Disclaimer: Set in the Marvel Universe with their version of mutants. No financial or material profit intended or expected. This is a The Common People (TCP) story, a genre originating with Kielle and Phil Foster.
I Always Cry at Weddings
by Persephone
I always cry at weddings.
What a cliché, huh? It's true for me, though. Every time. I even cry at a lot of weddings I don't even attend. Not to mention funerals.
You see, at a wedding, at least in my experience, there's always at least one person who feels like crying. It doesn't matter if they actually go ahead and cry or just are on the verge of tears, and it doesn't matter if it's from joy or sorrow or just... just significance, I guess. I'll cry.
We figured out a while back that I'm a mutant, you see, and --
No, I'm not depressed about it! That's actually what I'm trying to explain. I know you're new in town, and a counselor, and naturally you're worried about the girl who seems to cry all the time. I can see why it might look like I'm depressed. I'm not, though.
Yes, that's what I'm trying to tell you. It's my power. I cry for people.
I also know that doesn't sound like a power, yes, that too.
It's like this. When someone else is emotional, so that it's very intense and they're crying, or about to cry, or feel like crying, I feel it too, and I do cry.
Range -- well, I don't know exactly. It happens more often when the person is closer to me. That's either physically closer or emotionally closer. I'm completely incapable of holding someone who's crying without crying myself, but I tuned in to my little sister being homesick a thousand miles away. On the other hand, at night sometimes I've felt people I'm pretty sure are on the other side of the world. Definitely people I don't know -- I usually can recognize them if I already know them, though I've had one or two surprises. Some of these... some of them have been prisoners, or dying, or....
Anything that could make somebody want to cry. Sometimes the rest of the emotions scare me, but this I'm really grateful for -- I can tell the difference between when it's something I feel on my own and when it's something someone else feels. I know whether to be scared of them or me that way, you know.
It doesn't necessarily seem to make any difference how serious what they're crying about is objectively, either. It's how it feels to them, and I guess you know that depends on a lot of different things. Somebody once said something about how everybody's grief, no matter how small or great, can expand to fill the heart -- no, I'm getting the phrasing mixed up with the thing about how "Work expands to fill the time allotted." It's the same concept though. I think it was Corrie ten Boom, but I could be wrong.
Um, I meant Corrie ten Boom was talking about the grief, not the work. I guess you figured that out.
Okay, yes, I see what you mean. Feeling hurts that might run all the way around the world does seem like something that could get somebody down really easily. That's not all of it, though; that's where the crying for people comes in.
I call it that because they get some of the benefit of crying, from my doing it. You know, the chemical release -- I'm not going to get into it now, but I've studied tears a lot. I think the reason for my interest is probably pretty obvious. I think -- I think there's also some benefit to the fact that somebody's sharing it, even though unless I make a real effort they don't know that consciously. Maybe they know subconsciously; that could do more, couldn't it? Have I got that right?
Maybe. Okay. I can do maybe. This is all how it feels to me, you know. Not something I can exactly check on except with a few people around here I'm really close to, and then it's probably affected by having talked about it. At least I'd think so.
I am pretty certain it helps, though. I can feel people feeling better afterwards.
Well, of course if they're crying too they would get the benefits of crying on their own. I mean more than that. It's harder to tell with the ones who really do cry, of course, and I don't have any experience with tuning into someone like that and not crying myself, so I don't have a... a control group, I guess it would be, to test whether they feel better with or without my crying. But people I tune in to who don't cry still feel afterwards kind of like they did, and I do have a pretty good feel for the aftereffects of crying.
It helps. I feel bad for people, and cry, and it helps them even if they're too embarrassed or too tense or even too dehydrated or whatever might keep them from crying on their own. I help. And I guess that's why I don't really get depressed about it. I might not be able to do much -- some of these people I'd never know existed otherwise! -- but I do a little bit. Not that I can take any credit for it, really; it's not something I can help. Though I guess somebody who wanted to be mean could be unsympathetic or mocking or something -- I never really thought about doing that though. It might not be possible, you know? Because I feel it too.
