A loud buzzer sounded as the large steel door was opened, and the convicts began driving out sullenly to perform their work in the prison yard. It was just after 1:00 PM: time for the majority of the prisoners to start their half hour of exercise before heading into the shops to begin crafting trinkets and harmless car parts like side mirrors and hubcaps as part of their rehabilitation.
A small group was returning to their cell blocks from cleaning the kitchens after lunch however. They were being divided up into their individual cell blocks, with only two being permitted through at any one time. The former knight turned criminal mastermind Miles Axlerod trailed emotionlessly behind a big Escalade, a convicted bank robber who'd broken out of prison once before and had even kidnapped a British police car and had attempted to take his hostage out of the country before being recaptured and sent back to prison.
Miles sighed as the Escalade knocked upon the door to cell block C, Axlerod's home for the past eight months. This was certainly the most humiliating chapter of his life, being consigned to live with common criminals and violent offenders. But being the mastermind of a plot to kill government agents and racecars, as well as discredit alternative energy tended to land one in prison. Stripped of his title and reduced to eating gruel (or what passed for it in his mind) and fashioning rearview mirrors for free, Miles Axlerod wasn't exactly pleased with this latest turn of events in his life.
"Hey!" the Escalade called out. "I'm back!"
"You know the drill!" replied the corrections officer inside the cell block. Rolling over to the door, he unlocked it and slid it backwards, nodding for the SUV to move in first while Axlerod waited outside. "Pop the hood, trunk-"
"Doors, and lift the undercarriage, yeah, yeah." The SUV cut the officer off and moved to obey, his hood, trunk, and all four doors sliding open for the guard to inspect as he also lifted himself off the ground a bit for a thorough inspection of his underside. The corrections officer narrowed his eyes and peered into the engine block, giving it a comprehensive look over before moving to the side and looking into the interiors of the Escalade.
Miles waited patiently for his turn, but lifted his eyes as he noticed the cell block's janitor, an inmate by the name of Marvin Coy starting to roll over silently towards the guard and the Escalade. He had placed his mop carefully down (and Miles knew how much oil inmates tended to leak all over the floor) and was heading right for the pair now. Miles wondered if he should alert the guard, but Coy caught his eye, and formed a "Shhhh" motion with his lips. Raising his brows, Miles noted the guard was hunkering down to inspect the undercarriage now, his back to Coy. Quickly, Miles swept his eyes upwards, to the gun gallery on the second floor of the cell block, which was nestled behind steel bars. There was usually a guard up there patrolling between C Block and D Block, but he was currently nowhere to be seen, so the Range Rover could only figure that he was in D Block at present. C Block was relatively deserted this time of day, as most guards and inmates were out in the yard. Miles could see no signs of other inmates in their cells, and as already mentioned, no sign of the guard in the gallery.
Suddenly, Coy pounced, ramming himself into the guard from behind, causing the officer to cry out in surprise as he was mashed against the SUV and Coy. For a moment, the two prisoners formed a sandwich that the guard struggled to extricate himself from. "Dammit! Do something Axlerod!" the guard pleaded in a strained voice that sounded like it could break as Coy burned rubber to keep his target pinned. "We've got a break!" the officer shouted, hoping to alert someone, but no one was within earshot that could help. Miles could only watch as Coy shot him a look telling him not to interfere.
With no warning, the Escalade suddenly threw himself into reverse, and with nothing to press up against, the guard was hurled towards C Block's wall, driven onwards by the now maniacally laughing Coy, who slammed the guard into the wall with a sickening sound of crunching metal. The guard was crippled, the impact crumpling his frame and causing him to emit a cry of anguish before he sighed, and slumped low onto the floor. Coy struck him again for good measure, but the guard was down for the count, eyes closing as he slipped into unconsciousness.
"Get the door!" the Escalade shouted at Miles.
"Huh?" Miles asked, blinking as if he'd just come out of a trance.
"Shut… the… door!" the SUV emphasized again. "You want anyone seeing us?"
"Uh… right!" Miles exclaimed, driving into the block now and pushing the door shut behind him by backing into it. "Blimey! You uh… you didn't kill him, did you?" Axlerod asked of the guard.
"Nah, mate! Just messed him up! But we gotta be quick!" Coy, who was a smaller Austin Mini, answered. "That guard in the gallery will be back in… how much time?" he called over to his SUV companion, who shot a small tool out of his backseat and over to Coy using his door.
"Five minutes!" the SUV answered, and rolled over to the gallery now, which stretched above him. Coy reversed, then sped forward and hopped upwards onto the SUV's top, being able to just reach the bars now.
"I'm sorry, what are you doing?" Miles asked skeptically as he drove towards them, and looked up at the circus that was unfolding before him.
"What's it look like, SIR Axlerod?" Coy snapped sarcastically. "Make yourself useful and get the keys off that guard, and move him out of sight of the door to Block D! Hurry!"
"Uh…" Miles looked behind him, at the crumpled guard.
"Just go!" The SUV ordered. "We're busting out today, and you want to get out of here… right mate?"
