The Lingerie Experimentation Chapter One 2/27/13

Chapter One: Dave's Situation

Buzzzzzz...

"Ugh. Not now. I'm sleeping." Sollux placed his phone back on the nightstand and covered himself completely with the blanket, only the tops of his candy corn horns sticking out. He enjoyed these new earth beds. No slime, no mess, no problem.

Buzzzzzz...

"I said not now." He sneaked a look at the screen. Of course. It just had to be him. Sollux picked up the phone, deciding to let his annoyance be known. "What the fuck do you want Strider? I trying to sleep, so make it quick."

"Lose the tone, lispy, and come help me. I'm in a bit of a situation here."

"Where's your brother? Get him to help you. I'm going back to bed."

"Wai-," Click. "Sollux? You better not have hung up! Sollux? SOLLUX!" Dave threw his phone down on the bed, and sat down on the edge. He put his head in his hands, smoothing his hair back, but carefully enough to avoid knocking off his shades. He always wore his shades. Ironically, of course. Kind of like the ladies' lingerie he was wearing. Totally ironic. It wasn't his fault he had no idea how to undo and get out of anything. It wasn't cool to think ahead.

Dave reached his arm around his back, contorting it in ways men were never meant to contort their arms, desperately trying to reach the bra strap. Damn it! There's no way I'll live this down if I get bro to help me. This is beyond the meaning of the word uncool. This is...lame. Oh God. No. Bro can never know.

Panicking, -just ever so much more than, well, a lot-Dave decided to stick his head out of the door to see if Bro had come back yet. Bro had left about an hour ago to go to the "grocery store". Yeah, right. More like a certain video store because he was too embarrassed that someone might see his pay-per-view queue. When he saw nothing, Dave quickly shut the door and locked it, then ran over to the window and locked that too before shutting the blinds.

Buzzzzzz...

"Come on, please pick up. Plea-Urrghhh. Fucking voicemail." Dave pleaded with his phone as he redialed the number, pressing the green button. He tried again, and again, until the fourth try, he finally heard something other than voicemail. Dave jumped at his chance. "Sollux! Please, just hear me out okay? I'm sorry I called you 'lispy' just please, get over here and help me. I'm stuck in this shit, okay? I'm fucking stuck."

"Uhhhh...Dave?" Oh Shit. That's not Sollux. Bro must have called just when he pressed the green button to dial. He cleared his throat, and mentally tried to get his mid in order. Once he had regained his cool-somewhat-the blonde boy decided he would just have to go ahead and face his Bro...or at least talk to him.

"Hello?Hello...Dave?Dave?DAVE!"

"Yeah, what? What the fuck do you want Bro? I'm in the middle of some serious shit right now, man. You're interrupting, you nosy assmonkey, now get the hell off my phone before I rip off your monkey tail and hang you from the roof with it." I'm not going to be able to move after he comes home. I'm going to get the living shit beat out of me. Fuck.

"Well I guess that means you don't want any apple juice from the store then, asshole." Click. At least Bro had finally hung up. Dave dialed the moody troll's number again, this time very aware of any outgoing or incoming calls that might hinder his progress. Progress in what? You're a shitty narrator. You can't even come up with a better word than progress? Shut up, Dave. Little teenage hormonal bastard. Bitch. Can I get back to the story now? Thank you. Or would you prefer to be in a bra and garters for the rest of your life? Right. On the story...

Buzzzzzz...

"No. Not again. Not a-fucking-gain. I'm not doing it. I'm not...Damn it." A clawed hand reached out from underneath the blankets for a second time before noon that day. This was unacceptable. Sollux turned on the screen to reveal three missed calls, and another contact being attempted.

AN: I'm sorry the chapter's so short, but I'm tired and going to bed. Maybe I'll upload another one tomorrow or something. No promises. Please review. Criticism is welcome, just please be gentle. Goodnight, everyone. I hope that those of you who read this enjoyed it.