July 1991

Summer in Fairfield always brought with it the annual round of graduation parties, weddings and charity events. However, this summer, in addition to the usual activities, the town was sponsoring a sock hop at the high school gym. Angela had dropped a hint to the organizers regarding entertainment and through that Tony and the Dreamtones picked up a paying gig. Angela was very grateful for this because it made Saturdays much more fun. The guys held rehearsal at the house, and she enjoyed every second of playing hostess. Mona enjoyed every second of watching Angela watch Tony; which, in Mona's opinion was just as much as she watched him in concert, namely: constantly. Knowing that Angela would as always deny any comment on such an observation, Mona just shook her head and wondered if the two of them would ever manage to get together.

The night of the sock hop arrived, and with it mixed emotions for Angela. She was happy that Tony would have a chance to shine onstage tonight, but she'd miss the guys coming over to rehearse. The thought that it wasn't rehearsal she'd miss so much as it was a chance to watch Tony sing was one she squashed before it had a chance to fully form in her mind.

Fifties attire was required, and the family did not disappoint. Sam wore a floral sundress with a full skirt; Jonathan went greaser with jeans, white t-shirt, black leather jacket and slicked back hair. Tony and the Dreamtones were adopting a scholarly look tonight by wearing red letterman sweaters with white trim. Mona took the opportunity to honor Marilyn Monroe by wearing a scoop necked, pencil skirted pink satin dress, which was accented by a long sash tied in the back allowing her plenty of opportunity to use the fabric flirtatiously.

Angela sighed as her mother came into the house to show off the dress, she wasn't surprised her mother chose this dress, she just once again wished she had a little of her mother's joie de vivre. She always felt like such a wallflower compared to her mother and tonight was no different. As she stood there in her poodle skirt, sweater, pearls and ponytail; Angela suddenly felt a little sad about the evening. The dance hadn't even started yet and she already knew she'd be watching from the sidelines instead of participating.

If Angela had known Tony's thoughts as he gazed at her, she wouldn't have judged herself so harshly; but as she was turned away from him, she didn't see the way his eyes barely acknowledged Mona's presence to continue to focus on her. He thought Angela looked, there was no other word for it; sweet. In his mind they were living out a past that never was; a past where he would be escorting his best girl to the dance tonight. It was a nice dream, one in which he could pretend that he and Angela were steadies in the fifties. They'd go to the malt shop, he'd give her his class ring to wear on a chain; ok, so it would be his college class ring, but it still worked; and she'd be there every time he and the guys were singing for a dance.

Tony hoped the surprise number he and the guys worked up for tonight would be a subtle overture to her. It hadn't been easy to rehearse this song as it could only be done when Angela wasn't around, and she was always around. He had to keep coming up with excuses to be out of the house and conduct stealth rehearsals behind Angela's back.

He looked away from Angela a little chastened, this little fantasy world of his couldn't be healthy. The only bit reality had in common with his fantasy tonight was that Angela would be at the hop. He had to accept the fact that Angela would not be arriving at the dance tonight on his arm nor would she be wearing his ring. He was so unsure of where their relationship was at the moment, he didn't dare try to push it forward. Although he was pleased, and a little surprised, by her 'show and tell' game in Washington, he didn't know if her flirting was serious, or if it was just another interlude in their long history of what he termed their 'Kiss Me, But Pretend It Never Happened' moments. He didn't know what to do; if he believed what Angela said about 'show and tell' and pursued her only to find out she didn't mean it, it could ruin everything they were trying to rebuild. The risk was too great, so he remained on the same course they had been plotting for the past seven years. It wasn't a satisfying option, but, for the most part, it had been working for them. Fortunately for Tony his thoughts were halted by the doorbell ringing, signaling the arrival of the Dreamtones and giving Tony something else to focus on.

