Disclaimer: Don't own 'em! Wish I did! I don't even own the DVDs! Those belong to Keara!

Perturbation

by Tenshi-Chan

Part 1

It had been a pleasant early spring day in Four Corners. The weather had been fair. Bright sunshine with a cool breeze occasionally swirling the dust on the ground. Mary Travis had been planning to go a little outside of town to have a picnic to take advantage of the peaceful atmosphere. She smiled at one or two of the townspeople as she closed the Clarion and headed for the hotel when the sound of hoofbeats approaching got her attention. At one time, that sound was met with a feeling of dread in the pit of her stomach. That was before these particular riders appeared one fateful day that Mary would never forget. The greeting that she had planned died on her lips when she saw that something was wrong.

She did a quick scan ... looking at details rather than faces, and frowned in puzzlement. That puzzlement became concern when she realized one of their party was not present even though his horse was. The concern became dread when she took in the somber expressions of the older men and the stubborn expression on the youngest. "Gentlemen!" She nodded in greeting and then did another look to see if maybe she was mistaken. "Where's Ezra?"

Chris let out a breath and dismounted. "One of the men we were chasing was an expert powder man. Had explosives set up just in case they were chased. It caused enough of a distraction that they got away."

Buck removed his hat and Mary could see he was fighting tears. "We were all past it when the blast went off. Knocked Ezra off his horse into White River south of Kane's Ford and the water carried him away. By the time we rounded back to where Chance was, Ezra was gone." He sniffed. "Damn fool always rode behind the rest of us."

Mary's heart broke. True that, out of all of the group, the charismatic gambler had been the most trouble, but she knew the town wouldn't be the same without him. As she felt tears well up, she could almost hear his southern drawl.

'Now now, my dear woman. No need for you to waste tears on one such as myself.'

J.D.'s voice was thick with emotion as the others started to dismount. "We gotta go back and look for him! Until I see a body, he ain't dead!"

Mary saw that the young man had been making that argument for some time. "You are going back to look, right?" When Chis gave her a disbelieving look, she felt a ball of anger start to grow. "If nothing else, the man fought by your side and should have a decent burial."

Chris blinked at her and glanced to where J.D. was still sitting on his horse. "Did I ever say we weren't going to look?" In response, J.D.'s expression became a little less bullish and he practically hopped off of his horse.

"You mean we ARE going back?" He looked like a kid being told that they were going fishing rather than to look for their friend who would, more likely than not, be a corpse by the time they got to him.

Chris rolled his eyes as he sighed. "All I said was we had to come back to town. We don't know how long we'll be gone, and we should have some supplies." He stroked his horse's muzzle. "Buck and I should stay here to keep an eye on things." He shook his head. "Word gets out that all of us are out of town, no telling what could happen."

Mary nodded and continued on her way. Her spirits were dampened and she knew she had to plan for one of two stories to print. The first, an unlikely story of how Ezra Standish once again survived the odds and was brought back to town to be tended. The second, a heartfelt obituary about the loss of a man who had done a great deal for the town. There was also the possibility that they wouldn't find him at all. That they would never know what had become of Ezra. That was something Mary didn't dare contemplate.

Buck glanced at Chris as they gathered supplies for the others. "All right, Chris. I can understand why Nathan and J.D. have to go. No way that fool kid will stay behind and Ezra will probably need tending if he's still alive. Why Vin and Josiah? No need to track a river."

Chris was silent a moment. "There's a chance that he's alive and Ezra won't stay put. He'll try to get back to town if he's in any condition to move." He shared J.D.'s belief that until there was definite proof of the southern man's death, then there was no way Chris would believe he was dead. "If that's the case, Vin will be needed. Josiah should go in case ..." He swallowed. "Anyway Josiah is one of the strongest of us and someone will have to carry Ezra if he can't walk on his own."

Buck nodded. The reasons were logical. "Good planning. If you ask me, though, we should all go. Townsfolk aren't going to let some random group come in and bully them around like they used to."

Chris paused and leveled a look at Buck. "Go if you're in a mind to, but there is one slim chance that someone else will find him and bring him into town and one of us needs to be here to keep an eye out."

