[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer
Age of Edward Contest
MyTwiDreams
On An Island With You
Type of Edward: German Immigrant Edward
Literotica
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[A/N] Please, see bottom note for translations. Thanks to Sofia for being my beta angel.
**On An Island With You**
Ellis Island
August 11th 1903
The air around me is terribly sticky, a disgusting combination of old sweat and salty seawater. During the last weeks the sea had constantly been the only thing I had smelled, and I don't like it one tiny bit more than to the beginning of our journey. Maybe if my poor stomach hadn't reacted so terribly to the awful shaking of the ship underneath my feet I could have gotten used to it, at least to a certain extent.
I would never again set as much as one toe on a ship as long as I would live. Well, after we manage to get off of this Island.
Grass, I missed the scent of fresh cut grass so badly. Hopefully there would be lots of that in Pennsylvania where we were going to move in a few weeks time.
My throat is dry and I swallow a bit of the lukewarm water from the bottle between my hands. I'm so tired and have lost all count of time because I can't see the window from where we are sitting. Was it already getting dark outside? How long would this whole procedure take? They already made us wait on the goddamn ship for over two days before we were allowed to set foot on the Island. There are too many people here, too many desperate souls, too many hungry mouths to feed…
Would they send us back? No, they wouldn't do that. Would they?
"Eduard, hör endlich auf dich am Kopf zu kratzen. Die Leute werden noch denken du hättest die Läuse."
I cringe and drop my hands, shoving them into the pockets of my trousers while my little cousin next to me starts tapping her feet against my chair. She's only six and my parents have taken her in after her parents hadn't survived a Typhus epidemic during the last winter. As if we needed another mouth to feed, I think bitterly. Marie is a dear child though. A bit too curious maybe, but that was just part of her lively nature.
"Mir ist langweilig. Sind wir nicht bald mal dran?"
"Pssst! Sei still, Kleines. Es dauert sicher nicht mehr lange." My mother assures her, whispering because she doesn't want to wake up father. His mood isn't the best since we left home, and I wonder if he's already regretting his decision to come here. We have sold the farm and everything of the little we owned to pay for the passage and when they wouldn't allow us to immigrate we had nothing to go back to.
I lift the little one up, deciding to take her outside for a few minutes. Hopefully that would distract her a bit. She's getting grumpy and I feel like I have to do something about that.
Outside I inhale the chilly air, wondering how it would be like to breathe without the scent of the sea in it. It's enough to make me nauseous because it instantly reminds me of the horrible time on the ship. I stare up into the sky that's a strange mixture of purples and black. Maybe they don't have any stars here, do they?
I take a few steps backwards until I stumble against someone behind me. I put the little one down and turn around in order to apologize but when I see her my mouth opens and closes several times without any sound coming out of it.
She's beautiful, although the word beautiful sounds almost like an insult to how gorgeous she looks to me.
Her hair is a dark brown color and in the dim light here it sort of has a reddish tint in it. She's tiny, her head reaching about the height of my chest. Her lips are full and although she's a bit thinner than she probably should be her body is still curvy around her hips.
Stop starring at her…
She smiles at me and my insides melt. Crap, I'm not going to be sick again, am I?
Dear God, don't let me throw up in front of her, I bet she wouldn't appreciate that as a compliment.
Say something. Say something right now…
Slowly she kneels down in front of Marie and starts talking to her in a language I don't understand. It doesn't sound like English, and I actually don't care what she speaks because her voice itself sounds like music in my ears.
Suddenly, a dark-haired man with a moustache appears out of nowhere and pulls her with him by her arm although she tries to protest. When she's gone I remain standing where I am, unable to move, unwilling to move. Maybe she would come back if I waited.
Why should she want to come back? You didn't even talk to her, you idiot.
We return back inside, facing my elder brother who's arguing with father whose face is forced into a hard, reddened mask.
"I said NO and that's my last word about this."
