(Reuploaded as saw a mistake)

I suppose this is set sometime just before Carla went to LA, so within the month after Frank raped her. It is slightly mushy, and I switch between the first, second and third person.

I wrote it whilst listening to a song called 'Radio' by Lana Del Rey, but the lyrics are from the song 'Dark Paradise' so I recommend listening to those two songs whilst reading it.

Dark Paradise

All my friends tell me I should move on

She didn't really have friends. But she knew, if she did, they would be telling her to give him up. He was married for gods sake. He had a wife and a son. A wife who adored him. A son that meant the world to him. Leanne had been her friend. 'Had';a reminiscent shadow, a fragment of the relationship they had once had. Leanne had told her to let him go, that he wasn't hers to love. But she just couldn't help it.

I'm lying in the ocean, singing your song

She was drowning. Suffocating in a self filled tank of onomatopoeias. Love and hate. Bravery and fear. Peter and Frank. She seemed to be in a never ending divide, crying rivers of tears as she relived the brutal rape Frank had forced her to endure. And singing webs of love to Peter, a man who didn't seem to be listening.

Ahhh, that's how you sing it

There were moments, brief, fleeting moments where she felt he was listening. When his touch would linger for just that moment longer that it should. When his lips were slightly too close than they should be, for friends. Those were the precious moments when she felt as though she was singing it right, when he could hear her.

Loving you forever, can't be wrong

You can't always choose who you love. Your heart decides for you. Love was a good thing right? It made the world go round, didn't they say? She laughed at how soppy and cliche that was, she didn't do soppy.

Even though you're not here, won't move on

He wasn't with her. But she felt him, all the time. When she would sink so low, that she had to pinch herself to realize she was still there, it was the promise of him, in some warped way, that brought her back up, that pumped air back into her lungs. She couldn't do it without him.

Ahhh, that's how we play it

She was learning, gradually, moment by moment that she'd just have to accept she couldn't have him, not in the way she wanted. Stolen smiles, touches that wafted over her skin; that was how they would play it.

And there's no remedy for memory of faces

His face, wonky smile, soft, brown eyes that said so much more than words could, the deep lines that adorned his face. She knew it, each and every flaw, each and every detail. Singed into her mind, and no matter how hard she tried, he was always there, a ghostly presence, his arms holding her up.

Like a melody, it won't lift my head

'It' meant so many things. That kiss, his lips pressed against hers. That embrace, the one he held so close, so tightly. She remembered each second like it was a child. She loved those moments. They drifted softly in her mind like a melody, never shifting from her thoughts.

Your soul is hunting me and telling me

Like the men of her life always seemed to do, he haunted her. Yet his soul felt so real, so close, so connect to her. Their souls silently intertwined, secretly bound together. His soul, breathing life into her, telling her to carry on, telling her he loved her, in some, powerful way that he couldn't voice.

That everything is fine

He was the only person, who managed to convince her that everything would be alright. That she would get through it, that Frank would slowly fade from her mind, that she would be loved again.

But I wish I was dead

But the moment he was gone, life wasn't worth living. Frank would always be there, his touch would always loiter on her skin. His breathe would forever sting her lips. His body would always be moments away, overpowering her, forcing her, stealing her body. She couldn't live with that. Beneath her confident, glossy front a women was slowly crumbling, being weathered away by painful memories and love that seemed to dissipate into oblivion before it was received and reciprocated.

Everytime I close my eyes It's like a dark paradise

It was magical. If she closed her eyes for long enough, she could create a beautiful heaven. Peter, holding her, his lips crushing passion, letting love seep into her through his plush kiss. He would shield her, and banish any memories of Frank from her unstable mind. But this wasn't real. It was a bittersweet wish.

No one compares to you

'No one. You are the one. You've occupied my mind for so long. You've stolen every ounce of self control I have, you've made me yearn for you, long for you. No one does that to me. I'm strong, I'm unbreakable. '

She laughs as she tells herself she is the front she holds up. She's not.

'You've proved me wrong, Peter'

I'm scared that you won't be waiting on the other side

He wasn't hers. But she'd allowed herself to believe that one day, perhaps in another life, he would be. Together, they could breathe the deepest breathes and feel the strongest pain, but with pain would come the most intense love. That was worth wishing for. But her wishes never seemed to come true. She had wished for Liam, prayed to a God she didn't believe existed that she would be with him. It hadn't worked out. What is this was the same for Peter, what is he wasn't waiting for her.

Everytime I close my eyes

It's like a dark paradise

No one compares to you

I'm scared that you won't be waiting on the other side

All my friends ask me why I stay strong

Tell 'em when you find true love it lives on

'True love.' She laughed bitterly into the night air. How many times had she been in love? Why was this so different. Was it because he seemed to know her before she'd let him. Was it because he honestly understood her? She knew she was regarded as a strong minded, cold hearted bitch, but Peter wasn't phased by that. Surely he felt his body become weightless when he was with her. She knew she did, shy prayed he did. And one day, he would tell her.

Ahhh, that's why I stay here

So she would wait. Wait for that moment. Wait if it killed her.

And there's no remedy for memory of faces

Like a melody, it won't lift my head

Your soul is hunting me and telling me

That everything is fine But I wish I was dead

Everytime I close my eyes It's like a dark paradise

No one compares to you

I'm scared that you won't be waiting on the other side

Everytime I close my eyes It's like a dark paradise

No one compares to you

But that there's no you, except in my dreams tonight,

Oh oh oh, ha ha ha

I don't wanna wake up from this tonight

Oh oh oh, ha ha ha

I don't wanna wake up from this tonight

She is laughing, uncontrollably. Yet with the laughter comes tears, her flood banks have worn out, she can't do this any longer. He isn't there. He is a shard of hope, lodged in her mind, she doesn't want to face the reality that he wont come. She fights against reality, clinging on to the warped paradise she is in.

There's no relief, I see you in my sleep

Days go by. People move on. Each breathe hurts. He doesn't leave her mind.

And everybody's rushing me, but I can feel you touching me

The factory is busy. The pub is full. Lives go on. And she is stuck, suspended in purgatory; his touch ever present, caressing her heart.

There's no release,

I feel you in my dreams

Telling me I'm fine

Everytime I close my eyes

It's like a dark paradise

No one compares to you

I'm scared that you won't be waiting on the other side

Everytime I close my eyes It's like a dark paradise

No one compares to you

But that there's no you, except in my dreams tonight,

Oh oh oh, ha ha ha

I don't wanna wake up from this tonight

Oh oh oh, ha ha ha

I don't wanna wake up from this tonight