A/N Hi everyone, First fanfic, let me know what you think, any feedback is appreciated :)
I was overwhelmed. I opened the front door and looked out across my usually bare apartment to see every flat surface covered in candles, creating a luminous glow over the living room. The smell of freshly burnt matches hung in the air mixed in with the sweet smell of basil and tomato coming from the kitchen. Before I could call out to ask what was happening, my boyfriend of three years appeared before my eyes. Coming out of the kitchen with a bouquet of red roses and a gentle smile on his face. He wordlessly lead me into the middle of the room, where he turned to face me. I was blown away by the look of love and adoration in his deep brown eyes. I opened my mouth to talk but he cut me off and gently grabbed my small hands in his, nervously clearing his throat.
"Rose," he started, his deep voice quivering slightly, "since the very first day I laid eyes on you, I knew that I wanted to be by your side forever." He paused, sounding no more sure of himself than he did at the start.
My eyes watered when I realised what was happening. "Dimitri..." I tried to get out, but once again he stopped me.
"Roza, I love you. I've always loved you." he stated, and with that, slowly slid down onto one knee. "Rosemarie Hathaway, I promise to love you from now until forever," His eyes bore into mine as he spoke his next words. "Will you marry me?"
A million thoughts passed through my head as he spoke those words, his beautiful accent interlacing his words, but we both knew that there was only ever going to be one answer. "Yes," I said quietly, not knowing if he heard me, I said it again. "Yes! Yes I'll marry you!"
He grinned and slid the most beautiful ring I'd ever seen onto my ring finger, where it would stay forever.
BEEP BEEP BEEP
My alarm went off to signify the start of a new day. Memories flashed through my mind as I sat upright in bed, light pouring into my bedroom highlighting the new emptiness of the room, symbolic of what my life had become I thought back to the dream I had last night, everything so vivid, so real, yet so far away. I got out of bed and regretfully made my way over to the kitchen, avoiding all reflective surfaces as if to avoid the truth. I knew what i looked like now, my hair once thick and luscious, now hung lank around my face. My eyes once bright, now void of any life or colour, and my body slowly withering into nothing. I saw down on one of the stools in my kitchen, and just stayed there. Watching the world go by from the small window above my sink. This is what my life was now. Sitting by, going through the motions, hardly even living. I sat there for a good hour until i decided I needed to move. I slowly walked from the kitchen into the living room. I stepped hesitantly towards the mantlepiece surrounding the fire and an my hands over the pictures that lay there. Tears welled up in my eyes as I saw the picture of Dimitri and I on our wedding day, the photo was my favourite, taken at the perfect time, i was smiling at the camera, and Ben was looking down at me, smiling my favourite smile. I couldn't take it anymore as the teas ran freely down my cheeks, the pain was too much. I went into my bathroom, opened the medicine cabinet and fumbled around for anything to make me sleep, I needed to dream. My hands found the bottle of valium. I poured some into my hand and swallowed. I walked back to my room and lay on my bed, waiting for the darkness to overtake me.
The sun was slowly setting over the ocean when the limo pulled up, It was now or never. My heart was pounding in my throat as my father reached out his hand towards me.
"You ready Kiz?" he asked with a smile.
"As I'll ever be" I replied with a slow smile spreading across my face despite the nervous butterflies swimming around in my stomach. I took my fathers hand and he lead me out of the car, my white gown trailed out behind me. In front of me iI saw a gazebo, the canopy filled with flowers spilling down the sides, and a crowd standing as Pachelbel's Canon came over the speakers, but nothing mattered, because I saw Dimitri standing in the middle of the alter, the Priest beside him, and I couldn't get down the alter fast enough. I couldn't contain the grin that was on my face as dad took the hand that he had clasped in his own and placed it in Dimitri's. I looked up into his eyes, and saw his expression mirroring my own.
"let's do this Mrs. Belikova," he whispered to me as we turned to face the Priest.
"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today..." The Priest began, but his voice slowly drowned out into silence
I woke with a start, tears filled my eyes and spilled over when I remembered the previous night and my dream. I looked to the clock that lay next to my bed. 2:38pm. I'd slept for over 15 hours, and it still wasn't enough. I needed more. I struggled out of bed and stumbled through the corridor to the kitchen. As I was walking something caught my eye. The door that I had ignored for the past few weeks, that I had tried my hardest to pretend wasn't there suddenly captivated my attention and I couldn't look away. I nervously edged my way to the room and traced my hand softly along the door frame, my eyes closed, trying to find the courage to look inside. After a few moments, I gently turned the door know and opened my eyes and looked into the soft pink walls that my child will now never sleep in. A cot lay, still wrapped in plastic in the corner. My heart clenched at the sight and I broke down. I crumpled in the middle of my daughters room, hugging my knees to my chest and cried. I don't know how long i stayed there for, but by the time I left the room, the sun had already set. I walked past the cupboard where the alcohol was kept, took out a bottle of whiskey, and set off to the depths of my room.
I sat in the new house, practically bouncing in my seat. I couldn't wait to tell Dimirti, he was going to be so happy. He was so amazing with kids and we'd always wanted a family. Tears pricked my eyes when I thought back to this morning when I took the tests, and my hand moved to rest on my small baby bump. I heard keys rattle in the front door and my heart started going a million miles a minute. I stood up to greet him at the door, and his expression turned from happy to concerned when he saw the tears in my eyes.
"Roza, are you okay? What's wrong, are you okay?" he said all in one breath, waving his hands around, as if to help. I let out a gentle laugh and smiled, shaking my head. I grabbed one of his outstretched hands and placed it on my stomach next to mine. His eyes lit up when he realised what I meant and he smiled, bigger than I'd ever seen, before crushing his lips to mine.
The scene abruptly changed, and I watched myself from a distance. Dimitri opening the car door for me as I cautiously walked to the car, as fast as I could given my large and protruding stomach. Dimitri helped me into my seat, got into his side of the car and we drove off. I watched, the car going normal speed, following all the rules. The car stopped at traffic lights. The light flashed from red to green, and the car lurched forward. I watched everything happen in slow motion. A truck, not stopping at the lights, coming right across the intersection, right into the side of our car. Coming right towards Dimitri's. My screams melted into the screeching of brakes and the crumpling of metal, and then nothing.
I woke up panting and let out a scream. Why am I here? Why am I still here? I opened my eyes and regretted it immediately, due to the burn of the midday sun on my eyes, and the throbbing headache it brought on. I got out of bed in search of something, anything to stop the pain. My legs carried myself to the bathroom and I couldn't control myself as I searched through the cupboards, looking for something strong. I found the bottle of sleeping pills and I swallowed as many as I could, as fast as I could, straight from the bottle. I don't know what lead me to do this tonight, but the thought barely crossed my mind as I suddenly felt dizzy. The world started crumbling away from around me as I crumpled onto the bathroom floor, and the darkness engulfed me for the last time.
I was overwhelmed in life, but now I floated carelessly through a dark tunnel, all my problems fading away behind me, and a bright white light calling to me. I made my way through the light and on the other side stood Dimitri, looking as gorgeous as I remembered, a soft smile graced upon his face, and a small, beautiful child in his arms.
He reached out his hand to me, and i took it. Never looking back.