The self-proclaimed Best Haunted House in Town had a small lobby with creaky, sticky floorboards which oozed faint smell of gummy bears and paint. Taako tried not to inhale as they waited to hand over their entry fees at the welcome desk, supervised by the disembowelled head of a pimply student who failed to hide the hole beneath his chin that had been sawed through the table to accommodate him.
"Twenty bucks a pop, sis." Taako cast his eyes doubtfully across the cotton cobweb decorations. "Are you ripping us off?"
Lup smiled, a gruelling mix of lipstick and fake blood staining her teeth bright red. She and Barry had been working at the pop-up joint for the last three weeks and had finally made good on her threats to drag Taako along for her idea of a "good time".
"Nah, bro. The lil' sick kiddies up at Neverwinter General are the ones ripping you off. You wanna take it up with them? Cos' this isn't bringing in a penny for us. It was all Queenie's idea."
It was a good one, Taako had to admit; despite the underwhelming entryway the place had been packed since it opened. It was frankly a miracle that Lup had gotten the night off for the gang's Halloween meet-up. Skipping the squad's time-honoured tradition was simply unthinkable when there were stupid outfits, stupider movies and enough candy to fill the Grand Canyon on offer. And, as underage drinking laws became less and less of a concern, a reasonable amount of alcohol had in recent years integrated itself into the night's celebrations.
Halloween itself was still some time away, but costumes were nonetheless a must. He saw magicians, demons, goblins, ghosts… the good, the bad, and the outright slutty. Lup and Taako, as always, looked fantastic. Considering the nature of her job, some might have expected Lup to want a night off from spooky outfits, but such people didn't know Lup like Taako did. The macabre was her jam. Tonight, she wore white cotton pyjamas which she had drenched with glistening red splatters of… actually, Taako wasn't sure what she had used. With some tasteful splotches of crimson face-paint, a box of red hair dye and a pair of red contact-lenses to match, she looked like she had just survived the prom night in Carrie. It was a look that had turned heads from the moment they entered, and it wasn't just brotherly pride speaking when Taako said that she was fuckin' rocking it.
Some might have said that Taako hadn't gotten quite as creative with his outfit (and Taako wasn't hesitant in telling such people where they could stick their opinion) but in any case, he was confident that he was rocking it just as hard. He had yanked last year's costume from the depths of his wardrobe five minutes before leaving the house, mostly out of laziness but partly because he knew from experience how great his legs looked in purple cobweb-patterned tights. The matching cape added a flare of the dramatic too perfect to resist.
"You can't be a wizard again," Lup had complained as they piled into the Uber. "You're so basic."
"Wrong, dummy." Taako flicked his braid over his shoulder. "I'm not just a wizard. I'm a sexy wizard."
"You have to shake it up a bit." Lup was pawing through the face-paints at the bottom of her bag. Before Taako could stop her, she was massaging a soft green-blue hue into his skin. "Alien wizard."
"Fuck no, that's the stupidest idea ever." He swatted at the onslaught of makeup, but the teal tones eclipsing his vision proved that he was already too late. "Whoever heard of a space wizard?"
"Too late now, dingus." She held up her compact mirror, and a pale-blue wizard blinked back at him. "Unless you got a better idea."
Taako huffed a breath out through his nose, which now itched with the sensation of freshly-applied face paint. "Could be an elf colour. I'll be an elf wizard, happy?"
When the car pulled up before the creaky wood-panelled building, the line was already out the door. Mostly students, a few adrenaline-junkies and looky-loos, one or two couples with macabre ideas about what constituted a good date night. Queenie couldn't have found a better location for her fundraiser; the house stood apart from the rest of the buildings on the street as though they were afraid of standing too close to it. The slanting asymmetrical roofs and jutting-out upper rooms made the whole building look ready to topple over. Meshed black fabric draped across every window hid most of the interior from passers-by, but occasionally a lightning-like flash of light illuminated figures moving within. The entrance hall doors were thrown open, spilling green and orange light out across the pavement while Time Warp played faintly within.
Lup's insider connections didn't extend to getting them past the queue, and Taako joined the end of the line with minimal grumbling. Sure, he had been curious about the gig that had been occupying so much of his sister's time over the last few weeks, but the real highlight of his evening wouldn't come until after. If all went according to plan, they would soon be heading over to Magnus' place to spend the rest of the night watching shitty horrors with the squad and consuming ungodly amounts of sugar.
"I was thinking," Lup began with a casual air that set off every warning signal in Taako's head, "of inviting a new friend this evening."
Taako stared at her, eyes narrowed. "A friend."
"Yeah," she continued brightly, ignoring Taako's hostile reaction. "I just think you'd get along, is all."
"Lup," Taako groaned.
"No, hey, listen-!"
"Lup, I am not-!" His raised tones were catching the attention of those around, and he instantly dropped to a whisper. "I am not doing this again Lup."
Lup tutted dismissively. "You're overreacting."
"No, you just suck at this. Do not, do not, try to set me up with another of your weirdo friends. The last guy kept spiders. Spiders, Lu."
"Yeah, but see, I know you're secretly into that weirdo gothy vibe, and-!"
"Spiders. In his bedroom."
"You were in his bedroom?" Lup smiled impishly. "You never mentioned that before."
Taako swatted her with his wand, and the paper star taped to the tip tore away and tumbled to the floor, instantly swept away by the breeze from the open doors. "You don't fucking know me," he grumbled. It was probably the stupidest thing he could have said, and judging by the quirk of Lup's eyebrows, she thought so too.
"You'll like him. I promise."
Taako sighed. He knew when he was beaten. He loved Barry with all his heart, but the trouble with Lup having her own love life on lockdown was that it was only a matter of time before she turned her sights on Taako.
Several minutes and a complaint about entry prices later, they were almost at the head of the line. Taako was digging mournfully through his pockets when something small and square barrelled into Taako's knees. "Hello Sir! Hello Ma'am!"
"Hey, Agnus. I didn't think you'd show!" Taako tapped Angus on the head with the tip of his wand. "But I say you shall go to the ball."
"Angarella and his fairy godmother," Lup mused, "there's next year's costumes sorted."
