Part II: Everyone get down and do the Monkey
(One Week Later)
Bulma was sitting at the kitchen table staring out into space. Mrs. Briefs was stirring cake batter talking about the new gossip of the rich and famous. The rumors were that Mr. Satan's wife left him for Z TV's star reporter Jimmy Firecracker. Mrs. Briefs was in the middle of a sentence when an angry short man stormed into the kitchen and began rummaging through the fridge.
"Oh Vegeta, you look so handsome. Your muscles look bigger. I can see you've been training very hard."
"Quiet woman. If you want to be useful fix me something to eat." Vegeta glanced at the table and asked, "What's wrong with that low-class daughter of yours? She hasn't brought me any food for a whole week."
"Well you see Vegeta, Bulma's upset. The Sons are having a party tonight in order to celebrate Gohan's prize winning essay, "Overcoming your Fear of Wetting the Bed." The poor girl doesn't have a date. She's embarrassed because Yamcha's got a new girlfriend. Believe it or not Krillin even has a date and he didn't have to use the dragon balls."
Bulma turned red and with her monstrous teeth barked at her mother, "How dare you discuss my personal life with that good-for-nothing loser!"
"Don't mind Bulma. She can be so rebellious."
Vegeta gave them both an "I don't give a damn" look and went back to ransacking the fridge.
"Hey, I've just come up with a great idea. Why don't you, Vegeta, take Bulma to the Sons party."
"Oh Puhleeze! I would never go out with that barbaric selfish egotistical troll."
"I would never stoop to going to a third-class Saiya-jin's house. I'd rather visit Freeza in HFIL!"
"Well...you don't have to go. But Bulma I bet you could make Yamcha jealous if you appeared with Vegeta. And you know Vegeta, Chi-Chi, Goku's wife, is an excellent cook."
Bulma and Vegeta just glared at each other for what seemed like an eternity. Bulma knew that if she went to the party without a date she'd look like a pathetic loser. HFIL, even Krillin had a date. Vegeta stomach growled. There wasn't anything in the fridge and if he wanted to eat something tonight he'd have to go to Kakarotto's house. Anyway he might learn Kakarotto's secret to becoming a Super Saiya-jin.
"Fine!"
"Fine!"
As Vegeta walked back to the gravity room, Mrs. Briefs called out to him, "I'm sure you're going to have such a fun time tonight at your brother's house."
"Kisama! For the last time onna I'm not Kakarotto's brother. When will you get that through your thick head?" Vegeta slammed the kitchen door behind him.
Bulma looked at her mom quizzically, "What's his problem? I thought all Saiya-jins were related? In fact Goku even told me that Vegeta was his brother."
*********
Son Residence (18:00)
Chi-Chi had just finished decorating a ten tier white chocolate raspberry truffle cheesecake when the door bell rang. Goku answered the door and in came a short bald man with sunglasses and a white beard wearing a yellow and blue striped zoot-suit. Besides him was a tall innocent looking girl, with dark blue hair wrapped in a red hair-tie, wearing a green dress. It was Master Roshi and.......his housekeeper Lunch.
"You guys are the first people to arrive. Master Roshi you look sharp."
"I'm glad you like it because Lunch made it for me. Anything she makes turns me on."
"It was the least I could do since you brought me to this party. I'm so excited. I can't wait till I see Tien. I think I'll go help Chi-Chi in the kitchen."
Master Roshi slipped Goku a canteen of vodka. "Here Goku I want you to spike the punch! I'll go distract Chi-Chi while you do it." Master Roshi left to go into the kitchen.
Goku cluelessly looked at the clear, odorless liquid. "Huh?....Why does Master Roshi want me to put water in the punch? I know I'll put this water in the water jug."
Two minutes later Chi-Chi stormed out of the kitchen, "That old man is so perverted! He did a chicken dance to try to seduce me. Goku, what the HFIL are you wearing? Go change now!"
Goku looked down at his pair of blue jeans and lucky orange Hawaiian shirt. "But Chi-Chi this is my favorite outfit. I almost passed my driving test in these clothes."
"They make you look like a jobless bum! Go now!"
Goku slunk back to his room with his feet dragging and head down. He returned ten minutes later wearing his Yardrat uniform. Seeing the ridiculous mismatched clothes he was wearing, Chi-Chi sighed threw her hands up in the air and walked back to the kitchen. The doorbell rang again and Goku rushed to open the door.
It was Krillin and ......a blue haired little girl with pink eyes holding some sort of Cat or Rabbit. Krillin was wearing his white suit with his famous big white hat.
"Krillin, you dog! I'm so glad you found a date. And what's your name?"
"My name is Sasami and this is my pet Ryo-Oki. Excuse me Mister, do you have any toys I could play with?"
Goku replied, "Yeah sure, there's some in the playroom. So Krillin how did you meet up with her?"
"Well.....I didn't want to show up to this party alone. So I decided to ask the first girl I saw in Japan. She's cute isn't she? But she seems more interested in playing with her Barbie Dolls. So where's the man of the hour, Gohan?"
"He's not allowed to attend the party. Chi-Chi thinks it would be more beneficial if he studied instead."
Krillin fell with his mouth open in surprise, "What! Gohan's not allowed to attend his own party? Well, I guess that's to be expected when you have Chi-Chi as a mother. I think I'll join Master Roshi and have some punch."
The bell rang again and it was Tien and........Chaozu. They went to link up with Krillin and Master Roshi at the punch bowl.