"Right!" Miles finally nodded, and drove over to the guard, searching him for the keys, which were ironically in his glove compartment. Looking behind him as he started to push the guard along the wall, Miles could see Coy placing the tool in between two of the bars. It looked like a cylinder, with a bolt sticking out of one end and a nut in the middle, joining the bolt and cylinder together. The Escalade next tossed up a small wrench to Coy, who proceed to manipulate it in turning the bolt, which in turn caused the bolt to rotate outward, like a corkscrew. This had the desired effect of spreading the bars, forcing them apart slowly as the nut was turned.
"Where did you make that?" Miles asked, curious.
"Shop." Responded Coy simply.
"Out of parts of his toilet!" the SUV cackled here.
"Eheh…" Miles barely delivered a laugh in return as he continued pushing the guard. "Ugh!" he recoiled as something slimy touched his surface. "What the?" he asked backing up a bit.
"What now, SIR Axlerod?" Coy asked with annoyance.
"This bloke's covered in grease!" Miles replied, shaking his right tire off a bit as grease splattered onto the wall.
"Oh, that was me! Greased meself up beforehand, I did!" Coy explained as he continued spreading the bars. "Can 't get through without grease!" Coy began to grunt as he started shoving himself through the very small opening he'd created.
"Come on Marvin! You can do it! Come on!" the SUV urged his partner onwards. "Think slimming thoughts! You got this!"
"Yes… yes I do!" Coy strained, accelerating now as he began to burn rubber on the Cadillac's roof, trying to force himself through the opening, which he seemed to be doing inch by groaning inch. The grease was helping, and with great effort and white smoke starting to rise from his tires, the compact car managed to throw himself through, only to have him smack into the concrete wall inside the gallery. "OW!" Coy yelled, backing off as his headlights shattered into fragments on the floor of the gallery. "That smarts!"
"You did it, Coy! Now quit screwin' around and take the guard out!" the SUV urged.
"Right!" Shaking himself, Coy drove towards the steel door separating C Block from D Block. He then abruptly turned before reaching the door, sliding into an alcove that the guards would sometimes use to conceal themselves in, but Coy knew no guard would be present here, as they'd timed his beat perfectly.
Suddenly, Miles could hear the viewport on the steel door sliding open as the guard's eyes peeked through to get a look into C Block. The Escalade hid himself underneath the gallery, while Miles was well out of sight with the unconscious first guard up against the wall the door was resting in. The viewport snapped shut a moment later, and the door started to swing open.
Crying out, Coy launched himself at the door, throwing himself into it and knocking it into the guard, who gave out a shout as the door rammed him and drove him backwards. Pushing the door open, Coy used his momentum to charge in, driving to the stunned guard's side and producing a rag he used to clean the cell blocks with. Shoving it deep into the corrections officer's exhaust pipe, Coy proceeded to repeatedly ram the guard, trying to keep him off balance even as he struggled to get a taser out of his hubcap. Coy kept himself pressed up against the guard's wheel, trying to prevent the taser from being drawn, but the guard was fighting back and Coy, being a compact car, was finding himself overpowered, at least initially. However, having his exhaust pipe clogged, the guard was starting to choke, coughing as he pushed back, ramming Coy back against the bars of the gallery and bringing his taser out once he got his hubcap cleared.
But Coy could see the guard's eyes start to flutter as he began to lose focus and consciousness. Coy took his chance and darted around the officer even as he began trying to clear his exhaust pipe. Coughing and hacking horrifically, the guard started to slump as he tracked the darting Coy, firing off his taser but missing as he began to pass out, the wires uselessly shooting into the air before falling back down and retracting. Coy shoved his tire hard up against the officer's exhaust, keeping the rag in there, and finally, the guard was out, his eyes sliding closed and his body going limp.
Snatching the keys off of him, Coy drove over to the weapons locker snuggled against the wall of the gallery and tore it open greedily, his eyes lighting up as he pulled out a few machine guns and drove back into C Block. "Comin' at ya!" He called, dropping the guns down below for the SUV to catch. Coy drove back for more, knowing they only had about 15 minutes to escape the cell blocks before some of the inmates and guards began returning.
"You coming, Miles?" the SUV asked the Range Rover, who was still holding the first guard's keys.
"I uh…" he glanced down at the keys, then shook his front in uncertainty.
"Come on! Don't you want revenge? Don't you want to get back at all those who've ever called you a lemon?" the SUV smirked here, using Axlerod's greatest weakness against him.
Miles pondered this a moment, then his eyes darkened. "Yes… yes I do!" He nodded, rolling forward now with a wicked smile. "Let's do this!"
Several moments later, sirens blared and gunshots erupted from the prison's towers as the three vehicles sped off into the woods, having successfully unlocked themselves from the main administrative block after storming the place. Axlerod, being an all-terrain vehicle, was especially suited for this breakout. "Haha!" he crowed triumphantly, not looking back as he dove into the cover of the trees as bullets whizzed and whacked into tree trunks around him, shearing off chips of wood like confetti, but he wasn't going to stop! He was going to keep driving, and get himself to someplace warm! He'd lie low for awhile, and start to plan his revenge against that blasted tow truck that had gotten him into this mess in the first place! He'd show them all that Miles Axlerod was back, and that vengeance would be swift!