Author's Note: To my hetero life beta, Izzy, and my husband, thank you. Also thanks to Photogirl1890 for catching typos. This story was originally published on AO3 on June 9, 2014.

Hiatus

Day 0

"Tom," B'Elanna called from the shower.

"Yes?" she heard her husband's response from the other room.

"Can you come here?"

"Just a minute…"

B'Elanna continued running her fingers across the large lumps she had just discovered on her body while showering, under her arms, behind her knees, along her neck. Moments later, Tom came into view… naked.

"Tom, where the hell are your clothes?"

Tom's smile faded, "Hey, your wife calls you to the shower, you report ready for duty… right?"

She shook her head, "Whatever, get in here."

"Yes ma'am," he smirked as he entered the shower, wrapping B'Elanna up in his arms.

"Tom, no, this is serious, feel these," she said, putting his hands on the lumps she had just discovered.

"What the hell are those?" he said, running his fingers along them. "I've never seen something like this… get out of the shower, let me scan you with my medical tricorder."

B'Elanna got out, wrapping herself in her robe and examining the lumps around her neck in the mirror. Tom was back, scanning her with the tricorder. "How do you feel?" he asked.

"Fine I guess…"

"You've been complaining about being tired recently," he reminded her.

"I always complain about being tired."

Tom closed the tricorder, "Yeah, but when was the last time you pulled a double shift in engineering?"

She paused. She had been working less. Getting to the end of a single shift had seemed like more of a struggle than it used to. She hadn't really thought about it much, but he was right. "I don't remember… Not for a while. Maybe I have been tired." She turned to face Tom, "Well, what's wrong with me?"

"Your scan was all over the place, but I don't know why. We have to go see the Doctor." He took her up in his arms, kissing her forehead. "I'm sure it will all be fine. Come on, let's get dressed and go over there before we have to be on duty."

B'Elanna had been in sickbay for six hours, while the doctor poked and prodded her, running test after test. He was immediately concerned about the lumps and whatever the tricoder was telling him. Tom had left after that, already an hour overdue for his shift at the conn. Fortunately, since B'Elanna had thought she was on her way to engineering, she had brought a stack of work that kept her entertained. She had asked several times if she could go, telling the doctor she felt just as fine as she did yesterday. He refused to release her until the tests were completed. Finally, the Doctor came over to her biobed.

"I have the results," he began. "I can tell you alone, or I can call Lieutenant Paris and tell you both at once."

"Is it bad?"

"It is curable, but life threatening if not dealt with immediately."

"Well, call Tom, no point in you having to tell us twice."

Once Tom had arrived, the Doctor began, "Lieutenant Torres appears to have been infected with a parasite, which she most likely picked up on her last away mission. The parasite is feeding off her immune system. Therefore, the best way to cure her is to slowly weaken her immune system, killing the parasite before the lieutenant herself succumbs."

"I'm sorry, what? You're going to slowly kill B'Elanna in order to cure her? That's ridiculous," Tom said incredulously.

"The metabolism of the parasite is much greater than the lieutenant's, it will die before she does."

"Doc, this is insane-" Tom began.

"Tom," B'Elanna said, holding up a hand to stop her husband. "Doctor, what are you going to do to me?"

The doctor signed, "Well, unfortunately, we have to do this slowly. I believe it will take approximately four months-"

"Four months?!" Tom blurted out.

"Yes, Mister Paris, if you'll allow me to finish. I will treat B'Elanna with the medication every fourteen days. There will be many side effects to the treatment, the most pressing being that B'Elanna will lose her natural immunity and since the parasite is feeding off her immune system, I will not be able to boost it."

"What does that mean?" B'Elanna asked.

"Well, you will have to be isolated. If you caught any illness, you would most likely die."

Tom sighed and started pacing around sickbay.

B'Elanna said, "So, I need to be isolated… where? From everyone? Even Tom? The whole four months?"