Goku was exited because almost all his friends had arrived. The bell rung once more. To his surprise it was Yamcha and......Bulma! Yamcha was wearing black pants with a long sleeved white shirt and had his hair in a mushroom cut. Bulma was wearing a red sleeveless dress with a green jacket on top.
"Hey I thought you too had broken up. It's really great to see you back together again. But how will Trunks be created?"
"What are you talking about Goku? This Marron, Krillin's former girlfriend. I think trunks are created in the underwear factory!"
"Really! I didn't know that! Well...I always knew Bulma was into machines."
"Marron looks exactly like Bulma but with a nicer personality. Every since I left Capsule Corp. I've been living at Kame House. While Krillin was looking for a date Marron came by and we hit it off."
Marron exclaimed, "You guys, did you know that Krillin is really bald?"
Goku replied, "No. I didn't know that either! I thought that he just shaved his head. Wow Marron you're almost as smart as Bulma."
Krillin seeing Marron with Yamcha dropped his glass of punch. He thought to himself, "Kuso, that's the tenth girl I've lost to Yamcha!"
Goku was happy. Everyone was finally here: Master Roshi, Lunch, Yajirobe, Puar, Tien, Chaozu, Oolong, Krillin, Sasami, Marron and Yamcha. He didn't think Bulma would come because she didn't have a date and Piccolo wasn't into the party scene. Goku decided to put some music on so everyone could dance. He played his favorite retro-song "Everybody wants Kung-Fu Fighting." He shouted out, "Hey everyone let's do the monkey!" Everyone stood still with their mouths hanging open as they watched in horror Goku, dressed in his Yardrat clothing, doing the monkey while "Kung-Fu Fighting" was playing in the background. Everyone stared at Goku, not knowing whether to tell him or not that he was making a fool of himself.
Suddenly Master Roshi, who had taken off his glasses and now was wearing a black martial arts suit, leaped on the dance floor and started to do what looked like karate kicks but he kept stumbling over. He shouted out, "I am Jackie Chung and I will use my drunken technique to crush you all. I am Jackie Chung."
Tien exclaimed, "I think Master Roshi has had a little too much punch. I guess someone must have spiked it."
Yamcha shouted, "I knew it. I knew it all along. Master Roshi really was Jackie Chung, the old man who defeated Goku in the 21st Tenkaichi Boudaki Tournament."
Goku was too preoccupied doing the monkey to notice that the doorbell had rung. Yamcha opened the door and to his shock was Bulma and .......Vegeta. Bulma looked very pretty in her yellow spaghetti strapped dress. Her shoulder length hair was held back with a yellow hair band illuminating her big turquoise eyes. Vegeta on the other hand looked almost as ridiculous as Goku dressed in his yellow pants and favorite pink "Badman" shirt. Yamcha was too shocked to say a word. How could that ill-tempered ugly prince of monkeys replace him the handsome suave strong Yamcha?
Goku, still doing the monkey, shouted out, "Hey everybody my brother Vegeta is here!" Everyone groaned. Well that was to be expected since Vegeta was responsible for the deaths of half the people in the room.
"Kisama Kakarotto! Move out of the way you weakling cat-doer (Yamcha). Where the hell is the food?" Vegeta saw Kakarotto doing the monkey while everyone still watched in disgust. He was curious about those strange movements that Kakarotto was doing. He thought to himself, "Was this the secret to becoming a Super Saiya-jin? Well since no one else in the room could perform those movements, it must be."
To everyone's shock Vegeta stepped on to the dance floor and tried to imitate Goku, while "Kung Fu Fighting" played. Krillin, meanwhile, walked up to Bulma, having no one else to talk to. "Um....Bulma. I don't know if it's a good idea for you to be dating Vegeta. He's really bad-tempered, rude, obnoxious, selfish, spoiled, egotistical, and clumsy."
"Oh Krillin I can handle myself. Besides he's kinda cute!" Krillin sweatdropped and fell down again. "Krillin, I was just kidding. I'm not dating him, we just came to the party together because he was hungry."
Krillin looked towards Vegeta's direction, "From the looks of it he came here to dance. I never knew he had this side to him."
"Well, there are a lot of things we don't know about Vegeta. Maybe he really does have a softer side." Bulma and Krillin looked at Vegeta doing the monkey and making a fool of himself and started laughing.
Meanwhile on the dance floor Vegeta thought to himself, "I can feel it. I'm so close to becoming a Super Saiya-jin. I'm sure if I do this technique every day in the gravity room for half an hour I'll become a Super Saiya-jin."
The doorbell rang once again and since the music had finished Goku ran to open the door. It was Piccolo and.....his former red-headed driving instructor. Piccolo was dressed in Goku's clothes. He was wearing a yellow postboy shirt with a long-sleeve purple shirt underneath, a pair of jeans, and a cap that said Gokuu. He looked like a home-boy from the South Side of Pepper Town.
"I'm so glad you could make it Piccolo. It's really great to see you dating."
"Well, I didn't want to look like a pathetic loser and come to party alone. So I decided to ask the only woman I know."
"But Piccolo you know me!" Bulma exclaimed.
Piccolo snorted and thought to himself, "I would never go out with a bad-tempered, rude, obnoxious, selfish, spoiled, egotistical, and clumsy woman."
Goku said, "So Piccolo why don't you try some cake?"
"No thanks Goku. I'll just help myself to the water." Piccolo poured himself a glass of water and took a sip. "Strange," he thought to himself. "There's something different about this water. It looks the same, it smells the same, but this tastes great. I should ask Chi Chi for her recipe. Since no one else is having any, I'll guess I'll have it all."
