By Sandrocks sister
Disclaimer:
I do not own Gundam wing, I did not come up with the numbers.
Apologies:
I'd better do this now to avoid getting flamed. THIS IS A JOKE! It is not
to be taken seriously. I do not think all Gundam Wing fanfics are this bad.
What I do think is that the pilots should be referred to as numbers. Their
names are important and should be used. Sure, its convenient to just say 1x2 or
whatever but I disagree with this because of how significant the pilots names
are.
Also, I
don't really like fics where characters re stereotyped. I'm sorry
if this fic seems to be whingey but I just want the characters to be
represented fairly.
On the
other hand, this is NOT anti-yaoi!!! I love yaoi! Yaoi rules my life, its great.
Any yaoi references here are either jokes or complaints about the evil numbers.
So
remember, kids: Pilots have names – use them! Pilots have real
personalities – use them! ^_^ And don't take this too seriously. Oh
yeah, and don't flame!
Key:
this is
how the characters speak
this
is how the insane fanfic author speaks
this
is how actions take place
********
The
screen is dark. Lights go up to reveal Heero standing alone.
Heero:
For many years I have been attempting to escape the prison. I have- AARH!
The
insane author arrives and types 1x2 on her keyboard.
Heero:
What the? 1 times 2? I don't get it.
I am
the author. You are number one. Duo is number two.
Heero:
No I'm not. I am Heero Yuy. I am not a number – I AM A FREE MAN!
*laughs
mockingly* very nice, number one.
Heero:
Stop calling me that.
Quiet,
number one, *types* enter number five.
Wufei
appears.
Wufei:
What am I doing here?
No,
no NO! Your line is: 'you are weak! Injustice!'
Wufei:
*sweatdrops* err… why?
Because
you always say it – its your personality.
Wufei:
No it isn't.
Err…
well just say it, ok?
Wufei:
Fine… I have a feeling I'm being stereotyped here…
Deal
with it. *types* four and three enter
Quatre
and Trowa appear.
Quatre:
Hi!
Trowa:
How are you?
Stop,
you morons! Number three, you must say: '…'
Trowa:
Fine – dot dot dot
*sweatdrops*
not quite what I meant… say NOTHING ok?
Heero:
*laughs* but the SCRIPT says 'dot dot dot'
Silence,
number one. If you're going to say anything, say 'Omae o
kosaru'
Heero:
*sighs* more stereotyping…
And
you, number three, just ignore the script.
Wufei:
So can we all ignore the script? Cool!
NO!
Not cool! Say it right!
Wufei:
Fine… so can we all ignore the script? JUSTICE!
Much
better. Right, number four, your line is: 'we shouldn't be
fighting'
All
pilots: *sweatdrop*
Quatre:
But… we aren't fighting…
That's
irrelevant. Say it.
Quatre:
We shouldn't be fighting.
Heero:
We aren't fighting.
Ahem!
Heero:
Omae o kosaru.
Much
better. Right, enter R and D.
Relena
and Dorothy appear.
Relena:
Hi Heero!
No!
Your line is 'Heeeeeeeeeero'
Heero:
Yes! My name is acknowledged!
Good
point. Hmm… how about… 'number oooooooooone' ok?
Relena:
You know, I don't say it that much actually…
Shut
up and say your line! And D.
Dorothy:
Why don't Relena and I have numbers?
Err…
well you aren't as important as the characters.
Dorothy:
Actually the show is based around the pilot's interaction with the other
characters. The secondary characters are just as important. Perhaps even more
important.
Trowa:
Stop trying to pad your part, Dorothy.
Dorothy:
It's true, though!
SILENCE!
True or not, in my story, you and Relena are the evil ones. Now err….
Swish your hair menacingly and twitch your eyebrows and… umm… say
something about how beautiful war is.
Dorothy:
Oh that's easy! War is a beautiful thing – the thrill of battle,
the surge of electricity, the magic, the power! War is perfect!
Quatre:
Actually, I don't think you really like war.
Dorothy:
HA! What makes you say that?
Quatre:
You don't want to cover up your true anxiety, your fear and so you cover
it up with a love of war. You claim to love war but really you don't.
Dorothy:
Well…
ACK!
Character development! Lets put a stop to this conversation at once! Enter
thirteen and eleven.
Treize
and Lady Une appear.
Dorothy:
Mr Treize!
Lady
Une: *sans glasses* Stay back, Dorothy!
Ok,
very nice. You two go kiss in the corner or something.
Treize
and Lady Une wander off.
Ok,
umm… number one, say something about having no emotions.
Heero:
But I do have emotions!
That's
beside the point. This is a 1x2 fic so you have to have no emotions and number
two has to be hyper.
Heero:
Whatever. I have no emotions.
Good,
*types* enter number two in Deathscythe hell.
Duos
gundam appears.
Duo:
hi!
All:
Hi, Duo!
Right,
number two, bounce around the screen like a maniac on acid.
Duo:
Why?
Because
you're number
two,
that's what you do!
Duo: I
don't! I have a very complex personality – when was the last time
you saw an orphan bouncing around?
Last
time I wrote a fanfic with you in it.
Duo: Ok
then…. Err… WAAAH!!! I AM A LUNATIC ON ACID! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That
good enough for you?
*sweatdrops*
it'll do…
Right,
now the romance. You two have your scripts, right?
Heero:
Omae o kosaru. Why can't I admit I love Duo?
Duo:
Wheee! I'm a lunatic! Kiss me Heero! Kiss me!
Heero:
I have no emotions. Omae o kosaru.
Duo:
WAAAAAH! Why can't you admit your love?
Heero:
I don't know. Why can't I?
Duo:
That's it!
Duo
stomps on the author. Sparks fly.
Dr J.:
Hey, Duo, what are you doing?
Duo:
Stopping the madness!
Dr J.:
You destroyed our creation!!!
Duo:
What?
Dr J.:
That was our newest creation, the insane fanfic author and you destroyed it!
And
there was much rejoicing!
*********
Remember,
this is a joke. I like Yaoi, I like fanfics – but ONLY good ones. I
dislike character bashing and characters being portrayed stupidly. Anyone who
knows me will tell you I'm not a big fan of all these characters but I
try not to bash them. Please don't flame me. This is a joke!
