Title: What I Couldn't Tell You

Rating: R

Warnings: Dark Themes

Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to anything Harry Potter related.

I really didn't have any idea what was going on. No, I was way too distracted, way too drunk, way too hurt. I couldn't take the loneliness and guilt of sitting in the Common Room, watching them. They were talking and laughing, purposefully avoiding my eye. After the first few days of my exile, they'd stopped being vicious and became far more hurtful.

I'll never forget when they crossed my name off our ((their)) map.

Their hatred of me burned like acid, and my self hatred burned me almost as much. I heard James make a comment on their summer plans together, and I couldn't take anymore. I had to leave. I knew he was trying to hurt me, and while I had always been certain they would forgive me someday, he had succeeded, and I had to forget about that mounting hurt. So I had taken the tunnel from our ((their)) map to Hogsmeade, and I went straight to the only night club that I had any access too. Neon Haze is a sort of trashy place, with dirty glasses and dim lighting, but it is the only club that any of us Hogwarts students are able to enter, though the teachers don't like us too. And I'll admit, sometimes undesirable things happen at that place.

But I didn't care. I rushed through the tunnel as quickly as my feet would carry me, thinking only of the escape the dark club would provide. To me, it seemed a hospital to nurse my wounds. It was a place to sedate myself and to make my pain go away. They let me through right away. Somehow, the Ministry never gets on their case for letting minors in. Perhaps that's because several Ministry men like spending their time there as well, leering at the school kids. I'd gotten used to them long ago – we ignore them mostly. In any case, the music was pounding, and I lost myself in the beat almost immediately. The song was obscene, and not particularly catchy, but it was definitely impossible to think too hard when the vibrations in your ears were so intense you felt nearly dizzy.

Far too soon, the fast-paced, distracting music was over, and they were playing some slow, romantic song. The reprieve from thought ended abruptly and I knew I had to find another way to chase it away until the next song. I remained on the floor for a moment, catching my breath as my pulse slowed to normal, before moving right off to the bar.

"Anything, please." I said vaguely to the man behind the counter. "Anything strong." He looked at me funny and shrugged, handing me something. I didn't care what it was, and I downed it as rapidly as possible. It burned on the way down. Good.

While I waited for the bartender to return with a second drink, someone took the seat next to me. I wouldn't have really noticed, if it weren't for an unsettling tingle running up my spine and raising the soft hairs on the back of my neck I glanced at him; he was in his thirties, and had the look of someone who goes straight from the gym to the tattoo parlor every evening. I also had no choice but to note that he was staring right back at me.

"Um…" I said awkwardly, disconcerted. He smiled nastily at me.

"Hey there, kid." He said to me, unabashedly leering. Uncomfortable, I tried to move to the next seat over. To my surprise, I found it occupied. Strong arms snaked around my waist from behind. My eyes widened and I pulled away violently to stare at them. Guy # two was a good deal bigger than Guy # one, and looked just as mean. They both went to stand, but I instantly turned and fled into the crowd, sparing one last fearful glance at them. They didn't seem to follow.

I navigated my way through the dancers feverishly, finally reaching the opposite wall and leaning against it, drawing a deep breath. I'd been hit on by men here before, of course – that was expected in such a place. However, something had really freaked me out about these two. Maybe I was just paranoid. I felt heavy and there was a buzzing in my ears already. Whatever the barman gave me, he'd definitely given me something plenty strong. I closed my eyes to try and clear my head, but when it only made me dizzier, I decided it was time to leave.

I bumped into someone on my way out. "Sorry," I muttered, not looking up.

"Sirius?"

NOW I looked up. "Asher?"

Standing in front of me was Asher Clemens, a Ravenclaw in my year. We'd never spoken much, but he seemed like a cool guy. Right now, he looked concerned. "Hey Sirius, you don't look very well. Are you feeling alright?"

Of course I didn't look very good. People who didn't know me well have been asking if I'm alright for days. But right now, I really didn't feel very well. I threw Asher a lopsided smile. "I just need some air," I assured him before I left the club.

It was cold outside, which immediately helped with the buzzing in my ears. I let out a long breath and leaned against the wall for a few seconds before I started to walk back to Honeydukes. Only a few steps away, though, I heard a low voice behind me.

"Hey."

I turned around and immediately something was pressed over my mouth. I instinctively gasped into it and tasted something chemical in nature. I tore back from it, coughing. The guy from the bar was standing in front of me, holding a rag of some sort. He looked annoyed.

"Jordan, get your lazy ass over here and help me out." He snapped, and to my horror, the second guy appeared from the shadows along the wall. I started to run, but Jordan (the bigger one) grabbed me from behind mid-stride and I fell to my knees in his grasp. I prepared my self to be smothered with the rag again when suddenly a familiar voice spoke up.

"Hey!" shouted Asher Clemens from the entrance to Neon Haze. I jerked my head around to stare at him. "What the hell are you doing!"

Jordan's grip relaxed, and I tore away from it, stumbling to my feet and back. "Asher, be carefu –" I started to warn him, but before I finished my sentence, there was a loud banging noise, and Asher was thrown back onto the snow. My eyes widened and my words caught in my throat when I saw blood speckled over the white frost. My eyes then went to the first guy. His arm was outstretched and held in it was a strange metal contraption, which looked vaguely familiar. I was so stunned that I didn't even notice Jordan coming toward me until the rag covered the front half of my face and I inhaled chemicals once more.