I think it splits the feeling, somehow, a little bit. Because I share it, the hurt gets cut in two, maybe. I'm sure it hurts me less though, of course.
Oh, right, yes, I do the same thing with other feelings. Happiness too. It was the grief you were afraid would make me depressed, so that's what I was talking about.
Oh! No, I don't think I reduce the amount of joy. There's another quote -- I seem to be quoting a lot, don't I? -- that goes "A joy shared is a joy made double; a sorrow shared is but half a trouble." I don't know how accurate it is in general, but I kind of like to think that's how my power works. No, I don't know who first said it -- I first saw it in cross-stitch on my grandmother's wall. She made me a pillow that says the same thing, too, after we figured out what was going on with me.
Of course she knows I'm a mutant! She's Grandma.
My whole family knows... well, the nearby ones, anyway. I'm sure there are cousins we don't keep in touch with. Yeah, most of my friends too, pretty much the whole town, if not in detail....
Okay, I think I just realized something you probably don't really understand. No offense meant, but let me explain. This is a small town -- right, that's pretty obvious. I'm sure it seems even smaller to you, being from a big city and all. See, though, I know everybody. Not everybody knows everybody else, not quite, but it's possible if you're an outgoing type. Not hard at all.
I don't scare anybody, though. Now, I'm sure this is partly because I have what when you think about it is a really unthreatening power. I can feel what somebody else is feeling, yes, and make a little bit of a change to it, but it's similar to the kind of change you can make if you go over and give them a good long hug, though not exactly the same. I suppose in theory I could blackmail people, but why would I want to do that?
They know I wouldn't, you see. That's the thing, they know me. I realize there's a stereotype that small towns are all closed-minded and intolerant -- yes, there is too! There's another one that they're all friendly and close-knit, too, and neither one is true in all cases. Everything I hear in cities about mutants in small towns is "Oh, a mutant manifested in a small town and got run out on a rail," or "A mutant manifested in a small town -- I can't believe she didn't get run out of town on a rail!"
It's sort of annoying.
I've been to cities sometimes, yes. I'm not that much of a homebody. I like it best at home, but I do travel every now and then. On visits to places. I've been to San Francisco. Everybody told me it was wonderful, and that they welcomed the X-Men, as if that automatically meant I was going to get a welcome parade or something, which was kind of bizarre. I didn't much like it. No, nobody was particularly unpleasant to me -- it's just that for some reason I really, really don't like cable cars, or narrow streets that aren't flat. I don't really have a good reason; it's just personal taste in transportation, I guess. And I was homesick; I'm sure that made a lot of difference. So did catching the flu while I was there; that'll ruin most any trip.
Getting back to my point about small towns, you could in a sort of way say both of the stereotypes look like they apply here. It is friendly; at least I think it is. On the other hand, because most of us do know most of the rest of us, we're a lot more likely to trust people from in town than out. I mean, I have to admit that I personally would be a little bit wary of somebody who moved in and turned out to have a really large and elaborate knife collection, or gun collection. But there are people with each in this town, and in both cases it's perfectly legal and we know them well enough to realize they aren't planning to use the weapons on people. Not unless attacked, anyway, and that's kind of rare around here. Seriously enough attacked to warrant weapons anyway. There's the occasional fistfight between people who don't control their tempers, but you get that everywhere, I think. Most of them here seem to be siblings. My brother and I used to pound on each other sometimes, but we've grown up some and have learned to be more mature about our disagreements.
I actually said that without laughing. Cool. Don't get me wrong, it's true, but the phrasing has always sounded kind of silly to me.
I really did have a point about how this applied to me. Remember I said I know everybody? They know me, too. And they know that I'm... nice. I don't mean to brag, but I do try to be nice and I don't like the idea of hurting people. Everybody here knows that. So even if it makes them a little twitchy to know that I probably know every time they want to cry, they know I'd never be malicious about it. I was somebody whose shoulder people could cry on any time even before I "manifested." Yes, I usually cried then too.
