He had never loved her – she knew that. That was why she was here, sitting in one of the more secluded gardens in the Seireitei. She had a tendency to come to this garden when she wanted to be alone and think.
"He doesn't love me…he'll never love me…" she whispered to herself as she watched a koi fish come up for air in the little pond. "He loves her…he always has…" The koi swam up to her, almost as if it knew she was in pain.
She smiled sadly and set a small flower on the surface of the pond. She watched it float around and then turned to the side, plucking a marigold from its stem. She sniffed it, not like there was anything to smell, and let the small, delicate petals caress her cheek. A tear in her eye, she brought her fingers up to caress the flower in return, and then…then she plucked a petal.
"He loves me," she whispered.
Another petal, "He loves me not…"
"He loves me…"
"He loves me not…"
"He loves me…"
"He loves me not…"
Soft, delicate petal, by soft, delicate petal, she repeated the age old rhyme to herself, wishing for once it would make her feel better.
Another tear slipping down her cheek, she plucked the last petal.
"He loves me…" she looked at the bare stem of the marigold, and then she laughed as if there were something funny about it. She crushed it in her hand, "Not."
She sat there, her face in her hands, crying for Kami knows how long.
She didn't even notice the shadow over her, not until the owner of that shadow spoke.
"What's wrong little one?"
She sniffed and looked up at her captain, and the man she had admired from a distance for so long. His silver hair glinted in the moonlight and his mocking grin was nowhere to be seen. She hadn't even realized the sun had set – but by the position of the moon in the sky, it was late – very late indeed.
"Nothing Ichimaru-taichou," she whispered. "Nothing for you to be concerned about, at least..."
"Ya in my division, little one," he said, sitting down beside her, "That makes it somethin' for me ta be concerned about…"
"Why do you always call me that?" she asked, not wanting to say: Do you even know my name?
"Ya so small an' shy an' cute," he grinned. "Would ya rather I call ya Masami-chan?"
"I wouldn't be against it…I don't really like it when people don't use my name…it makes me feel inferior…unimportant…kinda like how my dad felt I was…" The last part wasn't supposed to slip out, but it did – and even though it would've been lost in the trees to anyone else, Gin had excellent hearing.
"I'm sorry Masami-chan…I won't call ya 'little one' if it makes ya feel that bad."
"Arigato, Ichimaru-taichou…" she gave a small smile.
"So what's botherin' ya Masami-chan?" his grin had been replaced by a small frown.
She at the ground between her feet, "Nothing really…just…trivial stuff that shouldn't be important…but I guess it is…just tired…"
"Why dontcha go ta bed then?"
"Not that kind of tired…" she muttered. She looked up at her silver-haired captain, "Have you ever been emotionally drained, taichou?"
He thought for a moment, "Can't say I have been. Why?"
"It's more exhausting than you can imagine…your willpower and motivation are just…gone…you don't want to do anything…it's nastier when you're physically drained too…all you want to do is sleep…"
"An' a good night's sleep ain't gonna fix it?"
"No…no amount of sleep can fix a heavy heart…"
A tear slipped down her cheek, but before she could wipe it away with the sleeve of her robes, Gin gently grabbed her chin and turned her face toward him. He wiped the tear away with his other hand, his thumb surprisingly soft against her skin.
Before she knew what had happened, Gin had pulled her small frame into his arms, pulling her close against him. His fingers tangled in her long strawberry-blonde hair, which was loose of its usual ponytail, and his nose buried in the golden-pink locks. She rested her head against his sturdy chest, blinking back tears. He wrapped his arms around her, comforting her.
In her head she whispered to herself:
He loves me.
He loves me not.
He loves me.
He loves me not.
He loves me.
He loves me not.
He loves me.
He loves me –
"I've been keepin' an eye on ya Masami-chan…" he whispered. "I've been watchin' ya."
The poor girl didn't know whether to be flattered or nervous. She swallowed the lump in her throat…but couldn't find the words to speak.
"I've been watchin' ya," he repeated as he pulled away and looked at her, eyes open. Whatever breath she had in her body was snatched away by those beautiful, light blue eyes, staring intently at her; open for only her to see. "I've been watchin' ya – th' same way ya've been watchin' me."
He had known? This whole time – he had known?
"Yer a little mean ta those marigolds…" he teased, a small grin on his face. "Ya've been mean so they've been lyin' ta ya."
This confused poor Masami so much, it must've been something in those green eyes that made him say:
"I've been doin' th' same thing…she loves me…she loves me not…" he cocked his head and looked at her, "An' every time they told me tha' she don't love me…" He laughed quietly, "But ya know what? Ya right 'bout one thing…I do love Rangiku…but I love her in a different way…it ain't like siblings, but it ain't really romantic either…she an' I – it'd never work, never has, never will…but ya – ya different…ya special Masami. I like that about ya."
"I'm not that special…"
"Don't play coy with me Masami, ya special – that's why I asked ta have ya placed in my division in th' first place."
"You asked for me to be in your division? Why?"
"Ya special – ya strong, ya beautiful, but ya quiet an' ya ain't gonna take no one's shit…ya ain't gonna tell me wha' I wanna hear – ya tell me wha' I need ta hear…most of th' time at least…" he grinned and pressed his forehead against her, "An' I like that 'bout ya."
Her heart skipped a beat at having him so near. That and she'd never been called 'beautiful' before…never…he had just given her a compliment – and without using a mocking tone and his eyes were open…he was telling the truth!
"In fact…I love that 'bout ya… I think that's why I fell in love with ya in th' first place…" he gazed into her eyes, his hand leaving her hair to cradle her face.
Her heart jumped up to her throat at those words.
He brought his lips to hers, and she nearly fainted at the feel of those soft, warm, lips against hers. If this was a dream, she never wanted to wake up. But if this was a joke and he was stringing her along, then she was going to beat somebody to death with a dead fish…
He pulled her closer to him, wrapping his arms tight around her small frame, his lips slanted lovingly, but almost possessively, over hers. They broke a few minutes later, exchanging small kisses until Masami curled up against him and unintentionally fell asleep.
Gin smiled at the girl in his arms, placed a kiss on top of her head and easily stood up, carrying her bridal style. He walked over to the Third Division barracks and opened the door to her room with his foot. He laid her down on her bed and tucked her in snugly, just the way she liked.
He placed another kiss on her head before he left the room, quietly bidding her goodnight as he silently slid the door shut.
When Masami woke up the next morning, there was a marigold sitting in a small vase next to her bed, and a small bag of freshly dried persimmons beside it. The girl blushed when entered her captain's office to drop off some paperwork, but before she could leave he asked her to stay for a moment. He finished his business with Kuchiki-taichou quickly. After Byakuya had left the room, Gin motioned Masami over and pulled her onto his lap, kissing her tenderly.
Masami knew she'd be spending a lot more time with her captain from now on…