7th Heaven Characters Behind the Fanfics
by Cypher
~*()*~
This is just a thing I punched out one midnight when I couldn't sleep. It's just random amusement (and yes, it is influenced by some other fics, 7th Heaven and otherwise). I don't own any of these characters, so please don't sue. Enjoy!
~*()*~
It was a quiet day in Glen Oak. The birds were chirping softly, the wind barely blowing through the trees, and not a single person could be heard for miles.
"NOT AGAIN!"
Well, not a single person except for a certain teenage blond located within the Camden living room.
Lucy was the first person in the room, looking at her upset brother. "What is it?"
"Dad's called another meeting! And he called the ENTIRE cast."
"Oh great." She plopped down beside him on the couch. "I hate these fanfiction meetings."
"You hate them? At least you get easy parts. Do you know how many times I've had to play the homosexual? It's happened so much I don't know WHICH way I am."
"What I don't understand is why they think I'M gay." Robbie entered and leaned on the back of the couch. "I mean, I've slept with women, gone through tons of girlfriends, and I had Joy for a short time. I'm the most straight guy there is. Who in their right minds would think I'm gay?"
"Oh, so you're saying I'm not straight on the show?"
"Well, you have to admit, Simon, there are some hints that you don't care for women so much."
"Oh shut up, Lucy."
"What're we taking about?" Matt sat in the chair.
"Simon and homosexuality."
"Ah." Matt paused. "What's with writers thinking I'd want to sleep with Simon? I mean, that's just disturbing."
Simon glared at Matt. "We agreed to never, EVER bring that fanfic up again."
Matt swallowed. "Heh, right. So, Lucy, how's the fics going with Kevin?"
"Better than when I was with Jimmy or Rod. Though the NC-17's out there..."
"They have NC-17s of you and Kevin?" Robbie perked up. "Wonder if an author would write one for me and Joy."
"I doubt it." Ruthie sat across from Simon on the other couch. "Joy seemed to vanish off both the show and the fanfic realm. What I hate are the fics with Robbie and me in bed. I mean, doesn't anyone THINK of the age difference?"
"It's only ten or twelve years. Not like Mary and Captain Jack." Lucy crossed her arms.
"What about Captain Jack? If I have to do another fic where he and I get it on..." Marry shuddered and sat next to Ruthie.
"You shoulda stuck with Ben." Lucy looked at the stairs. "Kevin! You're gonna miss it!"
Kevin, drying his hair from using the shower, wandered into the living room and sat on the couch armrest. "Didn't we just have one of these?"
"Yeah, last week. Where's Ben?"
"Picking up Wilson." Kevin yawned. "Damn those authors. It's not like I can go night and day."
"Knock knock." Roxanne stuck her head in. "Did I miss it?"
"Nope." Lucy ran a hand through her hair. "Come on over and take a seat."
Roxanne wedged herself between Simon and Lucy. "I'm glad the writers FINALLY got us over that whole jealousy thing."
"No kidding. I mean, the first couple times it was fine, but after that it was just petty." Simon scratched his nose. "And what's with them getting me a job cleaning toilets? Couldn't they think of a better thing than that?"
"Apparently not." Ruthie looked over to the door as Ben and Wilson came in.
"What? No Billy?" Mary glanced around.
"He had to fill in as an extra in some midget show." Wilson sat next to Mary, Ben taking position next to Robbie. "So who's bringing the news THIS week?"
"Eric, I think. Annie's probably comforting him after reading the list."
"Well, it's not like it's an easy job. You get all the news first." Matt crossed his arms.
"When are the others coming?" Robbie glanced out the window behind him.
"Soon. Probably within an hour."
Sure enough, as the hour passed, guest star upon guest star slowly filled up the Camden living room, until every nook and cranny was filled. At the end of the hour, Annie came down the stairs, followed by a pale Eric. Annie entered the room and stood by the doorway, while Eric stood by the entry table, looking over the list in his hands. "Alright, we all here? Good. This week, well, Lucy, you're first on the list."
Lucy sighed. "Let me guess, some romance between me and Kevin where I'm emotionally or physically hurt and I realize how much he means to me and an ending where we're engaged in such a sweet and sappy way that most people reading will get diabetes."
