This is for AphYuriWeek Day 6: college au. Let me know what you think please!
A lot can happen in two weeks. And by a lot, I mean moving to London from Germany, starting a five year undergraduate degree at University, falling in love, and realise hopelessly that you don't have to keep ringing your grandfather for permission to go out for a drink (or permission for anything really). In just two weeks, I discovered how to grow up and to be completely young at the same time.
Gilbert often asks me why I chose England to start on my forensic psychology course, and before now, I never had an answer. It just seemed like an interesting thing to do. What was the point of learning English at school if I were to never use it?
But, I have found an answer for him. It's because of her.
The little Italian artist. She happens to be my roommate, which that in itself is impressive, as not many people are willing to share a room on campus with a cripple who needs a service dog, I discovered. Everyone who was supposed board with me ended up transferring to a different apartment. Not that I can blame them, it isn't exactly ideal to have to put up with special circumstances such as myself.
But she stayed. After five previous rejections, this tiny Italian stayed.
Felicia is her name. And she may be small, but what she lacks in height she makes up for energy. It is strange, because it is not the type of energy that leaves me exhausted like other people, but the type that makes me feel energized too.
Felicia brings me up to her level, and I don't feel as disabled when I am with her.
In the two weeks it took for us to settle into this London environment, waking up early and getting lost trying to find classes, and to fit ourselves into this new living pattern, we became very close friends. I even let her pat Aster, my service dog, during the evening. She doesn't know yet why I need a service dog. She hasn't asked.
It's raining when I saunter away from my afternoon lecture on Friday. Aster grumbles beside me. He doesn't like the rain, and neither do I, but it is always raining here, so we both have to get used to it.
I juggle my textbooks and dog leash in one hand and scramble to find my umbrella hidden at the bottom of my bag. It's when I just manage to yank it out when it happens.
It starts with Aster whipping around to look up at me, golden eyes piercing as he sniffs the air.
Oh. Oh no.
There is a split second where the world jut seems to stop. The intake of breath feels heavy as I drag air into my lungs. In that split second, I realise just how exhausted I am. Of this. Of everything.
Aster yelps sharply, and starts dragging me to the dorms. While he rushes me along, I shakily start to shove the textbooks into my backpack, swinging it over my shoulder.
How strange, this has become a big part of my life, yet I am starting to panic.
I guess it's because I know what's to come. Though I haven't felt it grasping me yet. Aster must have caught it earlier than usual. He's been doing that a lot recently. Hopefully there is enough time to make it back into my room.
Crap. I hope Felicia isn't back yet.
Aster picks up the paced, forcing me into a jog. We dart across campus, scurrying past cafes and bookshops until we finally arrive at the reception building. Ducking out of the rain, Aster all but hauls me inside and pulls me towards the back elevator. Once inside I hit the level five button, and I can feel it happening. Aster must be able to as well, he starts nudging my hand and whimpering.
And I am scared.
A small sob cracks through my lips and I fist my hands into his creamy fur. He whines, and I feel awful that he has to go through this with me. It's just not fair. I hate this.
The elevator dings at us as we arrive at level five. Aster lurches out, taking me with him, and makes a beeline through the corridor to our door.
Felicia is playing music while lounging on her bed when I stumble in. The cold sweats have started.
"Hey!" she sits up and grins. "I was hoping you would be back soon, I am going out… hey are you okay?!" her richly accented voice started off cheerful, but drops to a dark song of a question. I am going to throw up. Need to get out.
"Uh, I am fine yes. Just a little ill from the cold. Y-you are dressed up." Aster starts tugging me towards the bathroom.
Yes I am getting there. I just don't want her to get suspicious.
Oh please, she must know something is up for you to have a service dog.
Felicia climbs off her bed and pads over to me, and I can see she has straightened her hair and subtly coloured her face with pink lipstick and mascara. Instead of wearing her Hello Kitty flannel pyjamas (which she tends to change into as soon as she gets back from class), she instead wears a deep blue silk dress that clings to her curvy frame. Her dark skin seems to shine bronze, and I get the whiff of sweet perfume. She looks good. Really good.