(15 minutes later)
Piccolo was hanging from the chandelier singing
Well, Gohan's mom is a bitch
A big fat bitch,
She's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world.
She's a stupid bitch
If there ever was a bitch.
She's a bitch to all the Nameks and Saiya-jins
On Mondays she's a bitch
On Tuesdays she's a bitch
On Wednesdays and Saturdays she's a bitch
And then on Sundays, just to be different,
She's a super Ka Me Ha Me Ha biiiieeetch.
Chi-Chi was too busy trying to poke Piccolo with a broom stick to notice that Gohan had come out of his room. He exclaimed, "Thanks Krillin for bringing me a date. We're having so much fun playing with Ryo-Oki."
"But Gohan she's my date."
"Krillin, you pedophile!"
"Kuso, I lost another date." But Sasami and Gohan were too busy dancing to hear Krillin swearing.
Goku exclaimed, "Hey everyone let's party Karaoke style! Let's sing about our adventures on Namek." Goku played his favorite song "Green Men Can't Rap."
Krillin's my name but everyone knows me as that bald monk
All the chicks know that I'm the king of funk
When Freeza came to call
I used my distructo disk to make his tail fall
When Goku turned up to save the day
I got killed again for being in the way
I'm Bulma Briefs
And those 3 months spent on Namek caused me a lot of grief
I lost the dragon ball in a bog
I got turned into a frog
This cute guy I met, Zarbon, was sent to hell
I was too scared to even yell
Vegeta almost killed me for the dragon ball
But I beat him up and proved that I'm the strongest one of all
Krillin: But Bulma that's not what happened. You were trembling when you saw Vegeta.
Bulma: Shut up Krillin! This is my rendition!
I built the dragon radar. I'm really smart.
But in Dragon Ball Z I really don't have much of a part.
I'm Yamcha and I'm not really a coward
I was really looking forward
To kicking Freeza's butt
But Vegeta sent me to HFIL to live with that nut
I know I could've saved the day
And Bulma by the way
Vegeta and Zarbon were really gay
Vegeta:.....What the hell are you talking about, you loser? How the hell would you know?
Krillin: Looks like Yamcha's really jealous. I think he's trying to break Bulma and Vegeta up.
Gosh, it's me Gohan
And I love Piccolo-san
I powered up and fought Freeza with all my might
But in the end my dad won the fight
When I grow up I wanna be a martial arts bum, just like my da....
Chi-Chi: One more word Gohan and I'll get really mad.
Vegeta-sama is the best
Because he has a muscular chest
He also has a lot of power
And unlike Goku he takes a shower
He is a prince with a big ego
So don't mention Kakarotto, or he'll beat you
His favorite place to hang out is the gravity room
He's even stronger than Recoome
Piccolo stumbled off the stage as everyone stared in awe with their mouths open.
Goku: When did Piccolo and Vegeta get so close? No fair, I thought Piccolo was my best friend.
Bulma: Weren't you killed in the fight with Freeza, Vegeta? Why don't you sing about your pitiful demise?
Vegeta: Grrrr.....I don't sing onna...besides I can't beat Piccolo's lyrics. (So that Namek has finally realized that I am the most powerful being in the universe. Um...I hope he knows that he's asexual.)
My name is....um...oh yeah, Son Goku!
And Ka Me Ha Me Ha is what I do
I turned into a Super Saiya-jin
Then I blasted Freeza so I could win
I thought he was dead.
Good thing that son of Veget...I mean that purple-hair dude sliced up his head
Applause was heard from the crowd. Suddenly Yamcha found himself lying on the ground with blood trickling from his nose. "What the......? Why the hell did you punch me Vegeta?"
"I felt like it! Besides Zarbon was my enemy." Yamcha rose to his feet. He wasn't going to let Vegeta get away with beating him up this time. He threw a punch at Vegeta. But Vegeta immediately ducked and Yamcha ended up punching a very drunk Namek into the cake.
"What the...? Yamcha are you trying to poison me with this foul concoction?"
Yajirobe was really pissed off. He shouted, "Piccolo save some cake for the rest of us." He stormed over to the cake and punched Piccolo in the mouth to try and prevent him from eating anymore cake. But he only succeeded in shoving more cake into his mouth.
"I guess you decided to take my advice after all Piccolo and try some cake." Piccolo then punched Goku.
Goku replied, "So you want to spar? That's fine with me. I'm getting excited."
It was not long until Vegeta, Yamcha, Tien, Chaozu, Puar, Oolong, Yajirobe, Krillin, Goku, and Piccolo were all fighting each other rolling around in a huge ball of dust. Master Roshi then stumbled in trying to use his drunken technique to beat everyone up. He ended up throwing punch on everyone. Chi-Chi, infuriated that her party had been ruined jumped in with her frying-pan and managed to hit Vegeta on the head. Vegeta decided to end this fight once and for all by killing everyone. He yelled, "Big Bang Attack!" There was a huge explosion.....
Will Vegeta succeed in killing everyone or will he fail? What will Yajirobe do now that Piccolo's eaten most of the cake? A surprise guest will make an appearance. Can you guess who he is? Stay tuned for this and more in the next part of Return Me My Bulma.