"There's no way I'm missing this, Sir! Do you like my outfit?" Angus puffed out his chest, flaunting the cardboard flaps and boxes taped around his chest and arms. They dangled at odd angles, each flap covered in intricate patterns marked in wobbly felt-tip pen.
"Uh…for sure, buddy."
"Love it," Lup added, "the cutest little robot in town."
Angus deflated. "I'm not a robot, Ma'am. Why can't anyone guess what my costume is? Is it that bad?"
"No, no, It's great, buddy!" Lup ruffled his hair, dislodging Angus's glasses from the bridge of his nose. "I just can't see shit with these dumb colour contacts in. Taako knows for sure, don't you, bro?"
She eyed Taako expectantly while Angus re-adjusted his glasses. "Sir?"
"Angus…" Taako paused. "Angus, buddy, you look like you got in a fight with a machine at a cardboard recycling plant. You look like the package-monster Amazon sends to break your bones when you try to unsubscribe from Prime. If a cubism painting fucked a game of tetris, that would be you right now. I don't fucking know man, but either way it's goddamn terrifying."
A smile spread slowly across Angus' face. "Well, that's the important part, isn't it?"
"Damn right." The line before them shifted as they moved a place closer to the front.
"There's a waiting area around the back if you want to hang there until we're done, Angus. Then we can all walk over to Magnus' together." Lup leaned in, smirking conspiratorially. "They've got monitors set up so you can watch my brother shit himself."
"I think the fuck not," Taako objected. At the same time, Angus replied, "No thank you! I'd like to go around with you guys."
Lup straightened up, her eyebrows climbing her forehead. "Ango, I know you're super mature and all that jazz, but there's a couple sections that can get very-"
"I know, Ma'am, but please consider: the website says under twelves are permitted with adult supervision, plus I'm very brave, plus, age ain't no thing, plus Taako said that I-!"
Lup narrowed her eyes. "Taako."
Taako shrugged. "Look at him. Steve fuckin' Minecraft here can handle it, right buddy?"
Angus nodded enthusiastically. Lup didn't look convinced, but before they could argue any further, they reached the head of the line.
After dropping a couple notes into the collection bowl – and adding a few more before Angus could start counting out three weeks' worth of pocket money in pennies – they tumbled into the first room.
It was almost completely dark, except for a pair of glowing red bulbs at the other end of the corridor.
"Now what?" Taako hissed through his teeth. A strange cold breeze materialized as if from nowhere, and he folded his arms against his chest, trying to rub the goosebumps from his skin. It was just because he was cold. Probably.
Lup snorted. "Like I'm gonna tell you, genius."
VVVVVVVVVRIPPP
"What the fuck was that?!"
"Sorry, Sir, I was just putting my purse back in my fanny pack."
"You better not be wearing a fanny pack under all that shit, Angus, that is the most horrifying thing you could possibly- OH, SHIT!" The red bulbs weren't red bulbs, they were fucking eyes, and they were zooming towards them.
"Duck!" The three of them hit the deck as something swooped over their heads, long, damp tendrils of unknown substance whipping across them as it went. High-pitched, hysterical laughter echoed and bounced from wall to wall as though the source was circling around the end of the corridor a light flickered over a white door with peeling paint. It switched off, plunging them for a moment into darkness, and when it came back on the door was ajar.
"After you, fellas," Lup said, nudging them forwards.
"Hey Ango. Don't be afraid to ask if you want to hold my hand. Because it's okay if you want to do that. Even if you really are wearing a fanny pack."
He didn't get a reply, but after a few moments a small hand slipped into his. As they approached the door, it swung slowly open of its own accord.
"Not so tightly please, Sir!"
Taako loosened his grip as they approached the door. It had to be one of those motion-detector sensors. Just like the automatic shit they had in department stores, probably.
When it slammed shut behind them, Taako bit back a yelp.
Arrows painted in glowing red directed them down a set of stairs and into the basement. An illuminated path lead down the centre of the room, flanked on either side by barred-off cells shrouded in darkness. In the dim light he could make out the amused twitch of Lup's lips, Angus' pinched expression.
He nudged Lup. "After you?"
"Lup's good out here."
"I thought so."
He started to shimmy down the narrow path between the cages, Angus following at his back. Suddenly, the cage to his left burst into light and a long, high scream echoed across the room. The pair of them jerked back in unison as a chained-up skeletal figure rattled and struggled against its confinements. After a moment the cell plunged back into darkness, and light blasted at their backs as the cell on the right sparked and crackled with electricity. It was the laboratory of a mad scientist, with jars of floating brains and human entrails scattered across a scarred and bloodied work bench. They watched as a spark trailed along the wires spewed across the floor and up into a disembodied head, the eyes of which suddenly flew open.
As they hurried along the illuminated path new horrors animated themselves every few feet; a writhing decapitated body that spurted drops of liquid on them from the neck wound; a cell empty save for a hooded finger who at first stood facing into the corner, but vanished in a blink of darkness; and in the last set, no lights but unseen hands that grabbed and poked as they sprinted past.
Taako and Angus arrived, panting, at the end of the passage. "Fuck me," Taako panted.
"It sure is realistic," Angus replied, his voice a little wobbly.
"Nah. No fuckin way Ango, it's all plastic and animatronics and…shit."
"I'll tell my buddies you said so," said a voice at Taako's shoulder. Taako jumped so badly he elbowed Angus in the face. "Fuck, Lup!"
"Ready for part two, losers?"
Angus and Taako glanced at each other. "…yes?"
Lup lead them up another flight of stairs and deposited them at a door, which had Stay Away! scrawled in dripping red blood. "Good luck kiddos, see you on the other side!"
"The fuck do you mean-?!" But it was too late; Lup had vanished. Taako rolled his eyes. "How much d'you wanna bet Barry just went on break?"
Angus didn't reply, too busy staring down the door. "Maybe this bit's too scary, even for Lup."
Taako snorted. "We must be thinking of different people, Ango. My sister's fearless. Just like her brother!" Taako yanked open the door, strutted forwards with all the confidence he could muster, and immediately slammed into a cold, smooth surface. "Ow."
Angus followed him in as Taako glared at his reflection. "A mirror maze? Don't worry Sir, I've done these before!"