But here she stands in front of me, with a sad pout on her face.
Aster starts barking at me.
"A-are you going out somewhere?" maybe I can convince her to get out quickly.
Biting her lip, she nods. "I was waiting for you, I was hoping to ask if you would like to come with me- um some friends of mine and I are heading to town for drinks. But you look like you need to go to bed now."
Why did this have to happen today of all days?
"I um, yes. Sorry, I would love to join you, but uh, y-yep." Aster tugs on my sleeve while growling. Ah, so close.
Felicia glances at Aster, and her eyes widen, quickly looking up to me again. Hesitantly, but gently, she places both her warm hands on either side of my face.
And I can see the fear.
"Is- is this something to do with why you have Aster?" she whispers. I nod helplessly. "Do I need to stay here? I can look after-"
"No." I mumble. "No its fine. This is fine. Go have fun. I'm fine."
The shaking has started.
"But will you-"
"Felicia, I will be okay. This will pass, as it always does. Right now, I need you to leave. Trust me, you do not want to be around for this."
I start wheezing, and I hate the way my words draw sorrow onto her face.
But I do not have time to feel guilty yet. Felicia steps back and drops her hands as Aster yanks me to the bathroom.
I'm sorry.
The first thing that breaks through the blackness that is unconsciousness is, of course, a wet nose. It pokes my forehead and makes a snuffling sound.
Aster.
He whines a little, and nudges me again.
I blink one eye open, and I am lying on my side on the cold tiled floor of the bathroom. Aster stands over me, golden eyes gently gazing at me.
"Oh Aster," I sob. I cling to him, burying my face into his neck, and cry.
Anyone who experiences seizures can attest how tired you get after them. It takes a good forty five minutes of me crying into my Labrador to finally get the motivation to stand up.
I must've vomited during the seizure. Guess I better clean that up. My body creaks and aches as I move about cleaning the floor, then giving my face a quick wash as well. Aster stays close, always brushing against my leg when my bottom lip trembles or when there is a wet hitch in my laboured breath.
The clothes I am wearing are drenched with rain and sweat, which is no surprise really, but incredibly uncomfortable. So I busy myself with picking out my favourite sweatpants and hoodie. As I place the dirty clothes in my laundry basket, I grab the day old towel and use it to dry Aster. I think it's safe to say he thoroughly enjoyed that.
Despite my fatigue, I know all too well that sleep isn't going to be an option. I worry, because now I am forced to address this with Felicia. She needs to know. She should've been told before now, I can't just spring this up on her.
I should've told her two weeks ago.
Aster leaps up on my bed and digs around the covers while I snatch my laptop from my desk and crawl into bed next to him.
"What do you want to watch? I murmur to him as he readjusts his position, opting to curling up against my leg with his head resting on my lap.
Balancing the laptop on my other leg, I browse through Netflix. I need something happy and uncomplicated to watch, just anything to distract me from now.
A cartoon pops up several minutes later, the cover art full of bright colour and a happy looking kid. Steven Universe it's called.
"You think we should give this a go?" Aster looks up at me and blinks.
Might as well.
I end up watching the first season without break.
Where has this been my whole life?
Halfway through season two is when I realise I am hungry. Having no energy to leave my bed whatsoever, going to the dorm kitchen is completely out of the question.
Should I…?
There is no way I am able to make something to eat, but gosh I am hungry. I guess the only option I have is to get something delivered.
This is embarrassing to admit, but I get a slight buzz when I order myself pizza for the first time. There is no way to justify how excited I am to get something delivered. Food. I am getting food delivered. Usually Felicia will just cook up some tin food, or noodles.
I order an extra pizza for her, I'm sure she will need it tomorrow.
Its 9:00 when the long awaited pizza man knocks on my door, Aster whips his head up and growls.