"I'm going to marry her whether you like the thought or not."
"None of my sons are going to marry a Catholic. I won't allow it."
"I'm marrying Rosalie or I'm not going to marry at all."
"Fine, then you'll die a bachelor if that's what you want, son."
"Eduard, dear, please. Maybe he has fallen in love with…,"
"Fallen in love…what kind of nonsense is that supposed to be? He can fall out of it right now. There are going to be enough girls in the German settlement in Pennsylvania."
"I want no other but Rosalie. Are you going to grasp that or not? I love her. I promised her. I…I…,"
"You won't speak to me in that tone ever again! Are we clear about that, son?"
Emmett inhales sharply between his teeth and when he speaks up again his voice is trembling because he tries so much to keep it down.
"She is going to be my wife."
"Over my dead body."
He turns away and I follow Emmett outside, keeping him from punching his fists against the walls. If he cripples himself they won't allow us to stay. Who needs cripples that can't work properly?
"He's so thickheaded, so terribly thickheaded and old-fashioned."
"You didn't actually expect him to give you his blessing for this marriage, did you? Christ, how would that look like if you showed up in the settlement with a Catholic bride?"
Speak of the devil and…
Rosalie wraps her arms around him from behind and I have to turn my head to the side while he kisses her directly on the mouth. She's a very beautiful girl that much I have to give my brother credit for. But unfortunately she is terribly vain and arrogant, although her father is poor as a church mouse. Back home a big dowry counted way more than a pretty face and maybe the old Haller was hoping that she would snag a rich husband over here.
Too bad she ran right into Emmett's arms during the first day on Sea…
"Look, I don't have much time. My family is already waiting for me. This is the address where we are going to stay in town."
"They changed your name to Hale?"
"Father is furious about that but there isn't much he can do. Have you spoken to yours already?"
"He's not exactly pleased."
"Emmett, you gave me your word. You promised me."
He cups her face between both of his hands and I feel my cheeks getting hot when he kisses her mouth with parted lips, over and over again.
"You will be my wife. Never doubt that."
She sighs and hands him a wrinkled handkerchief before she walks around the corner of the building.
"You shouldn't make a promise if you aren't going to keep it. Our father will never agree to this, never."
"Eduard, in case you didn't know this, it is actually possible to get married without his consent. I have to marry her. It's the only right thing to do."
I lean over and whisper nervously into his ear.
"Is…is…she going to have a child?"
"Maybe," he mumbles and somehow his voice sounds a bit too smug to me. So, the noble Miss Haller, aka Miss Hale, hadn't been too noble to lift her skirts for my not-so-noble brother. While I was spending most of the time on the ship on my knees to throw up the tiny bit of food I had managed to force down my sore throat, the lucky fucker that my brother was had spent his obviously between the blonde girl's legs.
"She let you…I mean the two of you have…I mean you did..?"
"Keep your mouth shut about it."
"But how was it like?" I ask him curiously.
"I think you should better try it yourself to make a judgment. If you are lucky, the girls in the Settlement won't be very choosey."
"Did you feel different afterwards?"
"Not really. Just very…very relaxed, but you'll understand that better when you have done it yourself."
With whom would I ever want to do it? I think of the little brunette from earlier and a moment later I can feel myself getting hard in my trousers.
Stop that right now…
When we return back inside mother and father are already talking to a very strict looking Officer. Her face is chalky pale, but I know she's not sick, just horribly nervous to do something wrong.
His face turns into a frown when she hands him the documents. I touch the bulgy, little scar on my left upper arm; a constant reminder of the inevitable smallpox vaccination we all had to get before we came here.
"All right then. The doctor will take a quick look at you and the rest of the family now." The Officer murmurs tiredly before handing mother the papers back.
The blonde haired doctor is friendly and gives Marie a red candy cane after pressing his stethoscope against her tiny chest. He is the first nice person we've met here and somehow he makes this place seem like a calm, secure Island without all the chaos and quarrel around us. I try to read his name tag but it takes me forever to decipher the unfamiliar letters.