Eric blinked, then scanned the list. "Um, yeah. You've also got a couple updated Kevin and Lucy romances."
"Great."
"Kevin, you have the things with Lucy, plus a couple cameos and one with Roxanne."
"Yay." Kevin looked at the towel on his shoulder.
"Mary, you've got a couple dealing with you and Wilson, as well as one with Ben, and two more with Robbie. There's also the usual two or three with regarding your life in Fort Lauderdale, both with and without Captain Jack."
"Any NC-17's?"
Eric shook his head.
"YES!"
Matt rubbed his forehead. "Am I on cameo duty again?"
"Yeah, over protective big brother, getting into trouble as a subplot, the usual. Plus a brainstorming meeting for a romance fic for you and Sarah."
Sarah perked up at that. "That'd be a nice change of pace."
"You know these authors though, they think them up, then toss them aside."
Sarah's shoulders slumped. "Oh yeah."
"Ruthie, you have your usual spiels for giving advice, a couple older-Ruthie fics, and one romance with Robbie."
"These authors have never heard of the term pedophile, have they?"
"Considering the author is only in 8th grade? Probably not."
Ruthie groaned. "Great, one with horrid grammar and spelling."
"Simon-"
"I don't wanna know." Simon ducked his head and covered his ears.
Robbie pried his hands away. "If we have to suffer, you do too."
Eric sighed. "I know you hate it, but it's part of the job. Any who, a few continuations on you and Claire, and the baby. A couple angst fics, coming of age, not feeling you belong, that sorta stuff. One or two where you're physically injured to cause angst among other characters. And, oh yeah, one author is asking for a meeting to discuss your future with your boyfriend. Plus a couple updates on the gay fics."
"Why me?" Simon rubbed his eyes.
"Robbie, besides the ones with Mary, you have some baby-sitting cameos and one advising Simon, big brother duties and all."
"Right, right."
"Annie and I have a few introspective fics, a couple death fics," Eric sighed, "and then of course the main cast has cameos throughout all the fics, and the rest of you," Eric set a couple papers on the table behind him, "you can find your cameo appearances here. That's it."
Slowly, one by one, the extended cast glanced at the paper as they left, some moaning, some letting out sighs of relief, and some remaining neutral. Soon, the Camden living room was emptied, leaving behind Simon and Lucy.
"Well, at least it's not a NEW gay fic. If it's the author I think it is, it shouldn't be too painful."
"I don't mind the angst too much, I just don't like all the pain I have to go through to realize how much I love Kevin. Can't I realize it when I'm drawing, or sitting and thinking for once?"
"The kissing isn't too bad, either." Simon sighed and leaned back, spreading his arms over the back of the couch.
"I mean, what's wrong with--it isn't?"
Simon blinked. "Huh? Oh, well," he blushed slightly, "you get to kissing enough guys, you eventually get a feel for what's a good kiss and what isn't. FYI, Morris isn't as good as they say he is."
Lucy wrinkled her nose. "He wasn't that attractive anyway." She thought a moment. "What I would like is for me to get the model, rather than you."
"Shh. Don't say that." Simon glanced around. "I heard one author was brainstorming a threesome for you, me, and some guy."
"Oh gross!"
"Yeah, so don't wish out loud."
Matt stuck his head in. "Hey guys, wanna go get ice cream? My treat."
Simon nodded. "That sounds good."
"Yeah." Lucy got up. "We can whine over our ice cream."
Simon sat there a moment longer. "You know who I wish I was?"
"An author?" Matt came into the room and looked at his brother.
"No, Happy."
"Happy, why?" Lucy looked at the dog, who had been lying under the table the whole day.
"Think about it. No fics ever revolve around her, she always comes home, and she can never die." Simon stood and headed for the door.
Lucy shrugged and followed.
Matt nodded. "Makes sense. Lucky dog."
Happy waited until she was sure no one was around, before crawling out of the table and sitting on her haunches. "Stupid humans. It's no where near easy to play their pet." Sticking her tail into the air, she headed for the stairs. "Simon always wants tricks, Ruthie always wants me to tag along, Lucy and Mary whine to me, the twins are a nightmare..." She continued up the stairs, complaining the whole way.