he'd been having these dreams, and that was two years ago. He had been able to cover up his lack of sleep by drinking coffee all day, but now his system was immune to caffeine and he was always tired. There was only one way to find peace, and she was down the hall, probably asleep.
Knowing he wasn't going back to sleep anytime soon Harm got up to get a glass of water from the kitchen. However, he knew if he turned the light on that it would shine right into Mac's bedroom and she would know that he was awake. So, he decided to do it by memory. His eyes had adjusted to the darkness, so he figured he'd be all right. What he hadn't counted on was finding Mac in the kitchen as well.
"What are you doing up?" Harm asked.
Mac turned around when she heard his voice. "I could ask you the same question."
"You could, but I asked you first." Harm teased as he moved to get a glass.
"I couldn't sleep." She said simply.
"Me neither." Harm said. He contemplated telling her about his dreams, but figured he probably shouldn't. It would raise a subject that he knew they both weren't ready to discuss.
"Hey, how about we finish the movie. I don't think I'm gonna be able to go back to sleep anytime soon."
"Yeah, sure."
They went back out the couch and Mac pressed play. Harm was so engrossed in the movie that he didn't notice Mac had fallen asleep and was leaning on his shoulder until the final credits were rolling. He looked down and smiled. He felt himself getting drowsy again and toyed with the idea of letting her sleep and watching her until he did the same. But he knew that she would wake up sore and a sore marine equals a grumpy marine, that was definitely not a good idea. He stood and picked her up. After he carried her to her room he laid her gently down on the bed before covering her with the blankets. He paused and brushed and stray lock of hair off her forehead. Just as he pulled away she grabbed his hand and mumbled something. Harm kneeled down beside the bed. He wanted to stay here forever with her. She was his strength and his weakness. She was the most important thing in his life and yet he couldn't tell her. Why? He was scared, that much was obvious, but of what? He knew it wasn't her; she was his lifeline. As he watched her, he knew that he could live the rest of his life doing just that: watching her. Keeping his hand in hers he turned around and sat with his back against the bed.
"Why can't I just tell you that I love you? What am I scared of?" Harm whispered to the silence. Harm sat listening to Mac breath, thinking of what he was afraid of when it came to her. It wasn't that he was scared of her, it was more that he was scared of himself and the "what if's." What if he failed and they were never the same again. What if they didn't work and they lost their friendship? What if he got shot down and left her alone and hurting? All the possibilities were so overwhelming he didn't know how he would handle them all. But, if he had learned anything from his sleepless nights, it was that anything was worth a shot.
He smiled as he realized that he now knew what he was scared of and how to get over it. He drifted off to sleep knowing that tomorrow he was going to tell the woman he loved more than anything in the world that he loved her.
****
The wind was gone. It was calm and beautiful again, and he was standing knee deep in the water. She was swimming again, smiling at him. He looked down at his hands and watched as he let the rope fall. He looked back up and walked to her.
He was smiling as he said, "I choose you."
She smiled back and took the hand that had held the rope for so long.
****
Harm woke up in the same position he had fallen asleep in, his hand still holding onto Mac's. Keeping his hand in hers, he turned around and looked at her. She was sleeping peacefully with the sun shining in behind her, making her look like an angel. He thought about staying there and watching her until she woke up, but his back and knees were killing him. He figured she wouldn't mind sharing the bed, so he got up and took his shoes off before moving around the bed and climbing on top of the covers. She moaned and turned toward him before settling against his chest. He smiled and wrapped an arm around her shoulders to bring her closer.
He was thinking about how he would tell her that he loved her when she stirred in his arms and looked up at him, a little confused.
He smiled down and whispered, "Morning, sleepyhead."
She smiled back, the confusion gone, and said, "Good morning."
"How'd you sleep?"
"Good. You?"
He hesitated, thinking of the last dream he had. "Really good. I should tell you that the carpet is really not the uncomfortable."
"How would you know that?"
"That would be where I slept. I've only been on the bed for about ten minutes."
"Why would you sleep on the floor all night only to move up here in the morning?"
"I was going to go back out to the couch actually, but you wouldn't let go of my hand. So, I just sat down and fell asleep that way. I really didn't think that you would have a problem with me laying here for awhile."
"No that's not a problem. Lay here all you want." Mac smiled at him before snuggling back down and burying her head in his chest.
Harm smiled too before he said, "Mac, I need to tell you something."
Mac looked back up and answered, "Sounds serious."
He looked deep into her eyes as he said, "Mac-Sarah-I love you more anything in this entire world. I'm sorry that I've hurt you. And maybe this doesn't mean anything to you now, but I had to tell you. You're the most important thing in my life, and I couldn't go another day without you knowing."
