This was just something because I was bored, so I decided to write about boredom. Fitting, right? This is a fluffy one-shot with absolutely no real angst or h/c at all. Anyone who's listened to Cabin Pressure will understand exactly what's going on.
Rating: K
Length: 2385
Characters: Kirk, Spock, McCoy, Scotty (minor: Uhura, Sulu, various crew members)
Summary: In between missions, Captain Kirk gets bored, and his crew will do anything to help him.
Warnings: None. Literally. It's fluffy as hell. Profanities include "hell" and "dammit".
Notes: Kirk might be slightly OC, but that's because I haven't seen all the original series yet, and keep in mind that he is insanely bored at this point in time.
Disclaimer: Still don't own anything. I think you should've guessed that by now.

It was well known amongst the 'Fleet that the Enterprise was a ship of action, adventure, and never-ending danger. The only problem was, the danger did end, every now and again, and in the times between missions, the crew was just about as bored as they could be. The training sessions were dived into with much too much enthusiasm, the holograms and documentaries were exhausted within a week, and the replicators produced an unhealthy amount of chocolate cake. When Spock and Doctor McCoy walked down the halls to see a couple of ensigns playing an old-fashioned board game, they knew that something needed to be done.

As well-known as the ship's legacy was that of her captain, and it was no exaggeration that James Tiberius Kirk was a man first and foremost of action. So, when they'd been travelling through deep space for three months without so much as a request for an escort, Kirk was more or less ready to start blowing things up. He suspected that the crew wouldn't even care, so long as it broke the monotony.

Everyone on the Enterprise knew that they were there for excitement, not R&R, that their captain would go stir-crazy in three more days, maximum, and that First Officer Spock and Chief Medical Officer McCoy would do anything to help him. As such, when the pair saw the captain sitting in the mess hall, eating his third meal in a row comprised entirely of replicated baked goods, it was no surprise to anyone that they would formulate a plan.

Word spread quickly throughout the ship. When psyche evals became exciting, a scheme concocted by the highly logical Vulcan and the underhanded doctor is the highlight of their lives. It started the very next day, of course, half-way through alpha shift. McCoy walked on to the bridge, which was not unusual. However, the fact that he immediately strode over to Spock was enough to arrest the captain's attention. The good doctor passed over a small PADD to the Science Officer, clapped a hand on his shoulder, and then promptly left.

The crew very much did not smile at their captain's bemused expression.

Kirk, for his part, valiantly ignored the exchange, and minded his own business. However, when Spock immediately asked to leave for a few minutes, he had to ask.

"Why? What's going on between you and Bones?"

"Nothing of consequence, sir."

With no way to respond to that without giving away his curiosity and in consequence the depth of his boredom, Kirk let him go.

Three hours and fifty two minutes later, Spock returned, looking worryingly pleased with himself, and silently slipped back into his chair. To his everlasting credit, Kirk only looked at his First Officer ten times in the few minutes left in the shift. The moment it ended, though, he was out of his chair and followed the Vulcan, who was disappearing a little too quickly. In doing so, he missed the looks exchanged between the bridge crew, specifically Uhura and Sulu.

"Spock," Kirk called out as his XO showed no sign of slowing. "Spock!"

"Yes, sir?" Spock asked much too innocently.

"What kept you away for so long?"

Spock slowed to a stop, folding his hands neatly behind his back. "My presence was not required on the bridge and so I wished to pursue other sections of my work."

"Such as?"

"A project I am working on with Doctor McCoy."

Kirk frowned. "You're not being specific enough, Spock."

"The Doctor and I have multiple scientific experiments at the moment, the majority of which pertain to biophysics."

"And Bones gave you…?"

"A report for an experiment. Now, if you will excuse me, captain, I must continue my work."

Kirk watched as his friend disappeared down the hall, and didn't even see the smiled which donned the face of every crewman he passed. Sighing, the captain decided to go to the workout room, or something. Whatever was going on, he could just as easily stay out of it.

Seven hours and twenty three minutes later, Kirk was striding purposefully towards the med bay. Hang it all, there was nothing else to do, and who knows? It could even be something important. God, he hoped it was something important. At least of interest. Maybe, if he was lucky, it'd be something dangerous. God, he hoped it was dangerous.

"Bones," he called, walking into the med bay.

"He's not here, captain," one of the nurses said shyly. "He's in his cabin, I think."

"Really?"

