Note: A Talladega Nights/Cars meshing. Think of all the characters from Talladega as cars and it makes a whole lot more sense. This occurs after all the happenings of the movie and Cal, Ricky's best friend, wins his first trophy. At last, Cal is given the respect and acknowledgement he deserves. As for Jean Girard, he returns, but not to race, only to see how his friend Ricky is doing. If he does run, he'll be a Pace Car. Welcome to the world of Ricky Bobby.
"If you ain't first, you're last."--Russel Bobby, Talladega Nights
"Shake n' bake, baby. Shake n' bake !"--Cal, Talladega Nights
"What better way to celebrate than with pavement angels ? WHEEEEEEE !"--NASCAR commentator
Chapter 1—Facing Off at the Piston Cup
Russel Bobby, Ricky's erstwhile father, had promised to show up at the race this year, as he had in the past. At least he was more present now in Ricky's life than he had been before he up and left him and his momma behind. Ricky didn't care. Just so long as his daddy was there, as well as the rest of his family. Little Walker and Texas Ranger would be watching from up above the stands with Nana hugging them close.
This year, Ricky would be going up against his best friend, the champion, Cal. He called himself "The Magic Car". Ricky nicknamed himself "El Diablo". He wouldn't be greedy or wreckless as he had been in the past, and he had overcome his fear of possibly ending up aflame. Little did he know his one rival, formerly Formula One superstar, Jean Girard would be there too, acting as the Pace Car for today's race.
Bob Cutlass and Darryl Cartrip were the commentators in today's Piston Cup Championship. Some old favorites, Dinoco's golden boy Chick "Thunder" Hicks, Miamoto "Moto" Mustang, Leakless, and Nitroade just to name a few. The Magic Car and El Diablo were newcomers to the Piston Cup, but they were pumped and primed to have them there racing among other legends.
"I can't believe this Bob ! It's another bee-utiful day here at the track and all the racers really seem rarin' to go !", Bob said, his voice full of enthusiasm as usual.
"Luckily, it's not quite so hot as it has been in past racing events. I wouldn't want to overheat like I did during Cartell Cup 300.", Darryl mentioned, chuckling.
"Right you are, Darryl. Are you curious about these new cars coming into the Piston Cup ? Take a gander at El Diablo ! He seems to have no other sponsors other than himself. He's got a rather snazzy looking paintjob there. That cougar looks realistic !", Bob said, still in awe of Ricky Bobby's suave design.
"Oh yeah ! And check out The Magic Car. He's sporting Car Spice, his usual sponsor. These guys have come all the way from a race in Talladega, and we all remember what the outcome was. It was like Chariots of Fire ! I'm getting all choked up here !", Darryl said, his eyes beginning to well with tears. He took a small tire-kerchief and dried his eyes.
"Indeed. Are you hyped like I and a thousand other fans are ? Lets hope we don't see a horrible, abysmal...not to mention lengthy...wreck that occurred during that historic race. And what's this...JEAN GIRARD'S THE PACE CAR !", Bob said, almost in disbelief.
"Didn't you get the memo this morning about him being here ?", Darryl whispered, barely audible on the PA.
"No, I didn't...Or I would've known !", Bob retorted softly, but sharply, slightly flustered. He cleared his throat and went on.
"It seems that the former Formula One star is bringing some class to our humble sport. He's leading the other racers out. I wonder what he's saying.", Bob returned.
"Seems like he and Bobby are good friends.", Darryl added and then was slightly shocked when Jean turned around and planted a huge smacker on Ricky's lips.
"Well I'm certainly at a loss for words.", Bob said, laughing nervously.
"And just LOOK at them go...Once Girard led them out, they're off like bullets !", Darryl added. As soon as they had gotten up to speed he screamed,
"Boogity, boogity, boogity boys ! LET'S GO RACIN !"
Chapter 2—Car-nage !
Chick, who had been far behind the others during the beginning of the race had been gaining speed and suddenly passed another younger car. Dale Earncar Jr. was out on the oval but he was hood and hood with Cal. Ricky was in second, while Leakless had taken first place.
Suddenly, BANG ! There had been a terrible popping noise and Chick was laughing manically.
There was a bad wreck, with cars spinning out of control. Fortunately, none of the cars had burst aflame, but there were some vehicles that had gotten hurt. The paramedics were on the spot, moving the racers that had gotten hurt in the crash.
"Scrap !", Chick swore, seeing the wreck. He had never meant to harm anyone. He just wanted to move himself a few pegs and he had. He couldn't worry about those that had been involved with his under-tired tricks. Besides it wasn't his fault if they spun out of control.
After the Pace Car had gotten the other racers in order, Jean Girard left the track once more. Suddenly, Chick was hood to hood with the fabulous Ricky Bobby. He went for an opening around Cal and was staring right at him.
"Hello there, Ricky Bobby.", Chick sneered.
"Hullo yourself, Thunder. Never in ma life did ah think ah'd be racin' with one of the greatest racers uf all tam !", Ricky complimented.
"Well, gee. Thanks for the praise, but I'm afraid you're gonna have to EAT MY DUST ! Bwahahaha !", Cick gloated, speeding up and going around Ricky. There were only a few more laps before the race was over. But it wasn't over until the fat Honda sang.
Ricky could hear his family cheering for him and he caught a glimpse of Russel in the stands, waving a flag with the ME logo on it. He didn't applaud, whistle, or anything. All Russel did was smile at his boy. He was proud of him, even though he never said it out loud.
"I'm goin' fast fer all of y'all !", Bobby thought to himself and came upon Chick.
"Guess whut, Chick ! I'm back. Get ready to kiss asphalt !", Bobby said, gritting his teeth and firing up all of his cyllanders. His motor was running like a well-oiled machine and he had been able to pass Hicks without even blinking. Once more, Chick had been outshone by someone else. But he had gotten used to it. There always had to be a winner, and Dinoco always welcomed him back with open fenders.
