A/N: This is just a short oneshot on why Jasper seems to have such a hard time controlling himself. I got the idea from a friend of mine, so thank you Isabella and your theory!
It's not my fault I did what I did, not my fault I had such a strong reaction. I could be just as...controlled as they are. It's easy enough to ignore my instinct, to stick to our 'vegetarian' diet. But it's not so easy to ignore five other demands for blood along with my own. Not easy at all.
I say five simply because Carlisle doesn't count. He started this lifestyle, has been doing it the longest, therefore he can ignore blood of any kind when it comes his way. He doesn't crave it anywhere near as much as the others. That helps but he's just one among many, and is often drowned out.
I know they don't mean to, they don't even know what they're doing, but it's near agonizing to have my own burning thirst mingled with theirs, the five extra urges to kill. The fact that Edward has such a hard time around Bella doesn't help either. He loves her, yes, but her blood calls to him, I know that. I can feel it. And to have that kind of pressure with an enhanced bloodlust...I couldn't help but welcome the excuse to attack with open arms.
Not that I hate Bella, I'm ashamed that it happened at all, but to be given such a valid reason to finally act on that insane thirst...
I'll suffice to say it was welcome.
Most of the time I try to tune in to Carlisle's emotions, he's always so...calm, mellow. It's often very relaxing when I can just focus on his emotions. But like Edward's 'power', I can't help but feel a certain emotion when it's strong enough. And the thirst for blood is definitely a strong emotion. Strong enough to make me act on it when someone gets a paper cut. That's all it takes now.
But I doubt anyone really knows why I have such trouble controlling myself –– save for Edward, who may have heard it at some point with his power. Actually, if he knows then he's probably told Carlisle, but seeing as neither has approached me about it, I go back to my previous statement. No one knows.
And I'm content to let them think it's simply because I'm the newest addition to the family, that because of my past, I struggle with this new life. Because if they knew the truth, it would hurt them. None of them would know how to help, and that would only cause distress among them.
I'm sure I'll get used to it eventually. Perhaps soon I'll be strong enough to ignore it all...
Perhaps, but there are no guarantees.
A/N: And there ya have it! n.n Leave a review and tell me whatcha thought!