Buck let out a whistle. "Damn, Chris. Thought never occurred to me."

Chris shrugged. "It's a long shot, but it's a possibility. I'd rather have everything covered just in case."

"Yeah." Buck sighed and nodded. "Then sticking around is a good idea. Hell I'll even put Josiah's church into use while we wait."

Chris flashed a brief smile. "I thought you held the belief that prayer was all a bunch of hooey."

Buck chuckled. "That it may be, Chris, but it definitely won't hurt any. Who knows? It might even help."

Chris nodded and went back to gathering the various items the group heading out to search would need.

He was in pain, he was cold, and he was wet. That was about all he knew. As he blinked his eyes open and coughed up the little bit of water he had swallowed, he tried to think about where he was. As he pushed himself up into a sitting position weakly, he looked around with a frown. His head was throbbing too much to be of much help and there was no information readily forthcoming. The fact he didn't know his location was worrisome in and of itself. What frightened him was that he had no idea as to who he was and how he had gotten to wherever it was he had gotten to.

As he gathered his strength, he tried to piece together what it was he did know. Looking at himself brought no clues as his clothing was battered from the water. Although he did seem to be fairly well armed. He rubbed his head. So he did know some things, just not anything important. He knew he was carrying three guns and that his clothing was of good quality even though it had been through the same event that had caused him to forget who he was and where he was. He also knew that if he didn't get to some sort of shelter, then he might die even though he survived his swim. He took a deep breath and pushed himself to his feet. He took three shaky steps and tripped over his own two feet.

The landing caused him to cry out as a new wave of pain assaulted him and he figured he had caused himself further injury. He looked up at the sky. The sun was practically overhead. All he got from that was he had some time before he absolutely had to move. For all he knew, it would be better to just stay where he was in case someone came looking for him. He removed his jacket and folded it in order to use it as a pillow so he could lie back on it. He decided to rest a while in hopes of gaining enough strength so he could move should the need arise.

J.D. was anxious as he hopped around while they made the last arrangements to leave. Every minute they were in town meant another minute Ezra was out there hurt or dying. He didn't even entertain an idea that his smooth-talking friend was already dead. Ezra had survived things that had been more likely to kill him than a tumble into the river would. He really just wanted to head out as fast as Milagro could take him.

"Son," Josiah put a hand on his shoulder as if to hold him in place. "Bouncing around like a jackrabbit isn't going to make Vin or Nathan go any faster. It's best if you just save your energy for when we start out. Tiring yourself out will be of no use to us or to Ezra."

J.D. felt a flash of guilt and forced himself to settle down. "I just wish we had looked a little longer, Josiah! We could have found him and one of us could have stayed with him while the rest came back for supplies." He swallowed against the dryness in his throat. "He would have done the same for any one of us." When Josiah gave him a doubtful look, J.D. clenched his fists. "He would have! I can't explain why, but I just have a gut feeling that he wouldn't leave any of us to die."

Josiah sighed. "I hope your faith in him isn't ill-placed, John Dunne."

Just as J.D. was starting to feel anxious again, Vin waved a hand. "Come on! Let's mount up and ride out!"

Gathering up his strength, he managed to get standing again. This time, he was successful in his endeavor to walk in a somewhat straight line. He paused when he realized he had left his jacket behind, but decided that bending down to retrieve it would only cause him to fall over. Finding someplace warm was more important to him than a jacket, so he continued on his way. He concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other, hoping that the dizziness he was feeling would go away. He spotted a copse of trees surrounding a small building with broken windows and walls that had more holes than wood. It was better than nothing, though, so he made his way to the structure and pushed on the door. The hinge made a long, mournful sound and there was a layer of dust that was brought up when the door opened. That meant the place currently had no one living there. At least he hoped that was what it meant. He looked around the filthy and cobweb laden interior and felt relief when he saw a rough cot. Whoever had lived here hadn't been too keen on having luxuries. There wasn't much more than the cot, a dresser and a wood-burning stove. The only thing that got his attention was the cot. He stripped off his cold wet clothes and curled up on the cot, pulling the dusty blanket over himself. He didn't care that the blanket was old and filthy. It was dry and warmer than his clothes had been. That was all that mattered to him.

