Conversation with a Drunk Time Lord
By Maddie Raye
Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who.
I'm not sure five bottles of ginger beer was a good idea. Oh Rose, you knew it would get me drunk! Don't let me say anything stupid.
I think I came here with the Brigadier once. Yes, that was a lovely evening. The clientele was much different. Mike Yates and Jo came too, I remember. What do you mean "who are they"? They're just friends who I spent a great deal of time with during my exile. I'll tell you about that later. Why are you getting upset? Did I say something wrong?
Oh I see, you're jealous, is that it. Why would you be jealous? Well of course you aren't the first, do you think I could have spent 900 years travelling through time and space- oh of course I'm older than that! I've counted by years in the TARDIS for a while now. So anyway, Rose, what was your question?
Well, let's see, first there was my granddaughter Susan. Then there was her teachers Ian and Barbara. How? I kidnapped them, of course! Well, I was a lot different in those days. Then after I abandoned Susan (it was for her own good) there was Vicki. Charming little girl, she was. Then came Steven, and Dodo Chaplet. And Katarina, but sadly she died soon after joining us. Then Ben and Polly came along, but they didn't like time travel as much as Jamie did. Oh Jamie. I do miss him. He and Zoe had their memories wiped, and he was sent back to a battle, it was so sad, Rose. Oh Zoe? Little genius she was. Let's see, me and Jamie were joined by Victoria, and then Zoe later.
Then I got exiled and forced to regenerate. So I hung out UNIT with the Brigadier. Oh Brigadier. A good bloke he is, splendid chap. I think he was the one who met the most of me. Then there was Sergeant Benton and Captain Yates, good fellows. And Liz, mustn't forget Liz. Then my dear Jo, and Sarah Jane. You've met Sarah Jane, remember? Then there was Harry, and Leela, and Romana, Adric, Nyssa, Tegan, Turlough, Peri, Mel –oh boy could she scream!-, my dear Ace, and then Grace. Grace killed me, you know. Long story. And then I met you. Does that answer your question?
What? No! No no no no no no no no NO!
Oh Rose, I would never do anything like that with any of my companions! They're just people who travelled with me. Just wonderful humans. Well, most of them were human. Whatever gave you that idea?
…You're still upset, aren't you?