Taako narrowed his eyes. There was something concerningly un-spooky about a mirror maze that made him feel as though someone was trying to make him drop his guard.
"The trick is to run one of your hands along the wall and follow that side until you get to the end," Angus explained, tugging Taako along as he pulled them into the maze, sliding his free hand from panel to panel as he went.
"You know what I'm gonna say to you Angus?"
"I suspect that you're going to call me a nerd, Sir."
"Yup, got it in one."
After several minutes of twists, turns and dead-ends, they reached a central space where the narrow passage opened up into a small circular area. The mirrors gave a perfect 360-degree view of every angle, and Taako couldn't resist a quick pause to admire himself from a few different angles. He winked, and a dozen Taakos winked back. In half-a-dozen reflections, Angus rolled his eyes.
"Hey, I saw th- oh, FUCK!" In a dozen mirrors which bounced their reflections a million times back and forth across the space, a tall figure in ragged, bloodstained clothes and a saw mask loomed over them. "Shit, fuck, run, run!" For the second time, Taako smacked into a mirror. He grabbed Angus by his cardboard sleeve and yanked him back into the maze, rushing them down slender passages and biting back curses as the heavy sound of footsteps followed. Every few seconds the red-and-white mask leered at them from mirror after mirror.
They came abruptly to a junction and Angus stopped dead, colour draining from his features.
"Which way, Ango?!"
"It was so sudden, and I panicked, and I wasn't paying attention, I forgot to follow the wall!"
The footsteps grew louder, and the pair of them shrieked as the figure lifted a huge chainsaw into the air and revved it. "Dinnertime!"
The voice. Taako knew that voice, and suddenly the figure was about as intimidating as chocolate pudding. He stopped dead and turned to face their pursuer. "Bluejeans, you take that mask off this second or I'm gonna kick your ass."
The figure lowered the chainsaw sheepishly. "Sorry Taako. Dammit, I'm not supposed to break character."
"Fuck your character. Which way's out?"
Barry pulled the mask up, half-smiling, half-wincing. "If I show you, will you tell Lup how scary I was?"
"Yeah, great fuckin' boast that'll be, you weird-ass goth fuck-os. Sure, lead the way."
When they tumbled out through a door disguised as a mirror, Lup was there to greet them.
"That was quick!" she exclaimed. Her eyes narrowed. "Suspiciously quick."
"Hey, you run fast when you're getting chased by a lunatic with a chainsaw, what can I say? That guy was scary as fuck, right Agnes?"
There was a puff as Angus took a dose of his inhaler before he mumbled something affirmative in reply.
Lup rolled her eyes. "He broke character, didn't he?"
"No, absolutely not, not even a little, we have no idea who that even was, and if anyone asks, we told you he was scarier than Merle's plant fetish. Ready to move on?"
Taako was emboldened by the mirror maze. Maybe for a second – a second and no more – he had been swept up in the spectacle of the spook cruise. But the bold reminder that behind every terrifying spectre was most likely a nervous lil' tubby dude with poor fashion sense helped Taako to see once more the plastic, the electronic, the automated and the paint just realistic to fool anyone who didn't look too hard.
Unfortunately, the same could not be said for Angus. He stopped dead before the next door, as though his legs had suddenly gone on strike against the rest of his body.
"Whassa matter, kiddo?" Taako nudged him forward by the shoulder. "Scared?"
"N-no," Angus mumbled.
Lup knelt beside him. "This is the last section, Ango, but I can take you out by the fire exit if you'd rather skip it."
From the gap under the door, something flashed bright and white. There was a distant scream.
Angus shook his head. "I told you guys." He pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose with an unsteady hand. "I'm very brave."
"Alright nerds. I'll catch you on the flipside." Lup threw up a peace sign as she melted into the shadows.
Taako pushed the door open, which creaked in perfect haunted-house fashion. The room was pitch black, and he stumbled forwards, feeling his way with one hand and pulling Angus along with the other. The ground beneath their feet crunched like…gravel?
A cold wind whipped around them, and thunder rumbled over the speakers. Lightning flashed, revealing momentarily the scene before them; a room decorated like a graveyard, with looming gravestones and drooping trees. It was like walking onto the set of a Buffy episode.
As his eyes adjusted to the light, Taako could make out the form of an upright casket blocking their path. As they moved to edge around it, the lid flew open, and a grisly ragged arm flapped and groped at them.
Angus shrieked and hopped around it. Taako stumbled after with less than his usual grace.
They paused behind the next gravestone to catch their breath.
"You good, Ango?" It was a stupid question. He obviously wasn't – his grip on Taako's arm was tight enough to cut off his blood supply. "Look, you don't need to prove a point or anything. We all know you're brave, okay? There's no point torturing yourself just to look cool. Let's face it, looking cool next to me is impossible anyway."
Angus shook his head, breathing heavily. "I'm not trying to prove anything, Sir."
"You're tryin' to do something. Spill."
He swallowed. "You and Miss Lup payed for my ticket, and it was so nice of you, because it was really expensive, and I couldn't just chicken out after you-!"
"Ango, Ango, Ango. Don't be dumb. We're big kids, we have big kid money, kay? Don't sweat it."
There was a pause punctuated by a clap of artificial thunder. "I also… didn't want to leave you on your own."
Taako couldn't help it. He laughed. "You don't have to protect me, dummy. It's supposed to be the other way around, okay? Jeez. It's like you're a little old man already." When Angus' doubt continued to flicker across his face, Taako sighed. "Hey. I can be brave too, homie." He stood up, raising his voice to call out into the shadows. "Any ghosts down to party? Any spooky boys? It's me, Taako! From Youtube!"
The pretend wind howled back, but not loud enough to muffle Angus' tentative giggle.
Taako lead the way, scowling at the animatronic corpses that lurched in their direction, placing himself in front of Angus like a human shield. Brave? He'd show them brave.
The floor sloped downwards as they ducked under a sign adorned with a skull that read Path of the Dead.
The light was dim, and the room had an earthy smell to it. Skeletons embedded in the walls leered toothily in their direction.
Prepare for your Reckoning, hissed a voice. Taako rolled his eyes, glancing around in search of the speakers. For mortal souls shall be consumed…
Taako flicked one of the skeletons in the forehead.