Josiah rode in silence behind the other three. Nathan had his horse hitched to a small cart that would be an adequate size to transport Ezra whether he be casualty or corpse, Vin was keeping his eyes glued to the river, and J.D. was looking around anxiously as if he expected Ezra to appear out of thin air. Much as it pained him to think it, Josiah believed that death had finally claimed the gambler.

They had been riding along the edge of the river for some time and the sun was starting to set. Pretty soon, it would be time to stop for the day and Josiah dreaded having to tell the youngest member of their group that the search was off until morning.

Just as that thought finished, J.D. let out a sound that bordered on pure joy and he urged his horse into a gallop.

Josiah brought his horse alongside to where Nathan was before indicating where J.D. was dismounting. "What's got into him?"

J.D. picked something up off the ground and ran back. "Vin! Look!" He held up a very distinctive red jacket. "It's Ezra's, isn't it?"

Josiah shook his head before turning his eyes heavenward. "Lord ... either You really love that man too much to let him die, or You just really don't want him for all eternity yet."

Nathan let out a chuckle. "Amen." He clicked the reins to urge his horse forward as Vin dismounted and looked around at the ground.

Josiah also dismounted and followed the steady progress. "What do you think?"

Vin let out a breath. "Well ... there are tracks from the river to this point where there are indications that he decided to rest for a while." He pointed away from the river. "From here, he may as well have made a huge arrow saying he went that way."

J.D. looked hopeful. "That's good, right? He made it away from the river, didn't he?"

Nathan's deep voice was calm when he spoke up. "Now don't go getting your hopes up too high. Just because he was alive long enough to walk away from the river doesn't mean he's still alive now. Might've done himself further harm by moving."

Vin nodded. "Hate to say it, but Nathan has a point. Let's find Ezra first and then say whether or not he's alive."

J.D.'s chin tilted stubbornly. "I say he is! I'd even put money on it right here if you want to."

Josiah chuckled. "No one's asking you to, son, so just settle down. Let's do as Vin says and find Ezra first. Plenty of time for betting when we find him. Lord knows he'll be sore if we make a bet and he isn't the one calling the odds."

The four of them shared a small smile at the hopeful light the red jacket shone on their search.

When the small shack came into sight, Vin held up a hand. "J.D., We'll let Nathan and Josiah go in. You and I will get a fire going."

Josiah shared a look with the negro healer. Vin's message was clear to them. If Ezra was dead, the tracker didn't want J.D. to be the first person to know. He attatched Trinity's lead to the cart and waited as Nathan grabbed his kit before they entered the small weather-beaten shack. He saw what he both hoped and dreaded he'd see on the cot. He let out a breath when the huddled form shuddered then shook his head with a smile and said a silent prayer in thanks that he would not be burying his friend that day.

Nathan whistled. "No one should be this lucky. He's got a nasty cut on his head that I can see. I need to check him and make sure he isn't hurt worse." He approached the cot quickly, stepping over the pile of clothes on the floor, and shook a pale shoulder. "Ezra? Ezra! Come on, now. Wake up so I can check how badly you're hurt."

The gambler woke up with a shout and looked around wildly as he tried to get away from them and only managing to get himself tangled further in the blanket.

Josiah was concerned at Ezra's reaction, but kept his tone soft. "Be at peace, Ezra. You're safe now."

Pale green eyes blinked at his tone, then they narrowed as if studying him. "D-do you know me?"

Nathan swore beside him, but Josiah made sure to keep his tone encouraging. "We're your friends. We came looking for you." He couldn't believe how young Ezra looked at the moment. The gambler looked lost and afraid. "You don't know us?"

Ezra's eyes darted from Josiah to Nathan and back before he answered quietly, closing his eyes briefly as if in thought. "I d-don't even know myself."

Nathan was quiet as he responded. "Well it looks like you got a bad knock on the head ... might have caused you to lose your memory. You hurt anywhere else that you know of?"