In the next installment of Return Me My Bulma, Vegeta succeeds in killing Puar. Since there is no more food, Yajirobe decides to leave. Mirai Trunks makes a guest appearance. All this and more in Part III: Grape Soda Blues
Hey boys and girls! It's Poppin' Fresh, the Pillsbury Doughboy. Today I will be hosting the 35th annual Pillsbury Bakeoff in sunny southern Sank Kingdom. Our contestants today are Son Chi-Chi from Mt. Paozu, Kino Makoto (Sailor Jupiter) from present day Tokyo, Chou Ryuuen (Nuriko) from Ancient China, and Masaki Sasami from the Planet Jurai. All this contestants were chosen for their exquisite culinary skills. They have even cooked on several occasions on some of the most popular anime shows like: Dragon Ball Z, Sailor Moon, Fushigi Yugi, and Tenchi Muyo.
We searched the entire Earth and Milky Way Galaxy to bring you the hungriest human beings and aliens to act as our judges: Son Goku from Mt. Paozu, Tsukino Usagi (Sailor Moon) from present day Tokyo, Yuki Miaka who is currently residing in Ancient China, and Piccolo Daimao Jr. (Piccolo) who is currently living in the South Pole.
The object of this competition is for each constestant to make ten bakery goods in one hour using at least one Pillsbury product. Whose ever's cooking satisfies these four hungry judges will win whatever wish they desire. On your marks! Get Set! Bake!
While our contestants are busy, let's ask them all what wish they hope to attain.
Chi-Chi: Poppin' Fresh get the hell out of my way or I'll bake you and feed you to Goku. The only thing I want is money, lots of money.
Makoto: ::::Blush:::: All I want Poppin' Fresh is a boyfriend. Did you know that you look like my old boyfriend?
Nuriko: I've always dreamed of being a girl and marrying my soul mate Hotohori-sama.
Sasami: I would like a life time supply of carrots so I can feed my pet, Ryo-Oki!
Poppin' Fresh: Let's now turn to see what our judges are doing.
Usagi: Hey you green faced oversized elf. How come you're a judge? I thought Nameks only drank water.
Usagi gave Piccolo a suspicious look.
Piccolo: For your information, you ditzy blond, any competition that Goku enters I enter.
Usagi: But Goku's a judge. He's not cooking. Since you can't eat you'll be a useless judge.
Piccolo: hmmmm....
Poppin' Fresh: Whoo Hooo! Whoo Hooo! Goku would you please stop poking my tummy?
Goku: But it's fun.
Poppin' Fresh: Whoo Hooo! Okay let's get back to our contestants. What's everyone's specialty dish?
Sasami: Ryo-Oki Carrot Cake
Nuriko: Rainbow Fruity Cake
Makoto: Usagi cookies with pink frosting
Chi-Chi: Gohan Pan (Rice Bread)
Suddenly a medium size red-headed young man with vampire teeth, wearing lots of beads, appeared.
Miaka: Tasaki, what are you doing here?
Tasaki: Isn't this a drinking competition? I came here to have all the free alcohol I could guzzle down.
Miaka: This isn't a drinking contest, it's a bake-off. I'm here to eat all the free food.
Tasaki: Nani! Well I heard that there was some Super Saiya-Gin around! It goes good with tonic.
Miaka: Goku's over there harassing Poppin Fresh.
Tasaki starts chasing Goku around and yelling, "I want Super Saiya-Gin! I want Super Saiya-Gin!"
Nuriko: Look who's joined the gay club!
All four contestants were working hastily to prepare their ten dishes. There was only fifteen minutes left. Makoto was humming "I Want Someone to Love." Sasami was singing the Meow-Meow song.
Meanwhile evil thoughts harbored in Nuriko's head. He thought to himself, "The only way to win this competition, and win Hotohori, is to sabotage Chi-Chi's food. When she's not looking, I'll add some extra-hot Habanero Peppers from Tai Itsukun's garden to her bread."
Chi-Chi's face was red from stirring so hard. That woman-wannabe Nuriko kept getting in her way. She decided to ruin Nuriko's food by putting in ancient poisonous Chinese blow-fish.
Poppin' Fresh: Times uuuuppp! And it looks like all our contestants have finished making all ten of their dishes. Wow! That means that they are forty dishes in total. I hope our judges have enough room to try each dish.
Goku, Usagi, and Miaka eyes popped out as drool came out of their mouths. They rushed to the food and began scarfing it down.
Piccolo: Disgusting!
Poppin' Fresh: This isn't an eating competition. Slow down you guys!
But in thirty seconds all the food was gone. Chi-Chi and Nuriko watched in glee as they saw Goku, Serena and Miaka stuff their mouths with Poisonous blowfish Rainbow Fruity Cake and Habanero Pepper Gohan Pan. To their horror Miaka, Serena and Goku seemed to heartily enjoy these two messed up dishes. Chi-Chi and Nuriko were surprised that no one died.
Goku: More Please!
Miaka: More Please!
Usagi: More Please!
Poppin' Fresh: Since none of these contestants were able to satisfy our judges appetites, no one wins the competition.
Sasami, Chi-Chi, Makoto, and Nuriko all fall down in disbelief.
Poppin' Fresh: Stay tuned for next year's competition when Tequila the Worm hosts the one million and fourth drinking competition. We'll have some of the most powerful and violent people in the universe, who love drinking, compete against each other in drunken stupor. There's the former lord of the Universe, Freeza, his excellency Treize Kushrenada, former sovereign of the World Nation, the Fearsome Space Pirate Ryoko, the notorious leader of the Ryuken Mountain bandits, Tasaki and the Oldest Man in the World, Master Roshi.
.
Tasaki: Yeah!!!!!!! I hope someone remembers to bring the Super Saiya-gin.
Piccolo: If Goku's going to enter, I' going to enter. Besides, I love drinking water.