"I believe I can isolate you in your quarters, after they are thoroughly decontaminated. And yes, for the whole four months. As for Mr. Paris," he looked at the pilot, "I'm not sure. It would be easier if you were alone of course…"

"Wait, Doc, first off, I live there too. Second, I don't want to be isolated from B'Elanna for four months!"

"Well, you would have to be decontaminated any time you re-entered the isolated area," the Doctor said. "And that would be damaging to your body. Therefore I wouldn't recommend undergoing the process more than once a day. In addition, Lieutenant Torres, you will feel ill after each treatment."

"How ill?" B'Elanna asked.

"Similar to a flu, fatigue, muscle pain, nausea. Due to your hybrid DNA, I cannot predict all of the side effects, but I will be constantly monitoring your health. I'm sure I will be able to deal with any problems that arise."

"But you will be able to give her something for the side effects, right Doc?" Tom asked as he moved over to stand next to B'Elanna, rubbing his hand in circles on her back.

"Yes, however it is still likely that B'Elanna will suffer from some discomfort. We will begin the treatment tomorrow, since it will take 20 hours to decontaminate your quarters in order to set up the isolation area. I'll begin the decontamination process shortly. Since neither of you can be in there during the process, you will need to see about arranging quarters for tonight. Lieutenant Torres, you are free to go, but report back here tomorrow morning." The Doctor then handed Torres a PADD, "This will describe other side effects you may encounter, if there are any you wish to discuss in more detail, please let me know. I will also be informing the captain and Commander Chakotay about this… situation. I know this is a lot to process, but I do expect you to make a full recovery." He looked like he wanted to say more, but instead he awkwardly turned to return to his office, leaving Tom and B'Elanna alone.

B'Elanna held the PADD limply in her hand, as she felt Tom reach around and hug her tightly, "I can't believe this," he said. "You were fine yesterday…"

B'Elanna pulled away from her husband, looking him in the eye, "And I'll be fine again, soon. Like the Doctor said, this is curable, I just will have a bit of a… hiatus… in my life. Come on, let's go back to our quarters and pack. We can talk about it more later."

Day 18

B'Elanna opened her eyes, glancing at the chronometer. 05:38. She sighed. Despite being exhausted all day, she still hadn't managed to fall asleep until after midnight the night before. Tom had called it 'over tired,' whatever the hell that meant. He had lain with her for several hours, slowly rubbing her back, kissing her forehead, holding her close. Eventually he drifted off to sleep, leaving her slightly crushed under the weight of his arm. Why is his arm so heavy? she had thought. How is it that just his arm seems to weigh more than me?

But now it was morning. She had been woken by millions of stabbing pains all over her body. She took stock of her other side effects: her mouth burned, her stomach was sick. And she had to pee - not that that was particularly unusual. She wanted to fight it, she wanted to ignore it, she wanted to sleep. But she knew that sleep would not come. From her desk, she could hear her PADDs beeping as new messages from engineering rolled in. B'Elanna looked over at Tom still sleeping, of course, the man could sleep through a warp core breach.

She got up and walked over to the bathroom. She glanced in the mirror, I look like shit, she thought, pausing. Her eyes were darkly rimmed and her skin pale. She ran her brush through her hair. She didn't brush her hair anymore to improve her appearance, only to try to pull as much out as possible in a controlled situation. Hair loss was yet another lovely side effect of the Doctor's treatment. B'Elanna had been finding hair everywhere, on her clothes, in the bed, on the floor, on Tom. She massaged her scalp, trying to dislodge any hairs that might be on the verge of falling out. She was rewarded with a handful of hair. Looking in the mirror, she still couldn't tell that her hair was thinning. Maybe there was more scalp in her part than usual…

Finishing in the bathroom, she walked over to the living area. B'Elanna's stomach turned at the mere thought of food, but paradoxically, eating would make her feel better. She dropped a piece of bread into Tom's toaster. Once it was browned, she took it over to the desk and began to force herself to eat. Eating had become a chore, which slightly depressed B'Elanna. She used to love to eat, probably to a fault but fortunately her Klingon metabolism had been able to keep up with her appetite. She knew Tom was jealous of that fact, he must have gained 10 or 15 kilos when they had started dating, trying to keep up with her eating. But now Tom had to remind her to eat, every two to three hours, so that the debilitating nausea would be kept at bay.

