"It was like I couldn't breathe" I retorted to Caroline as I moved the fries around my plate. Suddenly I didn't even feel like pretending I was eating. The canteen buzzed with fresh faced students guzzling down cans of coke and double shot espresso's, anything with caffeine to rejuvenate the tired heads on a Monday after an endless sea of parties.

"And you're trapped in a wooden box?" Caroline said a bit too loudly and I gave her my best keep-it-down glare. I had been having the same dream for over four weeks now, I would wake up gasping for air, as though choking, the dream was dark and felt so real that in some cases I had woken up crying, wondering how I felt the pain as though it were actually happening, feeling sadness and alone. But not just that, the dream seemed to stay with me afterwards, the bad thoughts grabbed a hold of me and it was difficult not to think about it.

"Maybe its just the change in pace y'know? You have made a lot of changes lately" Caroline's voice seemed to trail off and I looked up at her from my phone and reached for her hand.

"You know he's happier wherever he is Car" I squeezed her hand reassuringly. Stefan had been gone for 4 months now and no one had seen or heard from him. Even I was surprised at the lack of contact between him and Damon. I knew Damon was taking it hard, and in a way so was I.

"I just thought he would at least send a text, like 'hey car, I'm in Alaska, just so you know I'm still alive" She mimicked his voice perfectly and I had to laugh. Stefan could be so sarcastic sometimes. I missed that about him, I missed a lot about him.

"I'm sure he's fine Car" she nodded, seemingly satisfied with my answer, although I wasn't sure myself. I knew Stefan, I knew how much he loved Damon, he wasn't the type of person to lose touch. It scared me to think that he could be in trouble right now, with Klaus or Rebecca taking advantage of him.

The bell rang for class and I said my goodbyes to Caroline and made plans for tonight, before running through campus to make my 2pm English Literature class.

Class had already begun and I darted to one of the seats next to the window. This class was small and stuffy; I chose a window seat that allowed me to stay hidden from the lecturer. I wasn't really feeling in the mood for an in class discussion today, not after the dream I had last night and the lingering feelings that seemed to be flooding my thoughts lately.

I scribbled down some notes about up and coming novels we would be studying for exams until something outside caught my eye. I watched as a man that looked surprisingly familiar walked down the faded path of the campus green. I squinted trying to place where I had seen that back before, seen those broad shoulders. My heart was beating rapidly, I wasn't sure what to expect when this person revealed himself. Could it be..?

He stopped to check his phone and I held my breath as I watched a girl skip over to him and literally pounce on to him. I laughed inwardly that I even thought that was who I thought it was and bent down to pick up another book for class. I focused on the lecturer for another second before I heard a squeal followed by fits of laughter. The entire class turned at the same time to the high pitched noise before turning back to the board. That's when I saw him, that golden hair, those turquoise eyes, that deep stare. My mouth dropped as I watched him in slow motion strolling down towards the entry of the Plath building hand hung over a very long legged brunette. I blinked a few times until I was certain it was him. He looked…different. His lips were crooked into a sneaky smile, eyes jarred together with darkness behind them that I had never seen before. His whole mannerism was different, I watched as he stuck his tongue inside the leggy brunettes ear and slipped his hand further down her waste to rest on her bottom.

I actually choked for a moment watching this, I was literally dumbfounded, unable to piece together all the why's and when's together. I quickly grabbed my books and rucksack to make a very impolite exit during my lecture. I raced down with enough speed that wouldn't get noticed around campus, listening closely for his voice. But I was too late. He was gone, and I was left scratching my head, wondering did I imagine that happening. Maybe I really was going crazy.

Stefan

I held my breath as the pain burst though me once again and I was in agony. This would last another hour at least before I passed out and started the process all over again. I squeezed my eyes closed, looking for anything, something to put me out of my misery. There was nothing here, just darkness and my memories, my thoughts. I never wanted my life to end more than I have to this day and I wonder why I even bothered before. Everything was such a waste of time. In this darkness I cant imagine how any of it made any sense to me.

I squeeze my fists together tightly as I feel another bolt of sickening agony pulse through my body, there isn't one cell that isn't affected, not one particle.

My vision is blurred, my body weakening and I know that Im about to die, again, and come back…again. Her face appears and I'm thrashing my body to get Elena out of my thoughts, I never want to see her again, never want to feel anything for her again. I cant imagine reality, I feel like its all slipping through my finger tips. I gasp as the last drop of life leaves my body, and I think to myself this is it and I fall deeper and deeper into nothingness. My last fleeting thoughts about the woman who broke my heart, her faint image fading against the darkness of the coffin. Despite my pain and anguish, I would do anything to see her face again, hear her laugh, even for one moment. I feel like Im loosing that, loosing myself, I don't have much more time. Please Elena..save me.

Elena

I closed my eyes and breathed in the electricity pouring from the house. Bass vibrated through the floor boards, half naked sorority girls screamed as ping pong balls landed in cups, tongues and lips and gyrating hips come in flashes across my eyes as the music pumpes a hypnotic beat. I wrapped my arms around Caroline and we giggled together as we danced and made a circle with our friends from class and dorm rooms.

I was lucky enough to be sharing with Caroline, that way we could at least get a night or two a week to feed together and not have to pretend like we were completely normal college students. I felt normal now though, as I fanned my hair in the air and made stupid moves inside our circle and giggled with the girls.

