Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia
Special thanks to my beta reader Midna3452!
"Are you sure you want to do this?" Poland asked for the hundredth time.
Lithuania understood his trepidation well and had asked himself many times if this was a smart decision. It has been a while since he had a real conversation with Russia, and he wasn't looking forward to it.
"Poland, I will be fine," he reassured the blonde. "From what I've heard, Russia has changed since the last time we were… acquainted."
The Polish man let out a huff, his breath visible in the cold mid-winter air. Together they stood outside one of Lithuania's favorite restaurants where the Russian man would be waiting. Lithuania insisted on meeting at a public location on his own land.
Ugh, why did I ever agree to this? Lithuania asked himself yet again. He couldn't believe his ears when Russia called him a few days ago and asked if he wanted to meet up to "talk about some things from the past." But despite his fear, he was curious about what Russia had to say.
"I still think you're totally insane for wanting to do this, Liet. It could be a trap, or maybe he'll try to manipulate you into going back with him-"
"Trust me Po, there is nothing he could say to ever convince me to do that. And part of the agreement was that he come alone; no soldiers, government officials, or weapons allowed. If I notice anything that looks suspicious, I'm out."
The Polish man sighed in defeat. "My number is in your contact list, right?"
"The very first one," Liet said with a grin. The tiny blonde threw his arms around Lithuania's torso with enough strength to make the brunet stumble.
"Just... be safe, okay? I love you and I don't know what I'd do if anything ever happened to you. I couldn't survive you getting taken away from me again."
"P-Poland!" Lithuania said in surprise. He wrapped his arms around his boyfriend and ran his fingers through his hair, murmuring: "I promise I'll be safe." After a few minutes, the two men disentangled themselves and exchanged a look.
"I'll wait outside in the car for a few minutes after you go in. If you see anything that makes you uncomfortable…"
"I'll leave," the Lithuanian finished. "Thank you for your support, Poland. I know you don't agree with this, but I want answers."
Poland looked like he was about to argue, but instead sighed and kissed the taller man on the cheek.
"Good luck," he mumbled. Lithuania gave him one last smile before opening the door to see his former tormentor after all these years.
It didn't take long for the Lithuanian to find Russia, his tall, bulky frame coming almost immediately into view. Lithuania reluctantly took a seat on the opposite side of the booth he was at.
"Hello Litv- Lietuva. It has been quite a long time, yes?" Russia was smiling, but his tone was quieter and more cautious than Lithuania was used to hearing it. Hesitantly, the brunet nodded his head in agreement.
Lithuania noticed how the Russian man drummed his fingers on the table, a habit he had when nervous or impatient. He couldn't help but find it strange how well he remembered Russia's mannerisms after all these years.
"Have you ordered already?" Lithuania asked to break the silence.
"Ah, no. I thought it would be impolite to order before you got here. Might I ask what you would recommend?"
"Their cepelinai is quite good. I usually get that when I come here."
"Then that is what I will get as well," the Russian man smiled. "As soon as Estonia and Latvia get here, then we will enjoy-"
"They aren't coming," Lithuania answered, perhaps too curtly. After telling his brothers about Russia's sudden phone call, he found out that they received similar calls themselves, and were both shaken at the prospect of seeing Russia again. They even called him crazy for agreeing to the meeting.
"Oh, that's too bad," Russia said, disappointment clear in his eyes. Lithuania let out a sigh. Despite himself, he felt guilty for hurting the sensitive man's feelings.
"Russia, I'm sorry I snapped, but you have to understand…"
"No, no, I do understand," Russia cut him off. He put on that innocent smile that Lithuania knew he used to cover up his real emotions. "I should be grateful that even one of you agreed to see me."
"Why did you call us?" The words flew out of the Lithuanian's mouth. "I mean, why after all this time? Why now?"
"I know this may seem out of the blue, but it has been something I've wanted to do for a long time now," Russia explained. "I know I treated you and your friends horribly during those years, and I have regretted it ever since.
"I know I have no right to ask, but... do you think you could forgive me?"