"Oh shoosh, you," I scold in German as I shove off the blankets and scurry off the bed. I hurriedly pay the pizza man and take the warm boxes back into the comfort of my room. Looking over at Aster makes me laugh, he is intently staring (or sniffing) at me. "You can have some, only because you're cute though. But you have to promise not to tell Grandfather that we've broken our health workout."
I slide Felicia's pizza into the mini fridge between our beds, and resume my position in bed: laptop on one leg, Aster on the other, and a blanket draped over my shoulders. The meatlovers sits on the bedside stand, so I grab a piece and offer it to a very hopeful looking Aster. He takes it gently, and I get a piece for me too while returning to Steven Universe.
By the time the pizza is gone, Aster is asleep, second season has been watched and I think about how much Felicia will love this show. I look over at her empty bed, and miss her presence. For two weeks, we would lay here, and I would listen to her soft, sleepy breathing.
How can I miss someone just after two weeks?
With a huff, I close the laptop and sit it on top of the empty pizza box. Guess now I should try to sleep then. Stretching, I stand and pace over to flick off the light. I really feel like I could sleep for a year.
It's just as I have my hand on the switch that suddenly the door flies open. I yelp and jump backwards. Felicia stands in the doorway, looking just as stunned as I feel.
"Monika," she breathes, stepping up to me quickly and wraps her arms around my waist. She rests her head on my chest, and I choke on air. "I was so worried."
"Y-you are here earlier than I thought." Why is my voice cracking?
"I couldn't concentrate, I couldn't have fun. Not while I knew something was wrong here. I was s-so worried, and I just had to make sure you were okay-"
"Oh Felicia," I scold and rest my arms around her bare shoulders. "You idiot. I am fine."
"You scared me!" she cries, her sing song voice muffled by my hoodie. "y-you scared me. And I-I feel so bad for just… just leaving you here by yourself."
Ah. I can't leave her in the dark anymore. She should not feel this guilt. I have to tell her.
I reach behind her and push the door shut. Clapping her shoulders, I gently push her away and hold her still.
"Get changed, and I will tell you why you don't need to worry.
It was raining heavily when I had decided to go for a bike ride. It was the day after I turned fourteen, and I really wanted to try out my new bicycle. Grandfather tried to talk me out of it; just wait for better weather, he didn't want me to get sick from the cold. I really wish I had listened to him.
Grandfather, Gilbert and I lived a little out of the village, it was just a twenty minute walk. So I decided to bike it and maybe go to the shops and buy some apples. It seemed like a good idea, what could go wrong?
The rain was heavy, and it was difficult to see the road.
I guess that's why the car didn't see me…
I was in a coma for three weeks. The blow I received to my head caused some brain injury. I wasn't supposed to recover as quickly as I did. But the doctors told me I was lucky that I was so healthy, otherwise I wouldn't have been so fortunate. They said that while there was minor damage to my brain, it should only affect my sight. I was to expect headaches and to be wearing glasses during class. Most of my injuries were broken pelvises and damaged legs. I would never be able to carry a child.
It was two weeks after I left the hospital, while still going to therapy, that I had my first seizure.
They never went away after that.
I got Aster when I was sixteen, he was a puppy, meant for emotional support for me, to motivate me to keep living. Gilbert had been training guide dogs as part of his career. He decided to train Aster to be a service dog for me when we saw the way Aster reacted a few minutes before a fit.
Now he is a certified service dog, and can give me so much more than a warning.
Felicia is unusually quiet from where she sits across from me in my bed. In her Hello Kitty pyjamas, her red hair tied up in a messy ponytail, dark face stripped of makeup, and she looks so much younger than nineteen.
Nibbling on her thumbnail, she looks down at Aster. He managed to nestle himself between my legs, snoring softly.
"Felicia?" I croak softly, hating the look on her face. She glances up, and I see the glistening in her terracotta eyes.
Oh no.
