2. Open Book
I sped across the highway at a speed that was too fast…even for me. I pressed on as though Bella Swan herself was on my heels. The black pavement all but disappeared beneath me. After a brief discussion with Carlisle I had decided to leave town, not to tempt fate, or myself. Just as Alice had said I would. I had been on the road for less than four hours but I was already halfway into Northern Canada. My thoughts briefly drifted to my family. What had Alice told the others? Was Esme terribly upset? I was too far away to hear them. It made me feel disconnected. But I knew them too well to not know the answers to my questions, my fears. Alice would have told them everything, of course and Esme would naturally be heartbroken, we were like her children.
At dawn the next day I was coming into Denali, Alaska. I remembered easily where to find Tanya and her family. The scents were familiar to me, the thoughts as well. All too quickly I picked up on how pleased she was to see me. They welcomed me warmly and I immediately went hunting. After I had fed I spent the next two days in my room, alone.
I was sitting at the window reading on the third night when there was an almost silent knock at my door. I listened and could hear the thoughts outside. I must be crazy, what am I thinking…they belonged to Tanya.
"Come in," I called. She opened the door and entered. She came to stand by my chair and gaze down at me.
"What happened at home, Edward? Why are you here?" her questions were only a diversion, I could already hear in her mind that our conversation would take a turn in a direction I did not desire.
"I encountered someone I couldn't resist hunting. I didn't want to ruin things for my family." I vaguely gave her the idea.
"You could stay here forever. Carlisle and the others could come back of course." She raised a hand and placed it on my face. " I could make you forget her." I closed my eyes and thought about that concept for a moment. What if I never went back to Forks? Bella Swan would forget me soon enough and I her. No, that was a lie and I knew it. There was something in her chocolate eyes that I knew I wanted to see again. For the last three days I had thought only of her. Of different ways to kill her and of different, more human things I could do with her. I shook my head.
"Tanya, I am very fond of you and your family, we all are. But I'm afraid that my affections do not go beyond fondness." Her mind went blank for a brief moment, digesting what I had just said. Why? What do I not have that he needs? Is the human? No, it couldn't be, he's too good for her, he should be with me.
"Oh, I…" she was wrestling with how to handle my rejection. "I'm sorry, I only thought that…" she quickly turned and left the room. I rested my head against the back of my chair. Tanya was of course a close friend of ours but I knew that I could never feel anything but that for her. Then another thought crept into my head, Tanya had suggested that I never return to Forks. Was that something I would actually consider? The hatred for Bella Swan came rushing back to me. Who was this insignificant little human to run me out of my town, my hunting ground? The place where my family and I had come to call our home. We had been there longer than she. I stood abruptly as though realization had hit me. No, I would not let her drive me away. I could conquer my thirst and I could return to my family. The resolution swept over me fresh and new. I had made up my mind.
Two days later I left Denali again. I made it home by Sunday evening. Esme and Carlisle welcomed me back with open arms, of course. They always gave me more than I deserved. I decided I would return to school on Monday. The others were on alert and aware of my behavior, keeping a constant watch on me. Alice, always looking just ahead into the future to make sure there was nothing to fear.
Monday dawned and we headed for school. The first half of the day passed without incident. Lunch was the same, our same props of food we never ate. Then I heard it, the familiar ramblings of Jessica Stanley. I look towards the doors of the cafeteria and there was Bella Swan, with Jessica. I turned my head away, keeping my eyes on her in my periphery. She looked over towards our table almost automatically. I realized she had done that everyday that I had been away. She couldn't be checking for me could she? They moved through the line and went to the table I had first seen her sitting at last week.
Was I still unable to read her thoughts? I permitted myself to look at her. She was staring down at her tray of food, avoiding us probably. Oh my God, Edward's looking at me…came Jessica's misplaced thoughts. Then she came to her senses. Oh, he's just looking at Bella. Why, she's not even that pretty and she's not very exciting either. I heard her inform Bella Swan that I was staring at her. I heard her ask if I looked angry. Jessica was confused, I could tell. I turned my head to smile. Humans were so clueless. If they only knew.
Alice had seen me look at Bella. What are you thinking? Her mind asked me. I shrugged and then shook my head, just slightly. I spent the rest of lunch staring at Bella Swan, nothing. I couldn't hear anything. I knew Biology was next where the temptation would be the strongest. Would I be able to endure her smell? The five of us walked silently towards the buildings. It was snowing. Emmett and Jasper were throwing at one another, like most of the human males around us. Alice and Rosalie dodged the snow and grumbled about getting their hair wet. I walked alone to Biology.
