Disclaimer: If you recognize it, I don't own it.
Chapter 1
I would do anything for Spinner Mason. I knew that and it scared me. The beginning of our relationship was fun--going to the movies, to parties, everywhere. But after our one-year anniversary, things got intense--both emotionally and physically. Spinner was demanding. One look at another boy and I was cheating on him. If I wasn't home to answer the phone when he called, he was suspicious. Physically, Spinner and I stopped going places. It was always to his house, my house, or someone's party.
It stopped being fun. But I loved Spinner. Every night we'd talk past midnight. And he'd always end the conversation by saying, "Paige, do you love me?"
I'd reply, "Of course I love you."
"Say it," he'd demand.
"I love you," I'd say.
And that would be that--the phone would go dead. Sometimes I wondered if he could say the same to me. Did he love me? Sometimes I wondered if he loved me. But I didn't say anything, of course. I loved Spinner. I wanted to marry Spinner. I wanted to take my relationship with Spinner as far as it could go.
That wasn't even the scary part. The scary part was that I was so connected to Spinner that it hardly seemed like we were two people anymore. He hurt, I hurt. He cried, I cried. Sometimes I got really sick of it.
But every night he reminded me of how much I loved him. Just not WHY I loved him.
~*~
"Jimmy's having a house party Friday night," Spinner informed me the next day in school. "I told him we're coming."
"Spin!" I shrieked. "I can't come on Friday!"
"Why not?" snapped Spinner, offended.
I sighed, "Spin, you know that's Hazel's birthday. Terri, and I are having a girl's night for her. I'm sorry, but I can't possibly back out for Jimmy's party."
Spinner was silent for a while. Finally, he asked very softly, "What about me? What about our plans? Paige, you love me."
"I love you," I agreed, "but Hazel and Terri are my best friends. I can't-- "
Spinner grabbed me by my shoulders and shoved me up against a locker. Carefully, he hissed, "I am your goddamned best friend. You're coming with me to Jimmy's party or we're through. You hear that? Through!"
I scanned the hallway frantically, hoping no one would see Spinner treating me like this. It was just a fight, but someone who didn't know us might think that he was hurting me. Or that he always treated me like this. Which wasn't true.
"You'd better rethink who your friends are, Paige. Or you might find yourself down one." Spinner let go of me and walked away.
I collapsed on the ground in sobs.
~*~
It was Hazel who found me in the hallway first. The late bell had already rung and I was still crouched on the floor, trying desperately to silence my sobs. I couldn't imagine losing Spinner. I loved him too much. It was all my fault.
"Paige!" cried Hazel, rushing down the hallway. She ran to me and said, "Paige, what's going on?"
I sniffed and wiped my eyes. "N-nothing. Nothing. Everything's perfect. It's just. . .you know me, over-reactor extraordinaire. Spin and I had a fight."
"Aw, no," sighed Hazel. "C'mon, let's go to the bathroom and talk, k?"
"That's not necessary," I insisted. "Really. I'm fine. We'd better get to class."
Hazel grabbed my wrist. "Uh-uh. You're out here in the hallway crying. . .something must be wrong. Now, c'mon, we'll go talk about it."
"I just need to find Spin and apologize to him for being such a jerk."
"So what exactly did you do?" asked Hazel, as we headed down the hallway towards the girl's bathroom.
"Look, Haze, I know it's your it's your birthday on Friday, but I'm so sorry. . . I completely forgot that Spin and I already made plans for that night."
"Well back out!" demanded Hazel. "Just explain the situation to Spinner. He'll understand. And if he doesn't. . .screw him. Right?"
"No!" I snapped. "Haze. . .it's not that easy. I made Spinner feel like I don't love him. I need to show him how much that isn't true."
"So what about me, huh?" asked Hazel. "What about my birthday?"
"Hazel, don't be like that!" I cried. "Spinner already told me that if I break our plans, then we're through."
"Well," said Hazel. "I'm sorry to give you such an ultimatum. . .but if you'd prefer to be with Spinner, then there's not much I can do. On Friday night, it's him or me. Him or me. . .him or me and Terri." Hazel stalked off, her black hair swishing behind her. She turned around and finished with, "But, Paige. . .if you decided to ditch me. . .it won't be too long before I take your place."
"Haze!" I shouted. "Haze, don't be like that!"
The door to the classroom in front of me opened and Mr. Simpson stepped out. "Paige, is there a problem?" he asked.
I shook my head. "No, Mr. Simpson."
"Then why aren't you in class?"
"I. . .I. . .I don't know." I shook my head again and walked down the hallway. I didn't feel much like going to class. I wanted to be at home, curled up in front of the TV. But I had to apologize to Spinner. And I had to somehow make things right with Hazel. Her birthday, however, was out of the question. I was going to Jimmy's party. I had to.
