Note: I wanted to write a story about Cam's suicide ever since it happened. I changed it a bit. I hope you enjoy it! Review please
Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi. Not yet at least ( I probably never will xd)
Summary: Elijah was only 10 years old when he found the dead body of the 17 years old star ice hockey player Campbell Saunders. 7 years after the tragic incident, Eli is trying to move on with his life. For his creative writing class, he has to write a letter about how he truly feels. He's struggling to write the letter. And what happens when he gets a visit from an unexpected person?
February 22rd 2013, 10 PM. Eli looks at his watch. He's been trying to finish his assignment for class. The stupidest assignment he ever got. Writing about how you truly feel. He felt kind of good, but he knows that deep down inside, he feels miserable. You'd think after 7 years, he'd finally stop feeling like this, but no. Though there are days where he feels absolutely fine, when he's with Clare -his girlfriend for 2 years now- or when he's out with his friends, but there's always something to bring him down again.
The letter was due tomorrow. He postponed to write it as long as possible, but there was no escape anymore. he opened up his laptop and he wanted to start writing. All he could think of was: ' Dear Clare, I'm writing you this letter to let you know how I truly feel.' And he didn't even think of that on his own. You had to use that sentence to start your letter. He only wrote Clare's name.
Eli couldn't concentrate, he turned on his music and Star in you by Wanting started playing. He usually doesn't listen to this kind of music, but he thought that this melodramatic music would help him write. And he was right, thoughts flooded his mind. He knew that this was the only thing he wanted to write about, he had to, for his own sake. he had to write to and about Campbell.
Dear Campbell, I'm writing you this letter to let you know how I truly feel.
For the last 7 years, I've been trying to move on with life, but I've got so many questions that are left unanswered. I have no one to talk to, no one that understands me. I've got my therapist but even she doesn't know how I really feel. All these years, I've wondered why you committed. I thought you had it all. You were popular and the best hockey player in the team. But when I walked in that greenhouse, when I saw you hanging there, with your eyes wide open, staring into my eyes. You were trying to look through me. Blood coming out of your mouth. Blood that I'll have forever on my hands. I saw the scars on your wrists, the same scars are now on mine. I realized that I saw my future in the present. And now I realize that the pain I'm feeling is the exact same as you felt 7 years ago. But I don't want to feel this pain anymore, I don't want to go to bed every night and see your face in the dark. I want to stop feeling miserable. When I let the razors slide down my wrist, I feel salvation. Writing everything off makes me realize one thing, I don't feel sorry for you anymore, in fact, I hate you right now. I hate you for ruining my life. If you didn't kill yourself, we both would've been happy today. You gave up when it became hard, you didn't fight. You needed help but you decided to take the easy way out. You hurt more people than you'll ever know. You left your family and friends behind, you scarred them for life. You scarred ME for life! I've been wasting my life for the last 7 years, I could've done so many things but you always held me back. WHY DID YOU DO TO THIS TO ME? WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST ASKED, BEGGED, SCREAMED FOR HELP? WHY DID YOU RUIN SO MANY PEOPLE'S LIFE?
Eli found himself shaking behind his laptop. Anger boiling in his blood. He had never felt this way before. All the tears he had held back, streamed down his face. He wanted to scream but he didn't want to face his parents. He didn't want to explain why he was like this right now. He pressed save and threw his hands in his hands. He fell on his bed, crying in his pillow. This has done him no good.