2/2/02

Notes: This is semi OOC, just in the fact that Ryoko isn't exactly a 700- year old space pirate. She's more of Tenchi's age and sort of plays off the "growing up" thing when she meets him at the cave as a little boy.

Craved Affection

Tiny droplets of water fell from the sky, trailing wet tracks down the parted windowpanes. Her aqua hair began slowly turning a darker shade of blue as the beads of water soaked in. She rolled her head to the side in attempt to keep the rain from stinging her eyes as her head lolled on the windowsill. Noise from inside the adjacent room alerted her and she quickly scrambled out onto the roof. As she tightened her robe across her chest, she heard his voice from inside, "Ryoko...where did you go?" She cringed at the voice. Leaning over the cold railing, she gathered her thoughts. Had her life come down to this? Pathetic, really, when she had to turn to him to fill the emptiness that constantly gnawed at her insides. He was the only one who had ever truly loved her, and yet, she despised him in truth. But, did he love her? Or was she the only woman weak enough to come to him? Neither thought made her feel any better as the replayed the night again in her mind. Exhausted and cold from the rain, she found herself on his doorstep. She kept telling herself that she was only there to ask for something to warm her up, but both her subconscious and her conscious knew that he was what she wanted.

The physical cold wasn't the problem, Ryoko could handle that. The coldness he was to relieve was her heart that had suffered such brutal treatment in the years past. She had sought comfort from him once before, but it was a fleeting relationship that lasted mere days with nothing to come from it. Now, she was back again and although her feelings about him hadn't changed much since they had broken up, he was just as determined to have her as he was before. She had entered the apartment intent on keeping her reputation clear of his name; she would have nothing to do with him on any level above a friendly basis. She was a friend in need; the sudden rainstorm had caught her off guard and she needed somewhere dry to wait it out. Nothing more, nothing less. That was the false truth she kept telling herself, but she knew it was no accident that she had come by his place. The rain was just a lucky diversion, another lie to help cover up the awful reality.

She had come there to find the kind of love she couldn't get from Tenchi. He loved her, but more like a sister or a good friend, not a lover. They had been together ever since they were young and it had always been a friendship, nothing more. But when he left for bigger and better things, she realized that their friendship had turned into love on her part. She followed him all the way through high school, keeping a steady watch over that which she loved so dearly. One summer day, she told him about her true feelings in as many words as a young girl can find in that situation. He was stunned beyond words and left her sitting there without a comment. Days passed and he became distant and colder toward her when they met. She tried to play off her mistake as though nothing had happened, but it was too late. As Tenchi got distant, she noticed a closeness she never saw before. Ayeka, her supposed friend who had made their duo a trio only few years after they met, was becoming closer and closer to Tenchi...yet he wasn't pushing her away. She watched as their friendship progressed, and soon she was the odd one out as Ayeka had been in the years previous. At that point, Ryoko decided that Ayeka was nothing more than a devious slut, hell bent on tearing apart what fragile scraps there were left of her relationship with Tenchi. Ayeka was after him all along and was just waiting for the day Ryoko messed it up. After the confession, Ayeka came strolling in, comforting Tenchi in the fact that she wasn't after his heart as Ryoko had been. Tenchi seemed to take solace in this fact and this just allowed Ayeka closer to his heart and pushed Ryoko further away.

In desperation, she turned to him...the only guy at the time that had shown serious interest in her. It was more of a spite thing, a test, to see whether Tenchi would notice or not. She had always known that he showed minimal interest in romance. She had hoped that if Tenchi saw her with another man, it would spark some sort of jealousy in him. So, she accepted his offer and the relationship began...ending only days later. She realized that she never wanted him to be anything more than jealousy bait for Tenchi...a bait he never went for. Nothing had come out of this relationship, yet there she was...standing on his balcony. This time, it wasn't for spite...it was for help, for comfort. The painful memories of hours earlier flashed through her mind. The knock at the door, her innocent question, his not-so-innocent answer, her not-so-reluctant acceptance.

Hours earlier, Ryoko had been sprawled out on his bed, submitting to his every will. She let him take her virginity she had so painfully resolved to keep for the night she married Tenchi. With one swift movement of his hips, that sacred ritual had been forever shattered from her future and tainted with his seed. His hands and lips claimed every inch of her body for his own, leaving his mark on her flesh forever. No longer pure, she lay there as he finished what he had for so long craved from her. Now, as she stood on the roof pulling the thin robe over her naked body, she realized what she had lost. Not only her innocence, but her soul as well. His voice from within the apartment made her skin crawl. Had she really just allowed him to take her? Why was she there, of all places, to find love? She didn't love him, never had and never will, but he seemed to love her. She ran her hand along a bare arm and thought of how good a hot shower would feel. Scalding water to burn away his memories from her skin.

Her thoughts were interrupted as an arm slid about her waist, sliding up to trace the curve of her breast. Her body tensed; she had gotten what she wanted from him and wanted his touch no more. His other hand ghosted briefly over her stomach before coming to a pause between her legs. They stood frozen for what seemed like hours, his head resting on her shoulder as his slow breathing made little white clouds next to her cheek. Suddenly, he broke the silence, "Ryoko...no need to run, I know *this* is what you wanted!" His fingers penetrated deep between her legs as he forced her down onto the rooftop. "I always new this day would come! I knew you truly loved me...couldn't forget me after we broke up!" He caught her mouth in a fierce kiss as he pinned her wrists to the ground, a feral gleam in his eyes. She snapped out of her trancelike state and freed an arm, connecting her fist with the side of his jaw. The sound of the blow echoed across the streets as he was sent skidding across the slick surface of the roof. He sat up and held his chin, grinning wickedly at her, "I always wondered if you played rough in bed...now I've had the chance to find out! I love that about you, Ryoko, it's such a turn on." He staggered to his feet and turned to advance on her again, but she had slipped back down through the window and ran out of the building.

She ran from the apartments as he called for her, but she turned a deaf ear toward his voice. After a few blocks, she was thoroughly soaked, chilled to the bone, and tired. She sank to her knees in an alleyway and looked up toward the crying sky. Her face was already wet from the rain when the warm tears came flooding from her eyes. She buried her face in her hands and sobbed. She wept for what she wanted, what she lost, and what she had done instead. She wept for a lost love, a false love, and the love she needed but never wanted from him. But most of all, she wept for Tenchi...he was a friend all along, and yet she had been greedy enough to desire more. It was her own fault, all of this, and she finally accepted it with a cry of his name into the dark night. Maybe he heard her, maybe he understood, and maybe he felt the same way. Ryoko didn't know...all she knew was how weak she had become, and how big of a mess she had turned her life into.