~*~
Spinner was sitting at our usual table with JT, Hazel, and Terri. Jimmy and Craig used to sit with us, but then a lot of things happened. Marco sat with Ellie and Ash, especially after coming out to Spinner. Then Jimmy got pissed at Spin for being such a jerk to Marco, and he switched tables. Craig did so mostly because of Ash and Jimmy, his girlfriend and his best friend. So JT started sitting with us, to even out the testosterone- estrogen thing. I have to admit, lunch was fun at a table with JT, Hazel, and Spinner. But then Terri decided to sit with us, because she had a huge crush on Spinner.
It was all so complicated.
I noticed one thing that I didn't like. Terri was sitting in my usual seat beside Spinner, and some kid JT's age--I think he was called Toby or something--was sitting in the only other available seat.
"Okay," I said, upon arriving at the table, "someone's gotta move."
"Uh, why?" asked Spinner.
"'Cause I'm going to a certain part of Jimmy's on Friday night," I told him, smiling, and expecting him to tell Terri to move her butt.
"How do you know you're still invited?" he asked.
I practically keeled over. Normally, Hazel would've come to my defense, telling him to stop being such a jerk. . .but I totally alienated her this morning. "Spin, I'm sorry. I love you, and only you. And you're my best friend. I was wrong to ever think differently."
"Good," said Spinner. "I'll have an hour to think about whether I'm going to accept to back or not. Now why don't you go sit over there by yourself and think about how you're going to stop yourself from being such a bitch next time."
I couldn't believe what he was saying. "Spin!"
The whole table cracked up. Spinner said, "Either that, or you can go sit with my kid-sister and listen to them yak about their dumb chess club."
I sighed and walked to a table by myself, where I was forced to remain for the duration of the lunch period. But I didn't care. I'd sit alone at lunch for the rest of my life, if only to prove to Spinner how much I cared for and needed him.
After an hour of torture, JT came up to me and said, "Spinner has decided to take you back--but he would like you to know that things may never be the same again. And he also would like you to know that it's all your fault."
I walked up to Spinner and kissed him on the cheek. "I love you, baby, I'm never going to be a bitch again. I promise."
"I know you love me," said Spinner.
Notice: he didn't say, "I love you too."
~*~
Chapter 1
I would do anything for Spinner Mason. I knew that and it scared me. The beginning of our relationship was fun--going to the movies, to parties, everywhere. But after our one-year anniversary, things got intense--both emotionally and physically. Spinner was demanding. One look at another boy and I was cheating on him. If I wasn't home to answer the phone when he called, he was suspicious. Physically, Spinner and I stopped going places. It was always to his house, my house, or someone's party.
It stopped being fun. But I loved Spinner. Every night we'd talk past midnight. And he'd always end the conversation by saying, "Paige, do you love me?"
I'd reply, "Of course I love you."
"Say it," he'd demand.
"I love you," I'd say.
And that would be that--the phone would go dead. Sometimes I wondered if he could say the same to me. Did he love me? Sometimes I wondered if he loved me. But I didn't say anything, of course. I loved Spinner. I wanted to marry Spinner. I wanted to take my relationship with Spinner as far as it could go.
That wasn't even the scary part. The scary part was that I was so connected to Spinner that it hardly seemed like we were two people anymore. He hurt, I hurt. He cried, I cried. Sometimes I got really sick of it.
But every night he reminded me of how much I loved him. Just not WHY I loved him.
~*~
"Jimmy's having a house party Friday night," Spinner informed me the next day in school. "I told him we're coming."
"Spin!" I shrieked. "I can't come on Friday!"
"Why not?" snapped Spinner, offended.
I sighed, "Spin, you know that's Hazel's birthday. Terri, and I are having a girl's night for her. I'm sorry, but I can't possibly back out for Jimmy's party."
Spinner was silent for a while. Finally, he asked very softly, "What about me? What about our plans? Paige, you love me."
"I love you," I agreed, "but Hazel and Terri are my best friends. I can't-- "
Spinner grabbed me by my shoulders and shoved me up against a locker. Carefully, he hissed, "I am your goddamned best friend. You're coming with me to Jimmy's party or we're through. You hear that? Through!"
I scanned the hallway frantically, hoping no one would see Spinner treating me like this. It was just a fight, but someone who didn't know us might think that he was hurting me. Or that he always treated me like this. Which wasn't true.
"You'd better rethink who your friends are, Paige. Or you might find yourself down one." Spinner let go of me and walked away.
I collapsed on the ground in sobs.
