This story could stand on its own but I would advise to read the chapter Explosions from Mixtape first before proceeding as to get a better feel for the story. Thank you.
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Maybe not all stories have a happy ending. Sometimes I think I loved you too much too early and you loved me too little too late. Sometimes I give in and think that the love between you and I was meant to be tragically beautiful or perhaps beautifully tragic, whichever applies or maybe both. I think I'm getting old and sentimental and just plain crazy for missing you. Call it wishful thinking but maybe some stories are meant 'to be continued'. Something hopeful to look forward to. I guess it just wasn't our time so I'm left holding on to your promise. It won't be long now. Wait for me, Sasuke-kun, and I'll love you another time.
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I grew up with a consciousness that I was meant to do something. As to what, I don't know yet. Maybe I'll figure it out when I get there.
My name is Koizumi Hiro. I am 8 years old, living in Tokyo with my family. I have 2 older brothers, Shun and Jin who are 14 and 12, respectively. Shun excels in everything and plays a lot of sports while Jin is more into arts, often drawing and painting. My father, Daisuke, is a lawyer and works at the public attorney's office lending free legal help and my mother, Mashiro, used to be a ballerina but now teaches dance in her own studio. I am the baby of the family, having been conceived accidentally over a bottle of champagne during New Year's celebration and a forgotten contraceptive pill, as some of my oji-san would tease me when they get drunk. Okaa-san would chastise them and always say not to mind them. I was an unexpected blessing and that she always wanted another baby anyway.
My okaa-san loves to recount stories of me as a little boy and my preference for the color pink. I think it's because she really wanted a girl. She'd say my favourite toy was a fluffy pink rabbit. And my two older brothers would tease me and hide my toy until I would cry and cry and not sleep until I have it back. And that every spring during Hanami I would try to catch sakura blossoms and cry in delight as they fall all around me. Of course, I would have no memory of these. But that pink rabbit stays hidden in my dresser and I do feel a bit happier during spring when the sakura trees bloom.
My bestfriend is Fukui Nobu who has an unhealthy addiction to ramen. We started hanging out together over our shared love for manga, anime and videogames, the normal boy stuff. I love school and learning and always getting high grades. Nobu like his surname was very fortunate not to fail and fortunate to have me as a friend. If not for my help, he won't be just the deadlast in our class.
I have a Takeshi-sensei in Kendo since I was 7 years old who retired from the police force after having an eye injured half blind during a shoot-out though this wasn't a problem as he still kicks our asses during practice matches. He is a dog-lover and has the unfortunate habit of coming in late. Nobu believes he hides a secret stash of hentai in his office drawer.
I like tomatoes, raw, cooked and just about any dish with tomatoes in them. I don't like sweets and most especially natto. I hate the way my hair sticks out at the back because my brothers would tease me duckbutt and how some girls would look at me and giggle. I have a phobia of snakes, coming from the time I almost got bitten by one during a camping trip. I think I want to become a detective when I grow up and help solve crime and keep bad people away. I am generally content with my life and I think life could not get any better.
That year we had a new student in our class. Her name is Haruno Sakura. She had long pink hair and green eyes. I felt as if I were looking at the personification of spring, even her name fits.
I later learned that they just moved in and was going to be our new neighbour. Her father, Katsuo, was a doctor like his father and those before him, specializing in cardiovascular surgery and was offered a higher position in the city hospital hence their transfer. Her mother, Manami, stayed at home and was an excellent cook. She was an only child as her parents had difficulty conceiving, having had 4 miscarriages before her. After she was born, they had difficulty conceiving again.
I asked her how come she had pink hair and she told me that it was a rare trait among the Harunos that skipped a generation or so and that all girls born with pink hair in their family were named Sakura as per tradition. She hoped to follow in the steps of her father and become a doctor like most in their family although a branch of their family were artists. She was bullied when she was in kindergarten because of her hair and wider than normal forehead so she did karate as a way to boost her confidence and prevent bully attacks. It was embarrassing how she beat me and the dobe when we asked her to demonstrate. However, she also loved to dance which her mother encouraged hence she enrolled with my mother.
I saw her a lot at school, at my mother's studio, next door and when she would come over our house. She was everywhere and somehow I think this holds some kind of importance that she was to be a part of my life. I would always try to get her as my partner for projects because she was almost always smarter than me and were not like those other girls plus it was easier to work on projects having houses next to each other. She would also sit with Nobu and I at our table during lunch.
She was easily best at science, history and english while I was marginally better at math. We discovered she was crazy skilled at video games when Nobu convinced her to join us one gaming weekend so we asked her to come during our weekly game sessions but she stipulated that we should finish our homeworks first. Well, it turned out for the better as Nobu's grades picked up. She could keep up talking with Shun regarding sports and she also has an appreciation for art that appeals to Jin. She was one of the best dancers in my okaa-san's class and could converse politely with my otou-san.