"Sir?"
"Yeah?"
Angus' voice dropped to a whisper. "I think there's someone else in here."
Something rattled, and the dim fluorescent lights flickered out. They flashed on, and just for a moment, they saw a figure in the centre of the room.
Angus shrieked and dived behind Taako in time for the lights to flicker off once again.
"WHO DARES ENTER THE REAPER'S DOMAIN?" the voice suddenly boomed, deep and directionless and bizarrely British.
The lights flickered on again and – just for a moment – another face loomed inches from Taako's own. It had long fangs biting into its bottom lip and a cruel smirk. An intricate skull pattern was painted into its skin and the eyes were hollowed out by deep black sockets. The eyes themselves were a deep, blood red, with no visible pupils or irises.
Oh shit.
Before Taako could as much as flinch, the lights snapped off and he felt the presence move past him. Another flash, and a shriek from Angus as he received the same treatment.
The next time the lights flashed on, the figure was holding a long, bloodied scythe to his neck. His timing was flawless; Taako never saw him move, never heard a single footstep. Yet he had them spinning in circles and stumbling into each other with orchestrated perfection. The lights flashed while he danced around them in the dark as though he were made of shadows.
And just for a moment, before the lights blew out, Taako swore he saw the figure smirk at him.
He was playing with them. Something about that knowledge sent a thrill of panic down Taako's spine. It was a strange, vulnerable feeling.
Taako felt Angus burying himself into the back of his cloak. He was harshly reminded that his number two probably wasn't finding the figure quite as entertaining as he did. Time to be brave.
"Hey, Angus," Taako whispered into the dark. "It's gonna be fine." He pulled the shitty plastic wand from where he had lodged it in his belt. "I've got magic powers."
He charged into the shadows, wand aloft. "Hey thug, what's your name? I'm about to tentacle your dick!" From the dark came a scrabbling sound as something lurched from his path. "Hey, hey, hey! I'm gonna get you into some tent porn, lemme get that name real quick so I know how to credit you!" He levelled his wand threateningly at the shadows, as though he believed himself capable with every fibre of his being of making good on his promise.
For a moment, the room was completely still. Then came a muffled wheeze.
For a quick, wild moment, Taako thought that he'd actually cursed the guy. Then the wheeze broke into a splutter, and then a guffaw of laughter that sounded like it was being badly muffled by the sleeve of his outfit.
"I am the GRIM REAPER," he replied in a breathless growl which immediately trailed off into more laughter. "Oh, fuck, goddamn it, we aren't supposed to break character, I'm so sorry." Then, quietly, "Tentacle porn?"
"Sorry, dude, I didn't actually mean to…" Taako gestured, before catching himself, because it was still pitch fucking black.
"No, no, people yell weird shit sometimes, just… oh god, that was a new one." The British accent was melting away by the second into something more local. "Look, point of no return and all, can you just scream really loud as you run out? I would never live this down if it got out."
Angus unwrapped himself from Taako's cloak. "I'm agreat screamer!"
"Yeah, me too." Taako winked in the direction of the not-so-British voice. He was delighted to receive another muffled wheeze of laughter in response.
"God, please leave."
Still snickering, Taako and Angus pulled in a lungful of air and charged towards the set of double doors which had lit up before them.
When they burst through the doors, Taako's fake shriek quickly turned real as ice-cold water bombarded them, drenching through several layers of wizardly robes in an instant. Beside him, Angus spluttered as water slapped against his cardboard limbs. His costume looked ready to disintegrate, but if it bothered him, it didn't show. He beamed up at Taako as he shook droplets of water from his hair, which now clung to his head in frizzled wet locks. "Sir! You're melting!"
Taako ran a hand across his face, and it came away smeared with the watery teal paint which slid from his skin. "Well, fuck."
As the doors swung closed behind them, Taako swore he caught sight for a moment of a pair of glinting red eyes watching with amusement from within.
They plodded, dripping, into the waiting room. He had expected to find Lup there, pissing herself at the security camera footage which Taako had momentarily forgotten about, but thank fucking God there appeared to be no witnesses to their disastrous finish. While Angus tried to mould the floppy cardboard boxes hanging from his limbs back into shape, Taako flopped down into one of the worn padded chairs to wring out his plait. He sniggered at a couple running in terror through Barry's mirror lair and a couple of high-schoolers shrieking in the cellar. He found his eyes drawn to the last screen, where night-vision cameras picked out the movements of three teens as they stumbled blindly through the graveyard setup.
The Grim Reaper made quick work of them. Taako watched as he slipped and sidestepped around them in the dark, masterfully taunting. The lights flashed on, they screamed, they ran – and Taako snorted as they too received the water bucket treatment.
Moments before the next group entered, the Reaper looked up, directly into the camera, and grinned at him.
For some reason, Taako found himself grinning back.
Shortly after the dripping teens passed through, Lup burst into the room, laughing brightly. She caught Angus in a headlock and ruffled his hair furiously. "How are my beautiful boys? Aw, gross and wet, fantastic! Was it fun? I had to lend a hand out front and I missed watching your exit! Did ya get spooked?"
"To hell and back." Taako flicked his dripping sleeves at Lup, spraying her and Angus with droplets of water. "Please tell me you have a spare set of clothes stashed around here somewhere. And a hair and makeup kit."
Lup released Angus at last, leaving her hand free to boop Taako's nose. "Nah, you look great, I promise."
"Angus?"
"Yes. Great!" Angus gritted his teeth in a forced smile which screamed I'm Lying!
A minor fistfight later, Lup and Angus had successfully forced Taako back through the reception and down the street to Magnus' place, where their friends were starting to gather.
Mercifully, Magnus had a bathroom with a mirror and Lup finally relinquished access to her face paints, giving Taako enough of a window to fix himself before anyone else saw his new melting popsicle getup. Downstairs, the hum of chatter grew as more familiar voices arrived; he recognised Lucretia's low tones in conversation with Caery and Killian, and soon Merle and Davenport's bickering integrated into the mix.
