This isn't right, you aren't lonely.
You can't be lonely, that just isn't right.
Call in for a title change, because you are not lonely.
You are perfectly happy. Just fine.
Nothing is wrong.
Why would anything be wrong?
Because everything you have ever cared about is falling apart around you.
Maybe you are just overreacting a little bit here.
Only, you aren't.
Because you're moving.
Which means a new town,
A new house,
New neighbors,
New school...
New everything.
Your parents are getting a divorce. She was your step-mom anyways, but still.
"Karkat! You ready to go?" Your father calls up to you from the living room. Your step-mom has already gone. You don't know where she went, you just know that she is gone.
You make your way down the stairs and take one last look at your room.
You think maybe this is the worst thing that can happen to an eight year old boy.
You are still not lonely, just a little bit tired.
It was a long drive to get to the new house.
You stand in your new room and it's...not that bad. Your window is on the second floor, and gives you a nice view of the room in the house next door. The curtains to the room across from yours are closed, and you have yet to put yours up.
Your neighbors are actually kinda...cool?
The Captors seem pretty nice, you think. And they have a son around your age. Well, he's a year older, but that doesn't really matter.
His name is Sollux, your dad told you. You still haven't met him yet, but you think things will go alright.
Your dad wants you to meet all the neighbors, but you really just want to meet Sollux first.
He tells you to go over and introduce yourself, but you are just a bit scared to do that.
"Just do it, you'll never make friends if you don't try." he tells you.
Using whatever resolve you have left, you make your way next door.
You knock twice before someone even answers.
Then you realize your mistake.
What if they don't know ASL?
"Hi there!" a tall woman answers the door and takes one look at you. You freeze, not sure what to do, when she hands you a pen and a pad of paper. "Your father told us you didn't talk." she explains.
You scribble down a thank you and hand it back to her.
"You're welcome, honey. Did you want to meet my sons?" she asks with a smile.
Before you can even write down anything, she shouts behind her,
"Sollux! Mituna!"
You hear a lot of crashing, and cursing, before two boys tumble down the stairs.
One of them is laughing, and he looks to be the older one. You can't see his eyes, because they are covered by the frizzy mound of hair he has.
They look like they could be twins, if the older one wasn't so tall and if his hair wasn't so...huge.
The other one, however, is the first to stand and make his way over.
His hair is straight and comes down a little bit past his ears. He has on a pair of cargo pants and a black t-shirt. He wears weird looking 3D glasses, and you can't tell what color his eyes are. Even so, everything stops when he speaks.
"Hi, my nameth Thollux." he has a lisp.
And you think it's adorable.
...
"Tho...thith ith Mituna. Heth my brother." Sollux points to the boy sitting next to him. "Heth twelve, I'm nine." he explains.
You write down the number eight and hand it to Sollux. He smiles at you and you notice that his teeth are crooked. You decide that's why he lisps so much.
"Tho why don't you talk?" Mituna asks you.
You still have no idea how he can see, there's so much hair in his eyes. He also seems to have a lisp just like his brother.
You shrug as an answer to his question.
You would tell them, but you don't really want to.
It's not like the story is really worth their time, anyways.
At the moment, you are very very lonely.
And probably lost.
Yeah, definitely lost.
It's the first day of school, and you have no idea where Sollux is.
He told you that he would find you.
But he hasn't found you yet.
The school day has just started, but you are already panicking.
"Hey little bro, you look lost." someone says behind you.
You turn around, expecting the person to be at least your height. He's really not. He's a lot taller then you, seeing as you only come up to his stomach.
"Name's Gamzee, what's yours?" he asks, shoving his hand into yours and shaking it.
You momentarily forget that he probably doesn't know sign language and spell out your name
'K-A-R-K-A-T'
"Karkat? Cool name bro." he smiles down at you.
You can't help but smile back.
...
"GZ! Hey! You found KK!" the sound of Sollux's voice is the only warning you get before he pounces on you.
So far, most of your classes have been really boring, and without Sollux. Most people here don't know sign language, so you have been trying to explain things through paper all day.
There was one kid in your art class, and she was pretty nice. Kinda really annoying, though. He was so giggly and...bubbly. She said her name of Feferi or something, and she was covered in jewelry.
Gamzee has been helping you out all day with finding your classes, and you still don't know how old he is.
You're at lunch right now with Gamzee, and now Sollux.
You wonder why no one else is with them.
"Solbro, meet my new best friend!"