(One Week Later)
Bulma was sitting at the kitchen table staring out into space. Mrs. Briefs was stirring cake batter talking about the new gossip of the rich and famous. The rumors were that Mr. Satan's wife left him for Z TV's star reporter Jimmy Firecracker. Mrs. Briefs was in the middle of a sentence when an angry short man stormed into the kitchen and began rummaging through the fridge.
"Oh Vegeta, you look so handsome. Your muscles look bigger. I can see you've been training very hard."
"Quiet woman. If you want to be useful fix me something to eat." Vegeta glanced at the table and asked, "What's wrong with that low-class daughter of yours? She hasn't brought me any food for a whole week."
"Well you see Vegeta, Bulma's upset. The Sons are having a party tonight in order to celebrate Gohan's prize winning essay, "Overcoming your Fear of Wetting the Bed." The poor girl doesn't have a date. She's embarrassed because Yamcha's got a new girlfriend. Believe it or not Krillin even has a date and he didn't have to use the dragon balls."
Bulma turned red and with her monstrous teeth barked at her mother, "How dare you discuss my personal life with that good-for-nothing loser!"
"Don't mind Bulma. She can be so rebellious."
Vegeta gave them both an "I don't give a damn" look and went back to ransacking the fridge.
"Hey, I've just come up with a great idea. Why don't you, Vegeta, take Bulma to the Sons party."
"Oh Puhleeze! I would never go out with that barbaric selfish egotistical troll."
"I would never stoop to going to a third-class Saiya-jin's house. I'd rather visit Freeza in HFIL!"
"Well...you don't have to go. But Bulma I bet you could make Yamcha jealous if you appeared with Vegeta. And you know Vegeta, Chi-Chi, Goku's wife, is an excellent cook."
Bulma and Vegeta just glared at each other for what seemed like an eternity. Bulma knew that if she went to the party without a date she'd look like a pathetic loser. HFIL, even Krillin had a date. Vegeta stomach growled. There wasn't anything in the fridge and if he wanted to eat something tonight he'd have to go to Kakarotto's house. Anyway he might learn Kakarotto's secret to becoming a Super Saiya-jin.
"Fine!"
"Fine!"
As Vegeta walked back to the gravity room, Mrs. Briefs called out to him, "I'm sure you're going to have such a fun time tonight at your brother's house."
"Kisama! For the last time onna I'm not Kakarotto's brother. When will you get that through your thick head?" Vegeta slammed the kitchen door behind him.
Bulma looked at her mom quizzically, "What's his problem? I thought all Saiya-jins were related? In fact Goku even told me that Vegeta was his brother."
*********
Son Residence (18:00)
Chi-Chi had just finished decorating a ten tier white chocolate raspberry truffle cheesecake when the door bell rang. Goku answered the door and in came a short bald man with sunglasses and a white beard wearing a yellow and blue striped zoot-suit. Besides him was a tall innocent looking girl, with dark blue hair wrapped in a red hair-tie, wearing a green dress. It was Master Roshi and.......his housekeeper Lunch.
"You guys are the first people to arrive. Master Roshi you look sharp."
"I'm glad you like it because Lunch made it for me. Anything she makes turns me on."
"It was the least I could do since you brought me to this party. I'm so excited. I can't wait till I see Tien. I think I'll go help Chi-Chi in the kitchen."
Master Roshi slipped Goku a canteen of vodka. "Here Goku I want you to spike the punch! I'll go distract Chi-Chi while you do it." Master Roshi left to go into the kitchen.
Goku cluelessly looked at the clear, odorless liquid. "Huh?....Why does Master Roshi want me to put water in the punch? I know I'll put this water in the water jug."
Two minutes later Chi-Chi stormed out of the kitchen, "That old man is so perverted! He did a chicken dance to try to seduce me. Goku, what the HFIL are you wearing? Go change now!"
Goku looked down at his pair of blue jeans and lucky orange Hawaiian shirt. "But Chi-Chi this is my favorite outfit. I almost passed my driving test in these clothes."
"They make you look like a jobless bum! Go now!"
Goku slunk back to his room with his feet dragging and head down. He returned ten minutes later wearing his Yardrat uniform. Seeing the ridiculous mismatched clothes he was wearing, Chi-Chi sighed threw her hands up in the air and walked back to the kitchen. The doorbell rang again and Goku rushed to open the door.
It was Krillin and ......a blue haired little girl with pink eyes holding some sort of Cat or Rabbit. Krillin was wearing his white suit with his famous big white hat.
"Krillin, you dog! I'm so glad you found a date. And what's your name?"
"My name is Sasami and this is my pet Ryo-Oki. Excuse me Mister, do you have any toys I could play with?"
Goku replied, "Yeah sure, there's some in the playroom. So Krillin how did you meet up with her?"
"Well.....I didn't want to show up to this party alone. So I decided to ask the first girl I saw in Japan. She's cute isn't she? But she seems more interested in playing with her Barbie Dolls. So where's the man of the hour, Gohan?"
"He's not allowed to attend the party. Chi-Chi thinks it would be more beneficial if he studied instead."
Krillin fell with his mouth open in surprise, "What! Gohan's not allowed to attend his own party? Well, I guess that's to be expected when you have Chi-Chi as a mother. I think I'll join Master Roshi and have some punch."
The bell rang again and it was Tien and........Chaozu. They went to link up with Krillin and Master Roshi at the punch bowl.