Then he takes a look at my hands and my hair, probably looking for lice. He doesn't find any and although the doctor criticizes that I'm too thin, the officer eventually puts a stamp on our papers.
I watch fascinated how another officer writes down the Americanized visions of my family's name.
Marie becomes Mary and my mother's name, Elisabeth, is turned into Elizabeth.
"Now, what are we going to do with you?" The officer murmurs, handing me a sheet of paper. "You know how to read, boy. Don't you?"
I nod my head and stare down at the little jagged letters. Of course, I know how to read. What I can't read are these strange English letters…
"Stupid alphabets… give that back to me. See, this is your new name, boy. From now on you are going to be Edward."
XXXXX
"Aeedwaaard."
There is something about the way Emmett keeps saying my new name that makes me want to punch him straight in his guts or preferably his constantly grinning face.
He told father that he's not coming with us to Pennsylvania. Now mother is constantly crying and praying, while father has decided not to speak one single word with his first-born anymore. When they have to tell each other something they use me as if I was some sort of human Telegram.
Tell your brother…
Tell our father…
I can't endure it any longer and so I spent a big amount of my days wondering through the streets. There is no grass, just dirt and mud but at least the sky is a perfect cloudless blue at most times.
My fingers move over the rounded engine hood of an automobile, admiring the polished steel. I wonder how fast this thing is actually goes…I then see a pair of dark brown eyes reflecting in the metal and raise my head so fast that the movement makes me feel dizzy for a moment.
"That's a beautiful car."
"Yes," I croak out, hating that my voice is trembling so nervously.
"Is that yours?"
I shake my head and circle my hand over the front wheel.
"I wished."
"Too bad…I've never ridden in such a car before. It would have been fun."
"Most likely."
She sucks her lower lip between a pair of tiny pearly-white front teeth and twists a small wisp of her hair around her slim fingers. Her hair does have a red undertone in it and it looks lovely against her pale skin.
"What's your name, Miss?" I ask her after clearing my throat loudly.
"Isabella Swan. But you may call me Bella. And what should I call you?"
"Eduard, I mean…Edward. My new name is Edward. I'm just getting used to it."
"Oh, I see. I like your name, Edward."
I like the way you say it, Isabella Swan…
"The hero in my book is called Edward as well. Maybe that's why I like it a great deal."
Her mouth curls into a smile and my knees turn weak while my insides tingle as if I had accidentally swallowed a bunch of bees that now are humming against my stomach walls.
"Edward, are you well?"
"Hmm, yes, I'm fine." At least I think I'm fine.
What the hell is wrong with me? It's like I can't think properly when she's next to me.
She grants me another smile, and I lean back against the car to support myself from falling over.
"Get your paws off of my car!"
I shrug back, and when I feel Bella's dainty hand on my bare forearm my face turns into a bright crimson color.
"Don't ever touch my car again, you moron. It costs more than you'd make in a year. Treat others property with a bit more respect. Are we clear about that?"
"Yes, Sir."
He smirks and lifts his hat up for a split second while Bella makes the laziest attempt of a curtsy I have ever seen.
"Pleasure to see you again, Miss Swan."
"Mr. Hunter. I hope you're having a good day."
With that she pulls me with her and I have to strain myself to keep up with her rushed steps.
"Such a horrible person."
"If you don't like him why are you talking to him?"
A deep sigh leaves her mouth and I feel more than a bit sorry when she drops her hand from my arm. I like her touching me.
"I have to, sort of. James is my dad's boss. It's a good thing he's already married to Miss Victoria. If not he'd be a very persistent admirer."
"I see. So, you are assuming that this…James has somehow inappropriate designs on you?"
"If you'd like to put it like that, the answer is yes."
"Does your father know?"
