AN:/ Sam and Emily, let me know what you think. This is just Emily thinking back, takes place ten years after breaking dawn, so everything will be in the past tense, the next chapter will be in the present tense because I know it can get annoying when people only right in the past tense. I'm just trying to set the stage, help you get to know the characters ect.. Oh and please check out my character pics for Emily, Sam, and Leah I think I found really good ones, especially Sam mmmm yum, let me know what you think.

Chapter 1

I remember the first time I saw Sam.

I was fascinated by him from the moment I saw him.

His face, his quiet reserve, the soft and deep timbre of his voice, so soothing and yet commanding.

I remember it perfectly.

I wasn't attracted to him, not then, not like that.

He intrigued me.

Intimidated me.

That was all.

It was at the Clearwater's annual fourth of July barbecue. I was only fifteen. He was only two years older than me, but he seemed much older than his years, intimidating and imposing.

I'd heard so much about him but I'd never met him, even though he'd been dating my best friend and cousin Leah for almost six months.

I remember the exact day she started talking about him, complaining really, it was a Tuesday.

She complained about her stalker aka "Sam" and how he sent her flowers and was always trying to talk to her.

I'd asked her if he was good looking.

"Mmphf….I guess…ya know,,,if you like that sort of thing." She'd said, in her perfect, yeah I'm a snob so what, voice

I'm ashamed to say it didn't really bother me the way she degraded him, calling him low rent and scummy, I'd laughed, it was so Leah, the well to do and beautiful Leah.

He lived on the West side of Lapush in a small one bedroom house with his single mother, Leah lived to the North in a nice five bedroom ranch style home.

Leah hung out with the popular and beautiful of Lapush, Sam hung out with the kids who came to school although well kept, with holes in their clothes and hand-me-downs, according to Leah.

I admired his courage, even then. Most guys like him just drooled and dreamed, seeming to know their place in the world that it would never happen. I'd been shocked and impressed by his nerve and so was Leah, though she refused to admit it.

What impressed me even more was that he kept at it, even though Leah was…..well there's no other word for it, honestly cruel to him at times, in front of people. Some of the things she said to him made me cringe when she repeated them to me over the phone laughing, I could tell it bothered her to treat him that way, to say the things she did.

He didn't deserve it and she knew it.

I had a sneaking suspicion that she secretly liked him, but she was being cowardly, caring to much what her friends thought.

Leah and I were night and day and yet so alike.

People said we were both beautiful, always complimenting us. We were both beautiful but in very different ways.

Leah's beauty was sports illustrated, the kind of beauty men fantasized about and got off on, amazing curves, perfect hair, and perfect makeup. Strong features

My beauty, according to Leah was sweet, the kind you saw in an art photo and couldn't help but stop and admire , the kind you thought you'd never be able to touch. She'd once told me that I had a regal beauty, I'd laughed my ass off when she'd said that.

Leah was the one who would say anything, and do anything, sometimes just for shock value. She was bold and daring, mouthy and had a cruel streak, but she was also soft and warm and caring, shy and self conscious even, though she tried to hide it.

I was the opposite I was almost as tall as Leah but small, curvy yet thin, sweet, quiet, and caring in the open and loud, wild, and downright mean sometimes in secret.

Leah was the one who left the house and didn't come back till the wee hours of the morning not caring what her parent said, the one who smoked in the backyard, no fear of getting caught, the one who in eighth grade punched out, yes punched the first person who dared defy her.

I was the one who went to bed early, homework done, always made curfew. The one who went to bed, waited an hour until her parents were asleep and then climbed out her bedroom window using the in case of emergency rope ladder and didn't come back until four in the morning, the one who brought the nice lose fitting jeans that her overprotective and prude mother made her buy, but hide the tight apple bottom jeans in the bottom of her school bag. The one who was always down for anything daring and exciting.

Leah had called me a little over two week to the day that Sam had first approached her. He'd come up to her at school and made a deal with her.

If she went out with him once he would never bother her again, talk to her or anything. Just one date, so she'd agreed.

Even as she'd said this I knew there was more to it the way she'd laughed after telling me. I knew Leah too well, it was a fake and empty laugh, and she sounded nervous and a bit upset, trying to play it off as usual.

I'd coxed her.

"And?" I said

"And , what?" Leah said sounding irritated with me.

I sighed. It should be obvious. "Come on Le, I know you to well. What's up?"

"Well, for one thing I'm not going." Leah said almost shouting in my ear.

