An Alternate Ch. 27
or: In Yo' Face, Snape!!!
A/N: Okay, like you, whoever is reading my fanfic, I have read all the Harry Potter books I could get a hold of and I am an enormous fan. But I must say, I was disappointed with the first half of Ch.27 "Padfoot Returns" in HP4. I think Harry and Co. could've had a bit of fun in that scene in Potions class. So, I'm writing what I think should have happened.
Disclaimer: I do not, in this dimension, own Harry Potter or any of the other characters in this story.
(My story starts right as Snape starts to read Rita Sketter's article)
The Slytherins howled with laughter as Snape opened the magazine and proceeded to read the article. But for once, Harry had had enough of being the butt of their jokes. Putting on a gigantic smile, Harry decided to let his sense of humour handle the situation.
'A boy like no other perhaps...' Snape read, facing the Slytherins. With his back to the Gryffindors, he couldn't see Harry grinning behind his back and making gestures of fake modesty.
'Harry Potter thought he had found solace in his steady girlfriend at Hogwarts, Muggle-born Hermione Granger...' Harry put his arm around a scarlet-faced Hermione and nodded happily toward the Gryffindors. Dean Thomas and Seamus Finnigan started to snigger behind their hands. With the whole of the Slytherins in hysterics, Snape was still oblivious to the other half of the class.
'Since the arrival at Hogwarts of Viktor Krum, Bulgarian Seeker and hero of the last World Quidditch Cup, Miss Granger has been toying with both boys' affections...' As Snape said these words, Harry frowned at Hermione and took his arm off of her shoulders. He then proceeded to give her "the evil eye". The Gryffindors were now the ones laughing heartily. A few of the Slytherins had noticed Harry's pantomimes and were scowling disapprovingly at their rivals. Snape, however still hadn't noticed because Draco Malfoy, Pansy Parkinson and Gang were still screeching like hyenas and diverting his attention.
'Harry Potter's well-wishers must hope that, next time, he bestows his heart upon a worthier candidate. How very touching.' Snape said, finishing the article. He turned around expecting to see a very embarrassed Harry and Hermione. What he saw instead made him frown. Sure, Hermione was embarrassed enough; she had her face buried in her hands but one could tell she was blushing like mad: even her ears were pink. Harry, however, having just heard Snape address him at the end of he article, stopped glaring at Hermione like he was trying to burn a hole through her and turned to face Snape with an expressionless innocent face.
Snape, suspecting Harry's joking, frowned and said, 'I suppose your heartache is the reason you find you can't pay attention in my class?'
Harry, looking back at Snape with a sober expression, answered, 'Yes, sir.' Beginning to put on a hurt face, Harry sniffed twice and continued, 'She broke my heart.' Except for a few low snickers from the Slytherins, the class was now silent; listening to Harry's reply. Harry turned to face Hermione who had raised her head when he had started to speak.
'Bitch.' Harry said calmly. Snape, Draco, and Pansy's mouth dropped open as the rest of the class screamed with laughter. Hermione gasped and stared at Harry, shocked. What had he just said??!?
Harry grinned and winked at Hermione to join the joke. Snape, furious, said in a deadly voice, 'Sit in the front of the room. Now.'
Harry obligingly got out of his seat. As he did so, he continued in a loud, heartbroken voice, 'Good idea Professor. I don't think I can be around her...just now.' And Harry started to walk dejectedly toward the front of the room.
Hermione, finally getting over her shock and embarrassment, took her cue, and said loudly, 'Now Harry, don't be like that. You know we can still be friends.'
Harry, who had reached an empty desk at the front of the room, slammed his books down on the desk, turned and snorted. 'Ha! Friends! Like I could ever be just friends with you!'
'Please Harry, you're making a scene,' Hermione said calmly, amid the howls of the other students, 'look, if it makes you feel better, you can walk me to my next class.'
Harry considered this. Then said in a tiny, hopeful voice, 'Really?'
Hermione smiled warmly, 'Sure.' and proceeded with her potion. Snape who was speechless with fury glared at Harry and Hermione.
Suddenly Ron, who had been quiet for the last few moments, fidgeted in his chair. He tapped Hermione on the shoulder.
'Um, Hermione...'
'Yes, Ron. You may walk me to class too.' Hermione said without looking up. Ron grinned broadly, and set happily back to work.
Unfortunately, Snape had found his voice at last. 'SHUT UP!!!' He shouted. 'FIFTY POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR! IF ANYONE IN THIS ROOM SO MUCH AS SMILES AGAIN, I'LL MAKE IT ONE HUNDRED!!!' Needless to say, the dungeon was silent from then on. The class was only interrupted once more, this time by Professor Karkaroff who had a rather interesting conversation with Professor Snape (you all who have read HP4 know what take was, so I'll skip it).
After class, as Harry, Ron and Hermione were walking out into the hallway outside the dungeon, they were congadulated by many fellow Gryffindors, and even a good-humoured Slytherin or two. Pansy Parkinson and Draco Malfoy however were not as pleased.
'Cute Hermione, very cute.' Pansy said nastily. 'Cuter than your face anyway.'
Hermione whirled around to face Pansy. 'You want to know what you're problem is? You're jealous because, how shall I put it? That this ugly, brainy, mudblood,' here she shot Malfoy an angry look, 'has got the two most famous teen- wizards in the wizarding realm at my beck and call-'
'Hey!' Harry interrupted, insulted.
Hermione ignored him. '-and all you have is that Slytherin snake and his pets Dweedeldum and Dweedeldummer.'
Pansy and Malfoy both looked so angry, their teeth were about to scrape the floor. Crabbe and Goyel, however, looked confused as another literature-based insult flew right over their heads.
And with the last laugh in their pockets, Harry and Ron continued to walk Hermione out of the dungeon's hallway, and toward their next classes.
(And from here the rest of Ch. 27 picks up!)
End Note: Okay! Waddaya think? I know it's kinda weird and pointless, but what can I say? The Fred and George Weasley inside of me just couldn't allow a humourous opportunity like that get away. Reviews are more than welcome, but easy on the flames k? This is my first attempt at a fanfic and I burn easily!
Sherbet Lemons and Cockroach Clusters!
~'@~Lizzy~'@~
A/N # 2: Okay, I actually wrote this a long time ago but never got around to posting it. I really don't like it that much, I'm just posting it now so I can thank everyone who responded to "Ron Weasley: The Boy Who Lived" in this author's note. You guys are the greatest! Anyways, I just got back from a week long camping trip where, alas, I did not have time to write chapter 2. Plus, school started today so, eekkk!, I have homework to worry about too! But I promise I will keep writing "R.W." So until then, um you can review THIS if you want. I know it sucks. Go ahead and flame if you want, I won't be offened this time. Cheers!