She started reading the engineering reports and the other notes that had come in overnight. Most of it was non issues that had already been dealt with by Nicoletti or Carey, B'Elanna had just been copied as a courtesy. She put her head in her hands and sighed. This stupid illness had taken away her engines, her ability to eat, her freedom. She ran her hands through her hair and was rewarded with another clump of hair. She should have stood up and walked over to the recycler to throw it away, instead she just let it fall on the floor.

"Tom, get the fuck out of bed," B'Elanna said, turning the lights on full and ripping the sheets off her husband.

"Whaaa…" he said wearily, covering his eyes with his hands.

"It is 08:00, I've been awake for hours, the point of you being trapped in here with me is not to sleep all fucking day. You're as much use to me asleep as you are on the bridge, so get the fuck up now," B'Elanna said, throwing his robe at him and storming over to the living area. She knew her anger was misdirected, but at the moment she didn't care.

Returning to her desk, B'Elanna was still too angry to properly focus on work. A few minutes later Tom emerged from the bathroom, his hair standing straight up, sleep in his eyes. "Did you eat?" he asked.

"Yes," she responded tersely.

"When?" he said, and replicated his own breakfast.

"06:00"

"You should eat in another hour then."

"I know."

He walked over toward her. She could tell he was mad that she yelled at him, but he wasn't going to engage her. He'd been avoiding their yelling matches ever since she had gotten sick, allowing her to say any range of terrible things and not calling her out on it. It made her feel even weaker.

The pace of B'Elanna's hair loss was accelerating and was the most noticeable in the shower. Hair coated her hands each time she touched her head. B'Elanna eventually gave up trying to get as much hair out as possible, the rate never seemed to slow. She knew this was going to happen and it was much less disruptive than the stabbing pains, dizziness, or nausea. She had never been that vain about her hair, usually only paying enough attention to it to make sure she appeared professional. But to watch it fall out was more painful than she would have ever thought. She remembered how she had looked when she had been assimilated by the Borg, although she had only seen herself reflected on the consoles and her main concern at that juncture had not been her lack of hair. But now she thought back to that image, trying to imagine herself bald but without the Borg hardware, all Klingon ridges with nothing to distract from them.

Exiting the shower, she felt a hair in her mouth. Disgusted, she pulled it out. She studied herself in the mirror, surprised to see that there was still no change in her appearance, for now at least.

In the living area, Tom was preparing another piece of toast. He handed it to her as she sat down on the couch, a less than subtle reminder to eat. It stung in her mouth when she tried to chew, her jaw ached with each bite. Tom glanced up at her. "How are you feeling?"

B'Elanna was upset about her hair, her jaw hurt, she was tired from the combination of the treatments and not sleeping. How was she feeling? Terrible, awful, defeated. Was it worth vocalizing all that? "Fantastic," was her dry reply.

He came over to the couch and put his arms around her. "Just tell me if there is anything you need."

I need to be me again.

"I will. I love you."

He kissed her on the cheek, "I love you too."

Day 22

"Tom, I'm done with it! Shave it off and shave it off now," B'Elanna said, reaching up to run her hand through her hair, then showing Tom the clump of hair that remained in her hand. "Look, look at it! It's all over the place, I'm done with it!"

Tom sighed and looked at his wife, "Are you sure? Your hair still looks fine. Once I do this, it cannot be undone."

"What, are you afraid you'll no longer want me with no hair?"

Tom sighed again, taking B'Elanna by the arms. "No, of course not. I'm not trying to talk you in or out of this, I just want to make sure you are sure."