Mac stared at him in shock before she said, "I love you too, Harm."
He smiled and bent his head down to kiss her lips softly. When he pulled away he saw that her eyes were glistening with unshed tears. "What's wrong?"
She shook her head. "Nothing. It's just the opposite, everything is just perfect."
Harm hugged her close again and closed his eyes, breathing deeply. Finally he was content. He'd made his choice and he couldn't be happier.
Author's Note: I know this has nothing to do with Season 9, but I needed to write something that even out the horribleness of this season so far. Does anybody else think the second episode SUCKED?!?!?!?!
******************
Friday Night Dulles Airport
"Thanks for picking me up, Mac. I really appreciate it." Harm said they got in her car.
"No problem, Harm. It's not like I had a hot date or anything." Mac joked.
"What were your original plans?"
"I was planning on curling up with a bowl of popcorn and watching one of the new DVD's I bought the other day. I'm still planning on doing that, you wanna join me?" She asked as they headed for the Beltway.
"Yeah, that sounds really good." Harm answered as he leaned back and closed his eyes.
"You okay?"
"Yeah, just tired. The jet lag's finally catching up."
"Well, we'll be at me place soon. Go ahead and take a little snooze, I'll wake you when we get there."
"I might actually do that." Harm stated, already half asleep.
****
He was on the beach. The wind was crisp, blowing ocean air in his face. She was swimming; the water looked like it was glowing around her. She was beautiful, always beautiful. He was standing with his toes in the water, looking at her. He knew she wanted him to come in with her, but couldn't let go. He looked down at his hands; in his right hand there was a rope, his security. In his left there was a picture of her, his love. He had a choice to make, but he wanted both. There was no way to keep both; he had to make a choice. She was asking him to make a choice.
****
"Harm, wake up." Mac was shaking his shoulder lightly trying to wake him up.
He jolted awake when he felt her touch. "Yeah, I'm awake."
"You sure you're okay?" Mac asked, concerned.
"Like I said, just tired." Harm answered, getting out of the car.
Mac followed him up the stairs to her apartment and unlocked the door.
"So, what movie are we watching?" Harm asked as he sat down on the couch and closed his eyes again.
"You have a choice, let go or lose me."
Harm's eyes shot open and he asked, "What?"
Mac looked at him strangely, but didn't say anthing about it. Instead she repeated, "I said you have a choice, The Italian Job or Tomb Raider II."
"Oh right, um, why don't you pick. I'll watch whatever you want to watch."
"Okay, we'll watch The Italian Job." Mac walked to the TV and put the movie in before going to the kitchen and getting the popcorn. When she came back in Harm was semi-laying down and his eyes were closed again. "Harm you gonna make it through the movie?"
He sat up and rubbed his eyes, saying, "Yeah, once I her interested with something I'll stay awake. So, with that said, bring the popcorn over here and let's start the movie."
Mac did as requested and started the movie after sitting down next to Harm. However, only halfway through Harm was out like a light. Mac smiled and shook her head. She turned off the movie and was going to wake him up, but stopped. He looked comfortable and she didn't really have the heart to wake him. Even though he said he was fine, Mac believed otherwise. You don't become best friends without knowing how to read the other person. He had dark circles under his eyes, like he hadn't been sleeping well lately. And when she woke him up in the car earlier he had a confused, almost pained, look in his eyes. Something wasn't right. So, she covered him with a blanket and let him sleep.
****
He was back on the beach. The wind was still blowing ocean air in his face and he still held the rope and picture of her in his hands. But she wasn't there anymore. He had a deep feeling of loss and realized he had lost his chance to be with her.
"What are doing here, Son?"
He turned toward the voice and said, "I lost her, Dad. I couldn't let go, and she left."
"Why couldn't you let go?"
"I don't want to leave her alone if I die doing what I do. I love her, Dad. I can't leave her alone if that happens. She too important, I could never cause her that much pain."
"Well, if she's that important why don't you let go and be with her. Tell her that you love her. I did that with your mother. All you have to do is let go."
"It's too late, she's gone." He said as he looked out the ocean again.
"It's never too late, Son. Never."
****
Harm sat straight up and looked around. His skin was clammy and his shirt was soaked. It was still dark outside, so it had to be around 12 or 1 in the morning. He knew that was no chance he could go back to sleep, these dreams weren't recent, and he knew how it worked. Ever since they had come back from Australia he'd been having these dreams, and that was two years ago. He had been able to cover up his lack of sleep by drinking coffee all day, but now his system was immune to caffeine and he was always tired. There was only one way to find peace, and she was down the hall, probably asleep.