"He's furious about it but he needs to keep his job. He's too sick to do factory work and the Immigration Office pays him not badly for all the translation stuff he's doing."
"You're Italian, aren't you?"
"Venetian."
Is there a difference?
"How's it like in Italy?"
"I don't know. I've never been there. My parents came here when my mother was expecting me. I was born in New York." She kneels down and plugs a tiny daisy flower from the ground, crumbling its petals between her fingertips. "Is your family going to stay here in New York?"
"No, we're going to move to Pennsylvania. My father is just waiting for my brother to come back to his senses."
"What's wrong with him?" she asks sitting down on a wooden bench. For a moment I hesitate before I pluck down next to her, so close that my left thigh is touching the fabric of her dress.
"You are going to wrinkle my skirt."
"Oh God, I'm so very sorry about that."
My face turns red to the roots of my auburn hair, and I try to hide it by bending forward and rubbing some dirt from my shoes with my thumb.
"No harm done. Are you going to tell me what's wrong with your brother or is that a secret?"
"It's not. Well, he's determined to marry this girl and our father is not really approving of his choice."
"Does he love her?"
"He's pretty crazy over her. So, I guess, that means he's in love with Rosalie."
"But your father doesn't like her. I wonder why that is. Did she do something to anger him?"
"No. Father has barely spoken more than two words to her. He doesn't want her as his in-law because she's a Catholic."
"Does it matter to your brother that she's one?"
I think he actually likes the fact. He has told me that they have this thing called shrift, and when they confess all their sins to one of their priests each of them will be forgiven. Maybe that makes it easier for them to sin and my brother surely liked sinning with her a lot.
"Edward?"
"No, I don't think it matters to Emmett."
"Would it matter to you?" she asks me and somehow there's a hint of worry in her light voice that I don't like.
"No…yes, I don't know. I've never really thought about it before. I never really liked a girl enough to think about her religion." I murmur, wiping my sweating hands on my shirt.
"I think that's sad, kind of."
"That I don't think about a girl's religious orientation?"
"No, that's not what I meant. I think it's sad that you've never liked a girl enough to care."
She reaches out her hand putting a wisp of my untamable hair between two fingers to turn it around and around.
"Your hair reminds me of freshly polished pennies. It's brown…but red like copper when the sunlight reflects in it. I've never seen such a color before."
XXXXX
Lying in my bed at night, I'm finding it hard to find sleep and that's weird because this is the first time in forever that Emmett isn't snoring in the bed next to me. He's gone and mother and father still haven't returned from the Hale's although it is way past midnight by now. I don't understand for what reason father has decided to talk to Rosalie's parents about the wedding. Of course, they want them to get married now that it's starting to show that my brother indeed got her thick. The chances of marrying her off to some rich moron have vanished into dust.
I think about Bella and while tossing my hands through my hair I imagine my fingertips being hers. It's difficult to get her out of my head and each time I picture her beautiful heart shaped face in front of my inner eye the unfamiliar, almost painful tingling in my stomach returns, getting stronger the more I try to ignore it. Her lower lip is a bit uneven and too full to match her upper one perfectly and I wonder how that would feel like to run my tongue gently over both of them. Would they be soft? I bet they'd taste sweet like ripe apples.
My dick stiffens at the thought, and after a moment of hesitation I lower my right hand underneath the blanket and close my fingers around my hard shaft.
Doing this is so wrong, I try to remind myself. I know this but yet when my thumb smears the tiny drop of moisture around my tip I groan between gritted teeth because the sensation is so overwhelming.
In my mind I see Bella's long hair falling down her bare shoulder and I push it behind her ears before I cup the soft mounds of her breasts in my hands to squeeze them gently. Would she like it if I touched her like that? Would she ever allow me to touch her like that?
The tempo of my movement on my dick increase and I whimper against my pillow while my hand glides up and down and then back again. A moment later my release makes my entire body shudder followed by the unpleasant slimy stickiness pouring down my fingertips.