Sollux lets go of you and laughs at Gamzee.
"We've met." Sollux tells him. Gamzee smiles brightly, and pulls you both into a big hug.
"Cool!"
You are only kind of lonely.
But that is only because you are bored.
You sit in your room, playing on your D.S. when Sollux throws a rock at your window.
"KK! Come outtthide!" he shouts. You look out your window to see him standing there with another rock in his hand, ready to throw. You smile down at him and rush out to greet him.
You wave when you get close enough to him and he waves back.
You don't think you will ever get tired of being around him. Which is a weird thought, since you are only 10 right now.
"You wanna go watch a movie?" he asks finally, motioning to his house. You smile and nod to him, and he pulls you along.
Mituna sits in the living room already, waiting for the two of you.
Sollux smiles at his older brother and ruffles his hair.
You like being with these two, they're really cool. Plus, Sollux has a cute smile.
You think a lot of things about Sollux are cute.
It's not weird, you swear.
...
The movie was...interesting. Sollux fell asleep on you, and Mituna fell asleep on him. Their combined weight is kinda crushing you right now, but you don't mind all that much.
It doesn't matter.
They look so
Peaceful when they are sleeping.
They're usually fighting and pushing at each other all the time, so seeing them both sleep is a little strange to you.
You are twelve now, and you aren't lonely in the slightest.
Sollux was having a sleep-over and it was supposed to be you, him, and Gamzee. But then Gamzee couldn't make it, so it ended up just being you and Sollux.
Which is fine with you.
You stare at him for a few minutes, because his eyes are closed and he can't catch you staring.
You wonder what color they are. For about the hundredth time.
You tried asking him once, but he wouldn't tell you.
Which is kinda rude, because he knows what your eye color is.
You don't mind all that much, you like staring at him. He is really good looking.
You think maybe this is just a little bit weird, but that doesn't really matter to you all that much. You just like the way Sollux looks, that's all. Nothing wrong...sorta.
His eyes open and you feel your face heat up. You look away quickly and glare at the arm rest of the chair you are sitting in.
"Were you thtaring at me?" you hear the smile in his voice and you shake your head viciously.
Because yes, you were staring, but he doesn't need to know that.
You can't help but be just a little bit lonely right now.
Your dad had to go out on a business trip somewhere, and you have nothing to do.
You would play on your D.S. but you lost that thing a week ago, and can't find it anywhere.
"KK! Dude I brought food!" Sollux shouts from outside. You go to your window and look out to see him standing at the bottom looking up at you. He smiles and lifts up the snacks he brought.
You notice that he has started to avoid words that have an 's' sound in them so that he doesn't lisp. Which kinda makes you a little disappointed, you liked his lisp.
You rush down the stairs and open the front door so he can come in.
He takes his shoes off outside, a habit you've noticed he does all the time, and places the by the door.
"Got anything to watch?" he asks, tossing the snacks on the coffee table and flopping down on the couch.
He's been over here so much, you think he almost lives here.
"Oh, GZ might be coming over later." he tells you, turning to face you when you sit down.
You nod a little to let him know that you heard him, and pick up the remote. You toss it to Sollux and he smiles at you.
You know how much he loves his T.V.
...
"Alright motherfuckers, the party has arrived!" Gamzee announces as he sits on the other side of you.
You hate it when he does that.
Mostly because now you are sitting so close to Sollux that your knees touch.
You can't help but blush when that happens, but you are always afraid he will get uncomfortable.
"Hey GZ! We're watching a movie." Sollux shuffles a little bit, and ends up closer to you. Now there is barely any space left between you.
"What movie?" the juggalo asks.
You started calling him a juggalo ever since he started wearing all that clown makeup stuff. He says he does it because it's cool and he likes it, but you think he does it because his older brother does it.
"I don't know, I'm not paying attention." Sollux tells him with a laugh.
Half way through the movie, Sollux ends up falling asleep. He does that a lot actually. He wraps his arms around your middle and cuddles you like a teddy bear. Gamzee thinks it's cute, but you just find it annoying.
Okay, so you find it a little cute.
You are sitting at the Captors house, and you are definitely not lonely in the slightest.
Today, is Sollux's 15th birthday. You can't wait to give him his gift. It's not really done yet, but you figure you can find time at the party to finish it before the day is over.
You found out a few years ago that Sollux is a year and a month older then you. To the day.
It's cool, and kinda weird. But mostly cool.