"I'm sure. I can't take this any more. Get rid of it."

Tom could tell her hair was thinning. She was also pale and gaunt, having lost a bit of weight over the past weeks. He pulled her close and wrapped her in his arms. "Okay," he said quietly. "Let's do this. And by the way, there is nothing that could make me stop wanting you."

B'Elanna leaned over the bucket that Tom had replicated to catch the hair. She could hear clippers buzzing and then felt pressure on her head. Finally, a clump of hair fell in the bucket. No turning back now, she thought. It was almost an out of body experience. Bent over a bucket, watching her hair fall away from her head, Tom making jokes that she wasn't paying attention to.

As the last clump of hair landed in the bucket, Tom switched off the clippers and said, "Alright, first pass is done."

B'Elanna shook her head, trying to get the excess hair to fall. Standing up, she looked at Tom. His eyes grew wide and he tried to mask a smile. "What?" she demanded.

Tom ran his hand across his mouth, in an attempt to keep a straight face, "Nothing, we just… uh, need to clean it up a little. In fact, let me do that before you look in the mirror-"

"No, let me see." she said, stepping around him to stare in the bathroom mirror. Her hair was mangled. None of it was the same length and she questioned if he had gotten the back at all. She stood there, considering herself in the mirror.

"I think I may have inadvertently given you a mullet…"

"What?"

"You know, business in the front, party in the back?" She let it pass, she didn't know, and it wasn't worth trying to understand. "B'Elanna, come over here and let me fix it, it will be a lot easier now that we got most of it off."

B'Elanna stood there, motionless, just staring at the mirror. She felt Tom grab her arm, "Come here, let me fix it."

Day 38

B'Elanna sat staring at her computer terminal. She was looking at some propulsion research that she never had time to do before she had become sick, always too busy with day to day activities as chief engineer. But now she was that in name only. Carey, Vorik and Nicoletti were taking care of her job. The messages from engineering needing her attention had slowed to a trickle as her time in confinement increased. She was no longer needed. The worst part is that she felt completely fine. It had been ten days since her third treatment and she wanted to leave the quarters so badly.

With each ensuing treatment, her many her side effects had become less and less, except rather unfortunately, the hair loss. In addition, the medication that the Doctor was giving her to suppress nausea and increase her appetite had finally started to work, to the detriment of her waistline. Luckily, the pants she was wearing on a day-to-day basis had elastic waistbands, or else she would be digging into her rations to replicate new ones.

She stared at the simulation in front of her. She had no inspiration, no motivation. She looked at Tom, who was working on something across the room on the couch. B'Elanna didn't know what in the world he could be doing, it wasn't like he could pilot the ship from the datapad in his hand. She got up, and walked over to him, pulling the PADD out of his hand and tossing it aside. "Hey," he said. "I was using that."

"Oh," she said, raising an eyebrow. "Is it more interesting than me?"

Tom pulled her down so that she was straddling his lap, "Nothing is more interesting than you."

She kissed him, in the provocative way that would let him know what she wanted from him. Trapped in their quarters together, this was one of the few activities that she still enjoyed, that made her feel normal. In addition, she had developed an annoying need to be physically close to Tom, to have him tell her how much he loved her. Although she didn't quite understand how he could still want to have sex with her, between the weight gain and her balding head.

Running his hands up and down her back, he broke the kiss and said, "You're rather amorous this week, this is, what, the fifth day in a row?"

B'Elanna stiffened, "Is that a problem?"

He kissed her again, "No, just… it's like when we started dating again and couldn't keep our hands off each other… I don't think most married couples have this much sex. Especially when one of them is sick."

Crossing her arms, recalling her appearance, she said, "Look, if you don't want-"

"No, I want," Tom interrupted. "I was just commenting. You know, I probably shouldn't question it when my incredibly hot wife wants to constantly have sex with me, should I?"