Goku was exited because almost all his friends had arrived. The bell rung once more. To his surprise it was Yamcha and......Bulma! Yamcha was wearing black pants with a long sleeved white shirt and had his hair in a mushroom cut. Bulma was wearing a red sleeveless dress with a green jacket on top.
"Hey I thought you too had broken up. It's really great to see you back together again. But how will Trunks be created?"
"What are you talking about Goku? This Marron, Krillin's former girlfriend. I think trunks are created in the underwear factory!"
"Really! I didn't know that! Well...I always knew Bulma was into machines."
"Marron looks exactly like Bulma but with a nicer personality. Every since I left Capsule Corp. I've been living at Kame House. While Krillin was looking for a date Marron came by and we hit it off."
Marron exclaimed, "You guys, did you know that Krillin is really bald?"
Goku replied, "No. I didn't know that either! I thought that he just shaved his head. Wow Marron you're almost as smart as Bulma."
Krillin seeing Marron with Yamcha dropped his glass of punch. He thought to himself, "Kuso, that's the tenth girl I've lost to Yamcha!"
Goku was happy. Everyone was finally here: Master Roshi, Lunch, Yajirobe, Puar, Tien, Chaozu, Oolong, Krillin, Sasami, Marron and Yamcha. He didn't think Bulma would come because she didn't have a date and Piccolo wasn't into the party scene. Goku decided to put some music on so everyone could dance. He played his favorite retro-song "Everybody wants Kung-Fu Fighting." He shouted out, "Hey everyone let's do the monkey!" Everyone stood still with their mouths hanging open as they watched in horror Goku, dressed in his Yardrat clothing, doing the monkey while "Kung-Fu Fighting" was playing in the background. Everyone stared at Goku, not knowing whether to tell him or not that he was making a fool of himself.
Suddenly Master Roshi, who had taken off his glasses and now was wearing a black martial arts suit, leaped on the dance floor and started to do what looked like karate kicks but he kept stumbling over. He shouted out, "I am Jackie Chung and I will use my drunken technique to crush you all. I am Jackie Chung."
Tien exclaimed, "I think Master Roshi has had a little too much punch. I guess someone must have spiked it."
Yamcha shouted, "I knew it. I knew it all along. Master Roshi really was Jackie Chung, the old man who defeated Goku in the 21st Tenkaichi Boudaki Tournament."
Goku was too preoccupied doing the monkey to notice that the doorbell had rung. Yamcha opened the door and to his shock was Bulma and .......Vegeta. Bulma looked very pretty in her yellow spaghetti strapped dress. Her shoulder length hair was held back with a yellow hair band illuminating her big turquoise eyes. Vegeta on the other hand looked almost as ridiculous as Goku dressed in his yellow pants and favorite pink "Badman" shirt. Yamcha was too shocked to say a word. How could that ill-tempered ugly prince of monkeys replace him the handsome suave strong Yamcha?
Goku, still doing the monkey, shouted out, "Hey everybody my brother Vegeta is here!" Everyone groaned. Well that was to be expected since Vegeta was responsible for the deaths of half the people in the room.
"Kisama Kakarotto! Move out of the way you weakling cat-doer (Yamcha). Where the hell is the food?" Vegeta saw Kakarotto doing the monkey while everyone still watched in disgust. He was curious about those strange movements that Kakarotto was doing. He thought to himself, "Was this the secret to becoming a Super Saiya-jin? Well since no one else in the room could perform those movements, it must be."
To everyone's shock Vegeta stepped on to the dance floor and tried to imitate Goku, while "Kung Fu Fighting" played. Krillin, meanwhile, walked up to Bulma, having no one else to talk to. "Um....Bulma. I don't know if it's a good idea for you to be dating Vegeta. He's really bad-tempered, rude, obnoxious, selfish, spoiled, egotistical, and clumsy."
"Oh Krillin I can handle myself. Besides he's kinda cute!" Krillin sweatdropped and fell down again. "Krillin, I was just kidding. I'm not dating him, we just came to the party together because he was hungry."
Krillin looked towards Vegeta's direction, "From the looks of it he came here to dance. I never knew he had this side to him."
"Well, there are a lot of things we don't know about Vegeta. Maybe he really does have a softer side." Bulma and Krillin looked at Vegeta doing the monkey and making a fool of himself and started laughing.
Meanwhile on the dance floor Vegeta thought to himself, "I can feel it. I'm so close to becoming a Super Saiya-jin. I'm sure if I do this technique every day in the gravity room for half an hour I'll become a Super Saiya-jin."
The doorbell rang once again and since the music had finished Goku ran to open the door. It was Piccolo and.....his former red-headed driving instructor. Piccolo was dressed in Goku's clothes. He was wearing a yellow postboy shirt with a long-sleeve purple shirt underneath, a pair of jeans, and a cap that said Gokuu. He looked like a home-boy from the South Side of Pepper Town.
"I'm so glad you could make it Piccolo. It's really great to see you dating."
"Well, I didn't want to look like a pathetic loser and come to party alone. So I decided to ask the only woman I know."
"But Piccolo you know me!" Bulma exclaimed.
Piccolo snorted and thought to himself, "I would never go out with a bad-tempered, rude, obnoxious, selfish, spoiled, egotistical, and clumsy woman."
Goku said, "So Piccolo why don't you try some cake?"
"No thanks Goku. I'll just help myself to the water." Piccolo poured himself a glass of water and took a sip. "Strange," he thought to himself. "There's something different about this water. It looks the same, it smells the same, but this tastes great. I should ask Chi Chi for her recipe. Since no one else is having any, I'll guess I'll have it all."