Sam and Jonathan both saw the way Tony looked at Angela. They looked at each other, rolled their eyes and shrugged. Neither one had ever been able to fully comprehend the relationship between their parents no matter how often they discussed it, and they had discussed it often. They'd finally given up on the whole idea, but recently they'd noticed a thaw in the air around their parents. Sam had informed Jonathan about Mona's admonition to her daughter in Washington and about finding them in the same bed on the train. Jonathan was shocked by that, but not displeased; at least it was a step in the right direction. They both hoped Tony and Angela would take further steps together at the dance tonight.

At the dance Angela tried to have fun, she really did, but as she did not have a partner, dancing wasn't much of an option for her. Of course everyone there assumed Tony was her date, so no one asked her dance, no one dared challenge Tony's place at Angela's side, even if just for one dance. Jonathan did take a Stroll with her which she enjoyed very much, but she didn't want to monopolize his time tonight and encouraged him to spend time with his friends. She spent most of the evening wandering past the refreshment table and talking business with her fellow members of the establishment. Inwardly she hoped all this activity masked her heart, which had been aching all night.

Angela kept to the outskirts of the dance floor, feeling more than a little lost and alone. Tony's commitment to the Dreamtones occupied him tonight and part of her was grateful for that, she wasn't sure she could handle Tony ignoring her without the Dreamtone excuse. She was starting to feel the same way she did in high school; single, unwanted, watching the good times, but not being part of the fun. She longed to dance, to be free and lost in the arms of the man she loved. This thought only made her feel more alone as the man she loved didn't seem to care for her in the way she cared for him.

Whenever the Dreamtones took a break, Angela did her best to stay away from Tony so she wouldn't look like a schoolgirl with a crush. Sometimes she wondered if that's what she was; but always came to the conclusion that this feeling in her heart was far too strong and too long lasting to be written off in such a trivial way. The unintended consequence of her inaction was to create more uncertainty in Tony's mind. He hadn't seen her on the dance floor during any of the sets, which bothered him because he wanted her to enjoy herself. He looked for her at breaks, yet never even managed to make eye contact with her which just made him feel that she wanted to be left alone. This made him sad; as he felt she didn't even want to speak to him. He couldn't understand why she had pulled away again; his confidence regarding the upcoming performance of their surprise song was wavering.

Soon it was time for Tony to confront The Song, and his feelings for Angela. He was under no delusion that the Dreamtones didn't know for whom this song was being performed, and he was silently grateful to them for not mocking him about it. He conjured up a few thoughts of Angela and himself at their happiest moments and signaled to the Dreamtones to start singing:

"Earth angel, earth angel, will you be mine?

My darling dear, love you all the time..."

Angela felt blindsided, she'd never heard the guys rehearse this number and she found herself swept away in the hopeful thought that Tony was singing to her. Her heart skipped a beat even as she did her best to hide herself in the back of the gym; the last thing she wanted was for anyone to notice her go weak in the knees over Tony singing "Earth Angel".

"I'm just a fool, a fool in love with you..."

Angela suddenly felt foolish herself, what had she been thinking? There was no way this was some silent dedication from Tony to her. Ever since they returned from Washington she harbored the expectation that Tony would do something, say anything to move their relationship forward; but he hadn't even so much as referenced their little moment at all. The song became too much for her and she made her way out to the front of the school so no one could see her heart breaking.

This action, although it removed her from the torture of the gym, did nothing but throw her into another form of torture as from the other side of a low brick wall, she overheard a snippet of conversation being held by Joanne Parker and a new resident of the town, Claire Winsom. Joanne was taking a great deal of pleasure in imparting her years of accumulated "wisdom" concerning Tony and Angela to fresh ears.

"Yes, Angela insisted we hire her Tony and his buddies for this dance. It must be nice for their relationship for him to have some income that doesn't come from her," Joanne smirked.

Claire answered, "Relationship? Her Tony? I thought he was her housekeeper," a concept the she was having difficulty with in and of itself.

"Housekeeper," Joanne inflected with as much innuendo as she could, "has a definition all its own in that household," she dropped as though she was letting Claire in on a state secret, all the while lapping up her attention on the subject. Joanne wasn't going to let such an eager listener get away from her easily, so she continued, "he's long been the highest paid housekeeper' in town and his workload is so light he has the time to attend college."