I left abruptly, searching for more whisky and, nothing was better at keeping my buzz going than whisky and I had to hide my stash in a vacant room upstairs which I hoped would still be somewhat vacant now. I pushed passed messy people, noticing I was sort for messy myself as I reached for a banisters and giggled when I missed a few steps along the way. My phone buzzed in my back pocked and I took it out to look.

What are you wearing ;)

Damon. I smiled to myself as I thought about how he had the most perfect timing sometimes, I began to write a reply until I walked into something hard and bewilderingly familiar. My eyes moved hesitantly up the tall stiff body that I collided with and I was met with dark green unforgiving eyes.

"Stefan" I whispered, my jaw going lax at just the sight of him and I was transfixed. He was, as usual, completely drop dead gorgeous, that was a given. But there was something edgier about him right now, his smile was too crooked, his gaze unrelenting. I had to force myself away from those eyes, they felt cold, almost calculating.

"Elena, how are you my dear girl?" I cocked my head to the side wondering how he had just said that to me and not even flinched. Dear girl? Was this how he was going to react to the situation with me and Damon? I tried to forget what he had just said to me and smiled.

"Wow, its so good to see you Stefan" I took a step towards him and wrapped my arms around him swiftly and realised he would not be reciprocating the small affection.

I stepped back biting my lip, sort of nervous now and not sure where I stood with him at all.

"I didn't know you were in college" I tried to deter my doubt to a different topic.

"Oh you know, I thought I would see what this generation of third level education could offer an old soul like me" he smiled wickedly and his eyes narrowed on me and moved down my body, he made a very slow perusal of my breasts before moving lower down my body and I could feel myself flush just thinking about him looking at me this way. I laughed nervously and his head whipped back with a naughty smile that I had not seen when…well…we used to fool around.

I blinked a few times, astonished that this was happening, I looked around to see if I was actually still at the party before I realised that I had yet to reply to Damon. Something about Stefan made me feel uncomfortable and I didn't quite know what.

"Well it was nice to bump into you Stefan" I squeaked. Before nodding at him once and making my way to my hidden booze room. I definitely needed to get more drunk now. That was awkward as hell. He's not even acting like the same person anymore.

I rummaged through my bag that I hid in the closet of a guestroom near the back of the house. I sat on the bed for a moment drinking the whiskey down swiftly and trying not to over think my reaction to Stefan moments ago.

"I was wondering where all the good alcohol was being hidden" I heard a voice from the door behind me and I quickly stood watching Stefan close the door behind him.

"Stefan, hey" I said quite flustered. I met his gaze again and his eyes seemed contemplative, he was reading me and I wondered why.

"Are you okay Stefan?" I asked hesitantly. Why should I feel uncomfortable around him? I have trusted Stefan with me life before over and over again, why do I feel so skittish around him now?

"Oh yes sweetheart, very much so.." I raised my eyebrows at him in question. Stefan only ever called me sweetheart when we were together. Is he drunk? Why is he making this so awkward?

"Stefan, why are you-"

"Are you enjoying your summer with my brother" he cut me off. And my back stiffened. Something was definitely not right here and I was instantly on the defence.

"Stefan, are you drunk?" I asked. I didn't mean for my voice to sound so small, but I certainly felt small as he towered over me and studied me with his perfect eyes.

"I've never been more sober" I looked away, not knowing what to do. His hand reached over to my nape and I froze, my skin burnt from his finger tips, my hair standing on end. There was something very wrong about being in a dimly lit room..with your ex…and feeling completely powerless against his every move. I gulped.

"What are you doing?" His head bent towards mine and I leaned away, afraid of what he wanted to do or say next.

"I was just thinking about what you were sweetheart" my heart jumped and I thought frantically for a second wondering what he was trying to pull.

"I know you have been thinking about the past, or much more about our past of late." He offered and I pulled away to look at him. His face was so cold and expectant of my reaction I began to feel a shiver trail down my spine.

"What?" I asked genuinely confused by this entire situation.

"You were thinking about that time in Aunt Jenna's car" he ran a smooth thumb over my cheek and I gasped. I remembered that night too well, the night of 7 times. We laughed about it often afterwards. But I had only started thinking about it recently when thinking of Stefan, thinking about how I missed his company in general. It wasn't for any other reason other than reminiscing; I had lost hope for our relationship long before that. But sometimes it was just nice to remember the good times. When things seemed…easier.

"Oh" I replied, slightly mortified and slightly scared that he knew that had been on my mind recently. I felt the need to explain myself somehow, even though I owed him nothing. I clamped my lips together deciding on saying staying silent in the hopes that he would just leave it.

"mmm you came so hard on my mouth, my fingers, my –"

"okay" I blurted out, instantly flushing and pushing at his chest to give me room.

"This isn't appropriate Stefan" I tried to find some sort of remorse in his eyes but that cold smirk just made me feel sorry for him. Had this whole thing really messed him up that much?

"Stefan obviously you're acting out, you're still hurt, im sorry" I tried to look up at him but had to look away when I felt tears coming on.

"Nothing to be sorry about sweetheart, I was just reminding you of a fleeting memory. But you cant deny that lately you have been thinking about other things, perhaps you should think about what you are trying to remember and what you cannot forget." I looked at him questioningly. And his gaze finally pointed to the phone that was left on the bed. I knew what he was trying to tell me and I suddenly felt angry.

"Stefan, just go away" I was infuriated by his demeanour, his words had cut me, but I still couldn't really blame him. This whole situation was a royal fuck up.

"No problem sweetheart. Good luck with everything" he gestured to the phone on the bed and gave me one final glance before leaving the room. What the hell is going on?