Taako watched his mirror image swipe a swirl of teal down the bridge of his nose, grinding to a halt when he saw in the reflection the door behind him swing open. He prepared a biting reprimand for the whichever knuckle-head had stumbled in on his private beauty session, but when he saw Angus in the doorway the complaint died in his throat. Angus hovered in the doorway, blinking nervously at Taako, who shook his head and waved him in. Angus' shoulders slumped in relief, and he quickly joined Taako at the sink, standing on his tiptoes to peer at the pair of them in the mirror's reflection.
"What's wrong, Avocado?" Taako worked the sponge into the creases at the corners of his eye, swamping his vision with green.
Angus scrunched up his nose, staring critically into his reflection's eyes. "Nobody has figured out my costume yet. I know it's a silly thing to worry about-"
"Imma stop you right there, Apple cake. You look awesome no matter what anyone says. Also, may I remind you, all our friends are colossal dum-dums that wouldn't recognise a skeleton if it kicked them in the nuts."
"I guess not everyone can be a detective." He paused. "I was thinking some face paint might help?"
Taako patted the bathroom countertop. "You came to the right place, Apricot."
"I'm not sure how many more of these nicknames I can take, Sir. They're getting worse."
"I'm experimenting. Now…" Taako laid out the paints before him. "Pick your colour."
A grin started to lift the corners of Angus' mouth. He held out a container of shining silvery paint. "Glow me the fuck up!"
"Agnes Elizabeth McDonald watch your fucking language!"
A short time later, they returned to the living room, which was now filled with guests, sweets, and friendly squabbling over choosing the night's film. Magnus' dogs circled between the guests, snapping up dropped crumbs of food and being generally adorable and irritating in equal measure.
One of the arrivals during Taako's absence turned out to be Barry, who nodded sheepishly at Taako, clearly still fighting back guilt and amusement after their earlier encounter. Beside him stood a man Taako didn't know. His eyes were skating dubiously over the other members of the party, his relaxed stance not quite convincing enough to mask the nervous tension in his shoulders. When his eyes fell upon Taako, he stopped dead.
Taako remembered, far too late, Lup's earlier threat of the friend she had invited to the party.
"Dammit, Lup," Taako growled under his breath. She couldn't possibly have heard him, but nonetheless she appeared in an instant, glass of wine in hand, expression brightening when she spotted the new arrivals.
"Hey, Barry, you made it!" Lup beamed at Barry and the man at his side. In the few seconds that it took Lup to greet her boyfriend, Taako studied their guest with open curiosity. The stranger's hair tumbled down his back from a tight ponytail in neatly sculpted dreads, while his face was patterned with patches of dark and light skin which accented his eyes and mouth. His clothes were sleek, dark, well-fitted and a little more formal than the night's festivities required, but Taako couldn't complain when he found himself realising that semi-formal gothic was a look he could really be into.
Maybe Lup did know his type. But fuck, there was no way he was letting her know that.
The only deterrent was the man's expression, which morphed into a mix of panic and horror as he stared at Taako like a fox caught in headlights.
"Queenie heard about the party and said she'd cover for me," Barry said as Lup pressed an enthusiastic kiss to his cheek, both of them oblivious to their guest's apparent alarm. Barry had mercifully swapped his haunted house clothes out for his usual jeans-and-white-Tee combo, and aside from the fake blood that Lup had smooched into his cheek he was back to his goofy, scare-free self.
Taako delicately cleared his throat.
Lup snorted. "Oh yes, of course, how very rude of us. Taako, this is our buddy Kravitz. Kravitz," she gestured to Taako, "No prizes for guessing how I know this nerd."
The mention of his name seemed to snap Kravitz from his stupor; his expression quickly morphed into one of polite interest. "Your brother, of course." Kravitz extended a hand which Taako took, finding Kravitz's skin surprisingly cold. "Lup and Barry have told me a lot about you."
"All true, of course." Taako's eyes flickered across Kravitz in search of clues, but unfortunately, he wasn't the detective of the team, who had sneaked into the kitchen, most likely to raid Magnus' cupboards for cheese puffs. "How do you three know each other, exactly?"
Lup opened her mouth to reply, but Kravitz quickly spoke over her. "Queenie, a mutual friend. She sends her love, by the way." Kravitz was quick to steer the conversation onto other topics, but Taako was not so easily distracted, no matter how quietly charming a conversationalist his adversary turned out to be. In the living room, speakers blared into life, spilling spooky music through the ground-floor rooms, and soon they found themselves shouting over the din as the four of them debated the best place in town for Tex-Mex. Kravitz earned brownie points by taking Taako's side, despite Lup's protest that her preference reigned supreme. She blew a raspberry at the pair of them as she poked Barry's side.
"Come on babe, help me out, they're teaming up against me!"
Barry held his hands up in surrender. "You know it's all too spicy for me."
Taako stuck his tongue out, gloating over his victory, but Lup refused to go down quietly.
"Well if you two like it so much, you can go on your next date there, me and Barry can have ours at the superior place-!"
"Lup!" Barry exclaimed as Taako spluttered. Kravitz's eyebrows shot up.
"Ah." Lup eyed her near-empty wine glass before handing it to Barry. "Sorry folks! Always been a lightweight n' all."
Taako rolled his eyes. "No worries, sis." He eyed Kravitz. "Wasn't the worst idea in the world, though."
"No," Kravitz replied, a gentle flush spreading across his cheeks. "I don't believe it was."
They were saved from Lup's victory fist-pumps by the reappearance of Angus. The orange dusting across the tips of his fingers proved Taako's cheese puff theory correct, but he showed no sign of guilt as he approached, selecting Barry to be the next contestant on his guess the costume game.
Taako took the distraction to study the guest at his side. There was something familiar about the poised, careful stance Kravitz maintained all while appearing completely at ease to the casual observer. The gravelly tones of his voice, too, were somehow not new to Taako – and shit, he had been caught staring.
Although if Kravitz was bothered by Taako's gaze, he didn't let it show. The opposite, in fact; the bashful grin creeping over his face proved otherwise, and God, even the smile was familiar.
When Barry's disastrous guess brought laughter and the conversation moved on, Taako seized the opportunity to quiz Kravitz without the attention of the others.
"We've met." Taako leaned in, noting the dusting of stubble smattered across Kravitz's jawline. Kravitz tensed, through from the proximity or the accusation, Taako couldn't tell.