(15 minutes later)
Piccolo was hanging from the chandelier singing
Well, Gohan's mom is a bitch
A big fat bitch,
She's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world.
She's a stupid bitch
If there ever was a bitch.
She's a bitch to all the Nameks and Saiya-jins
On Mondays she's a bitch
On Tuesdays she's a bitch
On Wednesdays and Saturdays she's a bitch
And then on Sundays, just to be different,
She's a super Ka Me Ha Me Ha biiiieeetch.
Chi-Chi was too busy trying to poke Piccolo with a broom stick to notice that Gohan had come out of his room. He exclaimed, "Thanks Krillin for bringing me a date. We're having so much fun playing with Ryo-Oki."
"But Gohan she's my date."
"Krillin, you pedophile!"
"Kuso, I lost another date." But Sasami and Gohan were too busy dancing to hear Krillin swearing.
Goku exclaimed, "Hey everyone let's party Karaoke style! Let's sing about our adventures on Namek." Goku played his favorite song "Green Men Can't Rap."
Krillin's my name but everyone knows me as that bald monk
All the chicks know that I'm the king of funk
When Freeza came to call
I used my distructo disk to make his tail fall
When Goku turned up to save the day
I got killed again for being in the way
I'm Bulma Briefs
And those 3 months spent on Namek caused me a lot of grief
I lost the dragon ball in a bog
I got turned into a frog
This cute guy I met, Zarbon, was sent to hell
I was too scared to even yell
Vegeta almost killed me for the dragon ball
But I beat him up and proved that I'm the strongest one of all
Krillin: But Bulma that's not what happened. You were trembling when you saw Vegeta.
Bulma: Shut up Krillin! This is my rendition!
I built the dragon radar. I'm really smart.
But in Dragon Ball Z I really don't have much of a part.
I'm Yamcha and I'm not really a coward
I was really looking forward
To kicking Freeza's butt
But Vegeta sent me to HFIL to live with that nut
I know I could've saved the day
And Bulma by the way
Vegeta and Zarbon were really gay
Vegeta:.....What the hell are you talking about, you loser? How the hell would you know?
Krillin: Looks like Yamcha's really jealous. I think he's trying to break Bulma and Vegeta up.
Gosh, it's me Gohan
And I love Piccolo-san
I powered up and fought Freeza with all my might
But in the end my dad won the fight
When I grow up I wanna be a martial arts bum, just like my da....
Chi-Chi: One more word Gohan and I'll get really mad.
Vegeta-sama is the best
Because he has a muscular chest
He also has a lot of power
And unlike Goku he takes a shower
He is a prince with a big ego
So don't mention Kakarotto, or he'll beat you
His favorite place to hang out is the gravity room
He's even stronger than Recoome
Piccolo stumbled off the stage as everyone stared in awe with their mouths open.
Goku: When did Piccolo and Vegeta get so close? No fair, I thought Piccolo was my best friend.
Bulma: Weren't you killed in the fight with Freeza, Vegeta? Why don't you sing about your pitiful demise?
Vegeta: Grrrr.....I don't sing onna...besides I can't beat Piccolo's lyrics. (So that Namek has finally realized that I am the most powerful being in the universe. Um...I hope he knows that he's asexual.)
My name is....um...oh yeah, Son Goku!
And Ka Me Ha Me Ha is what I do
I turned into a Super Saiya-jin
Then I blasted Freeza so I could win
I thought he was dead.
Good thing that son of Veget...I mean that purple-hair dude sliced up his head
Applause was heard from the crowd. Suddenly Yamcha found himself lying on the ground with blood trickling from his nose. "What the......? Why the hell did you punch me Vegeta?"
"I felt like it! Besides Zarbon was my enemy." Yamcha rose to his feet. He wasn't going to let Vegeta get away with beating him up this time. He threw a punch at Vegeta. But Vegeta immediately ducked and Yamcha ended up punching a very drunk Namek into the cake.
"What the...? Yamcha are you trying to poison me with this foul concoction?"
Yajirobe was really pissed off. He shouted, "Piccolo save some cake for the rest of us." He stormed over to the cake and punched Piccolo in the mouth to try and prevent him from eating anymore cake. But he only succeeded in shoving more cake into his mouth.
"I guess you decided to take my advice after all Piccolo and try some cake." Piccolo then punched Goku.
Goku replied, "So you want to spar? That's fine with me. I'm getting excited."
It was not long until Vegeta, Yamcha, Tien, Chaozu, Puar, Oolong, Yajirobe, Krillin, Goku, and Piccolo were all fighting each other rolling around in a huge ball of dust. Master Roshi then stumbled in trying to use his drunken technique to beat everyone up. He ended up throwing punch on everyone. Chi-Chi, infuriated that her party had been ruined jumped in with her frying-pan and managed to hit Vegeta on the head. Vegeta decided to end this fight once and for all by killing everyone. He yelled, "Big Bang Attack!" There was a huge explosion.....
Will Vegeta succeed in killing everyone or will he fail? What will Yajirobe do now that Piccolo's eaten most of the cake? A surprise guest will make an appearance. Can you guess who he is? Stay tuned for this and more in the next part of Return Me My Bulma.