"So, were you-did-um," she sighs in frustration. "Monika, I am so sorry. I can't even begin to imagine how awful – do you still… struggle with… living?"
"No! No not at all! I am fine now, it's okay. I just get tired quickly. And the seizures… um, I'm sorry about this afternoon. I didn't want to scare you." My hands fist into Aster to stop them from flailing.
Felicia's hands flail though. She waves them around, unsure as she suddenly gushes in Italian. This happens from time to time, whenever she gets excited or flustered, she forgets English.
But now she cries, and I ache. I ache, because I don't deserve how golden she is. Too pure, so much more than anyone I have ever met.
She doesn't deserve to cry for me.
"Felicia, please don't cry, I am-oomph!"
She launches herself at me, and suddenly I am on my back looking up at her face that is very close to mine. Her hands are placed on either side of my head, and I can feel her knees pressed on either side of my hips.
Despite the seriousness of our discussion, my face gets warm at our proximity.
Felicia sniffs, and softly lets out a sad giggle.
"Monika," she hums. "Monika, Monika, Monika." She lowers herself so that she now rests on her elbows, and her soft hair tickles my face. I feel Aster crawl towards my feet with a grumble.
"I want to look after you, Monika. Not because you need it, because you deserve it. You don't understand how… I just want you to… oh Monika."
I try not to cry. I try really hard. So instead, I just gently tug on her sleeve, bringing her closer, so close until I can feel her breathe, and smell her perfume. So close that our noses touch, and I can see the flecks of yellow in her irises.
"You're ridiculous," I whisper, daring to reach up and shakily press a hand to her cheek. She almost seems to purr as she rubs into the touch. "But thank you."
"Thank you for telling me. That must have been very scary."
"It wasn't that bad. I barely remember the incident."
She offers me a smile, it's a little sad and broken, but genuine. I take it, I take it willingly.
Ever so slowly, she shifts, and presses soft lips to my cheek.
I turn to fire, flames licking at my every nerve, and I am hyper aware of how close she is to me. The sound that escapes my mouth is a tortured little gasp.
Just from a kiss on the cheek.
I feel her smile more warmly against my skin, then she moves to hover her lips over mine, and I can't help the little whimper that hisses through my teeth. My thumb glides over her cheek bone, and I pull her so carefully, so I might be able to feel her mouth…
Felicia kisses with honey like sweetness, soft like Aster's fur after a bath, and so loving. I can only hope she can taste the adoration upon my mouth that is for her.
"Have you eaten pizza?" She whispers into my mouth. Embarrassed that I completely forgot to brush my teeth, I try to hold back the snort, so it comes out as a muffled giggle.
"Trust you to ruin the moment with pizza." I snigger. "Don't worry, I got some for you too. It's in the fridge."
Her eyes widen and light up, and I can't help but scoff at her.
"Thank you!" she sits up so she is perched on my lap. "Should we eat it now?" I roll my eyes at her, already missing the warmth of her body.
"It's late, eat it tomorrow. There is a show I want to show you, I think you will like it."
"Can I sleep in your bed?"
I think I just about combust. Trying to speak, but instead just wheezing at her, I nod. She throws me a beaming smile, rolls off the bed, and gets the lights.
It's in the darkness that I allow my shy smile to widen embarrassingly. Felicia kissed me. With her mouth, on mine. That was real!
Felicia curses as she clumsily scrambles onto my bed, her hands finding me in the dark, and I pull up the blankets when she snuggles in closely to my chest. Humming happily, her fingers trace at my collarbone, causing me to swallow back sappy words. Instead, I bring my arm around her waist, and trail light touches along her hips.
"After we watch this show tomorrow, and after we pig out on pizza and hopefully cuddle and make out a lot," she hugs herself tighter to me, "Can I paint on your back?"
"That sounds really nice, I'd like that."
I really look forward to tomorrow.
Hey, so how was that? This was something quick to whip up (I did this in a day, please forgive how rushed it is!) while working on chapter three of Turning Pages. Thank you for reading!