Nobu likes her, my brothers like her, even my parents like her. What was a boy supposed to do but give in?
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I was almost 13 when I was offered a Kendo scholarship in a private academy. It was far from our house and would mean I would leave home and live in a dorm. The offer was tempting and would improve my chances for college however, when I would think about all the people I would live behind, a heavy feeling settles in my stomach.
I talked to Sakura about it, whether I should take it or not. We discussed all the pros and cons of leaving and staying and I was still undecided.
"My parents said they would support me with whatever I wanted although okaa-san seemed reluctant. My brothers think it could be both good and bad for me. Nobu won't speak to me again if I go. What do you think?" I asked her.
"It's really up to you Hiro-kun. I could state all the reasons why you shouldn't but I don't want you to miss out on this opportunity either. This should be your decision alone. If you really want to leave then there should really be nothing to stop you."
"Would you miss me?" I feel an ache in my chest start.
"That's a stupid thing to ask. Of course I would." She answered.
"But you would have Nobu and the other kids at school." I pointed out, feeling insecure.
"It doesn't matter that they're there because you're not. They're not you, Hiro-kun, and I would sorely feel your absence when nobody's there to call Nobu dobe or me annoying, or when I have to go to school and walk home alone or any of the other things we do." She replied.
"But you're sad. You don't want me to go." I said, noticing the tears starting to gather at the corner of her eyes.
"No. I don't want you to regret anything just because you feel guilty. I want you to choose what will make you happy."
"But the idea of leaving makes me feel sad more than happy. And our school is just as good anyway." I realized then what my decision should be.
"Are you absolutely certain you won't regret staying?" She asked unsure.
"Takeshi-sensei would miss me even if he won't admit it and somebody has to keep Nobu in line and somebody has to see that you get to school and home safely. I'd regret it more if I leave and not see my family and friends and miss out on all the things I should have been a part of. I could work on getting to a good college with you guys but I could never get the years back I have missed." I said.
"Then stay, Hiro-kun. Stay with me." She said as she entwined my hand in hers.
Suddenly, the aching stopped.
We were in the same school and had the same classes until high school. We were closer than ever and I could honestly say that I more than like her. Somehow in between doing algebra equations, memorizing the periodic table and writing 1000 word essays, in between video game marathons and movie nights just sipping coke and munching on pizza and junkfood, in between family dinners and shared holidays, somewhere while lying beneath the stars pondering about life and sharing our dreams, in the classroom where she'd always sit to my left, right next door where she'd lived for the last 9 years, I have fallen in love with Haruno Sakura.
This realization blindsided me though one part of me has expected it to happen. She has been the only girl who caught my interest and held it, no competition. I would see her among other girls and she's the only one that would stand out for me, not just because of her odd pink hair and green eyes, but because she made odd look beautiful. Moreover, she had the brains and personality to match her beauty. And I am not the only one to notice.
It was the summer we were 17 when Jin-niisan was home from University for a break with nothing to do. Usually, he would be with Shun-niisan but he was busy spending his break studying for law school. It irked me when he would intrude during my time with Sakura. He would ask her opinions on his paintings and other stuff. I would even find him doing sketches of her. It was a fear of mine that came true that Jin-niisan has noticed Sakura as more than just the girl next door or more than little Hiro-kun's friend.
I gathered my courage and asked him." Nii-san, do you like Sakura?"
"What is not to like about her? Our little Sakura has blossomed beautifully." He replied casually.
"I am serious, nii-san. Do you like her?" I repeated.
"Are you asking me as a man? Why, Hiro-kun, do you like her?" He taunted.
"No." I replied which startled Jin-niisan.
"I love her." I clarified with a steady and unwavering voice.
"It's about time you admitted it. I thought you would wait until some other guy catches her attention." He said.
"If you love her like you say you do, then tell her. If you don't then I wouldn't mind making her mine. Sakura is too beautiful, too smart and too good a person and deserves more than an unspoken love, however grand and profound it is."
"I won't let you. Find your own girl, nii-san." I growled.
"It's always funny how you're easily riled up when you are possessive otouto. At least you don't cry anymore just like your pink rabbit days. Hai, I promise." He said as he ruffled my hair while I swatted his hands away.
I plan to confess to her one of these days, only the fear of rejection is crippling me. Since Sakura turned 15 many have tried to confess their feelings for her but everytime she'd turn them down. I don't want the same to happen to me but I also don't want to miss my chance with her. She was the one. There would be no else for me.
