Pretenses
Author: commoner
Rated: PG
Warnings: Sad, angst, Het.
Fandom: Paradise Kiss
Spoilers: Nothing much, as this is basically post-series
Pairings: YukariGeorge, YukariHiro, ArashiMiwako, HiroMiwako.
Summary: When the time comes, Yukari will drop the pretenses, and become the person she remembers being at eighteen. Drabble
Author's Notes: I wanted Paradise kiss to have a better and rather happy ending, it's just not fair, but this story will be angsty also, although I think in the end, none of us fans really believed that it would be that easy for Yukari and George to be together after all.
Disclaimer: I own nothing, zip, nada, ZERO!
Sometimes if you squint really hard you can see where pretense begins and ends.
You can pretend that the voice screaming and complaining inside of your heart isn't really you, because now you're a mature and serene woman of twenty eight. But Yukari has always had more trouble while lying to herself, than when she was deceiving everyone around her.
Yukari knows she's a beautiful woman, it's pretty obvious judging from the way she still manages to draw looks from people passing by on the streets. But, even now, she stills favors the uncertain, cruel girl she had been ten years ago.
At that age, the world seemed so small, and time was on her side; friends were always behind her back, and Yukari knew that there was someone in Paris secretly waiting for her.
But that was then, and Yukari knows now, that young dreams and wishes are only foolish things, and you have to accept the good things life offers you, because if you wait patiently, the things you truly desire will, in the end, become easier to acquire.
Miwako was the first one to realize that it was easier pretending it was someone else's arms that embraced you at night, than being left alone with memories from the past.
She arrived to this epiphany one cold night lying next to Arashi's sleeping form, exhausted not from sex, but from the celebrations due to high school's graduation ceremonies.
Yukari still holds some hope in the bottom of her heart, and sometimes she lets it out a little; the first time she realized she was holding back her inner voice, was when she felt her heartbeat pounding loudly in her ears after she received a bouquet of blue roses on the day of her wedding.
She could recognize the invitation for what it was, but for the sake of pretenses, she just smiled while staring longingly at her ring finger, just begging for the waiting to be over.
Those feelings are strong, but if anything, Yukari has willpower, and it's easier with time to ease the screaming voice inside her head when she kisses Hiro goodbye as he leaves for work.
Perhaps it's very wrong, but there isn't anything else left for her to do, the man she loves is now very far away from her, and waiting is her punishment for not doing the right thing at the right moment.
She knows that sometimes even Hiro regrets his decisions, she sees it in his eyes when he arrives from work to a home that smells like jasmine and cleanliness, but never strawberries and other sweet aromas.
And she's also certain that Miwako must also have moments of weakness, when gazing into a face that doesn't belong to the man she dreams of at night.
It's only a matter of time before everything breaks, and then there will truly be problems, Yukari knows. So she waits patiently for the moment when either Hiro or Miwako make their minds up and leave her and Arashi stranded alone with memories from the past.
When the time comes, Yukari knows already what her actions will be: first she will make sure that Miwako makes Hiro happy, and she will let them both know that she stills hopes to see them at holidays and parties, because to her, friends will always be friends.
Then, she will go over to Arashi's and she will hold her old friend in her arms while he cries, and yells, and curses, and then she will kiss him on the forehead, tuck him in his bead, and spend perhaps the whole week there, always holding his hand as a sign of support.
Finally, when everything's been sorted out, Yukari will slip into one of her precious George Koizumi original dresses, and she will walk slowly, almost floating, until she arrives at a familiar place which still has a pink door with old, dusted butterflies engraved on the wood.
She will close her eyes, and remember the scent of cologne, the feeling of a warm body, the cold fingers grazing her skin.
And she will turn around and smile at the sight of the man she loves leaning on the wall, looking as handsome as he did ten years ago. She will look into his piercing blue eyes, and embrace him fiercely while feeling happier than she will ever remember feeling.
He will hold her in his extravagantly clothed arms and he will softly scold her for making him wait so long.
Then, and only then, will Yukari drop the pretenses, and revert into the proud, bitchy, but honest woman George Koizumi fell in love with.