"Hey Karbro! How's it going?" Gamzee is trying not to use the words 'motherfucker' or 'fuck' in any way, so that the Captors don't kick him out. You admire him for that.
Just think, in another month, you'll be 14. You still can't believe that you've been here for almost six. In another couple months, it'll be the six year anniversary of when you moved here.
Crazy, huh.
"Happy birthday, Tholluth!" Mituna yells as he makes his way down the stairs with a box in his hands. Sollux smiles up at his older brother and takes the box from him.
"Why thank you, Mituna."
You notice that Sollux still avoids words with 's's and you frown slightly.
You kinda miss his lisp.
...
"You enjoying the party KK?" Sollux finally finds you in his room. You are sitting next to his bed, drawing when he comes in. You smile to him and nod.
'IT'S BEEN GOING GREAT.' you sign out to him, thankful that he finally learned ASL for you.
You flush at that thought, because he didn't do it for you. He did it for himself. He was getting tired of trying to read your handwriting.
"You know, you haven't given me my gift yet." he says with a smirk. You smile back at him and sign out
'SAY PLEASE.'
He freezes and shakes his head.
You frown before smiling again.
'THEN NO PRESENT.'
He frowns at you before sitting down in front of you.
"KK, pleathe." he winces at the sound of his lisp but you just smile at him.
You love his stupid lisp.
You hand him the notebook you've been drawing in since you first moved here. It was almost full, and you were working on the last pages when he came in.
'NOT DONE, BUT IT'S YOURS.'
He stares down at the book with a large smile. He looks back up at you.
"KK, you've never let me look at it before." he tells you. You smile at him again.
'HAPPY BIRTHDAY.'
He puts the notebook beside himself and lunges forward. You pull him into a hug and he laughs into your shoulder.
He moves so that he's practically straddling you and you feel your face heat up.
"Thankth for thith KK." he whispers.
You are not lonely, but more terrified then anything else.
It's the first day of high school and holly shit, where did the time go?
You're a freshmen at Skia High and wow are you nervous.
You feel Sollux put a hand on your back and push you forward.
"Don't be worried." he whispers to you.
You smile back at him and nod slightly.
You are reminded that Sollux is a year ahead of you when he goes down a different hallway, but not before he tells you again not to be worried.
You wave goodbye to him and look around for your juggalo best friend.
"Hey motherfucker!" you hear him greet, before wrapping his long arms around your middle and lifting you up.
You hate it when he does that.
He sets you back down and you glare at him, only to have him laugh at you.
You still don't know how this asshole is still taller then you. He always has been.
It honestly pisses you off.
"Karkitty!" you are given five whole seconds before she pounces on your back. She being Nepeta, the girl who's been crushing on your since the 6th grade.
You are glad that she is still light enough for you to be able to hold her up.
You wave to her in greeting and shake her off your back.
"Hello, Karkat." Equius looms over you. He is trying to scare you.
He is not taller then Gamzee, and you are honestly not intimidated by either of them anyways.
Okay, so maybe there was that one time when Gamzee flipped a shit, but everything's good now. You honestly aren't even sure if he remembers that happening or not.
...
You have lunch with Sollux and man are you glad for that.
You didn't get to see much of him last year because you went to different schools, but he still lived next door to you.
"KK! Hey come meet my people!" Sollux calls you over to the table he is sitting at.
You don't even sit down before the whole table erupts.
"Vwho's the shrimp?"
"Cro, be nice."
"Shut up Eridan."
"Guys come on. What's your name, cuttie?"
"Seriously, look at hovw small he is!"
"Cronus, stop being rude."
"Woah, what's hanging, rad little dude."
"Guys! What does he look like! I can't see!"
"TZ, you're blind"
"I know that, Sollux."
'WHAT'S GOING ON' you sign to Sollux. He laughs at you, and tells the table to shut up.
"I told you, my people." he laughs again.
"Ignore them, I'm Eridan." the hipster-looking guy says from across the table. He motions to the guy sitting next to him "This is my brother, Cronus."
Cronus waves to you, and goes back to shoveling food into his mouth.
"Heyo! I'm Latula!" the girl with red shades yells, sorta loudly. She sticks her hand over Sollux and in your face. You shake her hand, and smile slightly to her.
"'Tuna'th girlfriend." Sollux whispers to you. You smile to her again and she smiles back.
"Hello, anyone gonna tell me what he looks like?" the smaller girl says next to Latula. You guys they are related, because the look a lot alike, and both have red shades. Only, the smaller one has pointy red shades, not square like Latula's.