When I entered the room, I saw that Bella Swan was already there. I steadied myself and went to my seat. She didn't move and inch as I sat down.
"Hello," I said as gently as I could. "My name is Edward Cullen." She just looked at me with a confused expression on her face. The thirst burned in my throat as her scent moved into me. I clenched my fists and tried to relax. "I didn't have a chance to introduce myself last week. You must be Bella Swan." I already knew but said it anyway. She stared at me for another minute, the confusion obvious on her face. The monster in my head taunted me but I found I was able to ignore it.
"H-how do you know my name?" she stammered. Who didn't know her name?
"Oh, I think everyone knows your name. The whole town's been waiting for you to arrive." Especially the boys. I thought to myself. She looked disappointed and grimaced slightly.
"No, I meant why did you call me Bella?" Oops.
"Do you prefer Isabella?" I tried to sound innocent.
"No, I like Bella," she continued to ramble on something about Charlie Swan but I didn't hear anything more. I studied the shape of her eyes, the curve of her neck. I looked over her soft body. I wonder what she feels like. I let myself wonder. I quickly reined in that thought and went back to focusing on what she said. But she was already finished with her thought so I let it drop with a simple "Oh," as my reply.
Mr. Banner was beginning class. I already knew from his thoughts what today's class would be. We were going to identify the phases of mitosis with slides on a microscope. Alright let's see how smart you are, Bella Swan. I thought to myself.
"Ladies first, partner?" I asked. She looked up at me and didn't respond. Was she okay? Did she see something in my eyes that made her afraid? "Or I could start, if you wish?" I expected to take the microscope from her and start the lab with her just staring at me in fear. But she snapped out of her trance suddenly.
"No, I'll go ahead." Her face flushed with her warm blood and for a second her smell was more potent than usual. I was surprised. She skillfully place the first slide in the microscope and to my amazement adjusted it automatically to the 40X objective. She looked at the slide for maybe three seconds before she said, "Prophase," with confidence in her voice.
"Do you mind if I look?" I was sure she was wrong. She had already begun to move the slide. I stopped her without thinking. My hand touched hers and burned through my skin. Chills went through me and my lips parted with desire. I quickly pulled my hand back. "I'm sorry," I quickly grabbed the microscope, hoping she wouldn't notice the effect her touch had had on me. No one in the class knew what they were doing, did she? I looked into the lenses. Damn, she was right. "Prophase," I agreed. I quickly moved onto the next slide, hoping I would distract myself from her scent and the memory of her touch. "Anaphase," I said.
"May I?" she asked with a flat tone. Touch,. I thought. She was bold and for some unknown reason, that intrigued me. Suddenly I wanted to be finished with our work so I could ask her questions and talk with her. She finished with the slide and held out her hand, "Slide three?" she said. I placed it in her open palm, careful not to touch her skin again. She looked at this slide even more quickly than the first. "Interphase" she said as she passed me the microscope. I took a quick look and wrote it down.
We were finished before anyone else. I thought we would be. I stared at her still trying to hear her. There was nothing, this was impossible and frustrating. Why couldn't I hear her? She looked over at me slowly, as though she could feel my eyes on her. She looked straight into my eyes and studied them, without fear.
"Did you get contacts?" she blurted out. How did she know? How could she tell they were different?
"No," I replied as nonchalantly as I could.
"Oh, I thought there was something different about your eyes." She said. Why was she looking at my eyes anyway? She should be too afraid to make eye contact with me. I shrugged and looked away from her; trying to brush her off. I saw her look down at my clenched fists. She had no clue why they were clenched so tightly I was sure but I still worried she knew something no one else did.
At that moment Mr. Banner came over to our table. I know who did all the work here, he thought smugly. "So Edward, didn't you think Isabella should get a chance with the microscope?" I looked at him with sudden distaste that he had inferred her lesser intellect.
"Bella," I said, "actually she identified three of the five." I informed him, let him do with that what he will. A perfect match, then, Mr. Genius. I could have growled and him but restrained myself. He turned to Bella.
"Have you done this lab before?" he asked. His assumption for some reason angered me. Why did I feel the need to shield this girl from the malicious people at the school? She looked embarrassed.
"Not with onion root," she said and I suppressed a laugh.
"Whitefish bastula?" he asked, thinking he was the expert on Biology.
"Yeah," she clearly did not enjoy being the center of attention.
