Author's note: This is a one-shot. If you don't enjoy it, then it wasn't meant for you. Love to my bb gothcake for whom this fic is written. Can you spot all the meme?
My name is Bella Swan.
I moved to Forks, WA to live with my dad because my mom got remarried.
Life was quiet in this small town until yesterday when a mysterious traveling circus arrived in town.
The same day, a strange boy showed up.
Despite being the most boring character in the history of literature, I'm not stupid. I decided to be more interesting and followed him into the woods at the outskirts of where the circus had set up.
I walked up behind him, "I know what you are."
Gasping, he turned to me, chagrined.
"You're preternaturally funny," I continued. "And hilariously skinny. Your base paint make-up is pale white and your shoes are huge."
"Say it. Out loud. SAY IT."
"You're a carnie."
"Ask me the most basic question: What do we eat?"
"Okay. What do you eat?"
"FUNNEL CAKE."
"I'm not scared of you."
"AS IF YOU COULD OUTRUN MY CLOWN CAR. AS IF YOU COULD FIGHT OFF MY ANIMAL BALLOONS."
"Do me."
"I'm a monster."
"Pop my cherry on the trapeze."
He grabbed my wrist and dragged me to the big top.
"You don't understand. You have to see me in the spotlight."
He stepped into the center ring, and then, hesitantly, into the spotlight, "Look at me."
The spotlight revealed battered boots, billowing clown pants, a ratty tweed jacket, a little bag tied to a stick slung over his shoulder, and his sad-face clown make-up.
I stuttered out, blinking frantically, "Y-you're beautiful..."
I stepped toward him but stopped abruptly when a clown car skidded to a stop between us. The doors flung over and Edward dived into the car.
Don't ask me how I knew his name. I'm not concerned with continuity.
He dragged me in behind him.
"Bella, this is Tom. He's a hobo clown too."
Tom-the-hobo-clown squeezed his little hand horn at me which I supposed meant hello.
"Hello, Tom. Why are you in pajamas and a bowler hat?" I reached over to shake his hand politely, but clumsily hit the car horn instead.
Beeping the car horn must have been clown code for "orgy" because everyone appeared out of nowhere to pile into the car with us.
Even the circus unicorn.
I reached out to stroke Edward's grease painted cheek and then cockblocked you.
*****
"Carlisle, I want to become one of you."
"Alright. Eat this magical funnel cake that I've taken out of this mystical trunk I got from an old gypsy woman who cursed me years ago. You don't really need to know this but we need some more pointless exposition. Now if you really want to run away and join the circus, take this red scroll but don't read it until the next scene. Or take this blue scroll and stay in this stupid small town, finish school, and be stuck here forever."
I took the red scroll and looked at Edward. "Now what?" I asked.
"Go out to the beach resort where your friend Jacob works. We're not allowed to go there. Read the scroll when you see him."
So I did.
"Hey Bella!"
"Hi Jacob. I'm supposed to find you and read this red scroll so I can run away and join the circus."
"Sure sure," he said.
I opened the red scroll.
Wake up. You're being raped.
I opened my eyes and my friend Jacob was shoving his tongue down my throat.
I kneed him in the groin. "No means no, asshole."
I went back to the circus and Edward gave me more of that delicious funnel cake.
His sister, Alice, stared at me with wide eyes, "She's glorious!"
His other sister, Rosalie, spit into the sawdust, angry at my new visage. "Oh what the shit! I wanted to be the bearded lady!"