"This is my little sis, Terezi. Ain't she rad as hell?"
...
Sollux invited you over to his house for a party thing that Mituna was throwing at their house. You don't want to go, you aren't one for parties, but Sollux wants you there.
And you can never say no to him.
"Hey KK! You coming?" Sollux asks you, waving you over to his car. It's a little beat up, and you don't trust the seat belts all that much, but you trust him.
You nod to him and run over to the car. He smiles as you get in next to him.
The way to his house is quiet, because he has to concentrate on the road, so you cant sign to him.
He turns on the radio half way through and you don't recognize the song. That doesn't really matter to you, because you usually spend this time staring at Sollux.
He still won't let you see his eyes.
You are starting to think he may never let you see them.
"What?" he asks, glancing over at you. You shake your head at him and stare out the window. You notice, out of the corner of your eye, that he is blushing.
You think that's adorable.
Really fucking adorable.
...
"Hey! Rad little dude! Come play spin the bottle with us!"
You momentarily forget who this girl is.
But then you remember her name and that she is dating Mituna.
You shake your head no and go back to reading your book.
You don't even realize she has snatched the book from your hands until you hear her laughing at you.
"Come on little dude." she waves the book in your face and rushing into the other room.
You sense the trap, but end up falling for it anyways.
How back could it be?
...
Bad, really really bad.
Why are they all looking at you like that?
They know.
You know they know.
They know that you know.
And now you have to kiss him.
Why did Latula have to drag you into this?
"Come on, KK. It'th jutht a little kith." Sollux smiles at you, and everything disappears except for him, and you.
It's just the two of you, nothing else.
And then he's crawling towards you, and you can't breathe. He puts his hands on either side of you, and leans in so that he's just inches from your face.
He hesitates, and you take that moment to close the gap between the two of you.
Sparks fly.
And he tastes like honey.
You think you might love honey now.
It is your new favorite flavor.
You aren't sure who makes the first move, but all of a sudden, your on the floor and he's on top of you.
And there's tongue. A lot of it.
And when did it get so hot in here? Has he always been this tasty?
How long have you been wanting to do this?
How long has HE been wanting to do this?
His hair is really soft, and you just love running your fingers through it.
Too soon, everything stops. He pulls away from you and blinks several times.
"Thhit. Thorry." he doesn't even look at you as he rushes out the door.
Everyone else is already gone.
And then you realize what just happened. You just kissed Sollux, and he just kissed you.
And he doesn't feel the same as you do.
There needs no title change.
Because you are very very very very lonely right now.
You aren't just a lonely boy, you are THE lonely boy.
You are the loneliest person in the world.
It is you.
Sollux hasn't talked to you in over 4 months.
You are starting to think he never will.
Maybe you should do something about it, but maybe not.
Whatever you decide to do, you need to do it fast.
You are starting to run out of time.
You know that next year, he will be moving away for college. And you want to fix things long before that.
You want to fix things before he has a chance to choose a college without telling you.
But you don't know how to do that.
Because you don't want him to hate you.
It seems like he does.
He said he was sorry. You pretty much assume he means sorry that he doesn't feel the same way you do about him. Which is okay. You can just stay friends with him, right?
Right.
Sure.
That wouldn't...hurt too much.
It's fine.
...
"Karkat." he's been knocking on your front door for the past ten minutes. You don't know what to do.
You are basically panicking right now.
"Karkat, I'm thorry. Come on pleathe I know you're in there." he's not even calling you by your nickname. He's been calling you by your real name, and you don't know how you feel about that.
You finally resolve to open the door.
"Karkat, look. I know I thouldn't have done that okay? I'm tho thorry. It won't happen again, I promithe." he won't look at you as he speaks, and you finally realize why.
He's been crying.
You can tell because his glasses are off, and his eyes are shut tight, but his cheeks are shinny with tears.
You step forward and place both your hands on either side of his face.
And his eyes finally open.
You can't help but be some what surprised by the color. Or...well..colorS.
His left eye is a bright blue, and his right is a dark brown...er...is that red?
Whatever color, it's gorgeous.
"I know, I know. They're hideouth." he sobs, shutting his eyes again and pulling away from you.
Panicked, you pull him into a tight hug and press your face into the space between his neck and shoulder.
"KK?"
You pull back just enough to look at him and smile. Then you take your arms from around him so that you can sign
'THEY'RE GORGEOUS'
He starts crying again.