Incredibly hot, she thought incredulously, but said aloud, "No, you probably shouldn't."

Day 52

B'Elanna looked over at the form of her sleeping husband. The Doctor had mentioned that while this illness was very treatable and that B'Elanna would most likely live a normal life span, she did have an increased risk of other more serious problems in the future in addition to the current side effects from the treatment.

It had taken Tom and B'Elanna so long to actually commit to their relationship. Years wasted dancing around each other. Even once they had become a couple, actually admitting to herself that this was who she wanted to spend the rest of her life with and then getting Tom to admit the same had been a long process. However, now that they were married, Tom had taken to it like a fish to water.

Looking at him, she couldn't bear the thought of what her possibly premature death would do to him. Sure, it seemed like the Delta Quadrant was out to get them every week, but having so much time on her hands to think about her premature demise had thrown the possibility into stark relief. If she did die, who would Tom turn to? Harry? Would he be okay without her?

One thing she could not have imagined was how attached to family Tom was. It had really hurt him to be disowned. She believed it was this pain that lead to his destructive behavior in the years before Voyager. Before she had gotten sick, he was constantly telling her how much he loved coming home to her, how happy he was that they were a family. She knew he wanted to be a dad, but had been willing to acquiesce to her on the topic. She had been on the fence about the whole thing. First there was having to carry the child. Then there were her genetics, she was not sure she wanted to bring a child into the world that would have to deal with the same problems she did. And finally, she had no idea what kind of mother she would make.

But looking at her husband, she knew he would be a wonderful father. Could pregnancy be any worse than what she was undergoing right now? She still questioned her genes and her parenting ability, although the child would at least be half Tom, whose genes were not in question. And what if she did die young? She would be leaving her child without a mother, abandoning it like her father did her... except her child would know it was loved and that its mother would be there until her heart stopped beating.

And when her heart did stop beating, when she was gone from the world, the child would have Tom, and Tom would have the child. They would still be a family, even without her. Tom would never be alone again.

Looking at her husband sleep she decided that when this was all over, she would tell Tom that she was ready to start trying to have a baby. Life was too short to wait around for it to happen. When this was over, B'Elanna vowed to never wait for life again.

Day 72

As her side effects lessened, Tom had returned to a light duty schedule. He was now on the bridge for half a duty shift every other day on the weeks that she was not recovering from the treatments. It had been good for him to get out of their quarters, to let him interact with someone other than his ill wife.

However, Tom had been called to go on an away mission the day after her sixth treatment. He had asked her if she was all right with this. He said he could tell the captain that he needed to stay with her, that she was what was most important at this time. But she had told him to go, that the treatments weren't that bad, that the Doctor could look in on her, so could Harry. Everything would be okay. It would only be overnight after all.

Harry had come by the first day, after sitting through the decontamination process for an hour. B'Elanna had felt pretty good. She and Harry discussed the research she had been conducting, and he let her in on some choice pieces of gossip around the ship. She noticed how he stared at her mostly bald head, but he never commented on it. After a few hours, their conversation had slowed and B'Elanna had grown tired. Harry awkwardly hugged her telling her that he missed her at lunch and that he was sure that everything would be better soon. People hugging her was possibly the weirdest part of this whole experience. Half her engineering staff had hugged her as she left the party that they had thrown for her, on her last day before isolation. People assumed that she needed to be comforted and that hugging her was the best way to do that.

Some time after the Doctor had checked in on her that evening, her combadge chirped, "Paris to Torres."

She smiled, so happy to hear his voice again, "Torres here, are you back?"

There was a pause, "Kind of, I'm in sickbay right now." He sounded tired.

B'Elanna's heart skipped, "What happened, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, but the Doctor says I have a cold or something. In any case, he won't let me come home because I am contagious. So I have to sleep it off here. I'm sorry, I should not have gone on this mission. How are you? Tell me about what you did."