After wiping it off I instantly turn to the side and touch my spine, trying to feel if it is still intact. It seems unharmed and I'm incredibly relieved about that. Maybe father was wrong when he told me it's going to cripple my back if I keep touching myself. He made it clear that God is not approving of acts like that and he punishes those that continue committing sins like that with horrible sicknesses.
"Eduard, we're back!"
Like every time, when I've been almost caught doing something forbidden, I quickly grab the bible from the table and pretend to read it very fervently.
"See? You should take your brother for an example. Instead of bringing shame over this family with this impossible girl, he studies the Holy Word like a good Christian should do it."
"I read the bible too, father."
"I may be old but as far as I remember reading the bible doesn't result in girls getting into trouble. But enough of that now...what's done is done. Both of you should go to bed now. Tomorrow is going to be a long day, son."
Their church is beautiful. That fact is undeniable when we enter it around noon on the next day. I've never seen so much crystal and gold ornaments at once, and I wonder how the catholic church can be so rich if so many of its Catholics are so poor.
My collar is too tight and terribly itchy. Combine that with the incense scented air, makes me feel dizzy. The priest talks long and his voice has an unbearable nasal tone in it. He speaks of hell and condemnation while my brother stands in front of him, grinning so much that I'm sure it must be hurting his ears.
I know that he's not afraid of the hell. Maybe because for some reason he's convinced that Rosalie is his angel and I guess hell is easier to endure when you have an angel to keep your company.
Love makes people blind and the blinds are vulnerable. My brother is not going to come with us when we take the train to Pennsylvania tomorrow. He and Rose are going to stay here and though I don't know how the thought of factory work can be appealing, I somehow understand that there is no way he could live in the Settlement with a catholic wife. People gossip a lot and Rosalie is too eye-catching to blend in.
When the ceremony is finally over I snag a bottle of beer from the table after stuffing a piece of apple pie between my lips. Mother is crying and rocking Marie back and forth on her lap. It's difficult to see her eldest getting married to a woman she doesn't approve of. I will never do that to her.
Taking the first sip of the beer I realize that it's lukewarm and bitter. No clue what the fuss everyone has with alcohol. It doesn't hold much temptation to me what probably is a good thing. At least one sin, I'm not going to commit in the future.
I sit down and lean back against the cold wall behind me, closing my eyes while I take another gulp of the beer.
"Can I have some?"
The sound of her light voice sends an instant wave of warm straight to my stomach or is that the beer. My eyes fall open and I blink once, twice into her beautiful face. Today her long hair is pulled back into a strict braid falling down her back. I like it better when she wears it open…
"Can I have some of your beer? I always wanted to try that."
I hand her the bottle when she sits down next to me and when my fingertips accidentally touch against hers another wave of heat rushes through me.
Oh no, that's not the stupid beer, that's her, just her.
Her snub nose wrinkles in disgust after sipping hesitantly on the beer before she hands the bottle back to me. I circle my thumb over the bottle neck while I keep my eyes on of her pouty lips. If I kissed her now would she let me?
"Big day for your brother, isn't it? I've seen your sister-in-law during the church service last Sunday. She's a beauty."
"Yes, she's very pretty."
"I like her blonde hair. It looks like gold. Men seem to like women with lighter hair."
"I prefer brunettes." I mumble and without considering the consequences of my actions I reach out my hand and put a rebellious curl of her chestnut brown hair that keeps falling down her forehead behind her ear.
My face is sure as hell red again now but there isn't much I can do about that. Her own cheeks flame too and the color looks so incredible lovely against her pale skin.
"Maybe you'll find a pretty dark-haired girl in Pennsylvania."
"I don't know. I don't even know if I want to. There is no way anyone could be prettier to me than you are, Bella."
"You think I am pretty?"
"Yes," I whisper, leaning a bit closer to her. My mouth is so close to hers now that I can feel her breath on my lips. I can smell the faint hint of the beer both of us had and then eventually ever-so-lightly her lower lip touches against mine.