Chapter 3—Praise and Press
Jean Girard couldn't stop complimenting Ricky on how exceptionally well he had done.
"This is why I come to see you race every single time, Reeky !", Jean said, congratulating Ricky with a typical European kiss on both cheeks.
"Oh, I can surmaas it's fer some uther rezun, but I dun wanna say it.", Cal said, chuckling.
Jean's husband looked a little infuriated, but he forgave his life partner and they left the arena, side by side, fender to fender.
"European culture ain't neever gonna grow on this white-bread country boy.", Ricky said, laughing along with his best friend in the whole entire world. Leakless had come in third in the race, and Nitroade fourth. Dale Earncar Jr as well as the other crowd favorites were in the post race celebration and they had come out without any dents or dings, unlike those who had suffered from the abysmal crash. It could've been much worse, but fortunately, it hadn't been.
Bob and Darryl were among all the fabled "legends" that were victorious in their own right. But the spotlight was on Ricky Bobby, who had never won a Piston Cup.
"I have to admit here, boys...I wasn't 'xpectin' to win. Cal n' Chick gave me a run for my money and I think the trophy should be shared by all of us.", Ricky said, putting the trophy admist the three of them.
"An unpresidented move, I must say.", Bob Cutlass was heard saying as the media began to approach.
"I think I have something on my windshield...", Cartrip said, his eyes beginning to well with small beads of tears once more.
"It's only fair, you know. 'Sides, if each one of us shares it, none of us can say we never won nuthin'.", Ricky said. Bobby had certainly changed since his last races. He had become more of a gentleman and more fair in how he treated the sport of racing. Cal, who had always been in the spotlight, could finally share it with his best friend.
"I wouldn't be here today if it wuzn't fer my best friend, Ricky. He's AWESOME, man !", Cal said, giving his friend a hearty hug from the side. Chick grinned and then moved away, slowly but deliberately. His friends were the pitcrew he had come to know and trust. He might not have won the Piston Cup this year, but there was always next year.
By the time Ricky, Cal, Dale Earncar Jr., Leakless and Nitroade were done with their interviews, Bob and Darryl left conversing among themselves about what an incredible race it was and where they were going to enjoy dinner.
Chapter 4—Dinner At Scrapplebee's
Russel Bobby came around to praise his boy on how well he did, but he was itching to go to another Scrapplebee's.
"I can't take this much longer. Let's go to a Scrapplebee's. I wanna get thrown out again.", Russel said, with an almost sinister grin.
"That's our papi !", Walker and Texas Ranger said in unison. The whole Bobby family had gone out again for another communal dinner at the nearest Scrapplebee's. Little did they know that Dale Earncar Jr would be there as well.
"Ricky ! Hey, bud ! I didn't know you'd be here.", Junior said, grinning from ear to ear.
"Yeh, well. Me and the family always come here, win or lose before or after a big race. Pops here usually makes a complete ass out of himself and manages to end up on his bumper !", Ricky said, laughing. Russle, who had already partaken quite a few alcoholic cocktails was already feeling quite a buzz and chuckled.
"Yep, that would be me. I'm an ass !", Russel said, loudly.
"Don't mind our papi...Th' alcohol takes away any of his social graces.", Walker said.
"Like he had any to begin with ?", Nana Bobby said. Again, there was a ripple of laughter at the table and a waitress named Luanne came to serve them.
"Ah'd better be getting back to my folks. Been nice talkin' witcha.", Junior stated, joining his family and friends again.
Luanne, a bouncy, cute, curvy Allero came back to the table and gave Ricky and his family their order.
"Here you go, any of y'all need a refill ?", she questioned, effervescantly.
"No thanks hun.", Nana said.
"This meal certainly is delicious.", Texas Ranger said polietly.
"I concur.", Walker agreed.
"No thanks...but I specificall asked for no GREASE. Is that too much to ask ? Obviously not !", Russel said, becoming irritated.
Ricky Bobby hung his head, trying to make himself less visable to the others who were staring at him.
"I could get you another order Sir, if you don't like what you have...", Luanne offered.
"Oh, hell no. They'd probably just screw that up too !", Russel yelled.
"Sir, you're making a spectacle of yourself.", she said, trying to calm Russel down. But, no such luck. Finally, the management had to be called in and another perfect dinner was ruined by Russel Bobby. But at least none of the racers (active and former) left with empty tanks.
Epilogue
To this day, Ricky is still "goin' fast" and he comes back to wow and dazzle the crowds at the Piston Cup. Although his true home would have to be with Talladega, the Piston Cup absolutely adores having him. Jean Girard is also seen as a pace car but spends his time on his ranch with his lover and also trains animals to do rather impressive tricks. As for Russel, despite getting thrown out of restaurants after lamenting loudly and complaining over things that are wrong with his order when nothing is wrong at all, he is a loner, a rebel, roaming the country and coming to see Ricky race to give him support. Every so often he'll try to woo Nana, but Nana isn't impressed. She was fooled once by his charisma and charm, but never again.
Walker and Texas Ranger wanted to go fast just like their daddy some day. They could take tips from their grandpa and from dear old dad himself. They weren't old enough to have their licenses yet but greatness came with the Bobby gene. Whatever came in this journey that they were all taking, they were a family. Same thing went for Ricky's pitcrew. They were family too. And no matter where he went, a fanbase followed. They loved him for who he had been and who he had become. He made NASCAR look good, and he had learned that it wasn't winning that was the prize but being able to be with the ones you loved that truly mattered in life.
And that's a lesson you can cherish. WOOOOOOO !
The End
August 14, 2006