In the next installment of Return Me My Bulma, Vegeta succeeds in killing Puar. Since there is no more food, Yajirobe decides to leave. Mirai Trunks makes a guest appearance. All this and more in Part III: Grape Soda Blues
Hey boys and girls! It's Poppin' Fresh, the Pillsbury Doughboy. Today I will be hosting the 35th annual Pillsbury Bakeoff in sunny southern Sank Kingdom. Our contestants today are Son Chi-Chi from Mt. Paozu, Kino Makoto (Sailor Jupiter) from present day Tokyo, Chou Ryuuen (Nuriko) from Ancient China, and Masaki Sasami from the Planet Jurai. All this contestants were chosen for their exquisite culinary skills. They have even cooked on several occasions on some of the most popular anime shows like: Dragon Ball Z, Sailor Moon, Fushigi Yugi, and Tenchi Muyo.
We searched the entire Earth and Milky Way Galaxy to bring you the hungriest human beings and aliens to act as our judges: Son Goku from Mt. Paozu, Tsukino Usagi (Sailor Moon) from present day Tokyo, Yuki Miaka who is currently residing in Ancient China, and Piccolo Daimao Jr. (Piccolo) who is currently living in the South Pole.
The object of this competition is for each constestant to make ten bakery goods in one hour using at least one Pillsbury product. Whose ever's cooking satisfies these four hungry judges will win whatever wish they desire. On your marks! Get Set! Bake!
While our contestants are busy, let's ask them all what wish they hope to attain.
Chi-Chi: Poppin' Fresh get the hell out of my way or I'll bake you and feed you to Goku. The only thing I want is money, lots of money.
Makoto: ::::Blush:::: All I want Poppin' Fresh is a boyfriend. Did you know that you look like my old boyfriend?
Nuriko: I've always dreamed of being a girl and marrying my soul mate Hotohori-sama.
Sasami: I would like a life time supply of carrots so I can feed my pet, Ryo-Oki!
Poppin' Fresh: Let's now turn to see what our judges are doing.
Usagi: Hey you green faced oversized elf. How come you're a judge? I thought Nameks only drank water.
Usagi gave Piccolo a suspicious look.
Piccolo: For your information, you ditzy blond, any competition that Goku enters I enter.
Usagi: But Goku's a judge. He's not cooking. Since you can't eat you'll be a useless judge.
Piccolo: hmmmm....
Poppin' Fresh: Whoo Hooo! Whoo Hooo! Goku would you please stop poking my tummy?
Goku: But it's fun.
Poppin' Fresh: Whoo Hooo! Okay let's get back to our contestants. What's everyone's specialty dish?
Sasami: Ryo-Oki Carrot Cake
Nuriko: Rainbow Fruity Cake
Makoto: Usagi cookies with pink frosting
Chi-Chi: Gohan Pan (Rice Bread)
Suddenly a medium size red-headed young man with vampire teeth, wearing lots of beads, appeared.
Miaka: Tasaki, what are you doing here?
Tasaki: Isn't this a drinking competition? I came here to have all the free alcohol I could guzzle down.
Miaka: This isn't a drinking contest, it's a bake-off. I'm here to eat all the free food.
Tasaki: Nani! Well I heard that there was some Super Saiya-Gin around! It goes good with tonic.
Miaka: Goku's over there harassing Poppin Fresh.
Tasaki starts chasing Goku around and yelling, "I want Super Saiya-Gin! I want Super Saiya-Gin!"
Nuriko: Look who's joined the gay club!
All four contestants were working hastily to prepare their ten dishes. There was only fifteen minutes left. Makoto was humming "I Want Someone to Love." Sasami was singing the Meow-Meow song.
Meanwhile evil thoughts harbored in Nuriko's head. He thought to himself, "The only way to win this competition, and win Hotohori, is to sabotage Chi-Chi's food. When she's not looking, I'll add some extra-hot Habanero Peppers from Tai Itsukun's garden to her bread."
Chi-Chi's face was red from stirring so hard. That woman-wannabe Nuriko kept getting in her way. She decided to ruin Nuriko's food by putting in ancient poisonous Chinese blow-fish.
Poppin' Fresh: Times uuuuppp! And it looks like all our contestants have finished making all ten of their dishes. Wow! That means that they are forty dishes in total. I hope our judges have enough room to try each dish.
Goku, Usagi, and Miaka eyes popped out as drool came out of their mouths. They rushed to the food and began scarfing it down.
Piccolo: Disgusting!
Poppin' Fresh: This isn't an eating competition. Slow down you guys!
But in thirty seconds all the food was gone. Chi-Chi and Nuriko watched in glee as they saw Goku, Serena and Miaka stuff their mouths with Poisonous blowfish Rainbow Fruity Cake and Habanero Pepper Gohan Pan. To their horror Miaka, Serena and Goku seemed to heartily enjoy these two messed up dishes. Chi-Chi and Nuriko were surprised that no one died.
Goku: More Please!
Miaka: More Please!
Usagi: More Please!
Poppin' Fresh: Since none of these contestants were able to satisfy our judges appetites, no one wins the competition.
Sasami, Chi-Chi, Makoto, and Nuriko all fall down in disbelief.
Poppin' Fresh: Stay tuned for next year's competition when Tequila the Worm hosts the one million and fourth drinking competition. We'll have some of the most powerful and violent people in the universe, who love drinking, compete against each other in drunken stupor. There's the former lord of the Universe, Freeza, his excellency Treize Kushrenada, former sovereign of the World Nation, the Fearsome Space Pirate Ryoko, the notorious leader of the Ryuken Mountain bandits, Tasaki and the Oldest Man in the World, Master Roshi.
.
Tasaki: Yeah!!!!!!! I hope someone remembers to bring the Super Saiya-gin.
Piccolo: If Goku's going to enter, I' going to enter. Besides, I love drinking water.