And it's so soft.
And it's so warm.
My insides tingle and I wrap my arms around her narrow waist to pull her closer against me until she's eventually sitting on my lap. Her mouth moves against mine, while we try to find the same rhythm.
My traitorous dick instantly reacts to it when her velvety tongue glides into my mouth. I taste the beer, I taste something sweeter than sugar cane and I groan against her quivering lips.
I send a silent prayer to the heaven's above that she's not going to notice that I'm hard underneath her. She sure wouldn't like that too much, or would she?
"I have to go now," she murmurs, pulling back from our embrace way too soon for my liking. I want her to stay in my arms. I stare after her when she walks off and something cramps painfully in my chest. Her boots leave little marks on the dusty ground and I follow them until she notices my steps behind her and turns around abruptly.
"Are you following me?"
"No, I just wanted to make sure you make it home safe."
Her mouth curves into a smile and I want to kiss the dimples in her cheeks so very badly. I don't do it though, but instead I take her hand and blow a tender kiss over knuckles.
"May I walk you home, Miss Swan?"
She nods her head and loops her right arm through my left one. Even through the fabric of my shirt the warmth of her skin so close to mine feels divine.
When we reach the house where she and her father live I'm more than sad to let go of it. I want to keep her close, so close.
"It looks as if he's not home yet. That's a good thing. He doesn't like it when I don't have dinner ready when he returns from work."
"Men get a bit grumpy when they are hungry. That's what my mother always says."
"Your mother seems like a smart woman to me. I wished I would have known mine. She died of a fever just a week after I was born. Must have been hard for my father, I guess."
"Well, he got you that must have been a great comfort for him."
"I think he'd rather have a son," she murmurs, picking up a sheet of paper from the crowded kitchen table. "He's at the Police Station to translate for some poor moron that got caught stealing coal. I don't think he'll be back any time soon."
She walks over to the stove and stirs some ingredients around in a huge pot before she puts a bit of the stew on the wooden spoon and lifts it to my mouth.
"Try."
I burn my tongue on the hot food but I figure out that I like it a great deal. It tastes of tomatoes and some herbs that I don't have names for.
"It's delicious. What's the green stuff in it?"
"That's Basil."
I sit down on the edge of a small bed and try to calm my tensed nerves by taking several deep breaths through my opened mouth.
"Are you going to kiss me again?" She whispered, kneeling down in front of me. I don't answer her verbally, but I wrap my arms around her neck and touch my lips against hers very slowly.
This time I dare to explore the wet warmth of her mouth with my tongue and the suppressed whimpering sounds that keep falling from her lips. Somehow, in a wondrously way, her sounds make my dick twitch in my pants. I'm so hard and in an attempt to get some sort of relieving friction, I rub myself against her hipbone when I pull her on top of me.
"Edward."
I roll over to the side, taking her with me. It feels so good to rock my hips against hers, but I force myself to stop midway because I'm not sure if she's okay with that.
"I'm sorry…I just…I can't think properly when I'm with you."
"Maybe I don't want you to think right now."
She takes my hand and guides it to her left breast, and when my fingers start squeezing it gently its peak hardens against my flat palm. With my other hand I start unbuttoning her blouse, caressing each inch of her skin I'm exposing to me eyes. It feels so warm and sweaty, and most of all so heavenly soft. Nothing on earth could ever feel better to me than her naked flesh under my fingertips.
"You're so beautiful," I whisper breathlessly when the cotton of her chemise falls down to the ground next to us. Her breasts are small but that's probably a result of her being a bit too thin. Isn't she getting enough food?
The rosy color of her pebbled nipples looks pale against my tongue when I swirl it around first one, then the other before suckling it into my mouth. She groans and fists her hands into my hair, tugging on it a bit before her hands move down my chest. When she slides one of them underneath my shirt and circles it over my bare skin I feel the muscles in my stomach tightening almost painfully.