Josiah helped their injured friend to sit up properly, causing the meager blanket to slip a little. Ezra's skin was cool. Probably because the threadbare blanket could not have provided much warmth. "Will he get his memory back?"

Nathan shrugged. "Depends. Might come back sudden or gradually. Might not come back at all. Only time will tell. Right now, I want to look him over and make sure his head is the worst of his injuries."

Josiah nodded. "I'll get the change of clothes we brought and let our two brothers know the glad tidings." He paused when Ezra reached out and grabbed his shirt weakly. "What's wrong?"

"You aren't ..." He frowned and pursed his lips as if he was going to whistle before giving his head a slight shake. "Aren't going t-to hurt me, are you?" Ezra brought his hand up to touch the injury on his head and winced. "Sorry, but I d-don't know you."

Josiah blinked at Ezra's trouble with speaking. Perhaps the blow to the head had caused more than memory loss. He tried to smile in a reassuring way. "I promise that no harm will come to you by our hands. We're here to help." He gently patted Ezra's shoulder before turning away. He shared a nod with Nathan before exiting the shack.

J.D. looked up and approached with an odd mix of hope and dread on his face. Josiah took a deep breath. "It's all right, son. He's alive." He held up a hand as J.D. was about to let out a joyful whoop.

"What's wrong?" Vin had done a superb job of building a fledgeling fire and was carefully adding wood to encourage the small flame into something that would last longer and be warmer when the chill of nightfall set in.

Josiah sighed and shook his head. "He's alive." He frowned a moment as he searched for a good way to phrase it, then shrugged. "Problem is he got a blow to the head. He didn't recognize Nathan or myself. He doesn't even know his own name."

J.D.'s face fell. "It'll come back, though, right? I remember reading about someone that fell down some stairs and lost their memory. They got it back when someone played a song that had been their favorite as a child. Maybe the same thing will happen for Ezra!"

"Well that's in God's hands, J.D.." Josiah retrieved the small bundle of clothing. "Right now, Nathan is tending to the wound on Ezra's head and making sure he isn't hurt badly anywhere else. After that, I reckon Ezra will appreciate being warm, dry and fed."

Vin nodded. "Keep an eye on the fire, J.D.. I'm going to fix us some dinner."

Josiah smiled a little and turned back to the shack with Ezra's clothing.

"There! We're done. You can get dressed now."

He blinked at the dark-skinned man. So far, he hadn't thought to ask any names. At least he knew that his own name was Ezra because that was what he and the other tall man had called him. He offered a smile and nod in thanks as he accepted the clothes. He supposed he was lucky that it wasn't difficult to get dressed, or he would have been asking for help. He was going to have trouble enough as it was with one arm immobilized as the one tending to his injuries informed him he had dislocated his shoulder and it would be better if he couldn't do it again by accident in his sleep.

"Well ... since you have no memory, perhaps we should introduce ourselves." The tall white man cleared his throat. "My name is Josiah Sanchez and this is Nathan Jackson. Nathan, here isn't quite a doctor, but he does a good job at tending to the folks in the town we live in." Josiah tilted his head. "Me? I was a preacher until I fell from grace. Now I'm serving my penance and trying to save souls."

Ezra nodded and swallowed. "Jo ... Josiah and N-n-nathan." He had a feeling he shouldn't be having so much trouble talking, but really couldn't judge. He took a deep breath and sighed at the feel of dry clothes against his skin. "Anyone else?"

Josiah chuckled. "Yep! We're travelling with two more of our group. J.D. Dunn and Vin Tanner."

"Are we buh-bad men? I seem to have a ..." Ezra swallowed before he continued. "A lot of guns."

Nathan snorted. "Bad? No!" He seemed to be gearing himself up to say something, but Josiah cleared his throat and fixed Nathan with a look.

"You, my good friend, are one of seven men who were hired to protect the town of Four Corners. The last two of our group, Chris Larabee and Buck Wilmington, stayed behind to make sure no one starts any trouble." Josiah smiled warmly at him. "We all have our quirks," he frowned when Nathan coughed at the word, "but we all know we can count on one another. If not for our lack of proper supplies, we would have been out here looking for you earlier."