Then the accident happened. Her parents were driving home one night after watching a play in the theatre when they were hit by a drunk driver. Thankfully Sakura was at home studying for a test. It was an instantaneous death they said. They didn't suffer much. But Sakura would and she will always remember.
I held her that night as she cried herself to sleep, mumbling how she was all alone. I would brush her hair and back and tell her she wasn't because she had me and she will always have me, because she belonged to me. She thanked me before she slept. I don't think she understood what I really meant.
Her uncle back in Osaka offered her to stay with them and finish her studies. She begged off saying she will be 18 in a few months anyway and hence would become legally an adult. My parents promised that they would keep an eye on her and help her out to assure her uncle.
Sakura stayed more so in our house than in her own. I think she still gets nightmares when she's at their house. Sometimes when she would sleep over at the guest room I would hear her soft cries. Most times when they would be too vivid, she'd come to my bed and sleep beside me. It was just sleep though it was difficult on my part. Sometimes I would wake up and she would cuddle into me, sometimes she'd ask me to hold her like that day, other times when she's asleep, I'd write on her back invisible words that I wish I could tell her like mine and I love you.
It was another one of those times when she slept over only this time my parents were away. They trusted us that we wouldn't do anything not that they knew we've been sleeping in the same bed often. But I would always defend it in my mind that it was because she needed me and not because I liked it too. I was holding her as usual when her question blindsided me.
"Will you ever going to tell me?"
"Tell you what?" Does she know anything? It must be one of Shun or Jin who blabbed, those meddlesome brothers or maybe it was Nobu, that dobe doesn't know how to keep a secret.
"Maybe I'm just imagining it when I feel you writing something on my back." She said as she stared at me.
"Oh that." So she noticed. I thought she was asleep when I do that. "Do you mind?" I asked hesitantly.
"I can't say. You haven't told me yet." She shrugged.
"Would it be okay if I told you?" Please don't reject me. Please don't reject me.
"You'll never know unless you try." She answered smiling.
Did I hear right? Encouraged by her smile, I took a deep breath and as I exhaled, I let go the words I've been keeping for years. "I love you."
There I've said it. It wasn't how I imagined telling her though I haven't really planned how I was going to. But maybe it was better this way, with no grand gestures or obsessive planning or any of those romantic cliches. Just me and her and quiet words whispered in the dark. I was almost expecting some kind of music in the background thing to happen but none came, only this deep feeling of satisfaction that I have done something right.
"I love you too." She said before slapping me on the chest, effectively arresting my breath. "And that's for making me wait since we were 12."
"Really?" I managed to croak in pain. I was pleasantly surprised that she has felt the same way for me all this time. Although, I didn't think they meant it to be literal when love is supposed to leave you breathless.
"Hiro-kun, why do you think I rejected all those guys who've asked me? I have always been waiting for you." She said as she smiled sweetly at me.
"So what happens now? I mean, is it still okay if we sleep together like this or maybe we should have separate beds..." I started to mouth off from being rattled.
"Seriously, Hiro-kun, any guy would be shutting up now and kissing me but no, you have to be all gentlemanly and just want to sleep." She pouted.
Oh! She did not just challenge me.
So I did what she told me and kissed her like I've been wanting to, like I always wanted to, like I always would.
As our lips parted for breath, I stared at her beautiful green eyes and told her with more confidence "I love you." After letting it out, it seemed easier to say it again.
"I love you. I love you. I love you." I repeat the words over and over.
"I know Hiro-kun. I kind of felt it even when you weren't saying anything." She said.
"I just... really love you, and it must sound cheesy and crazy but I feel as if I should make up for the all the times before I couldn't say it." I explained.
"Thank you, Hiro-kun. I would've been content with once but if you really want to make it up to me, you could just kiss me again." She teased.
And I kiss her twice, thrice, many more times, again and again, because she asked for it, because I can, because I will never deny her anything she wanted, because I love her.
My family weren't surprised that we became a couple. It was only a matter of time they said. Nobu made a great show of collecting bets from my brothers. My okaa-san was thrilled. I think I heard her murmur about color motifs and green-eyed babies.
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It was not long until we graduated from high school and entered the same university. Sakura took her premed courses while I studied criminology. We shared an apartment with separate rooms, of course, as my mother would kill me.
We didn't last a year though before we surrendered to our burgeoning hormones and passions. I was a normal healthy male not a monk and even my will has its limits. I blame Sakura entirely what with her night gowns, tank tops and booty shorts and Nobu for corrupting my mind with his perverted talks and books. We wouldn't have been found out though if not for the dobe.
It was during Shun's wedding to his long-time girlfriend, when Nobu asked me for a condom.
"Teme, let me have that condom I gave you. You're not using it anyway and it would only be wasted. I have a feeling I might get lucky later."
"I don't have it." I answered.
