To all this may concern, this fiction is badly written, full of nonsense and not really meant to be understood by anyone other than myself, my friend Will, and of course, the star of the show, Nat Smith. Everybody give him a big hand for being such a good sport, lol! If anyone is interested I will explain how this fic came to be at the bottom.

"Bye Luna, bye Hermione," Nat called as he climbed out of the portrait hole clutching a Fruice. ( to those not in the know, a Fruice is a fruit juice drink that my high-school sells in the canteen, lol not that it matters)

That was so completely awesome He thought in a fit if nerdish glee. Two of the hottest Hogwarts girls like totally touched my hand. Am I still a virgin…?

Nat walked down an empty corridor, having no particular destination, contemplating his encounter with the "Hogwarts Hotties".

Turning a corner he let out a squeak as he was grabbed by his collar and pulled into a nearby broom cupboard.

"Aah!" he screamed, "I mean, Argh! Manly Scream"

As he slammed into the back wall of the closet his Fruice smacked against a mop, causing the lid to flip off into the darkness.

"Ohh man! I dropped my lid!" completely ignoring the fact that he had just been abducted, he bent down to pick it up, straightening suddenly upon hearing a lustful pair of groans coming from behind him.

"Holy Jesus! Who's there?" He brandished his newly capped Fruice threateningly, "I warn you, I've just been touched by two beautiful girls, and subsequently have superhuman strength from the intoxicating power of our love!"

Sniggers poured forth from the shadows, and Nat shivered as he sensed a tall looming presence draw closer to his portion of the cupboard.

"I think you'll find Nathaniel," a deep smooth voice poured into the silence "That a simple Fruice cannot help you now." Nat flinched as a calloused hand caressed his cheek.

"Indeed," a second sibilant voice hissed "There is no stopping the inevitable, pet," a bony hand ran through his hair, causing Goosebumps to break out on his arms and a shiver to run down his spine. "And I'm afraid that this is more inevitable than even the passing of time,"

Nat stepped back, pressing himself against the wall, unknowingly trapping himself further.

The two former Slytherins advanced on his cowering form.

"Don't fret," Snape started.

"We'll make sure you enjoy this," the Dark Lord rejoined.

Nat whimpered in terror and closed his eyes, as if to block out what was about to happen.

The noises that escaped from the closet that day officially started the rumour that it was haunted by angry spirits, and subsequently it was completely avoided by all of Hogwarts students, although a certain Professor's smirk seemed to widen every time he passed it.

Nat sat up in bed with a start, breathing heavily. "Oh thank God! I was only dreaming," he slumped back down onto his mattress. "That's the last time I watch Harry Potter after seven cups of hot chocolate!"

Lying on the bed, he snuggled back into the warmth, preparing to slip back into sleep, when an arm crept over his waist and pulled him closer against a hard body.

"Morning snuggle-bunny," purred a chocolate voice from his opposite side.

Nat froze in shocked horror. "B-b-b-bu-b," he stammered

"Silence peons!" the owner of the arm hissed, "I need my beauty sleep after all,"

"Aaaaaaaahhhhh!"

Lmao and this is what happens when people carelessly make comments about their own amazingness in front of me when I'm bored. The conversation that sparked this monstrosity went something like this:

Will and I were discussing various fanfictions at lunch in our canteen and Nat jokingly said "People write fanfictions about me,"

This prompted much hilarity from us, the authors (lol), and so I informed him that I would now write him into a oneshot and I then proceeded to think up the worst gay threesome that I could possibly put him into, causing him to beg "If you're going to write me in a threesome, can't you make it with someone hot like Luna and Hermione?" which is why he is with them at the start. Then when we were walking back towards our study it happened, just like in the fic. He completely stopped in the middle of a sentence to bend down for his lid and spake the famous words "oh man, I dropped my lid!" so I had to include that in the story, for pure fun value.

Will has also written his won oneshot about this lunchtime conversation, putting his own slant on it, which he could hardly explain to us due to him laughing so much lol Will, ewe so funneh!

I am aware that this fic sucks ass. I really am, lol. But feel free to tell me what you think about it and bear in mind that this was not meant to make any sense at all. It is an in joke.

Also, I will try to get the next chapter of Close Your Eyes up soon. I know how long you've all waited, but I'm in the middle of my A-Levels so I'm run off my feet and have no time to figure out serious plots.

This story was brought to you by the number 3 and the letter N

Sable

Xx

--