That didn't seem right. Bones lived in the med bay, as far as he was concerned. Kirk thanked the nurse and turned to leave, running straight into Scotty.

"Hello there, captain, sir," the CE said a little too brightly. "Seen the good doctor anywhere abouts?"

"He's in his cabin, apparently," Kirk frowned.

"Ah. Well then, his loss. See you around, captain."

Well, then. Now not only his XO and CMO were in on whatever was going on, but his Chief Engineer as well. God, he hoped it was munity. Maybe. Not the serious kind, though, just the kind that caused a bit of running around and general strife. And perhaps a bit of fighting. Just not with Spock. That would be horrible.

Deciding to continue with his original plan and stake out McCoy, Kirk had just about reached the cabin when Bones himself passed him, grumbling to himself about sleep and truces and unhealthy boredom. His lips twitching with a smile, the captain followed his CMO, keeping far enough behind him as to not arouse suspicion. Of course, that meant that he didn't notice that he in turn was being followed by every crew member he passed, all of whom wore the same smile.

Bones made his way immediately to the bridge, where he was met by an expectant beta crew.

"Anyone seen it here?"

"No, sir," said one of the ops, "But you're not actually allowed to ask us, sir."

"And who told you that?"

"Commander Spock, sir."

McCoy laughed. "And you honestly expect me to believe he searched the entire ship on his own in under four hours?"

Kirk, who had taken the lift up after Bones, was more than a little confused. He didn't catch the rest of the conversation, though, as the doctor began to turn. Quickly selecting a floor at random, he disappeared from sight. This time, it would have been nearly impossible to miss the twenty-some odd crewman who just happened to be gathered by the lift. The captain was not a moron, despite claims to the contrary, and so knew that something was up the moment the men and women immediately dispersed at his arrival.

"Mr. Spock," he said again, standing outside his First Officer's door. "Would you care to enlighten me as to what's going on?"

The door opened, revealing a perfectly emotionless Vulcan, except for the fact that his lips were pressed in a thin line.

"To what are you referring, captain?"

"What's the deal with you, Bones, and Scotty?"

"I am unaware as to what you refer, captain."

Kirk gaped. Vulcans weren't supposed to lie. "Mr. Spock, that's an order."

"What is, sir?"

"What's going on with you three?"

"As I said before, Doctor McCoy and I are engaged in multiple experiments at the moment. Lieutenant Commander Scott is aiding us in one of them."

"How so?"

"…That is confidential, captain."

"As you just mentioned, Mr. Spock, I'm the captain, and nothing goes on in my ship without my knowledge. Is that understood?"

In that moment, Kirk could've sworn he saw the Vulcan swallow nervously.

"I assure you, captain, you will be informed in due time. Now, if you'll excuse me."

And he so much as walked briskly away – ran, more like – leaving a flabbergasted Captain Kirk in his wake. Oh, this was good. This was very good.

"Lieutenant Commander Scott," Kirk called, marching across the engineering deck. "Scotty, where are you?"

"Captain!" came the perfectly friendly voice of his Chief Engineer. "What a pleasure it is to see you here, sir."

"What's up, Scotty."

"I canna take your meaning, sir. If you'd care to clarify?"

"What's going on."

"Ah."

"Because Spock said it was confidential."

"Ah."

"Well?"

"I canna give you an answer right now, sir. Problem with the warp drive; urgent business. Perhaps you'd like to stop by at a later date?"

The captain was about to say that no, he'd prefer an answer right then and there, if that was alright with him, but then he noticed a blue-clad figure amongst the red that had gathered, and decided to let the scene play on without him.

"Very well, Mr. Scott, but I will come back, and I expect and answer when I do."

"Yes, sir," Scotty breathed, obviously relieved and confused at such an easy victory. "Uh, I'll be off then, sir. Goodbye, captain!"

Kirk walked out of engineering, then proceeded to walk right back, shushing any crew members who saw him, and hid a safe distance away. From his perch near the water pipes, he could clearly see and hear his CE and CMO as they went head-to-head.

"You see? This is going nowhere," Bones was hissing.

"It's getting him interested, isn't it?"

"He needs to go away for a few hours. His sleeping pattern is wrecked as it is, and I need a break, too."

"That'll look bad on your time, sir, and I canna help you there."

"Why can't we pause it?"

"Because that's against the rules."

"To hell with them! I'm a doctor, dammit, not a treasure hunter!"