B'Elanna sighed. "I'm fine, Harry came over for a few hours… he hugged me, which was a little weird."

"Do I need to be jealous?"

She smiled, "Only if you have that cold for too long…"

Tom chuckled, "What else did you do?"

"The Doctor came to check in on me this evening. Other than that nothing has really happened."

"Good, I'm glad to know you feel okay, it would just about kill me to have to leave you alone when you're feeling terrible." He paused for a moment before continuing, sounding exasperated, "I can't believe I have to spend the night in sickbay. I don't even feel sick!" He paused for a moment before continuing, "Are you getting ready for bed now?"

"I'm sitting in bed right now, reading." She looked over at his empty spot.

"I wish I was there with you. I missed you."

"Tom, it's only been two days."

"I know, but having spent the last three months with you basically non stop, it's weird to not be with you."

She sighed, she didn't want to admit how much she missed him, first so he wouldn't feel worse about not being there, second because it made her feel weak, needing him like this. "You'll be back soon enough and I will be very happy to see you."

"I love you so much B'Elanna."

"I love you too Tom. I think I need to get to sleep now. You concentrate on getting that bug out of your system so you can continue your task of waiting on me hand and foot."

He laughed, "Yes ma'am. Paris out."

Day 113

B'Elanna felt a hand rub up and down her back and a kiss on her neck, "Wake up B'Elanna," she heard Tom whisper in her ear. Opening her eyes and rolling over, she saw him smiling at her. "Today is the big day," he said, planting a kiss on her lips.

The big day. The Doctor had confirmed yesterday that not only were the parasites gone, but that her immune system had almost returned to normal. She could leave their quarters starting the next day. At her request, he was also allowing her to return to duty, although only half shifts. Today was the big day. She could go outside again.

She smiled at him and got up, heading for the bathroom. She paused in front of the mirror. Her hair, what was left of it, was still cut short. In addition, in the last several weeks, her eyebrows and eyelashes had started to fall out and her weight gain had become evident in her face. The combination of these physical changes had aged her, made her not look like the B'Elanna Torres that went into isolation four months ago. If not for her ridges, she doubted anyone would actually recognize her when she left her quarters today. The Doctor said that next week he would be able to stimulate her hair follicles, so she wouldn't have to look like this too much longer. The weight was another story…

After a quick shower, wrapped in a robe, B'Elanna returned to the living area, to find Tom replicating breakfast. "Pancakes will fortify you for your first day back," he smiled, setting them in front of her.

"I think I could do with a bit less 'fortification,'" she grumbled, digging into the pancakes nonetheless.

Tom sat down next to her, taking her hand, "You look great and the Doctor said that now that you are off all that medication, everything will get back to normal."

"Well, maybe we could go to the holodeck and do something physical to speed that process up." She recalled the night before when she had tried to shoehorn herself into her uniform, eventually giving up and having the computer take new measurements of her and replicated a new, larger, one. "I don't want to have to blow all my credits replicating a bunch of new clothes."

Tom rose and kissed her on the forehead, "I'll reserve some time. But don't worry too much about it." He then walked back to the bathroom to get ready himself.

After finishing her breakfast and dressing, B'Elanna returned to the bathroom mirror. She attempted to fill in her missing eyebrows and lashes, trying not to cross the line into circus clown. Finally accepting that she had reached the boundary of what it was possible for the makeup to cover, she looked over at the full length mirror. A fat and hairless B'Elanna Torres stared back at her. Wearing the uniform again had brought into stark reality how much she had changed in the last four months and it angered her. She wanted to lash out, scream at how unfair this all was.

Suddenly, Tom was between her and the mirror, smiling at her. "You look great," he said and for a brief moment B'Elanna could see herself through Tom's eyes. She saw not the husk of the woman she once was, but instead the woman that he loved, healthy again, and ready for the rest of her life.

She felt her anger melt away and reaching up to hug him she whispered in his ear, "Thank you."

Fin