This sealed the deal in Claire's mind, and as the two of them made their way back into the gym, without noticing Angela, Claire avidly listened to Joanne spill the details on everything presumed to go on in Angela's house, even though almost everything Joanne said was a product of her suspicious imagination.

Angela was in no mood for confrontation, and this wasn't anything she hadn't heard for the past seven years anyway, so she just let it go. She did silently scoff at the description of Tony as 'Her Tony'. There was no way he was 'Her Tony' when he was inside oblivious to anything she might be feeling and she was out here trying to escape her own feelings; which, of course, wasn't working.

Angela's thoughts were morose and turbulent. She wondered when they would stop pretending to be just best friends and define their relationship for what it truly was. Had they missed their opportunity? Was it even possible for them to stop pretending at this point or had they both become so accustomed to the way things were that it would be impossible for them to create a romantic relationship?

One thought was persistently nagging her; Sam's pronouncement on the train to Washington that since nothing had happened up to this point, why would it happen now? Try as she might, Angela couldn't get this thought out of her mind and it kept leading her to a horrible conclusion: what if she and Tony never did manage to get together? She'd always pictured that there would be a 'Someday' for them, a time in the future when they would be an actual couple.

Sam's declaration hit her with more force than she cared to acknowledge; it was the first time she had ever considered that there might never be a 'Someday' for Tony and herself. It was a thought further supported by Tony's distant behavior both during their time in Washington and since they had returned home. She couldn't understand why he was ignoring what she had considered to be a very blatant admission. Not only was he ignoring her kiss, he hadn't even mentioned the argument she'd had with Christine in the hallway; she knew he had to have heard it.

A realization was dawning in her mind and it was one she was terrified to admit to; what if he just wasn't interested? After all, didn't she have enough evidence to support that theory? Then a contradictory thought entered the fray to do battle against the previous thought; "but if he wasn't interested why did he have so much trouble trying to sleep next to me on the train?" Then she chastised herself for falling asleep on the train in the first place, they had been so close and she'd ruined the opportunity, she might never forgive herself for that. Angela was confused by, scared and unsure of her relationship with Tony; it had never been one defined by normal convention and now it seemed to be heading directly to oblivion.

Her pacing was interrupted by her mother, "Angela, why are you out here instead of inside listening to Tony serenading you?"

Angela stopped pacing to regard her mother incredulously, "He isn't singing to me, mother; and it's not likely he ever will."

"Someone is a little pessimistic tonight."

"I would call it realistic more than pessimistic. Face it, it's been almost seven years and he hasn't ever shown any interest in pursuing a more involved relationship. I thought I made things clear in Washington."

"Angela, come here, sit down; I know you don't want to hear this, but you may have to take more of the initiative. He isn't going to cross this line without a very clear signal from you."

Angela sat down, but was obviously bewildered, "how much more clear does it have to be?" she asked.

"The words 'I love you' would be bell like in their clarity."

Angela escaped from the bench and walked away from her mother; it was useless to try to hide her heart, she knew her mother knew the truth, but she wanted some privacy. "I don't know if I can say that."

"Do you love him?" Mona continued to press.

Angela hesitated and turned completely away from her mother.

Mona noted the defense tactic, but wasn't about to let her daughter slip away from this conversation that easily, "Angela, it is a simple yes or no question."

"No, it is not a simple question. There are so many differences between us."

Still, after all this time, Angela was grasping at any excuse to stay apart.

"Oh, Angela, of course there are differences, your relationship would be very boring if there weren't, and as the French say, 'vive la difference!'"

"Mother," Angela said, finally turning around, but also annoyed, of course she would turn this into a discussion about sex, "Mother, what I mean is we come from two different worlds."

"Last time I checked humanity lived on one world."

"Mother, are you deliberately ignoring everything I say?"

"Yes, dear. If you ever say anything relevant, I'll pay attention."

Angela threw her arms up in disgust.

"I'm not interested in your excuses. If you love him, tell him. If you don't, then stop pining for him."

"I most certainly do not pine for him."

