As requested by Never And Ever
Lily's a bit OOC, but, you know, the hormones...
"Lily, are you feeling well?"
"Yes, James, I'm fine."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm very sure."
"Positive?"
"No, James, I'm dying!" said Lily finally, her patience running out.
"Galloping gargoyles! We have to get you to St. Mungo's!" cried James. "Should we Floo - Apparate - ask Mad-Eye?"
Lily rolled her eyes. "I'm fine, James. Just fine." She rested her hand on her swollen abdomen, where the baby was. The baby kicked, and she let out a little groan.
"What was that?" he said, approaching her and sitting beside her on the couch.
"Honestly, Potter," she said, mockingly stern.
"What, Potter?"
"Don't call me that! We're married for Merlin's sake!"
"Fine. The names - ?"
"Harry if it's a boy, after your grandfather, and Lily if it's a girl, after my grandmother," Lily sighed.
"And after you." James's voice was barely a whisper, and he leaned in to kiss her.
"Sorry to interrupt!" yelled the loud voice that followed the crack of Apparition. Both of them jumped back as Sirius shook out snow from his shaggy black hair.
"I'm sure all your romantic babble was delightful, but you have no idea what I just discovered!" he announced.
"Padfoot, mate, get out," said James.
"Ah, but Jamie-boy, I live here now," he said, winking.
"What?" spluttered Lily.
"A few dead relatives, protective enchantments, and a word with Dumbledore and - here I am!" he said cheerrfully.
"Wait, dead relatives?" asked James.
"Oh, a vague cousin of mine was killed for looking like me, never liked Cousin Hydrus anyway, and threats were made to a certain Sirius Black, and loads of other boring stuff... Well anyway, did you know what crazy things Muggles dream up? Tacos."
He held up a soggy taco and took a bite. "It's delicious! Who would think of wrapping meat and a salad in this crunchy thing here? It's an edible wrapper!"
Lily sighed deeply and buried her face in her hands. She winced at the sound of Sirius's shoes hitting the ground, and felt the spring of the couch as he sat on it.
"What's this?" he asked. Lily looked up to see Sirius had the remote to the TV. He pressed a random button, and landed on the cooking channel.
"And now, we're going to show you how to cream the butter and sugar for that perfect, smooth texture."
"And don't you think, Cindy, that adding more brown sugar - "
James clicked the TV off. "That's enough for you."
"Hey!" Sirius whined. "For once the Muggles got something to move! And I want to know why you should add more brown sugar!"
"Padfoot dear, since you're so enthusiastic about cooking, and James is a total culinary disaster, and I'm too pregnant to move... Why don't you make supper for us?" Lily asked in a falsely cheery tone.
Sirius gulped. "What were we talking about?"
"We were actually discussing names for the baby," said James.
"I vote for 'Sirius Padfoot Potter.'"
"You know, there's a very nice garden outside. We could build you a doghouse, and you could stay there as Snuffles. I'm sure it would keep out the snow," said Lily.
"Come on, where's your sense of hospitality?" Sirius complained.
"Same place your manners are," replied Lily.
"Fine. Be that way, Lilykins. I'm off to make supper."
Lily and James watched him warily. "It's your fault if he blows up the kitchen!" Lily hissed.
"What? How is any of this my fault?" James yelped. He'd been treading on thin ice ever since Lily'd gotten pregnant, and especially now he was very careful not to irritate her.
"You wouldn't understand," Lily huffed, turning away. After a careful look at his wife, James got up to see what Sirius was doing. He found Sirius in the kitchen, using the Gemini Charm to multiply his half-eaten taco.
"Padfoot, mate, stop. No one wants those talky things anyway," said James.
"Taco, not talky," said Sirius, turning to face his friend. "Anyway, Prongsie, it's an important cultural food of Mexico - "
"Mate, look!" said James. Sirius turned around. The soggy tacos hadn't stopped multiplying, and were taking over the counter in a gray, mushy pile.
"Stop doing that, Padfoot!" said James.
"I'm not doing anything!" said Sirius, who was starting to panic.
"What's happening?" Lily called from the living room.
"Nothing dear!" James called over his shoulder. "Evanesco!" he muttered. "Evanesco! EVANESCO!"
"No, don't do it like that!" Sirius hissed. He tried to grab James's arm, and there was a loud bang and puff of smoke.
"What is that noise? I'm coming over!"
James did the universal "we're dead" sign. Lily came waddling in. Her green eyes widened as she took in the sight of the slimy tacos now sliding across her kitchen.
"IMMOBULUS!" she shouted, pointing at Sirius and James. They both froze. "That felt good," she said, almost to herself.
"Finite." The tacos stopped mutiplying. Lily sighed. Hadn't either of them ever listened at school? If an object is under a spell that changes its properties, it is very difficult to Vanish. "Evanesco. Finite," she said, pointing her wand in turn to the tacos and to James and Sirius.
They unfroze and James gave her a sheepish grin. Lily did not return it. "You lot are helpless," she announced, before waddling away again.
"We survived!" said Sirius. James rolled his eyes at him and left the kitchen. Sirius followed him out.
He settled on a chair. "That made me really hungry. Lily, care to make us some supper?"
Lily had had enough. "SIRIUS? OUT!"