This was written specially for Iczer, who felt that it would make a good SxK story. ^^ I took her up on the offer, and am writing it for her.
Notes: Shounen-ai, WAFF. The song Number Two is by Joe Jackson.. I haven't heard it, so forgive me if the story doesn't quite set the mood of the music. You can probably consider the story AU as well, and there are, of course, spoilers.
***********
Number Two
***********
//Won't you be my number two
Me and number one are through
There won't be too much to do
Just smile when I feel blue//
- Kamui -
"Are you all right?"
Those words seem.. so meaningless, somehow. Of course he isn't all right. But.. I don't know what else to say to him. He's just -sitting- there, smoking a cigarette, looking so.. so.. NORMAL! Aside from the blood splattered all over him and the vacant look in his eye, anyone would think that he was just relaxing for a moment.. hell, the vacant look could be mistaken for the look of a daydreamer.. which I suppose he is, kind of.
He looks at me then, and smiles faintly. "Kamui, you don't have to worry about me."
Slowly, I pace across the room and sit next to him. I grip the edge of the mattress hard and stare at the carpet. "I.. I'm sorry. If I'd been able to make it sooner.."
"No." His voice isn't harsh, he isn't angry. It almost seems like he's trying to soothe me. "Even if you'd made it sooner, you wouldn't have been able to stop what happened. If it weren't for Hokuto-chan's spell, you would have just seen me die." That last sentance sounds really bitter.
I feel tears prickling my eyes, and I keep my head lowered. I've cried in front of him enough.. he needs -my- comfort now, not the other way around. "I just.. wish it could have been different. That's all."
His voice is soft and gentle when he speaks to me. "So do I, but that's not how destiny works, Kamui. You wish that Fuuma hadn't become evil, that Kotori was still alive.. I wish much the same thing. I wish that Seishirou-san had -never- been evil. I wish that Hokuto was stil alive."
As soon as I'm sure I've gotten rid of the tears, I lift my head and look at him. He smiles faintly, and I realize I did a fairly bad job at it. That smile makes me want to cry even harder, but instead, I make an effort and smile back at him. This seems to surprise him. My eyes widen when I realize that now, -he- is the one who's crying.
//And there's not much left of me
What you get is what you see
Is it worth the energy
I leave it up to you//
- Subaru -
His strength never fails to amaze me. I know he considers himself weak because there are things he couldn't have done anything about.. Fuuma. Kotori. And.. I guess, me. When I lost my eye, he was frantic for me. He cried and held me tightly, and apologized about a thousand times. He hated himself because he couldn't free himself to help me. When I told him it had been my Wish, that took away some of the pain.. he seemed calmer. However, he still refused to leave my side. He was out in the waiting room the whole time I was in surgery, and with me when I woke up afterwards.
And now.. despite everything.. he's smiling. He can still smile after the hell he's been through. I wish I could say the same for myself, but I can't. The only time I can ever really smile is at -him-. Otherwise, I just walk around in a daze. I guess that makes me weak. As soon as Kamui sees my tears, his arms are around me, and his face is hidden in my neck.
"Cry, Subaru," he breathes, holding me tighter. "Cry if you need to. Let me.. let me help you."
Well, that does it. As soon as those words are out of his mouth, I become an emotional wreck. I hold him tightly against me and sob into his hair. The whole time, he whispers softly to me and rubs my back, comforting me. Somehow.. somehow, with him, everything seems to -hurt- less. For once in my life, my tears heal, not make things worse. Before, when I cried, all it did for me was leave me in a worse mood than before. Now.. with him by my side.. it's like I'm being cleansed of everything that happened.
As soon as I manage to calm down somewhat, I expect him to pull away.. however, he remains in my arms, completely relaxed and at ease. For one fleeting moment, I wonder if he's fallen asleep, but then I hear his soft voice. "Better?"
I close my eyes again and nod. "Thanks," I murmur. My voice is slightly hoarse from all the crying I'd done. I can hardly believe I cried that much.. I haven't cried like that since I was little. I guess I should have more often.. in that case, maybe there'd be more left of me than there is now.
He moves back a little, not breaking the embrace, and smiles at me. He lifts a hand and gently wipes away the stray tears that are still slowly coursing down my face. "I'm glad," he whispers.