"Angela, who do you think you are kidding? Honey, you can fulfill a parent's most cherished wish for their child, to love and be loved in return. You could have the proverbial head over heels love, why do you keep running away from it?" It was a question Mona had been perplexed by for years. She'd had the profound, 'ecstatic to the core of one's soul' love and all she'd ever really wanted was for her daughter to experience the same kind of love. For too long she'd watched Angela and Tony run from their feelings; sometimes she understood their hesitancy, sometimes it made her angry, they could have so much and yet they continued to live in denial.

"I'm scared," Angela admitted more freely than either she or her mother could believe.

"What are you afraid of?" Mona asked gently, she knew this wasn't an easy topic for Angela. In fact she was a little surprised Angela was even talking to her at all about the subject, so she allowed Angela to be as distant as she wanted during the discussion.

"Everything," Angela whispered.

"You're going to have to be a little more specific than that."

"I don't know; losing him, I guess."

"How do you think you could lose him?"

"It might not work."

"Angela, that's the same excuse I heard from you five years ago. You two have had five years together since then.

"Failing."

"Failing at what?"

"Us."

"Honey, there's been an 'us' for years, you two just keep denying yourselves the best part. Why, I have yet to comprehend. All you have to do is let yourselves indulge in the fun; it won't change the solid base your relationship is built upon."

"It's not that simple."

"It is. Angela, have you ever considered the possibility that you might wake up someday and regret not being completely involved with him? You may wind up regretting all the time you wasted staying apart."

Angela turned away from her mother again, that point hit a little too close for comfort. It was indeed a thought that had crossed Angela's mind every now and then; it was also a thought she quickly banished whenever it dared to even tiptoe into her mind.

Mona continued, "Do you want to remain in this relationship limbo forever? Remember what I said in Washington, Angela; men need to be told and shown. You also have to factor in Tony's insecurity."

Shocked, Angela turned around and addressed her mother, "insecurity? He's the most secure person I have ever met."

"In most instances, yes; but he's very unsure about where he stands with you. You two have some issues to resolve at some point no matter what turn your relationship takes." Mona rose from the bench and walked over to hug her daughter, "there's a choice you have to make; remain where it's safe or let yourself revel in the truth. It's a choice both of you have been running from for a long time; almost five years now, since your second anniversary."

Oh, she would have to bring that up. Angela glared at her mother, pulled away from her and once again chose to be evasive instead of confronting the heart of the matter directly, "I don't want to lose our friendship."

"You don't have to stop being friends. Angela, if you two continue in this perpetual platonic romance it's going to break apart completely at some point, there have already been fissures, need I remind you?"

"No," was Angela's vehement answer.

"I didn't think so. If you turn away from the love you are going to lose the friendship you treasure anyway."

Angela turned toward her mother, stunned, "That doesn't even make sense, mother. How?"

"It can't be sustained. You'll grow apart. I know you don't believe me, but trust me; denial only leads to repression which leads to lack of communication. Soon you two won't even be comfortable in the same room with each other."

Angela didn't believe her; growing apart from Tony was unfathomable, "that won't happen, Mother."

Exasperated, Mona decided to return to the party, but she wanted to give Angela another nudge, "Angela, remember that old saying, 'A man chases a woman until she catches him'; it's true."

Now Angela was incredulous, "Tony has never chased me, Mother."

"Angela, don't be absurd, he's been chasing you for years."

Angela didn't see what her mother was talking about, but the lens she was viewing the past through was very different from the one her mother used. It could be said that Angela was choosing to put too much focus on the most painful experiences of the past few years while her mother had the advantage of being at enough of a distance to see the whole picture. Mona saw the flirting that was so second nature to both of them at this point that they didn't even notice it to be flirting anymore. She also had the perspective of seeing Tony from an objective point of view, one not clouded by emotion. She saw the love in Tony's eyes, the hurt when they fought, and all the small gestures that Angela so took for granted that she couldn't even see them for what they were anymore.

"You're the one who is being absurd, Mother. I can't force him into a relationship."