Kravitz's eyes darted nervously around the room and back to Taako's face. "I don't know what you mean."
"You're lying, which means it was somewhere embarrassing." Taako studied Kravitz's features as though he expected to find the answer hidden in the brown depths of his eyes. "Was it a sex thing? I didn't ghost you or something, did I?"
Kravitz spluttered. "No, uh, I mean, not that I would, uh-!" Kravitz was rescued from answering when Angus appeared between them.
"Mister Bluejeans couldn't guess," he said mournfully. He turned to Kravitz and the disappointment fell away as his eyes narrowed. Taako swore he could see calculations circling Angus' head as he scanned Kravitz up and down, who stepped backwards as if hoping to escape the scrutiny.
"Oh!" Angus exclaimed as the final pieces of whatever puzzle he had been putting together fell into place. "You look different without the makeup."
"Makeup," said Taako as panic flashed across Kravitz's face. "Makeup…" Taako blinked, and suddenly Angus' puzzle pieces slotted into place for him too. "Oh, fuck. You."
"Yes, me," Kravitz admitted. He glanced across the room to Lup and Barry, who were now deep in conversation with Merle. "I'm sorry, I know I should have said something, but if those two hear about my disastrous performance I'll never hear the end of it. Please, I know how close you are to them, but…"
Snorting, Taako mimed pulling a zip across his mouth, and Angus copied the gesture. "You're safe with me, dude. Trust me, you're not the only one who lost some dignity on that one. We'll keep our shit zipped if you do."
Relief washed over Kravitz's features. "It's a deal."
It was at that moment that Lup climbed onto the coffee table, the typical signifier that an announcement was coming. In each hand she held aloft a stack of DVDs. "Ladies, gentlemen, and gender-nonconforming! We shall commence voting upon which of our gloriously shitty collection of spooky films shall first serve as tonight's entertainment. However, before doing so, we have a special addition to tonight's entertainment." She raised the DVD case at the top of the pile, presenting it to the room as though they were re-enacting The Lion King. The cover was suspiciously blank.
"It's porn!" yelled Magnus.
"Baby photos!"
"Angus' talent show entry!"
"Nope!" Lup replied, beaming. "Although I do have a wonderful collection of embarrassing baby photos available for the right price, discounted if you promise it's for blackmail purposes. No, this is a recording taken this very evening of our dear Taako and our even dearer Angus on their haunted house adventure!"
"Fuck," muttered Taako.
"Yes," Kravitz agreed. "Actually, I think I'm getting a phone call-"
"No the fuck you aren't, if I have to suffer then you do too," Taako said. He took Kravitz's arm in a firm grip to hold him in place.
Kravitz glanced down at the point of contact, eyebrows raised, but mercifully said nothing.
Their audience snickered as Angus and Taako dived from one horror to the next while Taako watched their reactions through his fingers. Lup groaned when Barry de-masked himself, dealing him a quick elbow in the ribs which Barry received good-naturedly. Normally he would be deflecting jabs with his usual sparkling wit, or even laughing along with the rest of them if in a good enough mood. Unfortunately, the memory of what was to come killed his mood on the spot. It wasn't just his own ridiculous behaviour that concerned him; he was intimately aware of Kravitz grinding his teeth together beside him. The mockery Taako could live with, but after having done all that he could to preserve his and Taako's dignity, Kravitz didn't deserve to be humiliated in a room full of strangers for trying to do his job in the face of Taako's sabotage.
Taako watched the screen as he and Angus inched forwards in the darkness which was negated by the camera's night mode. This time, he could see as Kravitz – as the Grim Reaper – circled them.
Just as the Grim Reaper on the screen prepared to strike, every light and appliance in the building winked out.
The party was instantly in uproar, people laughing and groaning as they stumbled and tripped over each other and the dogs in the dark. Taako heard Magnus yelling something about candles, Barry answering with some technical mumbo-jumbo involving fuse-boxes. Lup's cigarette lighter did little to fight the confusion, only casting long shadows across the room as figures stumbled around in search of light. Lucretia's suggestion that everyone stay where they were was side-lined when Merle knocked the guacamole over himself and proceeded to smear it across everything and everyone in his path. Taako tried to climb to his feet, preparing to vault the couch should Merle show any indication of heading their way, but he immediately collided with another figure taking similar evasive manoeuvres, and they fell back onto the couch together, Taako tumbling unwillingly into the man's lap.
"Figures," Taako grumbled. There was a moment of embarrassed silence before a familiar laugh shook from the figure beneath him.
Kravitz's voice was close enough for his breath to brush the skin of Taako's neck when he spoke. "Am I the only one having déjà vu right now?"
"I don't know what you mean."
"Your wand is poking my thigh."
"Maybe I'm just pleased to see you."
Flames flickered to life around them as candles and matches passed from person to person. Taako took the moment to slide from Kravitz's lap to a more appropriate distance. He found himself hoping that the dark flush of Kravitz's vitiligo-patterned cheeks in the orange glow of candlelight meant that the proximity hadn't been unwelcome.
"Ango, honey, I think you have to take your costume off before it catches fire," Taako said, catching Angus' arm as he slipped past them.
"No, Taako, please, I'm being very careful," Angus whined, "I want at least someone to guess what I am."
"It's obvious isn't it?" Kravitz replied. Taako and Angus fell silent, waiting. "Well," Kravitz continued, "the back flaps are wings, and the bit underneath looks like a tail. The boxes are the body and the limbs, and it looks as though you've drawn scales on as well." He paused. "It's very cute."
"Shut up, shut up, just say it, you're killing me." Taako nudged him in the ribs. Angus appeared to have stopped breathing entirely.
"Well… that and the grey face paint. It's a silver dragon, isn't it? It's basic problem solving."
Angus let all the air escape his lungs in a long breath. He turned to Taako. "Sir, you have to marry this man."
Taako laughed a little harder than he should have. The longer he spent in the presence of Kravitz, the more he was inclined to agree.