"Does that feel okay for you? I don't really know how to touch a man."
I kiss her mouth again, teasing her tongue with the tip of mine while gliding my fingers down her ribcage. Right underneath her belly button I stop and start drawing lazy circles over her flat abdomen.
The truth is that I'm nervous and chicken somehow. I don't want to do anything wrong. For the first time in forever I'm starting to regret it that I never paid close attention when Emmett used to speak about that sort of stuff. Asking father would be pointless. Fleshly sins are the probably the worst kind of sin in his opinion.
I feel her dainty hand rubbing over the rough material of my trousers. My dick twitches against her fingertips and the moisture that is pouring from its head soaks the fabric of my underwear.
I hiss through my teeth in order to suppress a loud moan in my throat.
"Did I hurt you? Oh God, I'm so sorry, Edward."
"No…oh…you're not hurting me. It feels good. Don't stop, please."
Her fingers fumble the buttons of my trousers. Once they're undone, I lean my sweat covered forehead against her bare chest when she hesitantly wraps her hand around my throbbing shaft.
I cover her fingers with mine and our joined fingers move up and down my entire length. Having her touching me there feels so completely better than doing it myself. I feel the tension building not only in my dick but also in my legs, my stomach and all over my body. With a groan I climax into her hand.
For a moment she stares down at the pearly white liquid that's now running down her fingertips. Then she stands up from the bed and pours some water from a jug over her hands, washing them carefully with a piece of soak before she returns.
"Does that happen every time?"
"Umm…kind of."
"Men are strange creatures."
"So are women."
My mouth glides down her collarbone, suckling the flesh there between my front teeth. Her skin tastes sweet and salty against my tongue as I lift her skirt with both of my hands. The inside of her thighs are smooth like silk and when I move my fingers higher their tips touch against damp curls of coarse hair.
"Oh…oh…wooo…oh…"
I kiss her lips tenderly and dip one of my fingers between the slick folds of her womanhood. She's soaked in warm essence and her groans against my neck increase when I run my finger up and down her wetness.
"Higher…just a bit higher…yes…just like that…oh God…oh yes!"
I rub my thumb slowly over a tiny hardened nub above her entrance, while carefully inserting my middle finger about an inch inside of her. She whimpers, and eventually I dare to move my finger deeper inside her tight warmth, only stopping when I reach her inner barrier. I don't want to cause her pain and so I pull back a bit, focusing my attention on her ragged breathing while I desperately hope my fingers touching her like this will bring her pleasure. Oh, all the pleasures I want to give her. Oh, Bella…my sweet Bella…
Another loud moan escapes her lips and then her body starts trembling in my arms. Her hips buck up against my hand and her insides clench around my finger over and over again.
"Are you alright?" I ask her worriedly, when I notice a single teardrop running down her cheekbone.
"I'm more than alright. That was amazing. I'll never forget that."
"I'll never forget you."
"That's what you're saying now. But when you're in Pennsylvania, you'll find a nice Mennonite girl and then you won't be thinking much about me anymore."
"I will always think about you."
I kiss her forehead and her closed eyelids while my hands stroke down her back in small circles.
"Ich liebe dich." I whisper, helping her to close the buttons of her blouse again. Our entire clothing is crumpled and so is my heart when I think about not ever seeing her again after tomorrow.
She's so precious to me. I don't want to lose her. I don't want to lose her to anyone else. An image of her in a plain white dress with flowers in her long hair appears in my head. The bitterness of jealousy fills my heart when I imagine some faceless dark-haired man standing next to her in front of the unfriendly priest. I don't want to lose her.
My fingers twist around one of her curls and I try to memorize the countless shades of red in the brown as good as I can.
Suddenly she stands up from the bed and pulls a rusty pair of scissors out of a drawer. She cuts a streak of her beautiful hair off and wraps a tiny bow around it before she hands it to me with trembling fingers.
