X-files, set after 10x04 Home Again
Author's note: This is my first (yeah, I know) X-Files fic. I have an outline for a 7 chapter story, but who knows what it will turn into. I have a few unfinished works still up, I'm really hoping to finish those some time soon as well.
In my mind, Scully and Mulder never had a very stable relationship while living together. Chapter 2 will deal with their 'history' as I wrote it for this story, however I have many theories and I like a lot of them so this is just one idea.
Take Me Home Again.
Chapter 1.
I Need To Go Home.
He could feel her quiet tears on his chest, straight through his coat and suit. Her head on his shoulder shook softly from time to time, as she tried to make sense of everything that was going on in her brains. He had put his arm around her and quietly squeezed her closer to him every time he heard a sob. She was trying desperately to hide her agony from him but deep inside he knew how she must feel. The only thing he knew how to do right now was to be there with her.
Dana Scully had lost her mother. Not too long after reuniting with Fox Mulder to reopen the X-files, she had gotten the call. It was something she hadn't thought about in a long time, her life having quieted down a little after everything she had been through.
Being so close to Mulder again had reopened a lot of sealed boxes for her, including a very emotional box which she had tried very hard to keep closed. It contained all of the emotions she could ever feel, because he had always been her soundboard. Emotionally, intellectually, he had always known her in ways she could hardly fathom. From the second she'd seen him ('I'm always happy to find a reason',) she had known she was lost again. But he had been there, so it was okay. Only now, sitting on the tree bench next to him, she felt divided. He had been her everything, and she was very grateful for his presence. But he had been very closed off about his feelings regarding William, admitting that he thought of their son, but not going any further than that. She hoped he could see how deeply the worry went with her, and how deep her pain was right at this moment. Because she knew that if he left her right now, like he'd left her once before, she wouldn't be able to bear the pain.
As the mist clouded the bay before them, Scully could feel the pain of losing her mother intensifying with every breath she took. There were so many questions she still had for Margaret Scully, and apart from that she'd give anything right now to just talk about anything with her. But instead she was sitting here, alone, with her mother's ashes at her feet.
Another sob tore from deep within her and Mulder took her hands in his free left hand. 'Scully.. I'm so sorry.' It was all he could say, even though he wanted to say so much more. She looked up at him, her make-up smeared and her face tear stained. He met her eyes, trying to tell her quietly that it would be ok, that things would get better again but he could see she didn't hear him. His thumb came up to try and wipe the mascara off her cheeks and she let him, keeping her eyes on his.
'I just want to go home,' she said softly. 'Can we go home?'
'What about the ashes?' he asked. He knew she wanted to spread them here, as her mother would have wanted, but he also knew there was no rush. Scully had taken the burden upon herself to take care of this, but in no way was it her responsibility. Bill was back in town, he could take care of it, as he had told her repeatedly. Mulder hoped with all his might that Dana would take it easy, as he had seen the effect the last few days was having on her. She was distracted, sad, and just not herself. She tried to hide it, sometimes successfully, but he had always been able to see right through her. He'd let her think she was hiding her feelings on a few occasions, knowing her pride was important to her and that she just wanted to show how strong she was. Just for the outside world, though, because he knew that with him she'd always show her real feelings.
His thumbs on her cheeks were nice, she thought. It had been long since they had touched each other in any way, except for hugs. She longed for his touch, it was always such a comfort to her to feel his love. However, she wasn't sure she deserved it anymore. So as she was waiting for his answer she pulled away slightly, her hand taking his from her face and putting it in her lap.
'I don't want to take care of this right now, I just need to go home,' she repeated. He nodded and squeezed her shoulder one last time before standing up. 'Then let's go home.'
He extended his hand to her, and she took it gratefully, knowing that without him she'd be unable to stand gracefully let alone walk across the pebble beach towards his car. She took the urn from the ground, her hand shaking, and held the black case against her chest with all her might. He put an arm around her and together they walked towards the car.
Having put the urn in its place at the cemetery Scully walked back to the car. Mulder had asked her if she wanted him to join her, but she had used the few moments alone to collect her thoughts. Home. What was home again? Was it her apartment? Their office, or his home? Years ago she had come to realize that home was wherever he wanted to be, but lately that didn't work anymore. He had separated himself from her a few years ago, so now they were back at work together she wasn't sure where home was. She knew one thing though, she didn't want to be in her apartment alone tonight.
Mulder watched sadly as he saw her walking from the white building across the rainy path towards his car. She looked so small, but she was so unbelievably strong. The contradiction fascinated him, it always had. Her head was down and her step was slightly wobbly, indicating she was exhausted and still very emotionally fragile. As she got in, she met his eyes. 'I'm ready,' she stated. 'You drive.'