The power cut, far from ruining their night, turned it into a cosy, childhood-sleepover type of affair, made with more intimacy and nostalgia than the gang were used to indulging themselves in. They pushed back the couches and sprawled on cushions and blankets across the floor, playing every dumb game they could think of. Truth or Dare ended with Magnus streaking in the backyard for a full three minutes, but not before Taako learned more about Barry's preferences in the bedroom than he had ever, ever, ever, ever wanted to know. He learned that Kravitz's first kiss had taken place in a graveyard – "You can't be serious. Nobody is actually that goth!" – and for the next few minutes let his mind wander to Kravitz's lips, cool as the night as they wandered between gravestones bathed in silver light.
Perhaps Lup was right about his goth thing. Perhaps.
The suggestion of screwing around with Barry's Ouija board was summarily rejected in favour of Monopoly. Just as Lucretia finished demolishing the last of her competition, the lights burst back into life.
By that point it was too late for shitty movies, homemade or otherwise. Taako made sure to register his resounding lack of disappointment.
As the other guests dispersed for the night, Taako caught Angus by the shoulder and took him aside.
He glanced over his shoulder before turning to him to speak. "Hey. I saw you slip out just before the power went out. And again before it came back on. It doesn't take a detective."
Angus looked at his feet, grinning bashfully. "I thought you were distracted by Mister Kravitz."
"Son of a- no, no I wasn't. I just want to know why."
Angus looked up at him, his brown eyes filled with more unshakable affection than Taako knew what to do with. "You spent your whole evening looking out for me. I wanted to return the favour."
Taako let out a long steady breath as he collected himself. Some days he was sure that he would have died a thousand times over by now if not for the kid standing before him. Other days, he was taken by the bone-deep knowledge that Angus would be the death of him. Today, it was both.
He let out a shaky snort. "What? Psh. No I didn't." Taako wavered in the face of Angus' flat expression. "Fine, okay, I did. But it's not like you owe me, kiddo, it's not a debt you have to pay back. I don't look after you because I expect something back, I do it because I…"
He tried; he did. This sort of then had never come easy to him, not even with Lup.
"…you know," he finished lamely.
Angus blinked, no doubt putting Taako's actions under a magnifying glass, plugging his behaviours into an equation and distilling everything he knew about him into a single, simple solution.
"Yes," he answered at last, "I know." He pressed forward without warning, burying himself into Taako's side as he wrapped his arms around him. "Thanks, Taako."
"Yeah, whatever nerd," Taako answered. His attempt to be dismissive failed to hide how choked up he was, but knowing Angus, the kid would be to sweet to comment on it. "Go home and do your homework or whatever. That's what kids do, right? Homework or some shit."
It was then that Barry appeared in the doorway. If he noticed anything out of the ordinary in their expressions, he acknowledged it only with his usual faint smile as he twiddled his car keys in his hand. "Time to go, kiddo. I'll drive you."
Angus was quick to say his goodbyes, and while most of the guests had already left for the night he took care to give each of Magnus' dogs a pat before following Barry towards the driveway. He paused for a moment in the doorway where Kravitz was waiting. His suit jacket slung over his shoulder as he took in the night air, and while he registered surprise at Angus' approach Taako detected no displeasure. Which was good because, rule one, Taako decided on the spot, was that if a potential Something didn't like Angus then Taako wouldn't like them. Taako didn't catch the words they exchanged, but he did see the slight quirk in Kravitz's lips, and the quick glance in his direction.
When Barry's car dipped over the hill and its headlights swung out of sight, the two men stood on the driveway in silence for several moments.
Taako was the first to break it. "Nice night for it."
Kravitz hummed in agreement. "I see the allure of a full moon, but I must admit that nights like this are my favourite, when the moon falls into darkness and takes the rest of us with her." He turned and grinned, his teeth flashing bright in the dark. "That's how Queenie puts it, I believe."
Taako stared. "So fucking Goth."
Kravitz bowed his head. "Guilty as charged."
Taako bit his lip. He turned a few thoughts over in his head and made a decision. He decided that, for probably the millionth time, Lup was right about him. And about Kravitz. He took a step closer, admiring the sweet brown depths of Kravitz's eyes that had earlier been hidden by ghoulish red contacts. "Would you like to walk me home?"
Kravitz tilted his head to one side, and for a fraction of a second that felt like an eternity, Taako considered the possibility that he had misread the situation. Then a steady arm slipped into his own in answer. "It would be an honour."
It was something of a talent how Kravitz could say some of the most ridiculous things and sound completely sincere as he did so. It was startling, pleasing, and left a fluttering warmth flowing from his stomach and up through his ribcage. Maybe Angus was to be the death of him, but only if the Grim Reaper didn't manage it first.
They made their way to Taako's place undisturbed; Lup had made it abundantly clear that she planned on spending the night at Barry's with a knowing smirk which Taako had dismissed at the time with a frustrated shake of his head. Now that he was approaching his place with Kravitz's arm in his, he was both parts thankful and irritated by Lup's clairvoyance.
Kravitz was hilariously flustered when Taako invited him in, enough to make Taako wonder once again if he'd misread the situation entirely.
"Sorry, Taako, I just wanted to know – is this, are we-?"
Taako studied him, biting his lip to hide the smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "Depends, homie. You want it to be?"
Kravitz took his hand and let their fingers lace together. "Yes. Please."
Kravitz watched, mesmerised, as Taako pushed back his sleeve and, having found a spare pen in the pockets of his robe, began scrawling his number across the cool skin of Kravitz's patterned inner arm. "You better call, Skeletor."
"Or you'll…what was it? Tentacle my dick?"
"Nope." Taako leaned in, his lips brushing the shell of Kravitz's ear. "That's for if you do call." He added an exaggerated wink for good measure.
Kravitz made a noise which was becoming more and more familiar to Taako as he tried to choke back the laughter bubbling through him. "Noted." He looked at Taako with admiration, attraction even, and Taako could handle that well enough, had received similar enough times, but the barely-hidden bafflement, as though there was something in Taako that Kravitz couldn't rationalise, something like…wonder. Now that, Taako wasn't ready for, had never learned to handle, and every time he saw it in Kravitz's eyes it threw him almost physically off balance. Like it tilted his world on a different axis.
It was an expression he wanted to get used to.