Knowing he wasn't going back to sleep anytime soon Harm got up to get a glass of water from the kitchen. However, he knew if he turned the light on that it would shine right into Mac's bedroom and she would know that he was awake. So, he decided to do it by memory. His eyes had adjusted to the darkness, so he figured he'd be all right. What he hadn't counted on was finding Mac in the kitchen as well.
"What are you doing up?" Harm asked.
Mac turned around when she heard his voice. "I could ask you the same question."
"You could, but I asked you first." Harm teased as he moved to get a glass.
"I couldn't sleep." She said simply.
"Me neither." Harm said. He contemplated telling her about his dreams, but figured he probably shouldn't. It would raise a subject that he knew they both weren't ready to discuss.
"Hey, how about we finish the movie. I don't think I'm gonna be able to go back to sleep anytime soon."
"Yeah, sure."
They went back out the couch and Mac pressed play. Harm was so engrossed in the movie that he didn't notice Mac had fallen asleep and was leaning on his shoulder until the final credits were rolling. He looked down and smiled. He felt himself getting drowsy again and toyed with the idea of letting her sleep and watching her until he did the same. But he knew that she would wake up sore and a sore marine equals a grumpy marine, that was definitely not a good idea. He stood and picked her up. After he carried her to her room he laid her gently down on the bed before covering her with the blankets. He paused and brushed and stray lock of hair off her forehead. Just as he pulled away she grabbed his hand and mumbled something. Harm kneeled down beside the bed. He wanted to stay here forever with her. She was his strength and his weakness. She was the most important thing in his life and yet he couldn't tell her. Why? He was scared, that much was obvious, but of what? He knew it wasn't her; she was his lifeline. As he watched her, he knew that he could live the rest of his life doing just that: watching her. Keeping his hand in hers he turned around and sat with his back against the bed.
"Why can't I just tell you that I love you? What am I scared of?" Harm whispered to the silence. Harm sat listening to Mac breath, thinking of what he was afraid of when it came to her. It wasn't that he was scared of her, it was more that he was scared of himself and the "what if's." What if he failed and they were never the same again. What if they didn't work and they lost their friendship? What if he got shot down and left her alone and hurting? All the possibilities were so overwhelming he didn't know how he would handle them all. But, if he had learned anything from his sleepless nights, it was that anything was worth a shot.
He smiled as he realized that he now knew what he was scared of and how to get over it. He drifted off to sleep knowing that tomorrow he was going to tell the woman he loved more than anything in the world that he loved her.
****
The wind was gone. It was calm and beautiful again, and he was standing knee deep in the water. She was swimming again, smiling at him. He looked down at his hands and watched as he let the rope fall. He looked back up and walked to her.
He was smiling as he said, "I choose you."
She smiled back and took the hand that had held the rope for so long.
****
Harm woke up in the same position he had fallen asleep in, his hand still holding onto Mac's. Keeping his hand in hers, he turned around and looked at her. She was sleeping peacefully with the sun shining in behind her, making her look like an angel. He thought about staying there and watching her until she woke up, but his back and knees were killing him. He figured she wouldn't mind sharing the bed, so he got up and took his shoes off before moving around the bed and climbing on top of the covers. She moaned and turned toward him before settling against his chest. He smiled and wrapped an arm around her shoulders to bring her closer.
He was thinking about how he would tell her that he loved her when she stirred in his arms and looked up at him, a little confused.
He smiled down and whispered, "Morning, sleepyhead."
She smiled back, the confusion gone, and said, "Good morning."
"How'd you sleep?"
"Good. You?"
He hesitated, thinking of the last dream he had. "Really good. I should tell you that the carpet is really not the uncomfortable."
"How would you know that?"
"That would be where I slept. I've only been on the bed for about ten minutes."
"Why would you sleep on the floor all night only to move up here in the morning?"
"I was going to go back out to the couch actually, but you wouldn't let go of my hand. So, I just sat down and fell asleep that way. I really didn't think that you would have a problem with me laying here for awhile."
"No that's not a problem. Lay here all you want." Mac smiled at him before snuggling back down and burying her head in his chest.
Harm smiled too before he said, "Mac, I need to tell you something."
Mac looked back up and answered, "Sounds serious."
He looked deep into her eyes as he said, "Mac-Sarah-I love you more anything in this entire world. I'm sorry that I've hurt you. And maybe this doesn't mean anything to you now, but I had to tell you. You're the most important thing in my life, and I couldn't go another day without you knowing."
Mac stared at him in shock before she said, "I love you too, Harm."
He smiled and bent his head down to kiss her lips softly. When he pulled away he saw that her eyes were glistening with unshed tears. "What's wrong?"
She shook her head. "Nothing. It's just the opposite, everything is just perfect."
Harm hugged her close again and closed his eyes, breathing deeply. Finally he was content. He'd made his choice and he couldn't be happier.