Then, he tilts his head and kisses me softly on the cheek. My face heats up, I'm sure it's bright red. His smile widens, and his eyes sparkle with laughter. I smile shakily back, tears welling in my eyes again. I can already tell that I'm going to be an emotional disaster for the next few days. I guess I don't mind too much.. it's worth it. I can feel the wounds inside me closing ever so slowly.
With his help.. if he'll stay with me.. I'm sure I can recover some of what I lost, at least.
//And if you got something to say to me
Don't try to play your funny games on me
I know that it's really not fair of me
But my heart's seen too much action//
- Subaru -
Kamui slowly pushes me back so I'm laying down, then stretches out next to me. He pulls me into his arms and strokes my hair. He doesn't say anything, but he doesn't really need to. His honesty shines in his violet eyes, every time he looks at me. I know he won't try to decieve me, or hurt me like Seishirou-san did. If we can make it through this.. our future will be beautiful together.
I know I've been broken. That's a fairly sad thought, but it's true.. there's just not much left of what I used to be. Seishirou-san broke me, just like he wanted to.. but.. can Kamui put me back together?
My feelings must have been plain on my face, because he speaks quietly. "Thinking?"
I nod slowly. "Yeah." I shift our positions so he's nestled against me, his head tucked under my chin. This.. feels so natural. So much better than it had when I was in his position in Seishirou-san's arms. "I guess I think too much sometimes."
"Nah." He smiles and squeezes me gently. "It'll be hard to let go. I know I'll have to deal with it myself, sooner than I want to. I figure if I can get you through this.. maybe Fuuma's death won't be so hard on me. I can probably pull myself out of it if I try hard enough."
I blink. It almost sounds like he's expecting me to -leave-. "Kamui?" I ask. My voice conveys all my fears into that one word.
"I don't want to hurt you anymore, Subaru," he says quietly. "You've already suffered a lot on my account. When.. when that happens, I don't want to burden you with it."
Well. I'm completely and totally speechless. Sometimes, he really, really shocks me. Not in a -bad- way, mind, he just.. some of the things he says.. "You aren't a burden." Those are the first words that come to mind, and they come out in a tone I almost don't recognize. Gentle, kind, but fierce.
It seems to stun him, too, because he tenses a little. With a soft laugh, he relaxes and presses closer, hugging me tight. "Subaru.. you're something else."
I blink, then smile and hug him back. With him in my arms, everything seems a lot better than it had before. "I guess."
We lay that way in comfortable silence for a moment, but then he pulls back and looks at me. His eyes trace the lines of my face, then come to rest on my own eyes. Eye, I guess, since I can't see out of my right eye any longer. "Subaru, I.." His brows knit together, and he bites his lip. He looks devistatingly adorable.
I think I know what's coming, and I smile again, with all my feelings behind it. "Yes?" I prod gently.
He pauses a moment, then smiles back. "I.. I love you."
//And every time I look at you
You'll be who I want you to
And I'll do what I can do
To make a dream or two come true
If you'll be my
If you be my number two //
- Kamui -
If I had any fears about his reaction to that, they disappeared when I saw the look in his eye afterwards. A million emotions rushed through his gentle gaze.. relief, hope, surprise, joy.. and maybe, just maybe, a little bit of love for me. He pulls me back into his arms and holds me tightly, but doesn't say anything. He doesn't have to.
I don't expect him to love me yet. I know it'll take time for him to heal completely. For now, I'm happy with what I have from him. It's more than I ever expected.. and, someday, I know he -will- love me. That thought is enough to make my heart soar.
"Thank you," he says softly. "Will.. will you stay with me?"
I know he doesn't mean just for tonight, or just for a few days. I don't even have to think about my response. "Yes."
He sighs quietly, and it seems like a huge burden has been lifted from him. "Thank you, Kamui," he whispers.
I smile and close my eyes slightly, my nose almost touching his. "You're welcome."
When he kisses me, a thrill passes through my whole being. It's not like it was a long or a passionate kiss, just a gentle brush, but.. it was enough. It's almost like he caressed my very soul with his lips. I settle against him again, tucking my head under his chin, and I feel myself starting to fall asleep. "Subaru.."
"It's all right." He strokes my hair, and I sense that he's smiling. "Go to sleep.. you need it. I'm not moving.. and I don't want you to move, either."
I chuckle quietly. "All right. I won't move."
I fall asleep in his arms, and for once, I'm not plagued by nightmares.. and I don't think he is, either. Subaru.. I won't move ever again, if that's what you want.