When Kravitz leaned in to kiss him, it was like he was being filled with something warm and sticky-sweet that twisted through his guts like syrup. He leaned into Kravitz's lips and pressed their bodies together, humming with delight as Kravitz ran his hands over his back and up, sliding forward to smooth over his shoulders and cup his neck, before finally bunching in his hair. His hands, his mouth, they were all so strangely cool, but the chill tingled pleasantly against the warmth of Taako's skin, sending a shiver through his body.
When Kravitz pulled back, Taako tried to follow, shamelessly chasing the strange conflict of heat and chill that Kravitz sent spiralling through his body.
Kravitz smiled into Taako's lips as he pressed another gentle kiss into his skin. "I'll call."
Taako took a moment to catch his breath. "Yeah," he said, head still spinning. "Holy shit. You better."
"That good?"
Taako smacked his arm, laughing. "Go on, get out of here, you nerd."
Taako watched from behind the curtains as Kravitz set off into the night, noting with more than a little satisfaction the bounce in his step.
Taako sighed, letting his forehead fall against the cool glass of the windowpane. He knew he probably had to call Lup and apologise, but it was an easy task to put off when every inch of him was still tingling with the ghost of Kravitz's touch.
He wondered if the Grim Reaper's days of kissing in graveyards were behind him.
Time would tell.
Two weeks and many successful dates later, Taako knew it was getting to be too much when g the kid on the admissions desk started greeting him by name. Johann shook his head when he saw Taako's approach, which, considering he was pretending to be a disembodied head mounted upon a platter, was quite a visual. "He's not on break for another hour."
"Who asked? Maybe I'm here for the ambiance."
Johann groaned. "I'm not paid enough for this."
"Just let me slip through, no one has to know." Taako waggled his eyebrows. "I'll scratch your nose for you."
"You would?" Johann wavered.
"And maybe," Taako added as an afterthought, "the graveyard cams could glitch out for a few minutes…?"
Johann sighed again, heavily enough to send some of the decorative cobwebs scattered across the table floating to the floor. "Please. I've seen enough. We've all seen enough."
Five minutes later, Taako was slipping through the corridors and side-doors as though it were his own house. Which, now that he thought about it, would probably be the tightest shit imaginable.
He wandered past the mirror-maze entrance, snorting at the bout of shrieks emitted from within. Barry, Lup, whoever was on shift at the moment, was killing it. Hopefully not literally.
Taako slid through the double doors, a smile stealing across his face as the darkness enveloped him.
"Prepare for your reckoning…" hissed a voice in a terrible English accent, "for mortal souls shall be consumed…"
"I can think of something much better to consume." Taako flicked his hair from his eyes, relishing the knowledge that he was being watched, especially when he could see nothing for himself.
"Who dares enter the Reaper's domain?" a voice whispered behind him. The hair on the nape of Taako's neck stood on end at the hot brush of air that swept across him.
When the lights flashed on, Taako was ready. The Reaper appeared inches from his face, eyes blood-red, fanged teeth bared into a grin. The lights flashed off, but there was no sign of movement. Taako breathed in deeply, as though the smell of Kravitz's aftershave were his oxygen.
The lightest press of lips against the sensitive stretch of skin behind his ear. "We really can't keep doing this."
"Stop me anytime, Reaper man."
A huff of laughter brushed against his neck, but at the next flash of light Kravitz was nowhere to be seen.
"So it's like that, huh?" Taako edged forwards, arms outstretched. "Fine, whatever. You know what? You're not even that scary, ya big nerd."
A flash of light, and Taako yelped. Kravitz was before him once more, red eyes glinting in the black sockets the makeup hollowed out around his eyes. His scythe glinted at Taako's neck, sending a shiver of heat down his spine. Kravitz's eyes flickered over him, gleaming triumphantly. "You were saying?"
"Holy shit, stop talking." Taako reached forward. There was a clatter as Kravitz's scythe hit the ground and Taako got his wish.
He tasted warm and cold at the same time, like chocolate and mint, a taste to which Taako was quickly and recklessly becoming irreparably addicted. The scrape of fangs against the spot where his shoulder met his neck had him biting violently down on his lower lip, fingers pulling through long, soft locks of hair.
Hands, mouths, tongues, searching, exploring, intertwining.
Together in the dark, it was fucking thrilling.
They were snapped back to reality when the entry-way doors creaked open, and the automated sound effects kicked back into action.
"Oh my god," Kravitz pulled away, breathless. "Please get out of here. No, wait, how's my makeup?"
"Not all of us can see in the dark, babe. But I'm ready to bet it's smeared to shit."
Kravitz paused. "Fuck it." He pressed a kiss to Taako's temple. "I'll see you on my break?"
"You'll do more than see me if I've got any say in it."
The sound of fumbling footsteps grew steadily louder, accompanied by hushed whispers and nervous giggles.
Taako caught him by the lapels, pressed one more kiss into his lips. "How do you see in the dark?"
A soft chuckle. A brief flash of red, so dim Taako wondered if he had imagined it. "Didn't I tell you?" Kravitz leaned in, lips brushing the shell of his ear. "I really am the Grim Reaper."
Taako snorted as he shoved past Kravitz, stumbling when the abandoned scythe caught his foot, and maybe the group behind him were close enough to hear something because they fell suddenly silent, and Taako was just so, so, so beyond caring.
Still dizzy with whatever it was that Kravitz did to him that made him feel so damn tingly, Taako, unfortunately, and not for the first time, forgot about the water dump trap.
He shrieked in outrage as cold water crashed against his head and splattered against his favourite jacket. Taako believed in dressing to impress, even when those he wished to impress worked in inconveniently poorly-lit environments, and God, that had backfired spectacularly.
He was drying his jacket on the waiting-room heater when Lup found him.
"Johann said you stopped by." Her eyes lit up mischievously at the sight of Taako's dripping clothes. "Although evidently not for me."
"Dunno what you mean, sis." He flicked his gaze away from her, to find it landing by chance on Kravitz's screen, miraculously restored since he had last glanced up.
"Still pretending I don't know your type?"
"Nu-uh."
"So you haven't been in to see Kravitz."
"Nope."
"And you certainly haven't kissed him!"
"Preposterous."
"So the black n' white face paint all around your mouth is from makkin' on some other skeleton dude."
"Son of a fuck!"
Being proven wrong had never felt so good.