"Here, I want you to have a memory of me."
"Bella, please don't cry now. I can't endure to see you upset."
"You have to go, Edward. My father will be back pretty soon and I guess your family is already waiting for you."
Then she returns to the stove and continues stirring around in the pot while her shoulders shake and dry sobs reach my ears.
"Bella…"
"Leave! Just go! Go, Edward!"
XXXXX
I turn the curl of her hair between my fingers and keep starring at it until my eyes feel too heavy to stay awake any longer. In my restless dream I see Bella and her pretty face is red from crying. It hurts me to know that I'm the source of her pain. When I wake up my body is covered in cold sweat and - although I know it's a sign of weakness - a truly, unmanly I sob silently against my pillow until my mother knocks on my door, reminding me that it's time to get up.
Father's mood is not very good this morning. He's worried that the two of us won't be able to get all the work on the farm done without Emmett's help. My brother is going to leave a gap that won't be easy to fill. At least he'll be happy, I think while loading another suitcase up the train. The small curl of chestnut hair is now hidden on the backside of my grandfather's pocket watch. These two are the only thing I own that hold any sort of value for me.
Emmett hugs mother and plants a kiss on Marie's nose before he lifts her up to me. The little one is so twitchy today and I don't have the nerves to handle her now, so I tell her to go inside the train and play with her doll.
"You look almost as pissed as father." My brother states while wrapping his arm protectively over his blonde wife. There is some sort of glow in Rosalie's face that has nothing to do with her physical beauty. Maybe that's something that comes from being truly happy. His left hand moves over her slightly rounded midsection and another grin appears on Emmett's face. I think he's going to be a good father to the baby.
"I'm just tired…kind of. Look, Rosalie, I wanted ask you a favor."
She seems puzzled but quickly nods her head in agreement.
"What do you need from me?"
"When you go to church next Sunday…could you…well, I actually don't know if she's going to be there but in case she does…could you…give this letter to…,"
I stop midsentence, the words somehow stuck in my throat while I rub my eyes in order to make sure I'm not dreaming again.
Her brown eyes are a bit puffy, not that it makes them any bit less beautiful to me. The pale purple stripes on her cream colored dress match the little blossom of lilac she's put into her hair.
She opens her mouth but no sound comes out of it while she waves her gloved hand at me. My knees turn weak underneath me and my stomach hurts when I think that this is the last time I'm going to see her.
The train starts moving forward slowly until her small figure starts to blur in front of my eyes. Then, I jump from the platform and my mother cries out in horror.
"Oh Gott, Junge, was machst du denn nur? Spring wieder auf, nun mach schon!"
"Es tut mir leid, Mutter!" I turn around to walk back to the station. My left knee hurts because I landed too abruptly on it, but I try to ignore the throbbing pain.
"Are you completely crazy? You could have killed yourself!" Bella hisses at me before wrapping her arms around me. She's crying and laughing at the very same time while she keeps showering my face with countless kisses.
"You stupid, stupid, boy…I don't know why I like you this much."
"It's enough that I know I love you." I whisper, cupping her face in my hand to pull her face closer to mine. Her full mouth is soft against mine and somehow it feels like coming home.
#######
"Eduard, hör endlich auf dich am Kopf zu kratzen. Die Leute werden noch denken du hättest die Läuse."
"Stop scratching your head. People are going to think you got lice."
"Mir ist langweilig. Sind wir nicht bald mal dran?"
"I'm bored. Is it not our turn soon now?"
"Pssst! Sei still, Kleines. Es dauert sicher nicht mehr lange."
"Be quiet, little one. It's not going to take long anymore."
"Ich liebe dich."
"I love you."
"Oh Gott, Junge, was machst du denn nur? Spring wieder auf, nun mach schon!"
"Oh my God, what are you doing, boy? Get back on, do it now!"
"Es tut mir leid, Mutter."
"I'm sorry, mother."