He was in the driver's seat already so it seemed like an abundant statement, but to him it meant a lot. You drive, you take me to wherever you're going. He had considered asking her to stay with him tonight, but had decided against it because he knew she would decline if it came from him. It had to be her decision. Seeing her again, after being separated for five years, had been more magical than he'd thought. They'd had lunch or dinner a couple of times, and she'd consulted on something he had been working on once during those five years, but in the end he was the reason they weren't together, so he had to fix it. And he wanted to, he really wanted to. He just didn't know if she'd let him. And he knew she was broken right now, exhausted and emotionally spent, but this was the first step in the right direction. He would take her home.
It was late at night, closing on midnight when a shaking car woke Scully up. She'd been asleep in the passenger seat for a while, after being too tired to talk to Mulder and too preoccupied to read up on case files. The shaking indicated they were off the main road, and she sighed with relief. He'd taken her to his home, not to hers. She had dreaded the moment when she would tell him she wanted to stay with him tonight, but deep down she had known that he would not leave her alone. Not right now.
'Hey,' Mulder said. 'You're awake. We're nearly there.' Glancing over at her he saw she was looking a little better. Sleepy and messy, but a little better.
'Thank you,' she said in a half-whisper, her voice cracking under sleep and tears. He nodded and drove up to his house, parking the car behind it. He got out just as Scully got out on her side, and walked her to the back door. The little white house had always been his favorite, secluded, with a porch and a view to die for. It had been his safe house for years, and now it would be hers.
She stepped into the house that had once been their home. Memories hit her as she walked inside, and she took a moment to calm down.
'Here, I'll take your coat,' Mulder offered. She let him take her coat off her and she dropped onto the couch. 'I don't have any clothes with me.'
He smiled. 'You've always had clothes here, Scully. Some things you didn't take with you.' She looked at him. Memories of their separation were amongst the things she didn't care to revisit, so she just nodded. 'All right. Can I take a shower? I'll take the couch.' Mulder looked at her, one hand on her upper arm. 'You can take the bed. And my bathroom is your bathroom, Scully. Take it easy, try to relax. I'll be out here. Do you want some coffee when you're done?'
'No thanks, it'll keep me up. Just water will be fine, Mulder. Thank you, again. For everything.' She wasn't one to say thank you this much, but he really meant a lot to her. Especially now, now that she felt like she was losing everything else.
She walked up the wooden stairs towards the small bedroom they had once shared. Remembering she had always taken the bottom drawer and also remembering being too hurt to clear everything out she went to his closed and opened that drawer. He was right, she did still have stuff here. He'd kept it neat and clean, she could smell he'd washed it quite recently. Picking out her underwear, pajama pants and one of his T-shirt she headed for the bathroom. The top floor of this house was small, but high as the roof came together in a reverse V-shape above her head. She'd always liked the height, the wooden beams and the dark wooden floors of this place. It had so much character and it was so Mulder.
Hearing her move around upstairs sounded familiar but it hurt his heart nonetheless. She was under so much pressure right now, and he wasn't sure he could do enough to help her. Tomorrow he'd try to talk to her, about everything he was feeling. It needed to be said. She needed to know he was still there for her, that she still meant everything to her. She always would. He had been dealing with a few things himself, including a depression that had taken a nasty turn as he'd come to terms with the fact that they were separated because of him. It might have only been the third or fourth time in his life that he'd said to her: 'I love you, Scully.' But she hadn't been around to hear it.
He put a glass of water and a sleeping tablet next to his bed on the nightstand, straightened the covers a little and took a pillow and blanket down to the couch. The running water had stopped, indicating that she was almost ready. He sighed as he sat down on the side of the bed, the events of the last few days only now catching up to him. Sighing, he put his head in his hands.
'Mulder,' Scully said as she walked into the bedroom, seeing him on his bed. His head down, he looked like he was tired as hell. She sat down next to him, her hand on his leg. No words were needed as they sat there for a few minutes, until Mulder sighed and stood. 'All right, Dana. Sleep well. I've put a sleeping pill on your nightstand if you feel like you need it. I'll be downstairs. See you in the morning.' She smiled up at him and nodded. 'Sleep well.'
Crawling under the covers she could smell Mulder on the sheets and on the pillows. It comforted her, even though there were a million thoughts running through her head. She heard him lock the doors and she smiled to herself. She was safe now, she could let go. So she did, she tried to let all the tension out. Showering had helped, but still she felt tight in her belly. Consciously relaxing herself helped a little, but she couldn't keep the tears in once she'd relaxed as much as she could. She let them flow, quietly, so as not to disturb Mulder.
She jumped a little when she felt the bed move. Quickly though, she recognized the weight and movements of the man who had snuck in the bed behind her. His right arm enveloped her in the warmest hug she'd had in years, and his lips found her neck and cheek. 'Good night, Scully. Don't cry,' he whispered. The sweetness in his voice made her sob audibly and her hands held onto his arm for dear life. She didn't respond to him, but she relaxed into the large, warm body behind her. Yes, she was safe. She was home. Again.