"Actually, sir, you did quite well in the first round. Better than me, at least."

"So why can't we let it lie?"

"Because the fun's just started. Anyway, the captain just said that he asked Mr. Spock."

"Hell. How much did he spill?"

"He said it was classified."

"Dammit. Of course he went after the hobgoblin. Now our weakest link has given us away."

"I wouldn't say that, sir. He only did what we agreed, the captain's interested, and he hid it really well. I needed to get my boys to help me search."

"Ha!" Bones exclaimed, surprising the crew around them, who were completely doing their work and absolutely not listening in. "I knew it! The bridge wouldn't help me at all. And I bed our walking encyclopedia cheated, too."

"He mighta just worked it out. He can do that."

Oh, this was just too good to miss. Hang discretion, Kirk wanted to see the looks on their faces when he revealed the fact that he knew exactly what they were doing… sort of.

"Gentlemen," he said, striding purposefully towards them. "Mind telling me what's going on?"

"Just checking in, captain," Scotty said immediately. "Making sure my boys are fit for duty."

"Really? Not discussing this little game you have going on?"

"Absolutely not, sir," Scotty exclaimed, and Bones punched him. "I mean, what game are you referring to, captain?"

"Now you've done it," Bones sighed wearily.

"So what is it?" Kirk asked coolly, trying desperately to seem stern and threatening. "What is it you're looking for?"

"'S just a bit of a scavenger hunt, if you will, captain," Scotty said slowly, glancing at McCoy.

"It was Spock's idea, surprisingly." Bones said, stepping forward as if to accept the blame. "You always get cranky between missions, Jim, and we were just trying to break your blue funk. We pulled Scotty into it. The game itself was to hide an object around the ship-"

"One of Mr. Spock's gold thingies, to be exact," the CE added helpfully.

"Right, and so it started with Scotty hiding it somewhere on the ship. Then, when I found it, I recorded my time and gave it to Spock, who did the same, and passed it on to Scotty. The whole point was to see who could find it the quickest, overall."

"Actually," Scotty broke in. "The whole point was to amuse you, the crew, and possibly ourselves. We were just so bored, sir! We didn't mean any harm by it."

"I see," Kirk said slowly, pursing his lips. Then, "Can I join in?" he asked eagerly, dropping all pretense of command and fairly bouncing with excitement.

"I knew it!" Scotty said, slapping McCoy on the shoulder. "That's a boatload of credits to me and Mr. Spock, sir."

Bones simply huffed and threw his hands in the air, grumbling something about not being paid enough for this. Smiling, Scotty whispered conspiratorially to the captain that he could start when McCoy found it, but that it might not be for some time, seeing as he'd hidden it in the med bay, the one place that the doctor might not look. The fact that he had the entire sickbay staff in on it helped things, somewhat. With that, Kirk bid farewell to his engineers, and went back to his cabin. When he went into the bathroom, though, Spock was already there.

"Captain," the Vulcan said politely, stepping aside to give him room.

"Everything's alright now, Spock," he said, smiling and facing the mirror. Spock stood beside him.

"If you would clarify, sir?"

"My turn's in between Bones' and yours. I hope you're up to a good search."

The Vulcan pursed his lips. "In that case, I should probably mention that the object cannot be hidden on one's person, on a moving object, or in a place that might cause injury to obtain."

"I'll try to keep that in mind."

"It is much appreciated, captain."

The two men continued on in silence for a time.

"I guess this means that Bones owes you some dough. I didn't take you for a betting man, Mr. Spock."

"It seemed a logical course of action, given our goal to relieve boredom."

"Illogical human logic, eh?"

"Your words, not mine, captain."

"How's the betting pool with the crew?"

"I did not mention any-"

"No, you didn't. So?"

"I believe the proposals will differ wildly now that you are involved, sir."

"Good. Anything for a bit of fun."

"Indeed, sir."

"And Spock?"

"Yes, captain?"

"Thanks."

"It was my pleasure, sir."

"Really?"

"No. However, it made you happy, so it was worth it."

"Goodnight, Spock."

"And you, captain."

"One last thing."

"Yes?"

"What is the exact limit on 'dangerous to obtain'?"

Should probably mention for anyone who doesn't know that Kirk and Spock's cabins share a bathroom. They don't live together, and this isn't intended to be slash or pre-slash, but think whatever you will.

Cheers,
Anika