So I'm not in any danger from telling my family or friends or neighbors about my being a mutant. I may not be able to control my powers very well, exactly, but they don't hurt anybody, either. I'm sure everybody would be a lot more upset if I could accidentally kill people -- I know I would! -- but I can't. And they'd still know I didn't mean it, even if that didn't make a whole lot of difference.
The hardest part is explaining what my powers are, actually. As you pointed out, "I cry for people" requires a little clarification. This isn't something that has a name; it's not like telepathy where somebody dreamed it up long beforehand and wrote stories about it and enough people have that power that its name comes into general usage even among those who didn't read the stories. Those of my friends who I know read fantasy and science fiction, I can tell I have a kind of empathy, but then I still have to explain how it works and how it's connected to crying and only really activates in relation to crying. That's why not everybody knows all the details -- without points of reference it's very hard to explain it all.
Well, I just thought of this part. I was wrong; explaining what my powers are isn't the hardest part. That award goes to trying to explain what they aren't to people who have heard it, whether from me or someone else, and the initial explanation got garbled. I had somebody ask me very earnestly once why being able to cry on purpose was considered a mutant power.
That's sort of beside the point though. Have I convinced you I'm not depressed yet? I'm really not. When I started crying all the time I looked into the possibility in some detail. The fact that I really wasn't that sad was a clue. Of course, sometimes tuning into all the pain and knowing that in a lot of cases the only thing I can do is comfort instead of fixing things can get me down. But I always seem to bounce back up -- I can't stay in a bad mood. I've tried on occasion. Don't ask why; it was partly experimental, probably partly guilt, almost certainly a large part stubbornness, and overall not easy to explain. At any rate I couldn't manage it. I don't think that's very compatible with being depressed. I mean, I could be wrong, but it seems a little unlikely.
There was the happy crying, too. That was another clue, I guess. Eventually we decided maybe my hormones or tear ducts had developed some odd condition, and taking me to the doctor for that was how we finally figured out that, well, they had. But nothing dangerous as long as I remember to drink lots of water. Salt's not a problem -- I'm afraid I'm a typical teenager in that respect. I love French fries to an unhealthful degree.
I could've done a lot worse than to get a power whose worst side effect is a slightly increased risk of dehydration, after all. Especially considering we aren't even subject to droughts here.
Nah. It doesn't really embarrass me. It's a little inconvenient to start crying in the middle of class sometimes, but I can still function and there are very few people who tease me about it.
Come on, what can they do? Make me cry? A little redundant, don't you think?
Besides, they know I'll cry for them too. Even the ones who don't admit they ever feel like it. Not to anyone else, anyway....
Anyway, you can stop worrying about me now. I'm not especially sad. It does seem like my powers tune to grief the most easily, but that's okay, because maybe people in grief need the most help. Besides, it's probably more common to associate tears with being sad, in most situations, so happy crying is less likely. At least nearby.
Don't worry if you see me cry at random on a regular basis. Nothing horrible has happened to my life, and I'm not miserable. I'm happy overall -- it's kind of amusing sometimes to wonder whether without my powers I'd be so bouncy all the time I'd drive everybody up the wall, but I don't really think that's the case either. I'm just sympathetic in an unusual fashion. I don't necessarily have a lot of choice in the matter, but it doesn't bother me. I kind of like it.
I like helping, even a little bit. Even though it hurts, it usually feels good to make somebody feel a little bit better.
There is one thing you could do for me though. Don't erase notes off the blackboard so fast when I can't see them. If that's okay with you? If the whitespace -- er, greenspace, whatever -- is important to the way you work then go right ahead and I'll get the notes I miss from somebody else.
Thanks. I appreciate your being concerned, I really do. I'm fine, though.
I just cry for people.