Title : Not an Option

Author : Bex/Jaxindi

Disclaimer : I own nothing, Jo Rowling and her merry band of publishers own it all. I have absolutely nothing so don't sue me!

Rating : R

Pairing : James/Lily, Sirius/Lily

Warning : Sort-of graphic sex?

Summary : No matter what happens Sirius can never lose his best friend. It's just not an option.

A/N : I don't ship Lily/Sirius ever and this is just a one-shot. This was incredibly hard to write because I kept thinking "SO NOT CANON!" but I managed to and any feedback (if negative - concrit only please) will be much appreciated. To my Dramione fans, I hope my Dramione muse comes home soon. It seems to be reluctant to show its face.

Lily turned away from him, unable to look at the boy who was slowly starting to suffocate her with his love. "Look... James, I just need some-Some time. Alone." she said, wondering why she was suddenly nervous. He was wonderful to her and apart from being egotistical, had never done anything to make him hate her since he had finally managed to wear her down into accepting his plea of 'Will you go out with me?'.

He looked at her in disbelief, hazel eyes showing his bewilderment before he sighed and nodded, reaching out to hold her hand. "Okay, I'll give you as much time as you want. I love you, you know?" he asked.

She stepped back, astonished by his words. They had barely been going out for three months and this... Where on earth had it come from? She nodded weakly and turned, walking out of the Prefect's bathroom and up to the Gryffindor common room, her mind racing at the implications and possible meanings of James's words.

"What are you doing in the Three Broomsticks, Evans?" Sirius Black asked upon reaching the red-haired girl, having noticed her from across the bar. He had been forced (as his duty as Official Best Friend) to listen to James whine on about the girl for ages and he still couldn't figure out why he loved her. Sirius personally thought that she had an attitude problem and thought she was holier-than-thou, which was why he couldn't understand why Lily was in this pub, drinking Brandon's Pepper Brandy as if her life depended on it. "Evans?" he asked, slightly grated that she had totally ignored him.

Lily turned to see Sirius standing behind her, a scowl on his usually handsome face. She had never much liked the boy, finding him to be rather obnoxious and selfish but she had never said anything about it, not wanting the news to get back to the boy himself. "None of your business." she said primly, indicating to the barman that she wanted another drink. She looked him up and down. "Why are you here?" she asked sharply.

"It's a Friday night and it's ten at night. I'm always here unless I've been put in detention." he told her smugly, taking the bar seat next to her. Lily sincerely hoped that he didn't plan on sticking around, she couldn't tolerate his arrogance for more than ten minutes without feeling positively ill. "It's rather lonely though, now that James doesn't come with me." he said bitterly, slanting a glare at the red-head.

She pressed her lips firmly together and turned to face him, her cheeks red from the blood suffusing into them. She was embarrassed, angry... A multitude of emotions. "Sirius Black, I do not see how this is any of your business. If you don't have anything to say to me that makes any sense then feel free to move." she said, trying to keep her voice low although that was easier said than done, especially when she felt like slapping the smirk off his face.

He shrugged. "I suppose not but I'm not leaving. Are you actually going to tell me what happened? I only have James's view and if that's correct, I should probably hex you for breaking his heart." he said in a perfectly amicable voice. When he saw Lily's knuckles on her chair turn white, he allowed himself to grin slightly at her. James hadn't told him anything of the sort, only telling him how he's been a 'stupid wanker' by telling Lily that he loved her. Sirius knew better and he also knew that Lily was never going to want James as much as he wanted her, it was just impossible for the girl to give so much.

She glared at him and then sighed, running a shaking hand through her already dishevelled hair, choking on her words as she spoke them. "Shut. Up. You-Ugh, you have no right to tell me what I have and haven't done. It wasn't my fault and... He, I don't understand him sometimes. I tell him to leave me alone and he tells me he loves me..." she trailed off, suddenly realising who she was talking to. She turned away and took a sip of her drink. "I'd prefer it if you could forget what I just told you." she said politely, turning back so Sirius could see her as perfectly composed as usual, not looking like the shaking wreck he'd seen merely five seconds before.

He looked at her and realisation dawned on him. "You're scared." he said accusingly. "You're scared of loving somebody so much that... You can't give as much as Prongs and so you push him away because you think that he'll leave you in the end anyway. God you're blind. James loves you so much... I mean, he's abandoned me, his best friend, to spend time with you. He tells you he loves you and you tell him you need space. You-You make me sick." he said in a shaky voice, his face pale but his grey eyes showing his anger.