~*~
It was Hazel who found me in the hallway first. The late bell had already rung and I was still crouched on the floor, trying desperately to silence my sobs. I couldn't imagine losing Spinner. I loved him too much. It was all my fault.
"Paige!" cried Hazel, rushing down the hallway. She ran to me and said, "Paige, what's going on?"
I sniffed and wiped my eyes. "N-nothing. Nothing. Everything's perfect. It's just. . .you know me, over-reactor extraordinaire. Spin and I had a fight."
"Aw, no," sighed Hazel. "C'mon, let's go to the bathroom and talk, k?"
"That's not necessary," I insisted. "Really. I'm fine. We'd better get to class."
Hazel grabbed my wrist. "Uh-uh. You're out here in the hallway crying. . .something must be wrong. Now, c'mon, we'll go talk about it."
"I just need to find Spin and apologize to him for being such a jerk."
"So what exactly did you do?" asked Hazel, as we headed down the hallway towards the girl's bathroom.
"Look, Haze, I know it's your it's your birthday on Friday, but I'm so sorry. . . I completely forgot that Spin and I already made plans for that night."
"Well back out!" demanded Hazel. "Just explain the situation to Spinner. He'll understand. And if he doesn't. . .screw him. Right?"
"No!" I snapped. "Haze. . .it's not that easy. I made Spinner feel like I don't love him. I need to show him how much that isn't true."
"So what about me, huh?" asked Hazel. "What about my birthday?"
"Hazel, don't be like that!" I cried. "Spinner already told me that if I break our plans, then we're through."
"Well," said Hazel. "I'm sorry to give you such an ultimatum. . .but if you'd prefer to be with Spinner, then there's not much I can do. On Friday night, it's him or me. Him or me. . .him or me and Terri." Hazel stalked off, her black hair swishing behind her. She turned around and finished with, "But, Paige. . .if you decided to ditch me. . .it won't be too long before I take your place."
"Haze!" I shouted. "Haze, don't be like that!"
The door to the classroom in front of me opened and Mr. Simpson stepped out. "Paige, is there a problem?" he asked.
I shook my head. "No, Mr. Simpson."
"Then why aren't you in class?"
"I. . .I. . .I don't know." I shook my head again and walked down the hallway. I didn't feel much like going to class. I wanted to be at home, curled up in front of the TV. But I had to apologize to Spinner. And I had to somehow make things right with Hazel. Her birthday, however, was out of the question. I was going to Jimmy's party. I had to.
~*~
Spinner was sitting at our usual table with JT, Hazel, and Terri. Jimmy and Craig used to sit with us, but then a lot of things happened. Marco sat with Ellie and Ash, especially after coming out to Spinner. Then Jimmy got pissed at Spin for being such a jerk to Marco, and he switched tables. Craig did so mostly because of Ash and Jimmy, his girlfriend and his best friend. So JT started sitting with us, to even out the testosterone- estrogen thing. I have to admit, lunch was fun at a table with JT, Hazel, and Spinner. But then Terri decided to sit with us, because she had a huge crush on Spinner.
It was all so complicated.
I noticed one thing that I didn't like. Terri was sitting in my usual seat beside Spinner, and some kid JT's age--I think he was called Toby or something--was sitting in the only other available seat.
"Okay," I said, upon arriving at the table, "someone's gotta move."
"Uh, why?" asked Spinner.
"'Cause I'm going to a certain part of Jimmy's on Friday night," I told him, smiling, and expecting him to tell Terri to move her butt.
"How do you know you're still invited?" he asked.
I practically keeled over. Normally, Hazel would've come to my defense, telling him to stop being such a jerk. . .but I totally alienated her this morning. "Spin, I'm sorry. I love you, and only you. And you're my best friend. I was wrong to ever think differently."
"Good," said Spinner. "I'll have an hour to think about whether I'm going to accept to back or not. Now why don't you go sit over there by yourself and think about how you're going to stop yourself from being such a bitch next time."
I couldn't believe what he was saying. "Spin!"
The whole table cracked up. Spinner said, "Either that, or you can go sit with my kid-sister and listen to them yak about their dumb chess club."
I sighed and walked to a table by myself, where I was forced to remain for the duration of the lunch period. But I didn't care. I'd sit alone at lunch for the rest of my life, if only to prove to Spinner how much I cared for and needed him.
After an hour of torture, JT came up to me and said, "Spinner has decided to take you back--but he would like you to know that things may never be the same again. And he also would like you to know that it's all your fault."
I walked up to Spinner and kissed him on the cheek. "I love you, baby, I'm never going to be a bitch again. I promise."
"I know you love me," said Spinner.
Notice: he didn't say, "I love you too."
~*~