Robert has only been out of the group home four months when he fucks up. He's not surprised. There's two things Robert would bet his life on. One, that there isn't a single thing he can't fuck up and Two, that Robert Small doesn't get to have good things. Especially not on his birthday.

He can just barely remember the house he lived in before the bank took it away. His dog was hit by a car. The brother had been looking forward to having never made it home from the hospital. His mom was the best person in the world and he watched her get sicker every day until she didn't wake up. The less said about his foster placements the better and the group home? It was great. It was the best place he'd been and it had an expiration date right on the label that meant he'd have to figure out a way to stay on his feet.

So really, he isn't even surprised when his amazing girlfriend dumped him. She is kind, fun, ambitious and the best he hope for was to make enough money doing construction that he could buy his own place outright.

Robert does what he does best with that. He takes his fake ID to the nearest bar and gets black out drunk. He wakes up on the ugliest carpet he's ever seen next a hot as fuck blond who wakes up a few seconds later and looks mortified.

Robert feels a cold tendril of shame creep through him at the expression. "Relax," he says. "We fought a couple hobos and then came to your room for an orgy with a couple of hot chicks. They left before you woke up." He looks away from Hot Blond and starts looking around the room.

There's dried semen on Robert's chest and hip but he that bullshit has worked. Just depends on how deep the other guy is in denial. There's still a fifty fifty chance hot blond will try to beat him up anyway. Robert sure knows how to pick them.

Robert feels a gentle touch on the other guy's arm. "The only thing I remember is making love to you last night. I am so, sorry sorry you don't remember anything. I thought you were able to consent."

Robert gives him a blank look. "Able to what?"

Hot Blond pales and then blushes when he looks down and sees Robert is still naked. "Please let me make this up to you. I'm really not the one night stand guy. Can I take you out to lunch?"

Robert looks for his pants instead of answering the guy. Silence doesn't seem to be much of deterrent because hot blond follows him around the tiny space.

Robert finds his pants hanging off the desk, his shirt in the fish tank, and gives up on finding his right shoe. He's used to looking like trash anyway.

"..could go get soup? We could go for a picnic and maybe a nice walk. You said last night that you've never been on a picnic. What kind of food do you like? I make really good- Are you going to put on that shirt on? It's still wet?" Hot Blond gives him a horrified look and pulls a clean polo from his closet. "Please take this. You'll get sick with a wet shirt."

That sounds fake but Robert's not one to turn down something free. He pulls the clean red polo over his head and leaves the front unbuttoned. "Thanks." He says and reaches for the door.

"Wait!" Hot Blond says, and then scribbles something on a piece of paper on his desk. "Here. It's my number. You should call me so we can find a time to go on that picnic."

Robert grabs his sunglasses off of the closet door and puts them on before he opens the door to leave. He looks at Hot Blond out of the corner of his eye now that he can hide his expression.

Hot Blond looks devastated to see him leave.

Robert knows he shouldn't do this. He knows this is a bad move all around. He can't stop himself from opening his mouth. "Don't need to call you. I'll pick you up Friday at two. No small talk."

He takes the phone number out of Hot Blond's hand and smirks when a slow brush creeps over his face. Robert leaves without asking for his name.

He doesn't need it. Hot Blond will figure out that Robert's a piece of shit soon enough but Robert might as well get a free lunch out of it.