She sat there, her mouth slightly open as she listened to him. "I-Sirius-No..." she said, not seeming to be able to formulate words. "I'm going." she said finally, taking some Sickles out of her bag and leaving them on the bar for the barman. "Night, Black." she spat, getting off her stool and walking, feeling slightly light-headed from the alcohol.

Sirius watched her go and with a sigh, dropped a Sickle on the bar for his one drink and headed after her, mentally cursing her for ruining his Friday night. "Lily!" he yelled when the door shut behind him, not able to see her on the road running through the village of Hogsmeade. "Stupid little chit." he mumbled as he walked towards the castle, checking the alleyways as he went.

She heard him shout her name and walked faster, determined to get far away from him. She was not in the mood to be lectured to by the disowned son of a noble family, not to mention the fact that she was rather drunk and didn't know exactly what her response would be. She turned to see him catching up on her and scowled, darting left into a copse and hiding amongst the dense foliage. Take that, Black. she thought viciously as she heard him curse and enter the small wood, trampling around noisily.

"If you don't get out here, I'm going to beat the hell out of you with a Bludger if you come to watch Quidditch ever again." he said loudly, knowing that wherever she was, she wouldn't be able to move without him hearing her. He briefly considered shifting into his dog form but quickly remembered that Lily didn't yet know that the Marauders were Animagi and she was more than liable to tell McGonagall. He looked to the left and saw a pale hand darting from behind a tree. "Wait till I bloody tell Prongs." he muttered as he darted to the left and found her, tackling her to the ground so she couldn't move away again. "Well, plan on giving me any response to my little speech?" he asked, his tone totally indifferent - As if he wasn't straddling her stomach and crushing her slightly.

She tried to push him off her and cursed him once again for being a Quidditch player... She had learnt long ago that it was nearly impossible to overpower them. Especially Beaters for the Gryffindor team, or more specifically Sirius. "It's-"

"None of my business? I know that but I want to know." he grit out, getting annoyed with her delaying tactics. She looked so defeated at that particular moment, with her red hair splayed out on the dirt floor, her eyes wide with fear and a hint of anger, he couldn't help thinking that maybe Prongs was right, the girl had appeal.

"Urgh! You're just impossible, Black. If you... Have to know. You're right, I am scared. I don't deserve somebody like James Potter, I don't deserve to have him love me. I'm not the angel I make out and although I know he's far from perfect, he's the closest thing I know of. He deserves some Hufflepuff or some Ravenclaw that isn't going to be victimised in the war, who isn't going to be made an example of. Just... Sirius, do you even understand?" she asked, looking up into the grey eyes who were studying her intently. She felt uncomfortable under his gaze, as if she were being stripped of her secrets one by one.

He nodded and before she could whisper a thank you, his lips were on hers and she pushed her hands against his chest for a few seconds before she clutched his shirt instead, pulling him closer to her, wanting his body fully against hers. "Sirius." she murmured in between kisses, pushing her conscience to the back of her mind.

She opened her eyes to see him looking at her closely, grey eyes almost glittering with mischief as he smirked at her, affecting her in the most peculiar ways. She knew Sirius was handsome but when she looked at him now, his shirt messed up from her hands, his hair slightly dishevelled, pale skin with cheeks flushed from the cold and from the kisses, his mouth swollen slightly from kissing, she appreciated truly just how beautiful Sirius Black was. "We shouldn't be doing this." he told her, his voice not wholly steady.

She nodded and went to move, his hand stopping her as it grasped her wrist. "I thought you sai-?" she asked, cut off as his lips pressed against hers once again, igniting feelings and sensations that she didn't know existed. She gasped as his tongue traced her bottom lip and she opened her mouth to him, deepening the kiss. His left hand was in her hair whilst his right hand moved down her body, memorising the dips and curves of her skin. She gasped as his hands found a particularly ticklish spot near her hip and arched towards him involuntarily, breaking the kiss to take in much needed oxygen. "Oh gods, don't stop." she whispered against his ear, gently nipping his earlobe as he kissed her neck, leaving marks for the world to see. To prove that she was his.

Sirius tried hard not to think about James as he touched her, as he made Lily feel things that she had never done previously. When his fingers stroked her folds and roughly entered her, he tried to push James's confused and hurt face out of his mind, when he entered her and took her virginity, he tried hard to concentrate on Lily's hoarse cry instead of James shaking his head in disgust. And when it was over, he tried not to think about James and Lily's tender reunion as he walked back to the pub, leaving her lying in the dirt, his marks on her body and his seed inside her, dripping out of her.

He tried not to think of James and how he and Lily would be happy eventually, he couldn't - He was in love with James and no matter what he did in life and no matter if James didn't love him in the same way, James not being his best friend was not an option.

Review please?

--Jaxindi--