**********
Owari
**********
-- Cheyne
cheyne@everlastingstory.net
11:35 AM 6/9/2002
Notes: Shounen-ai, WAFF. The song Number Two is by Joe Jackson.. I haven't heard it, so forgive me if the story doesn't quite set the mood of the music. You can probably consider the story AU as well, and there are, of course, spoilers.
***********
Number Two
***********
//Won't you be my number two
Me and number one are through
There won't be too much to do
Just smile when I feel blue//
- Kamui -
"Are you all right?"
Those words seem.. so meaningless, somehow. Of course he isn't all right. But.. I don't know what else to say to him. He's just -sitting- there, smoking a cigarette, looking so.. so.. NORMAL! Aside from the blood splattered all over him and the vacant look in his eye, anyone would think that he was just relaxing for a moment.. hell, the vacant look could be mistaken for the look of a daydreamer.. which I suppose he is, kind of.
He looks at me then, and smiles faintly. "Kamui, you don't have to worry about me."
Slowly, I pace across the room and sit next to him. I grip the edge of the mattress hard and stare at the carpet. "I.. I'm sorry. If I'd been able to make it sooner.."
"No." His voice isn't harsh, he isn't angry. It almost seems like he's trying to soothe me. "Even if you'd made it sooner, you wouldn't have been able to stop what happened. If it weren't for Hokuto-chan's spell, you would have just seen me die." That last sentance sounds really bitter.
I feel tears prickling my eyes, and I keep my head lowered. I've cried in front of him enough.. he needs -my- comfort now, not the other way around. "I just.. wish it could have been different. That's all."
His voice is soft and gentle when he speaks to me. "So do I, but that's not how destiny works, Kamui. You wish that Fuuma hadn't become evil, that Kotori was still alive.. I wish much the same thing. I wish that Seishirou-san had -never- been evil. I wish that Hokuto was stil alive."
As soon as I'm sure I've gotten rid of the tears, I lift my head and look at him. He smiles faintly, and I realize I did a fairly bad job at it. That smile makes me want to cry even harder, but instead, I make an effort and smile back at him. This seems to surprise him. My eyes widen when I realize that now, -he- is the one who's crying.
//And there's not much left of me
What you get is what you see
Is it worth the energy
I leave it up to you//
- Subaru -
His strength never fails to amaze me. I know he considers himself weak because there are things he couldn't have done anything about.. Fuuma. Kotori. And.. I guess, me. When I lost my eye, he was frantic for me. He cried and held me tightly, and apologized about a thousand times. He hated himself because he couldn't free himself to help me. When I told him it had been my Wish, that took away some of the pain.. he seemed calmer. However, he still refused to leave my side. He was out in the waiting room the whole time I was in surgery, and with me when I woke up afterwards.
And now.. despite everything.. he's smiling. He can still smile after the hell he's been through. I wish I could say the same for myself, but I can't. The only time I can ever really smile is at -him-. Otherwise, I just walk around in a daze. I guess that makes me weak. As soon as Kamui sees my tears, his arms are around me, and his face is hidden in my neck.
"Cry, Subaru," he breathes, holding me tighter. "Cry if you need to. Let me.. let me help you."
Well, that does it. As soon as those words are out of his mouth, I become an emotional wreck. I hold him tightly against me and sob into his hair. The whole time, he whispers softly to me and rubs my back, comforting me. Somehow.. somehow, with him, everything seems to -hurt- less. For once in my life, my tears heal, not make things worse. Before, when I cried, all it did for me was leave me in a worse mood than before. Now.. with him by my side.. it's like I'm being cleansed of everything that happened.
As soon as I manage to calm down somewhat, I expect him to pull away.. however, he remains in my arms, completely relaxed and at ease. For one fleeting moment, I wonder if he's fallen asleep, but then I hear his soft voice. "Better?"
I close my eyes again and nod. "Thanks," I murmur. My voice is slightly hoarse from all the crying I'd done. I can hardly believe I cried that much.. I haven't cried like that since I was little. I guess I should have more often.. in that case, maybe there'd be more left of me than there is now.
He moves back a little, not breaking the embrace, and smiles at me. He lifts a hand and gently wipes away the stray tears that are still slowly coursing down my face. "I'm glad," he whispers.
Then, he tilts his head and kisses me softly on the cheek. My face heats up, I'm sure it's bright red. His smile widens, and his eyes sparkle with laughter. I smile shakily back, tears welling in my eyes again. I can already tell that I'm going to be an emotional disaster for the next few days. I guess I don't mind too much.. it's worth it. I can feel the wounds inside me closing ever so slowly.
