Nihilist Savior
~ Takeru no Keikendan ~
~ Vain 12.09-10.2002
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I do not own Digimon, Ken, Daisuke, Takeru, or weebles. This story is mine, the plot is mine, and you can blame the Guardian for it. This is the sequel to "Xenophobia: Daisuke no Insaidosutoorii," and is the second part in a series of short stories collectively titled the Katarikuchi Collection.
Important Note: Some of the characters may seem OOC, but (in my view) they are not. I'm writing this to show a side to each of their personalities that is rarely shown. Thus Daisuke is bitter, Takeru is vengeful and self-centered, and the other characters also have their own reactions. Just because the characters rarely act on these urges and impulses doesn't mean that they don't have them. That's why all of these presentations are called exhibits and they're all introspections. It may seem odd, but none of the Digidestined is perfect and they each have their baser urges and they all make mistakes:
that's what these stories are about.
That said, Please Read and Review.
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Exhibit Two – Takaishi Takeru-san:
I suppose it shouldn't surprise me. Watching them, it becomes obvious why he loves him. I may not particularly like Daisuke a lot of the time, but I'm not blind. Nor am I stupid. I'm just . . .
Petty.
Jealous.
Angry.
I don't know.
I have a right to be, I guess; but I'm sure that the others would all say the same—especially Miyako. She thinks that no one knows her little secret, but I've been watching everyone since that last battle. We're all drifting apart—turning on each other in the absence of any real enemy to fight in the Digital World.
It's really quite a pity things didn't work out between him and Miyako—they'd have been amazing together. But he always has been rather clueless . . . I can't help but feel bad for Iori, though. Miya has no idea just how much he cares for her. I remember how hard it was to be the youngest. Sometimes I want to comfort him, to get him to confide in me, but I don't think that he'll ever really forgive me for accepting Ken.
We're all falling apart.
I can see it on front of as clear as day; small splinters of old aggressions and arguments branching out to each of us and distorting our faces in each others' eyes. If it hadn't been Daisuke and Ken, then it would have been something else. Since the fight with Belial Vandemon, Ken has shown quite the fatalistic streak outside of Daisuke's presence. I imagine that he'd say it's inevitable. Perhaps he's right; nothing, after all, lasts forever.
Still, as we follow the short, unpleasant-looking doctor to the room where Ken is, I can't help but feel a stab of surprise and frustrated regret as I watch Daisuke's uncharacteristically firm strides after the older man. Yes, I can see what Ken sees in him: he's funny, cheerful, stubborn . . . even beautiful and charismatic in his own way, I suppose.
That sure as hell doesn't mean that I have to like the fact that they're together. I don't think that that's ever going to happen. I'll kiss a Snimon first.
Ken . . . is so utterly Un-Daisuke . . . so Ken. I'm still trying to figure out how they can function as partners, let alone as . . . you know.
Yamato says I'm being stubborn and unreasonable. I told him to mind his own business. The older kids are all unhappy with us because they can see us drifting apart too. The separation is more than distance—the fight today was proof of that. A month ago we never would have let anything like that happen, regardless of who was dating whom.
Now . . .
It's my fault. I know that and I accept it and I'll be the first to admit it. I couldn't tell you why I did it, though. I'd heard what Maitake was saying. We all knew what was going to happen. But when it did . . . No one expected Daisuke to get beat up that bad. And I know that no one expected Ken to come streaking across the field like Daemon was at his heels. It took three of us to get him off Maitake and, even though I can't say that Ken should have done that, the bully certainly got what was coming to him. Since when the hell did Ken get so strong anyway? He's too small to be that strong.
I guess I just wanted Daisuke to hurt the way we were hurting. I mean, isn't a leader supposed to put the team before his personal life? We were all angry when he said that he and Ken were "together." He knew that. He really should have foreseen something like this coming. I don't for an instant regret telling the others to just let Daisuke get what was coming to him. He shouldn't have been talking trash behind Maitake's back anyway. It's not like any of the others raised Cain when I turned my back on him; in fact, they joined me.
Sometimes . . . Sometimes, someone just needs to beat the hell out of Daisuke. I only regret getting Ken involved.
He shouldn't have been there. He was supposed to be safe at school. I heard him on the phone with his mom the other day at Dai's house—his grades have been slipping. I think that it's Daisuke's fault, but when I asked him what was going on he just looked at me kind of funny and said, "I'm tired."
I still don't know what he meant by that.
It worries me sometimes. I look at him and it's like looking through him. The minute Daisuke leaves the room it's like someone flipped off a light switch inside him. He seems to dim a bit; his eyes grow lackluster and he stops focusing. He looks like he's drowning in himself in those instants and I'm afraid that one day he may slip so deeply into himself that he can't find his way back out. I've tried everything I can to reach him—I want to save him, have to save him—but nothing seems to work. He's alone in a crowd until Daisuke enters the room again and every time I watch him come back to himself in the brunet's presence I can't help but resent Daisuke.
It isn't their fault. I know that, but I should be the one to save him, not Daisuke. Daisuke gets to save everyone else, so why does he need Ken too?
I don't know.
Hikari says that he just does and it's not my place to question it. She always seems a bit sadder whenever I bring it up, but I've found that I'm unable to reach her like I used to. Maybe we're not really drifting apart, maybe it's me. Maybe I was never here to being with. I don't know.
I feel as though I'm missing out on something important. Everything that I thought I understood seems to be slipping through my hands or turning into something new that I don't know how to deal with.
I wonder if Daisuke will forgive me. I want to tell myself that I don't care and that it doesn't matter to me, but it does. Push come to shove, Daisuke is my friend—was and always will be. I'd like to think that I'd lay down my life for him; I know he would for us. But today's left me shaken and uncertain.
I don't regret leaving him behind. I don't. I won't.
It's just . . .
I . . .
. . .
Everything is suddenly so complicated.
We stop suddenly and I walk into Miyako's back. She turns around and gives me a nasty look, but I ignore her. Poor Miya. She's the worst off of all of us, I think. Daisuke and the doctor are still talking, but I can't quite follow the conversation. Daisuke's smiling, but he looks angry all the same.
It suddenly occurs to me to wonder how often he smiles like that. There's a lot of anger there. I can only hope that it's Daisuke Anger—quick, hot, and fast-burning. I don't want to lose his friendship over this—not something this stupid. Perhaps I should apologize . . .
The doctor walks away and the others start filing into the room. I grip Daisuke's arm before he can go in and pull him hold him back.
"Daisuke . . ." I pause, unable to find the words I need. The scent of antiseptic and recycled air is strong and Ken's speaking quietly in the room. I can hear his voice and I vaguely wonder what his eyes look like without Daisuke there. "Daisuke, I . . ."
For a moment, Daisuke says nothing and simply looks up at me with those terribly brown eyes. There's an expression that I can't read on his face and I can't help but wince at the bruise extending over his bandaged nose. I think that the doctor said it was broken. I ruthlessly crush down a stab of regret and self-loathing.
This is all so unfair.
"Dai. . ."
He smiles at me and I think I've never felt like a bigger ass in my life.
"It's okay, Takeru," he says. "I'm fine."
And there it is. It's all so painfully simple that for a moment I want to throttle him. He knows. He understands. He can see something that I don't. I feel as though someone just punched me in the stomach.
I stare at my shoes as he walks past me to join his boyfriend. His boyfriend. Nothing's changed at all. . I suppose that it's all simply too easy and too surprising for me to handle.
Yes, I can understand what Ken sees in him. I can see it all quite plainly. That doesn't mean that I'll ever really forgive Daisuke, though.
After all, we are falling apart.
~ Fin
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