"I thought you shook his hand and said deal."

Leah laughed. "Yeah I did, I'm supposed to go out with him this Sat, he's coming over at seven, but I'm just going to let him stand out there, not answer the door ya know? See how long he waits. Kylie wants to video tape it." She said laughing, but it sounded forced.

I'd almost let it go, almost.

"You like Sam don't you?" I said trying to sound teasing, put her at ease. I knew Leah's temper.

"NO!! Ewww, I wouldn't let him touch me. Pa-lease, he is so low-rent. Ya know?"

I wasn't giving up that easily.

" Leah come on I know you, and the Leah I know wouldn't let a few unimportant bitches who follow her around because they have no mind of their own decide what she should or shouldn't do." I said practically screaming in the phone. " Come on Leah, if you like him just go out with him, be your own person." I waited, the line was silent, she was thinking.

Leah laughed. "I-I just don't know." She said whining in my ear.

"What don't you know?" I said

"I just-I just don't know. I don't know what I don't know."

"Do you like him?" I said. Silence. "Leah!"

"I'm nodding." She said. "I'll go out with him." she said sounding bored, yet resigned.

"It's not like your agreeing to marry him or something, just…..go out with him, see if you like him, and go from there. I mean he said if you didn't want to go out again he would leave you alone right? So it's a win win!"

"Yeah…..Yeah your right!" she said.

That was the last weekend Leah flitted from guy to guy.

And by the end of the next week, she was no longer single. The night after her date she'd called me on my cell at nearly two a.m., knowing I'd be not only up but out, I was, all the way in Port Angeles at a small warehouse night club with friends.

I'd been worried when she'd first spoken. I'd answered fast asking how her date had gone, and she'd sounded so weird when she'd answered me, letting out a slow and shaky, "Good.".

I'd quickly exited the club so I could hear her better.

"What's wrong!" I'd said, feeling my temper flicker. If he'd hurt her, I'd kick his ass.

"I'm in trouble." She said sighing.

I felt scared. "What do you mean! Where are you?"

"Home." Her voice was low.

I growled slightly, feeling frustrated at the lack of information. "Well!? What the hell is the problem." I said throwing my hand up.

"I-I really like him." she said in a low voice, almost sounding childish."

I was quiet for a minute, confused. "And.."

"No, I mean I really really like him Em, he's so….so…aruggghh…I don't know how to explain it. He's so different from what I thought he was, from like….anyone I've ever met . He's so quiet and soft spoken and sweet and yet he's so confident and mature and just…strong. I don't know!!" she said rambling on.

I couldn't help the huge grin that spread across my face. I laughed feeling something like butterflies in my own stomach. I was so excited for her. I'd never heard her talk about any guy like that. Guys were, well disposable to her, and to me which was probably why I'd never been on a real date before, I'd been asked plenty of times, but they bored me, I wasn't really interested in guys, they didn't seem all that intriguing.

Leah was always telling me that I need to change my outlook, just look at it as fun, I way to burn off some steam, "It's not like you have to have sex with them, I don't, if they try, I make it clear." She'd said

"Don't they get pissed." I'd asked

She'd shrugged her shoulders and rolled her eyes. "Who cares? It's my body. I say who and I say when, I'm not just going to give it up to just anyone."

I'd smiled, my feelings exactly.

No one interested me, I wanted it, the experience, but I looked around I saw no one who inspired anything in me other than a dull burn, no passion no fire. There were plenty of good looking guys, but they pretty much opened there mouths and I lost interest. It was only physical attraction, and that wasn't enough for me. I wanted the whole package.

From that weekend on.

Leah and Sam were inseparable, she told me everything, every fight, first kiss, first time they went farther, some details making me blush and dread the day when I would have to actually meet Sam face to face.

I feel regret. I always will.

I feel regret because I don't feel regret.

I wish I could say that I would take it back if given the choice. Take back ever looking into Sam's eyes after he became a werewolf, but I can't.

I wouldn't take it back, even though it would remove these scars.

I wouldn't. Even though it would put Leah back together again, I wouldn't.

I remember my last happy memory with Leah. Laying on my bed, on our back's laughing. Our hands clasped. Sisters.

I feel sorry for those girls. Laughing. Not a care in the world, everything perfect for them.

Best friends.

I wish that if given the chance I would take it back, but I wouldn't.

I couldn't

He's part of me. I love him more than myself, more than anything.

And I always will