With his help.. if he'll stay with me.. I'm sure I can recover some of what I lost, at least.
//And if you got something to say to me
Don't try to play your funny games on me
I know that it's really not fair of me
But my heart's seen too much action//
- Subaru -
Kamui slowly pushes me back so I'm laying down, then stretches out next to me. He pulls me into his arms and strokes my hair. He doesn't say anything, but he doesn't really need to. His honesty shines in his violet eyes, every time he looks at me. I know he won't try to decieve me, or hurt me like Seishirou-san did. If we can make it through this.. our future will be beautiful together.
I know I've been broken. That's a fairly sad thought, but it's true.. there's just not much left of what I used to be. Seishirou-san broke me, just like he wanted to.. but.. can Kamui put me back together?
My feelings must have been plain on my face, because he speaks quietly. "Thinking?"
I nod slowly. "Yeah." I shift our positions so he's nestled against me, his head tucked under my chin. This.. feels so natural. So much better than it had when I was in his position in Seishirou-san's arms. "I guess I think too much sometimes."
"Nah." He smiles and squeezes me gently. "It'll be hard to let go. I know I'll have to deal with it myself, sooner than I want to. I figure if I can get you through this.. maybe Fuuma's death won't be so hard on me. I can probably pull myself out of it if I try hard enough."
I blink. It almost sounds like he's expecting me to -leave-. "Kamui?" I ask. My voice conveys all my fears into that one word.
"I don't want to hurt you anymore, Subaru," he says quietly. "You've already suffered a lot on my account. When.. when that happens, I don't want to burden you with it."
Well. I'm completely and totally speechless. Sometimes, he really, really shocks me. Not in a -bad- way, mind, he just.. some of the things he says.. "You aren't a burden." Those are the first words that come to mind, and they come out in a tone I almost don't recognize. Gentle, kind, but fierce.
It seems to stun him, too, because he tenses a little. With a soft laugh, he relaxes and presses closer, hugging me tight. "Subaru.. you're something else."
I blink, then smile and hug him back. With him in my arms, everything seems a lot better than it had before. "I guess."
We lay that way in comfortable silence for a moment, but then he pulls back and looks at me. His eyes trace the lines of my face, then come to rest on my own eyes. Eye, I guess, since I can't see out of my right eye any longer. "Subaru, I.." His brows knit together, and he bites his lip. He looks devistatingly adorable.
I think I know what's coming, and I smile again, with all my feelings behind it. "Yes?" I prod gently.
He pauses a moment, then smiles back. "I.. I love you."
//And every time I look at you
You'll be who I want you to
And I'll do what I can do
To make a dream or two come true
If you'll be my
If you be my number two //
- Kamui -
If I had any fears about his reaction to that, they disappeared when I saw the look in his eye afterwards. A million emotions rushed through his gentle gaze.. relief, hope, surprise, joy.. and maybe, just maybe, a little bit of love for me. He pulls me back into his arms and holds me tightly, but doesn't say anything. He doesn't have to.
I don't expect him to love me yet. I know it'll take time for him to heal completely. For now, I'm happy with what I have from him. It's more than I ever expected.. and, someday, I know he -will- love me. That thought is enough to make my heart soar.
"Thank you," he says softly. "Will.. will you stay with me?"
I know he doesn't mean just for tonight, or just for a few days. I don't even have to think about my response. "Yes."
He sighs quietly, and it seems like a huge burden has been lifted from him. "Thank you, Kamui," he whispers.
I smile and close my eyes slightly, my nose almost touching his. "You're welcome."
When he kisses me, a thrill passes through my whole being. It's not like it was a long or a passionate kiss, just a gentle brush, but.. it was enough. It's almost like he caressed my very soul with his lips. I settle against him again, tucking my head under his chin, and I feel myself starting to fall asleep. "Subaru.."
"It's all right." He strokes my hair, and I sense that he's smiling. "Go to sleep.. you need it. I'm not moving.. and I don't want you to move, either."
I chuckle quietly. "All right. I won't move."
I fall asleep in his arms, and for once, I'm not plagued by nightmares.. and I don't think he is, either. Subaru.. I won't move ever again, if that's what you want.
**********
Owari
**********
-- Cheyne
cheyne@everlastingstory.net
11:35 AM 6/9/2002