Author's note: Hi, everyone! I hope you enjoy this serie of one-shots! English is not my first language, so I'm sorry!
30 days of Kylo Ren
Day 1 – The Force
It wasn't easy at the beginning.
Feeling the Force even before knowing its purposes always brought difficult aftermaths. He couldn't remember the first time he felt it, because he was very young. His mother would tell him how one night she got up with her baby giggling. Not crying as all the babies are supposed to do. Laughing. He was only five months old and all the small toys were floating around his crib.
When he was five years old, he could already manipulate things. Why open the wardrobe if he could summon his jacket? Why going out if he could make fun alone? Trade his lonely moments learning about himself and the Force for other children who couldn't understand him had never been attractive.
His father never understood it. His mother feared it. But he knew the Force was something that flooded through his veins making him feel complete and balanced. That boy thought he was special to the world.
And he was. Uncle Luke came and took him from the family he loved but it was for a great cause. He was eight years old and would become a jedi.
He was ten years old when everything got messy. Voices in his head driving him insane. But two were predominant. The first one, that creepy voice telling him how great he could be, better than others, almost a hand in the dark pulling the strings and making him believe that passion hold a lot of power. He talked through his nightmares. But, in the shining morning, he had his daydreams. And she was always there. Snoke made him feel invincible. But she made him complete. She was only a baby. Always crying and smiling…she didn't have a name. He decided to call her Ray, because she was always shining when he dreamed.
When he was fifteen, he professed The Jedi Code.
There is no emotion, there is peace.
There is no ignorance, there is knowledge.
There is no passion, there is serenity.
There is no chaos, there is harmony.
There is no death, there is the Force.
But his nightmares never stopped. And just as for Ray, the man he used to be during the said nightmares, had another name now. Kylo Ren.
When he was twenty, he found out about Darth Vader. Then Kylo Ren came to life. He stopped having his daydreams. Where was she?
The Force talked to him in a different way. It still flooded his blood, but not to bring him peace. To bring him strength. Power. He would finish whatever his grandfather started.
Give me strength, Grandfather.
At the beginning, he had a plan. He could go to the dark side and resist. Give me your strength. Come back and prove that Darth Vader was the only jedi able to bring balance because he had been in both sides of the Force. He would show to his mother how wrong she was about everything.
Peace is a lie, there is only passion.
Through passion, I gain strength.
Through strength, I gain power.
Through power, I gain victory.
Through victory, my chains are broken.
The Force shall free me.
At twenty-five, Ben Solo was gone. His eyes were dark as the shadow of the night. Whispers inside his head telling him he had to go on with this path. Gone was Ray. Gone the nightmares and daydreams. However, he kept his plans. Snoke shouldn't found out about it. He couldn't.
When he was twenty-eight, she appeared once again. Scavenging things. Where was she? In a desert world. This dream, a breeze inside his dark world, remembering him someone he wasn't anymore. Why now? When he opened his eyes, the insistent headache he had since he was fifteen was gone.
When he was thirty, he met her. The girl from Jakku. Rey. And the Force made him want to keep her. Whispering she was important to his path. He did. But the prize for capturing the girl was an expensive one.
Kylo Ren killed Han Solo. He killed his father. Give me strength, Grandfather. I shall finish what you started. He killed Han Solo because Snoke had told him that the Force would consume him completely, closing the circle and bringing him to the darkside. And then, he could come back. He could do it.
But the moment his lightsaber penetrated his father's chest, he didn't feel free. Something inside him died. First, he thought it was the light dying inside of him. But that pain made him love that man. He asked him to back home. The Force asked him to come back. The dark died inside of him that day. He couldn't belong to the light. He couldn't be dark.
Rey gave him a scar to remember him he couldn't go and come back. He had to be both. Killing his master and backing home was a long journey. But he found a grey path and his uncle took him back. As his mother. And the girl didn't give up on him.
Now, he's thirty-five years old, having the miniature of an ewookie floating beside his head just like all the little toys in that room. He stared at those hazel eyes, and smiled when he heard her giggling.
"Well, well, Hannah Solo. Here we go again. I don't know if your mom is going to like it. She was happy thinking you were not force sensitive."
Hannah laughed more from her crib.
"Ben? Is she okay?" Her voice came from the other room while he took the baby girl in his arms.
"Yes."
She would be okay. Everything was going to be different.
The Force is strength with him. With Rey. And with Hannah.