I don't own anything
Her smile doesn't quite reach her eyes anymore, and it breaks his heart.
She sits and pours over the books that are stacked on every surface of the house, trying desperately to prepare them all, to save them all.
Her once vivacious persona has long ago bowed out, and now all that is left of her is a person with burdens sitting on her shoulders as heavy as the whole New York skyline.
He is the same way, his blue eyes no longer sparkle with mischief, and his goofy smile doesn't bring light into the eyes of those around him any longer.
Yet, the fact that his happiness has been stripped away doesn't matter to him, the fact that hers has, makes him writher in anger.
He sits and watches her. Her dull nails as she flips each page of yet another book, her mop of hair that she doesn't have the time or energy to fix. The way that every move she makes looks like a struggle, due to the lack of sleep, sunlight, and happiness.
The bags under her eyes get deeper, her voice softer and less frequent, her cloths become looser, and her smile get smaller each passing day.
He knows she wants more, but more importantly she deserves more.
She should see the world. She should visit more places than she is able to count, her picture books should take up shelf after shelf in her own, safe, comfortable home. She should have a home that has a whole room for books, with comfortable oversized chairs that she can sit for hours in reading.
There should be children, her children, running around, smiling, and laughing. She should bake cookies with them and watch as there hands and faces become white with the flour.
More importantly she should be happy.
She should smile everyday and not have to worry about life or death, it should always be life.
But what she needs, wants and what she deserves are all very different things.
She needs to be here in this old crumbling house, and in a way she wants to. She wants to help, she wants the people she loves to live, she wants to live. Her mind and soul are already way too deep into this whole thing to ever leave.
Just because she doesn't deserve this life, doesn't mean she doesn't need to be here.
She wants what she deserves, and she wants what she needs, but unfortunately just because she wants both, doesn't mean she can have both of them, not now anyway, maybe not ever. Hopefully though.
So what is she to him?
Does he need her?
Yes.
Does he want her?
Yes.
Does he deserve her?
Probably not.
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