Lithuania had a feeling that this is what Russia wanted to talk about, but it still felt shocking to hear after so long. Russia would occasionally apologize to him and his brothers after giving a beating that would go too far, but his remorse was always short-lived, falling back into his old ways before they knew it. Memories of those times caused centuries worth of resentment to bubble up in his stomach.
"You hurt me," Lithuania said, his words coming out in a whisper. "You hurt my brothers. Did you know we all still have nightmares of the times we lived with you?"
"Lietuva, I am sorry, but you need to understand-"
"Raivis broke down into tears when he told me you called him," Lithuania said, anger in his tone. "You hurt him so much he can't even stand to hear your voice without panicking. Estonia kept a brave face, but I could tell by the look in his eyes he was shaken."
Russia was taken aback by Lithuania's outburst, but he wasn't done.
"I still have the scars on my back. For years it hurt every single time I took a shower, or laid down in bed. I never take my shirt off in public, out of fear that someone will see and wonder what's wrong with me. I know Estonia and Latvia do the same with theirs."
"Lietuva…" Russia said, speechless for a moment. "I am sorry for hurting you and your brothers in the past, but you must understand that I didn't have a choice. My bosses… they never let me catch a break. They told me that if I didn't have absolute control over my household, the Soviet Union would fall and it would be all my fault. They threatened to do such awful things…"
"Russia, you always had a choice. Your bosses may have been harsh, but they never stuck a gun to your head and forced you to beat me unconscious for protecting my brothers. You made that choice all on your own."
"I wasn't trying to be cruel!" said Russia defensively, his hand curled up into a fist. "If maybe you would've just minded your own business and your brothers knew how to behave-"
"Don't you dare talk about them like that!" Lithuania exclaimed. "They were little more than children at the time, of course they were going to break things by accident or say inappropriate things sometimes! That doesn't give you an excuse to treat us like sh-"
"Enough, Litva!" Russia shouted, banging his fist on the table. It was loud enough that everyone in the restaurant turned to face the two arguing men. Lithuania himself, blushing and frightened, bowed his head low like a servant.
"I'm sorry, Russia. I was out of line," Lithuania whispered, trembling. It was an all too familiar sight to the Russian, one he had seen almost everyday for centuries. And yet for perhaps the first time ever, he saw himself through Lithuania's eyes.
"I-I am so sorry, Lietuva. I never meant to-" Russia stuttered, interrupted by his own tears. "Oh God, you're right, you're absolutely right. I'm a monster."
As he heard Russia's sobs, Lithuania got the courage to look up and see the broken man.
"Russia...," Lithuania whispered, speechless.
"I was so terrible to you, wasn't I? I always justified it in my mind somehow, but… do you think you could ever possibly forgive me?"
After a few minutes of Lithuania's silence, Russia sniffed and stood up, grabbing his things.
"I'm sorry I have asked you to meet me here, it was selfish. I should have left you and your brothers be. I promise I'll leave you alone from now on."
"Wait," Just as he was about to leave, Lithuania called him back. Russia turned around to face the brunet.
"To answer your question, I don't know. You hurt me and my friends and it will take a long time to get over that. I don't know if I can get over it."
"Ah, I understand," Russia said, looking dangerously close to tears again, until Lithuania added to his statement.
"However, I have been alive long enough to know with enough time, almost anything is possible. When I was married to Poland, I thought our Commonwealth would have lasted forever, and yet it did not. When I was under your control, I thought I would never taste freedom again until the day I died. And yet here I am."
"You have always been one of the strongest people I've known," Russia sniffed. "I hope what you say is true. I hope one day you won't hate me anymore and we will be friends."
"I don't hate you, Russia," the Lithuanian corrected the larger man, getting up from the booth. "I hate what you did, and I hate the person you used to be. But I know there is good inside you somewhere, even if it's hard for me to see right now. I can't promise we will ever be friends, but I don't see you as my enemy. At least, not anymore."
At this, Russia gave the brunet a genuine smile for once. "Thank you, Lietuva, for believing in me. You might be one of the few people left who does. If and when that day comes when you would like to be friends, I will be waiting for you."
Lithuania gave his former tormentor- and possible future ally- a nod. "I wish you well, Russia."
"And I as well, Lietuva."
And both men turned and left, heading off in opposite directions.
Thanks for reading!