"You don't have to force him to do anything; you just have to be honest with him. Say the words the two of you have been avoiding for so long; you'll both be so much happier." Then she used her last weapon, she appealed to Angela's romantic side, "I know he was singing "Earth Angel" to you, I saw him looking for you in the gym, and I saw the disappointment in his eyes when he didn't find you."

Angela looked to the ground and shook her head, refusing to even consider the possibility; "you're wrong, Mother. You've always projected much more into this relationship than there has ever been, and it's time you stopped."

"Oh, Angela, denial...never mind; I'm going back inside. Remember what I said, if you don't move forward, you'll lose him."

Now fed up, Mona returned to the dance. There were far too many eligible men inside for her to be wasting her time once again trying to push Tony and Angela together. She'd always thought their biggest problem was that they spent all their time pretending to be best friends when they were really so much more. She'd done everything she could for years to point this out, but they were both too obstinate for their own good. The time had come for a resolution. She knew it, the kids knew it, Angela's whole office staff knew it; but what could she do about it? This was up to the two of them. Mona idly considered how ridiculous it was to leave Tony and Angela's relationship up to Tony and Angela, they hadn't shown they'd been able to guide it so far. Wondering what she could do to put a stop to their recalcitrant behavior, she hit upon the idea of teaming up with the kids. Between the three of them, they'd figure out some way to get Tony and Angela together, after all, enough was enough.

Alone, Angela sat back down on the bench, wondering if her mother was indeed correct about losing Tony. It was incomprehensible to her; how could she lose him now after all they had been through? After all, she was correct in Washington, Tony did come back to her. Angela conveniently ignored the fact that Tony only came back because Christine dumped him; she wouldn't let herself consider what might have happened had politics not played a part. Why was her mother pinning all of this on her? Didn't Tony bear some responsibility in this as well? Wasn't it just as much up to him? Why wasn't her mother lecturing him about the situation? Angela nodded her head once in agreement with herself; she'd justified not taking any action and she was pleased with herself for this decision.

The only problem, of course, was that Tony knew nothing of this decision.

Angela sat on the bench for a long time worrying the hem of her skirt and letting romantic thoughts further justify her decision. Her heart ached for the flowers, chocolates and romance she knew Tony was capable of; in short she wanted him to be the one to make the first move. She longed for him to pursue her, to come up behind her, put his arm around her and pull her close. Was it so very wrong of her to want that? She wanted to be wooed, courted, romanced; she longed for every romantic cliché in the book. She'd spent too long being aggressive in her professional life to want to carry this trait over into her personal life. This didn't mean that she wanted to be passive, just…desired.

Then another thought nagged her, what if it wasn't that she longed to be romanced? What if the root of her problem was she just didn't have the courage to say, "I love you" to Tony? Although she was quite used to rejection in her professional life; after all, it was part of the game, there was too much at risk in her personal life. What if she did manage to say, "I love you" to Tony and he either laughed or gave her a pitying look and let her down gently? How could she manage to face him day after day? Would he leave? She couldn't bear the thought of coming home to a house without Tony in it.

The chance of losing him was too great, it was best just to push her feelings aside once again, by this time she was very adept at this tactic. It was a technique she'd employed many times before, whenever she found herself in what could be interpreted as a romantic setting. Her heart would have a rare moment of being released from the prison she usually held it in, she'd let herself actually enjoy the love she felt for Tony instead of doing her best to ignore it. Always, the moment passed, the feelings were once again smothered and locked away. Tonight was just another night in their long history of such nights. In the morning she'd cover the pain by being overly vivacious, another tactic she employed often, and pretend that tonight had just been a fun night at the high school gym.

Until the morning though, Angela still had to confront her feelings, close to tears, she came to the conclusion that if Tony wasn't interested in her enough to declare his feelings, then she wasn't going to make a fool out of herself by declaring her own. Although this decision could be deemed immature, it was the strongest decision Angela could make at this time. They'd continue on as they had been, it had worked for the last seven years, for the most part, and there was no reason to change it now, no matter what her mother said.

Angela then came to a second conclusion, that maybe she should just give up on going to dances.