Ezra turned his attention to Nathan. "You d-d-don't like me." It upset him that there would be a reason one of the people he supposedly worked with had something against him, especially since he couldn't remember what that reason was.

Nathan sighed and turned his eyes to the ceiling before answering. "We just have our differences of opinion which cause us to disagree a lot." He shrugged. "You annoy the Hell out of me most times, to be honest, but I do not dislike you."

"Ah." He wanted to say more, but the effort of speaking really tired him out. He finished getting dressed with a minimal amount of aid, mindful of his aches and pains. He was almost relieved that, aside from his head and his shoulder, he was mostly suffering from a lot of bad bruising and a few minor cuts from rocks he had hit. Nathan had also said he was going to make sure Ezra wouldn't get sick from being exposed to the cold for so long.

Josiah took hold of Ezra's good arm to help him stay standing for which he was really greatful. He was still a little dizzy. "Come along, my friend. Vin has a fire going and, if my nose serves me right, is cooking up something to eat. You must be hungry since you didn't eat anything after we left town this morning. It's not like you had the chance with us chasing outlaws and you falling into the river."

Ezra allowed himself to be led from the dubious shelter the shack had provided and into the cooling evening where he saw two people tending to a fire. Both looked up as they approached. The obvious younger of the two stood up and beamed at him.

"Ezra! How are you feeling? We have a bedroll set up as close to the fire as we safely can." He shook his head. "Aw, Hell! Where are my manners? Josiah said you lost your memories, so I guess I should re-introduce myself!" He held his hand out. "J.D. Dunne! Glad I can keep working with you."

Ezra returned the smile and shook the younger man's hand. Then he turned to the last person. "Then, g-going by ... by what J-josiah said." He bit his tounge lightly as if he could punish it into behaving. He was glad that the last man waited patiently. The last thing he wanted was someone to finish for him. "You must be Vin." He let out a breath in relief that he got that all out.

Vin nodded once. "Get yourself comfortable and we'll eat."

Ezra allowed J.D. to guide him to the bedroll mentioned and sighed. He was glad he wouldn't have to move too much for a while. His whole body hurt. He looked up as Nathan approached him.

"Now I don't want you to overdo it. You start feeling tired, I want you to lie down and sleep. Your body needs to mend itself." Nathan smiled warmly at him. "I didn't put all that work into tending your hurts to have it all undone because you want to be stubborn."

Ezra smiled back shyly and nodded his assent. "I will. I p-pr-promise." Before any more could be said, a plate was placed in front of him on a steady piece of ground and Ezra proceeded to eat using his good hand. As he enjoyed his meal, he wondered what the next day would bring.

To Be Continued ...

Author's Notes: For the title, I used an online thesaurus for the word "Confusion".

This fic is also being posted on my website: www-celestialchronicles-com

My best friend, Keara, used the slow forward on the DVD during the episode "The Collector" to see some of the area names. She's also offered help and suggestions whenever I've gotten stuck, so many thanks to her.

Usually, the general consensus for the name of Ezra's horse is Chaucer. I decided that "Chance" was a more appropriate name for the gelding. The names I have chosen for the horses are as follows:

Chris: Pony / Buck: Buster / Vin: Peso / Nathan: Hemp / JD: Milagro / Josiah: Trinity / Ezra: Chance

For the most part, I got the names of the horses from the actual horse names the actors rode in the show with a little shuffling here and there. I honestly could not see Buck riding a horse named Beavis. As I stated, "Chance" seemed to be a good name for Ezra's horse. I decided on "Trinity" for Josiah's before I knew what the actual horses were called, and it just stuck in my head.

I would assume that anyone familiar with the series knows what the men all sound like, so I will allow you readers to imagine their various accents since I don't want to chance forgetting to type something while writing Ezra's southern drawl or Vin's Texas accent.

I honestly have no idea what injuries one would sustain when surviving a fall into a river and being dragged some distance by its current. I just needed a reason for everyone to believe Ezra was dead.

On a final note, I hope I am writing stuttering properly. I'm going by my experience of listening to my brother talk as he tends to stutter when he's excited. If I am not, I will welcome any corrections as I have no wish to insult anyone.