"You can't thay thingth like that to me, KK. It giveth me falthe hope." he mumbles, tears running down his face.
You tilt your head to one side in confusion.
"Oh don't even thtart with me. I know you don't...like me that way." he looks away from you again, and you have to move so that your in his line of sight again.
'WHAT'
"I know you don't like me the way I like you." he tells you finally.
Then it hits you.
He thinks you don't like him.
You thought he didn't like you.
You start laughing.
A real laugh. With sound and everything.
"You fucking idiot. I'm in love with you." the words are out of your mouth before you even realize it. You slap a hand over your mouth and rush inside.
You shut the door once you are inside and run up to your room.
You haven't said anything since the accident.
You are six year old Karkat, and you are lonely.
Your brother left to go find mommy, and you don't know when he will be back.
He's been gone for so long now. You are beginning to forget what he even looked like.
Daddy says we can just get a new mommy. But you can't get a new brother.
You miss Kankri.
Daddy keeps asking why you won't say anything.
You don't know why, the words just won't come out.
They haven't been able to come out since you screamed the last time you saw Kankri and Mommy.
He said he would be right back. He said he would bring Mommy back.
You haven't seen either of them since.
Daddy says he's sorry, and that this is all his fault. You don't know why he thinks it's his fault. He didn't do anything.
You aren't lonely, just confused.
"I'm home!" your father burst through the front door, carrying bags of groceries. You stand to go help him but he waves you off. "No no, I got it."
"Let me help at least." you tell him. You freeze, realizing you just talked again, and stare at your father.
He stares back at you, just as surprised.
"Did you just..." the bags drop from his arms and he rushes forward. His arms wrap around you and hold you tight. "Karkat, did you just talk?"
"I'm so fucking sorry Dad."
He laughs and sets you back down.
"You might want to go see Sollux, he's been freaking out for awhile, and now I know why."
...
"You fucking asshole, open the goddamn door!" you shout at his bedroom door. Mituna is the only one home, so you don't worry about their parents hearing you.
Mituna didn't even seem to notice.
Sollux unlocks his door and it swings open.
"KK?" he sounds unsure, and you hug him tightly. He freezes for a moment, and you almost pull away when he wraps his arms around you and lifts you off the ground.
"The fuck are you doing?" you ask him.
He laughs and kicks his door closed.
Shoving you on his bed, and crawls over you and nuzzles your face.
"I don't think I'll ever get tired of hearing your voice." he whispers.
You smile at him when he moves to look at you, and he stops.
"Did you mean it?"
"Mean what?"
"What you thaid, did you mean it?" he asks, poking your face. You frown at him, trying to remember what you had said to him, and your face heats up.
"Yeah I fucking meant it. Why else would I say it?" you tell him, wrapping your arms around his neck.
He smiles down at you and leans a little bit closer.
"Good." he goes to kiss you, but you stop him. "What?"
"Uh, aren't you fucking gonna say anything back?" you glare at him. He just laughs.
"I love you too, KK. Now can I kith you?" he doesn't wait for you to answer, and just leans down completely anyways.
You had almost forgotten what it felt like to have him on top of you like this. Of course, that was around 5 months ago, and you were on carpet then. Plus, it was a game of spin the bottle.
But this, this feels more...personal. It feels more, loving, and less like you are both trying to tell the other how you feel through just one kiss.
This one is slower, and softer, and just as perfect as the first.
You start to get just a little bit agitated with how slow he's going, before you realize he's trying not to startle you.
So you decide to make the first move.
Which was probably the best idea ever, because he happily complies and then the two of you are making out on his bed.
And holly shit.
The two of you are making out. On his bed.
In his house.
While his parents are out.
And Mituna is playing video games...with headphones.
The possibilities are pretty much endless.
Sollux pulls away and stares down at you, panting slightly.
"KK, are...are you hard?" he asks with a laugh.
You almost kick him.
"Shut the fuck up. So what." you turn away from him and glare at the wall.
"Hmmm, I thould do thomething about that, right?" he hums into your neck.
Well, shit.
...
AND THAT'S AS FAR AS I'M GOING
BECAUSE I CAN'T DO ANYTHING MORE THEN THAT.
Sorry this is lame, and weird.
But I like it, it's kinda freaking adorable.
Well, I don't know, to me it is.
I just thought some SolKat would be nice, so I made this!
Woohoo!
Tell me what you think of it?