"Five days in the cooler for the Englander!" Colonel Wilhelm Klink shouted at the three men standing before him in the Kommandantur. "Hogan, confined to barracks for five days. Schultz, take them away! Dismissed!"
Corporal Peter Newkirk, cap in hands and looking contrite, was turning to head out the door when Colonel Robert Hogan pulled him back by the shoulder. "Now wait a minute, Kommandant," Hogan said. "Newkirk isn't the one to blame for the graffiti on the delousing station. I, well, I gave him the idea. I was recounting some of my own boyish high-jinks."
Klink punched his hand upward and said "Mmph!" Hogan could drive him crazy some days. OK, every day. What a childish prank. Why on earth would a full Colonel in the United States Army Air Corps urge anyone to draw those crude pictures of Hitler and Goering engaged in… well, Klink didn't even want to think about that part.
"I'm not letting Newkirk off the hook this time, Hogan," Klink said sternly. "He's always in the middle of mischief in this camp, and you egg him on. My order of five days stands for each of you, and don't tempt me to make it ten!"
"Fine, Kommandant," Hogan said, clearly cowed by Klink's determined stance on the matter. "Well, the least I can do is go with him. Newkirk is my responsibility."
Klink's face lit up. Hogan? In the cooler for five days? Why, it would be practically a vacation for a hardworking Luftwaffe officer like himself. Five days of no Hogan to get under his skin with his ridiculous demands and crazy antics.
But then common sense kicked in. "Wait one moment, Hogan. You want to go with him? Voluntarily? What are you up to?" Klink demanded.
"Well, how else are we going to teach Newkirk a lesson, Sir?" Hogan said. Then he leaned into Klink and added in a confiding tone, "You know what we're up against here, Kommandant. Newkirk here comes from a broken home. Circus people. Thieves and gypsies. Draw your own conclusions."
Newkirk picked up the hint. "I'm a bad 'un, Sir. I've always been a bad 'un. But please, Kommandant, don't send me to the cooler with Colonel Hogan. That would be cruel and inhuman punishment, Sir."
Klink peered skeptically at Newkirk. "How so?" he asked.
"Well, he'll talk my ear off, won't 'e? 'Show more respect.' 'Straighten up and fly right.' 'Disgrace to the uniform.' No poor enlisted man could take five days straight of that rubbish."
"Hmph!" Klink said again. "Hogan, I think you might be on to something. Suit yourself. Five days in the cooler. Schultz, take them away!"
Hogan pushed Newkirk out the door by his shoulders, but the corporal fought him every step of the way. "Get along, Newkirk. If you're not good, I'm going to ask that they put us in the double cell. Then you'll be really sorry."
"No, Kommandant!" Newkirk was protesting as he squirmed and twisted in Hogan's grip. "Not the double cell! And make 'im take 'is brasses off me. Oi!"
"Schuuuultz!" Klink shouted over the commotion. Schultz popped his head back in the door with a weary expression. "The double cell for these two scoundrels! Hogan, I expect you to straighten this man out. No more shenanigans!"
Hogan walked astride with Schultz as they left the Kommandantur, chatting cheerfully while Newkirk sauntered behind. Finally, Hogan dropped back and smiled at the British corporal.
"Why did you do a bloody fool thing like that, Colonel?" Newkirk demanded. Respect for authority was not his long suit.
"Ah, we all need a little break from our routine sometimes, Newkirk," Hogan answered glibly. "Besides, I wouldn't want you in there all by yourself."
Newkirk felt a sudden tingle in his belly. "No, I wouldn't want that either, sir. It could get a mite lonely for an enlisted man, all on his own in a cooler deep in the heart of Nazi Germany."
"Exactly. And a known trouble-maker like you needs a firm hand when it comes to discipline," Hogan said with a smile and a wink. They reached the threshold of the cooler, and Hogan swept an arm forward. "After you, Newkirk."
"Thank-ee, sir," Newkirk answered politely.
"In here," Schultz said. "The two of you. Newkirk, I am ashamed of you—drawing such naughty pictures. But Colonel Hogan is a very good officer. You listen to him, now."
"Yes, Schultzie," Newkirk said, looking meek and compliant. "Will you be guarding us?"
"I'll be back in six hours. This is the most escape-proof cell in here. Even with all your monkey business, you have never escaped from this one." The door slammed shut and the two men settled down to sit on the bunk farthest from the door.
Newkirk leaned forward and sighed. "We don't have a tunnel into this one, do we, Sir? It's the only blasted one."
"That's right," Hogan said.
"And Schultz is gone for six bloody hours. We're completely on our own. Not even a jailer to bring us a tin pot of food."
"Mmm-hmm," Hogan said.
"And five days of this. Cor blimey, that's a long time to do nothing," Newkirk said, turning to face the Colonel.
"Mmm-hmm," Hogan answered. "It sure is."
"Well, what are we waiting for, then," Newkirk said with a broad grin.
"I thought you'd never ask," Hogan said. He leaned into Newkirk and silenced him with a deep, long kiss.
*Brasses = brass bands = hands