"Don't be a cockblock. I know it's just collecting dust in your wallet. Help a bro in need." He insisted.
"I really don't have it." At least not anymore since we've already used it, I added silently.
The dobe must have been a psychic. "Are you telling me teme, that you've finally become a man and lost your precious virginity. Oh man! You're mother's gonna be pissed. Hey! who did you use it with?"
"Dobe! Why would you even ask that?" I said as I bonked him in the head indignantly.
"Relax! I know you've been saving it for Sakura-chan. So how was it?" He asked as he nudged my side, wriggling his eyebrows.
"None of your business, pervert." I answered. It was by far the best experience in my 18 years of life. Unfortunately, the smirk never leaving my face for days after and would occasionally appear when I think about it must have been too obvious.
"Aw fuck! Damn you, bastard! I knew I should have made that move on Sakura-chan when we were 12." He said enviously, though I knew he was just kidding or was he?
My family found out through Nobu, loudmouth and gossip that he is. Shun-niisan slapped me silently on the back with a matching smirk in congratulations and gave me a box of condoms. I blushed profusely and hid the box right away for future use. Jin-niisan threatened me to take better care of her or else he'll steal her away. As if he'd have a chance with her. My father and I suffered through the talk which was kinda late since Takeshi-sensei has already done that with me and Nobu. I believed he was more flustered than me afterwards. My mother, out of the goodness of her heart, but not before scolding me, brought Sakura to the doctor for pill prescriptions, much to Sakura's embarrassment. As much as she loved the idea of being a grandmother, she wanted us to have a secure future first. Despite that, I thanked my lucky stars I get to make love with my girlfriend anytime I wanted to and not worry.
After we graduated from college, Sakura continued to medicine proper and I started my career in the police force which the dobe joined me in. I plan to make it to detective by the time Sakura applies for her dream residency training under Dr. Chitose, the best female surgeon in the country.
She was halfway through medical school when I asked her to marry me. I had the ring burning a hole in my pants pocket since 2 months ago but I had no idea how to propose. So I did it the way I confessed, just the 2 of us in bed and quiet words of love. I don't know why I was so nervous but I was so relieved when she said yes. Maybe because it's not everyday I get to ask the woman I love to spend the rest of her life with me. After that, we made love until dawn.
And I was wrong before. Making love to Sakura unencumbered, raw skin on skin and heat, and giving myself completely to her and knowing that she's mine completely as well, this was the best experience of my life.
We got married at the end of the year. The year after that she was gravid with our first child. Pregnant Sakura was temperamental and moody. She was overly emotional and sensitive about most things and cries easily on the slightest provocation. She's cranky and irritable with all her sleepless nights from studying and from the bodily changes down to her weird food cravings. The only upside with her hormones on the loose was that our sex life has flourished as if we were still in college.
She went into labor the day after her graduation. My whole family was there even Nobu. It took 8 hours, and my left hand in pain before we welcomed our little boy, all 7 pounds and 20 inches with complete set of fingers and toes.
The first time I held our baby boy in my arms left me in awe. He had black hair like mine, only his eyes were like his mother's. I wondered how Sakura and I could make someone so beautiful and innocent. For a moment, I panicked how from now on I would be responsible for someone and have him completely dependent on me for the first few years of his life and how badly I don't want to fail as a father.
I look at Sakura contently staring at our child and my nerves eased up and I started to relax. She has always been able to soothe my fears and calm me with her presence. I realized that there was no use dreading about the future and we will have to cross it when we get there. What matters was the present and how this felt right, that this moment was where I was always supposed to be, beside her and our son.
This was the second time I was wrong about the best experience in my life. This was also the second time I fell in love with Haruno Sakura.
There was nothing I wouldn't do for her, and nothing I couldn't do with her beside me. I was imagining more scenes like this, maybe another son and a daughter when Sakura interrupted me.
"So what are we going to name him?" She asked.
"Do you remember when Nobu and I used to play play ninja and he would call himself Naruto and I was his rival? I've always liked that name when I was a kid."
"I think it's perfect." Sakura said as she stared at our little boy.
"Sasuke, his name is Sasuke."
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List of other names used and their meanings:
Koizumi Hiro - koizumi - small fountain, little spring hiro- abundant, generous/tolerant, prosperous
Shun - speed/fast, talented, fine horse
Jin - tenderness
Daisuke - dai-large/great + suke- help
Mashiro - pure white, open-minded
Fukui Nobu - fukui- fortunate, blessed well nobu- prolong/stretch
Takeshi - military/warrior
Katsuo - katsu- victory + o- hero/manly
Manami - mana- love/affection + mi- beautiful, sea/ocean
Chitose - chi- thousand + to- ascend/climb up + se- strength, forces, energy