"Were you in an advanced placement program in Phoenix?" he searched for a reason for her less than average knowledge of his subject.
"Yes."
"Well, I guess it's good you two are lab partners," he said and then added under his breath, "Stupid teenagers, if I ever leave this place so help me." Bella had no idea what he'd just said and he didn't know I did either. He was a bitter forty-something single man who was unhappy and didn't care if other people were as well. She went back to doodling on her notebook and not looking at me.
"It's too bad about the snow," I said pointing out the window at the clear ground; giving no hint that the snow had ever existed.
"Not really," she answered. Her honesty surprised me.
"You don't like the cold?" I asked her, curious.
"Or the wet," she answered. You're living in the wrong place then. I thought.
"Forks must be a difficult place for you to live," I made my verbal statement nicer than my thought. I was amused though at the thought of someone who hated rain and cold living here. There had to be a reason.
"You have no idea," she said, probably without thinking.
"Why did you come here then?" I thought the question came out a little too blunt and I feared it would hurt her. She looked over at me as though it was the first time anyone had asked her that.
"It's…..complicated." Try me, my mind dared.
"I think I can keep up," I pressed, now I was really intrigued.
"My mom got remarried," Oh that explains it, not her choice. I would be relieved that the mystery was solved and she really wasn't as interesting as I thought.
"That doesn't sound so complex. When did that happen?"
"Last September," she replied, not eager to give information.
"And you don't like him," I guessed.
"No, Phil's fine. Too young, maybe, but nice enough." If she only knew how old I really was.
"Why didn't you stay with them?" I pressed her on but I knew that she would have been perfectly happy to leave it at that. She looked at me as though she couldn't understand why I cared.
"Phil travels a lot. He plays ball for a living."
"Have I heard of him," a smile I couldn't stop appeared.
"Probably not. He doesn't play well. Strictly minor league. He moves around a lot."
"And your mother sent you here so that she could travel with him." I guessed again. But I knew instantly from her expression that I was not only wrong, I had crossed the line.
"No, she did not send me here. I sent myself." Her voice was tight and cross.
I frowned, confused. "I don't understand" clearly frustrated.
Bella sighed then explained, "She stayed with me at first, but she missed him. It made her unhappy…so I decided it was time to spend some quality time with Charlie." I never would have guessed her to be self-sacrificing. Most teenagers were not.
"But now you're unhappy." I knew I was right about that.
"And?" she said, a slight edge on her voice.
"That doesn't seem fair," why did I care what was fair to her?
"Hasn't anyone ever told you? Life isn't fair." I grimaced at her. She had no idea how familiar with that fact I was. I glared at her now.
"I believe I have heard that somewhere before," I turned away from her gaze.
"So that's all," did she not want our conversation to end? I couldn't tell.
"You put on a good show." I told her. "But I'd be willing to bet you're suffering a lot more than you let anyone see." I didn't know why but I suddenly longed to make her not suffer. I suddenly wanted her to be happy. She all but stuck her tongue out at me, and I knew I was right. "Am I wrong?" I challenged her. She didn't respond. "I didn't think so," I was a little annoyed.
"Why does it matter to you?" her question mirrored my mind's own thoughts.
"That's a very good question." I turned away from her again. She was very smug, a little brassy and I like it. I finally felt a twinge of guilt that I had been harsh to her. "Am I annoying you?" I offered. She looked up at me quickly and responded naturally.
"Not really, I'm more annoyed with myself. My face is so easy to read- my mother calls me her open book." She frowned slightly. If she only knew how much of a mystery she was to me.
"On the contrary I find you very difficult to read." She was the first mystery I had ever come across, a true enigma. I still had no idea why that was.
"You must be a good reader then," she told me. I smirked, she had no idea how right she was.
"Usually," I replied. Then Mr. Banner took his place at the front of the class and began ranting on about what we were looking for and what we should have seen. Bella looked a little bored. I was so edgy after our conversation that I didn't hear anything he said, though it was nothing I didn't already know. I reflexively leaned as far away from Bella Swan as I could. When the bell rang I again rose quickly and left the room faster than I should. I hoped no one noticed.
As I stood at my car in the parking lot at the end of the day Bella Swan caught my eye as she walked out to her truck. We made eye contact the entire length of her walk. Her eyes seemed to burn directly into my soul. She reached her truck and got in. She looked up again to see that I was still watching her. She tried to pull out of her spot too quickly and nearly hit an oncoming car. I unsuccessfully tried to hide my smile.